january 1st

Happy new years day! I celebrated this so called event in Arty's apartement in Kemang. It was pretty fun, after that we went to have some dimsum. Anyways i broke up with sebastian, things didn't really work out well between us. i guess i just felt that we didn't click that much. There are just some ppl you can click with and sometimes with others you don't. Man i've been drinking beer everyday, the bintang beer in my fridge that was stockd up is now GONE actually. my sisters aren't here with me but its aight, they're growing up, they got their own friends.
anyways gnite, i'm getn bitten by mosquitoes. This is a new year...i will definitely set my own new year resolutions!
GNITE. me tired.

jakarto0

yes, i've met all my friends. But for some reason christmas this year didn't feel so christmassy. I get bored every single day the second i wake up from bed. It's boring, boring, boring. Like there's no spice to life here...all my friends are here, but they're all spending time with their families and they're much toooooo busy to chill and drink with me. I'm just bored i guess. I dont know whats up this hol. I feel like leaving early cuz there are no new cooool ass plces to go....its like everyones just gone. Old times have changed in just a matter of a few months. Ahh...but its aite for me though, i try to keep up with the boredom, try to freshen up and enjoy my day. But it just seems so dull, every place is slowly changing, the people are changing, and life here has already changed for me. And this year i wont be going to bali cuz well no ones going...yep yep...none of my friends are going and um....i dont see a point to go. As much as i wanna enjoy tanning and shit like that....i can't possibly be doing all that alone, i need the fun crowd. Well today was aight though, wasn't that boring...i went to kemang to chill trus went back home and smoked up with mur and abs...we got a lil high, mur started laughing at unfunny stuff which came out as funny to me so i joined in with her tsunami laughter. Duno what the fuck im talking about but yeah..thats how i'll explain it to you for now. im so irresponsible this year with xmas gifts..ahh i didn't even make cards..i didn't even bother to. And murs already in the process of making my card...she shows much more effort than i do. I have to make cards, please give me the motivation, someone! I'm so confused with what i want in life.....i just hate it that i can't express myself properly, i always leave ppl hanging when i talk about my personal problems. I keep it all in. Im immuned to all these secrets cuz well i keep it in for so long that sometimes they're buried real deep in me and i kinda forget about it. Anyways im off..real tired and today i'm goin shopppiiing for the peeps i forgot to shop for. haha...gnite.
mwah mwah

Its a nice wednesday.

Dear you blogster,
ahh life seems alright these days, it really has. I've been sleeping at least at 4am..but thats aight compared to sleeping only in the afternoon. Well recently i've been meeting this guy, i met him at ghetto heaven, he's a really nice guy and his name's Sebastian. I dunt know why i'm attracted to him but i guess there's this charm about him das hard to resist. Yeah so i met him about 2 weeks ago and now we're in a relationship. I dont know how long it will last...but whatever it is...at least it's not long distance. Cuz no matter how much i like the person, my long distance relationships seem to fuck up. Yeah seems like LD relationships weren't meant for a gal like me. Not like i'm a player, i don't play and i have never cheated on any one of my x boyfriends. Yes they've cheated on me, but who cares, it's their fault or maybe mine for being an awful girlfriend? I'm not surprised anyway, i feel that i treat guys like shit...i try to improve myself..but it just doesn't work out. Either the guys are much too annoying or i'm just easily annoyed. Nevermind that shit anyway. I haven't been doing much recently, just been chillin and stuff with friends and a few days ago when murti was here, i took the initiative of taking her around KL despite of my work. Yeah i dont think i was a really good host there, feel bad, needa make it up to her when i go back to Jakarta. I bought her a cool gift anyways. :D haha. well its cool to me...so i duno if she'll think its cool. haha...i duno whats wrong with me, bodys been aching like a bitch man...and i had a really nice professional massage lastnite from sebas..felt good and now this back problems actually recoverin :D. Okay well toodles...gotta go shower. mwahhhhhzzz...

exhaustion x(

Ahhh my backs aching and my legs are aching...shit i was stuffed in the car for like 4 straight hours and damn didn't feel good. Didn't go to penang, didn't tan the shit outta maself. I just went to JB, back to me hometown, felt goooood..i had funnn...even if it was just a one night stay..i shopd shiz loads.
Oh yeah these past few days have beeen fun...damn i lost to this guy in pool lastnight, i was fuckn tipsy and i couldn't hit anythang in. I lost infront of a big ass crowd. damn i better be sober nextime. Keep telling myself that. Anyways...damn im aching everywhere, not good not good. ahh im gonna ciao now and get some rest..feeln tired and just recovered from a bad hangover.
till then...mwah

He smokes sexily.

This guy, i dont know who, a stranger to my eye, someone i dont know....looks so fuckn hot when he smokes. Like i was just watching him take a smoke and he looked so good. The ironic thing is that he ain't good looking, he just looks sexy when he smokes. It's amazing how guys can just blind you like that. I mean an ugly guy could look cool playing a guitar. Happened to me once, had a crush on a guy when he was slammin on his guitar. I was like Fuck..that is what you call hotness. Didn't do much today, met up with Indran in chinoz...basically just got to know that guy actually, he seems nice and very experienced in the business world, especially when it comes to construction and stuff that my ears are complete virgins to. Then i met aaron in d'haven, seems like a nice guy as well.....met him thru ethan. I had a loooong day....i had 3 heinekens just then and it felt good, now beer has become my skyjuice. Ihh..but im not that gross though, i don't wake up in the morning and look for beer instead of fresh milk. I drink milk thank you. Ooo dat sounded nasty. I drink australian milk, haha fuck i better stop..it sounds sick already. I'm just saying that im not an alcoholic, and i do not intend to become one in the mere future. I'm going clubbing again in zouk tonight, since it's ladies night, i wanna see if my hot guys there and if he is yknow what will happen? Nothing, as usual. Nothing happens if you rely on me to make the move, cuz i have no moves and i don't make moves. I wish i could, but that would make me seem like i'm desperate, which i'm not. These days i've been so busy with work, trying to do my job properly and efficiently, sometimes i end up fuckn the whole plan up, sometimes i have great news, so those are the ups and downs of bellies life. hehe.Mummy's coming in two days..i can't wait to tan the shit outta myself....can't wait! I better lose weight too! I feel like a fat ass during my bulan. hehe..my tummy gets all bloated and i have odd cramps here and there, just not a good feeling for a girl like me. I can't afford to get sick (oh btw coughs gone) so yeah i needa work first before i pulang to indoooooo. isssh. Damn right now, what i have just realized after meeting several guys, i don't want to be in a relationship at all! i wanna focus on me job, me futa! I need space basically, i don't want all that romantic crap to happen to me. That's the last thing i need now...but okay okay i dont mean to sound so tough but i really need to avoid all that, it could distract me or someone could get hurt. And i dont wanna hurt nobody...or get hurt or get disturbed. I just need a break, a big one to sort my life out. Ahhh....any james blakes around? If so, can you please take me out on a date? haha....:D No i'm not obsessed with him, i just find that guy fuckn hot. Okay i better get going now. i'm tired. It's been a hellava long day.
mwah mwah.

me druggy? hell no!

I had fun today talking to leon, tim, and the others. It's funny how they used to be little naughty boys and now they're successful people. It is funny. Basically, yes my sleeping pattern is fucked but i seriously can't help it...it's hard to rearrange the whole shit. And i'll be going clubbin tonight and tomoro since my friends invited...and i have P's to meet. So yeah i guess i have to go anyway. I wanna go to poppy's garden! Im startin to love that place, seriously! Just like the atmosphere and the sight, alotta hot people there. hehe :D I miss klaudia man, duno why she seems to be bored in jakarta, without me..haha cieh. Yeah i'm so entertaining, i'm such a cool sister. haha ngk ah...anyways my month has come and i haven't really been pmsing, normally i pms like a bitch, people can't even stand me! Ahhh no idea why i write here sometimes. Why the hell do people seem to think that i'm somewhat a druggy? Fuck i'm nothing close to that..i don't even pop! I don't even take weed these days..i only smoke up when i'm with donna and the crew, das all..and that's like every trip back to jakarta. But in Kl, i'm such a good girl..haha. Well i do go clubbin but i only drink my heineken so what's so wrong with that kan...the way people misjudge me, it's cruel. All ye ppl out there, stop thinking of me this way ok. I'm clean! The thought of me as a druggie just sounds awful, it makes me sound like such a brainless and useless pieca shit. I don't want that do i..hell no! My iguanas getting smart...since i bought that UV light thing for him, he can actuallly jump on it from his massive wooden logs and climb up to the top where there are tiny little holes he can escape from. He went missing before, not gonna let it happen again man. Thank god marshall found him for me, or else...i'd be devastated. I don't have a dog here, so he's the second closest to my alaska. Haha altho it's a reptile, so what..still kept as a pet. Fark..i'm getting really ssssllleeeeeppppppyyyy...better gather some energy for later....i've got some work to do!!!! :D
gnite

poppys garden is quite the poppy plc.

Went to poppys lastnight, had some fun, had like 7 glasses of beer and peter was like my only companion for the entire night, since the others were getting busy. Man i never get busy wtih a guy, dunt intend to and i'm a lazy actually.
fuk i'm gaining weight again, i can't stand it, when i see food, i just attack it before the others have a chance to grab hold of their utensils. i'm such a pig. i swear. isssshh. can't stand it, its scaring me, the way i eat..i should seriously exercise! This has been a big disturbance to me. Anyways poppys was awesome, the place is awesome, the crowds awesome, we were situated beside a table of hotties, like ohmyfuck..they were all fuckn gorgeous males with gorgeous females, yes yes, which is why i diddn't hit on any of em. heheh. nah...i wasn't really interested anyways, they were sorta up themselves, so i just didn't wanna look anymore. haha. But i met a few people and it was aite..it was pretty cool actually. You have to be like 21 above to get in, thank god for my tembak drivers license..hahahha..luckay may. Man im missing jkt..i'm missing my mummy, i have to jemput her from the bandara at like 925am this friday then we're gonna go to penang and that's where i'm gonna tan yo! oooooooohhh yeah. i wanna tan so bad..i miss playing with water and all the splish splashing around, all those days just seem so (sigh) fffuun. I dunt know but right now i'm just not into anybody, no one, telur, kosong, flat zero, what should i say..the big empty egg. I just dunt dig any guys..i see hotties here and there, but their hotness doesn't affect me,i dont' know if its a good thing or not and NOOOO i dont dig girls...girls aren't interesting, i know what girls have and it's not what i want, trust may. hehe...i'm a chicka. Fuck damien man...everytime we argue he can only call me a bencong so that way i'll fuckn shut the hell up. issssh.....one day i'll yell out 'tits' across the office entrance and it'll be permanently labelled on his forehead. fuckn tits. hehe..:p He makes me feel like i really am a she-male..like fuck that dude man...one day i'll kick his bloody bencong arse. If i want to be in a relationship, it'll take time cuz thats not what i'm looking for now, i want to be single for the mean time and if possible when someoen decent drops by, i wouldn't mind. Just no more long distance relationships for me please...its tough for both sides newhos. Ahhh i dont wanna think about anything else, i just needa work hard..sleep earlier...wake up earlier...do things in advanced so i have time to take care of myself. Like fuck man i had a fever so i popd in like a panadol and had too much cough syrup so thats where its fuckd up....i started to hear things in my head, but it sounded as if i was hearing it directly from my ears. Like a voice was saying "kwistabel, kwistabel.." that was creepy. But ahh i dont believe in stuff like that, i just think i overdosed myself on that cough syrup. Fuk man miss everybody here, needa hug. I'm so bored right now and so fuckn lonely, i dont' wanna go to sleep, i dont wanna go out. i dont know what to do. But i'm happy cuz my lil baby iguana got fat yo! Yeah! I think its been eating its own shit cuz i was worried about not feeding him anything, since i haven't been around much at home lately. Haven't had the time to feed me baby. But is all good.
Anyways i better jet off since i'm getting a lil too talkative here. issh.

sleeping pattern, not good.

Issh my sleeping patterns fuckd up! Seriously! I wake up at like 6pm? then i head to the office and then i go chill out and stuff...then come home at this hour....6am. It sux railly. hehe...anyways im looking forward to finnegans! Wuhoo! But i dont think i'll drink too much, don't intend to get tipsy or drunk again...ooh thats bad. I need to come home early and wake up early. I need to exercise,i need to do so many things! That's it, one of these days i'm gonna wake up and force myself to jog by the lakeside alone if nobody wants to join me. hehe...then i'll go relax and swim at night..sounds like a good plan, that way i can focus more in life, once everythings organized. Tis just much better. Yay murti's gonna visit me soon! Yeay can't wait, can't wait..miss her like shit mon. I miss ala em like shit. huhu. Anyways i better go now....i'm getting real stoned due to the magical cough syrup i gobbled down my throat. I'm sick, yup yup...but a girls gotta have fun kan? i can't stand staying at home..makes me feel pathetic cuz i have better things to do other than laze around and do nothing. ahhh...but i'm glad i'm pretty occupied these days, i'm trying to keep up with work the way i keep up with final exams. hahah..okay i better sleep my ass off now. cu!

i can't sleep, why is that?

Okay what the fuck is wrong with me?! It's like 835am now and i can't seem to sleep. I can't sleep! I'm not tired, even after overdosing myself with some cough syrup, i'm still not that stoned. Well i thought i was stoned, but i'm not. I tried to read but that didn't work either. I don't wanna light up my citronelle cuz it gave me bad nightmares lastnight...trust me...it was odd+scary. I kept imagining bad things and i felt really uncomfortable and alll that resulted in a slight fever. I was cold but i felt hot as well, then when i took off my sweater, i started freezing..ahhh when ur sick, ur body confuses you, you don't know what you really feel. But i'm fine today, just catching the slight flu and cough. It's annoying. See! I'm so rajin, i have to write to you again.....ahh i wish somebody could just take care of me, someone like my mummy. Now i have no one and i have to be independent, i have to take care of myself. But when you're really pathetic and ill, it's kind of hard to play that role yknow. Really is. Okay thats it man...i'm sick of complaining so i mite as well do something about it..i'm gonna force myself into bed and shut my eyes and keep reminding myself not to open it, cuz thats when you start to just day dream and stay awake..ahh i dont want that. So that's what i'm gonna do....till then...tata
me force me to sleep! :(

A new day

Hey blog,
i dont know why i've been in such a pissy mood these days, i just have that mood and i can't do shit to get rid of it. The onlyplace for me to release all this is to explode either in my diary. In this blog i don't necessarily say everything, it's only the surface of what i truly mean. I mean cmon hey, its a blog, the public reads it, i dont want anyone knowing too much shit about me and das if they even bother to read it, but there's a risk kan? yup. Recently i've been going up to the office alot..and i like the atmosphere and the people. They're friendly. Well depends on who's network ur under, but my network seems just fine. Thats all i've been doing, occupying myself with that and i sleep like at 10am in teh morning and wake up at this hour, 6ish pm. Not healthy man. I have a bad cough and it's terribly cold out there, cuz i'm staying on the ground floor and when you open the back door, the wind just attacks ur face man! And it gets cold too! Isssh...now im feeling like tremendous shit, i don't know how to explain how much shit i feel like i'm in. Yes i'm stressed out, but sometimes you just don't know whats the cause for this stress of urs. It's like a combination of different tiny things that accumulate in me and then the worst part is that i keep too much problems in me that one day i'll just explode! That's my bad habit, i keep things in me, it's hard for me to really let it all out just like that. It seems plain easy to other people, but it's friggin tough for me. I just don't trust that many people. In this world, i don't know how many friends i will learn to trust. See the thing about me is that i trust a stranger more than i trust my best friends. Mebe cuz the stranger doesn't judge me the way friends do yknow. They just give you some solid advice and pooff....off they go. I dont know maybe i'm weird. No no...complicated is the word. But hey all girls are complicated right? we have different moods all the time. Like if you knew me today, i'd be different tomoro. Man i don't know why, i have a thing for shaved heads now...it's hotter to me...seriously. I think guys should just shave their heads rather than worry about how to style their hair or whatever. besides, they look better without hair. haha...some do, some don't ok i admit. Anyways i'm off, got work to do.....sorry for being sombong and barely writing to you...but my sleeping patterns so off...and i've been so lazy cuz of my flu and cough and of course the really moist weather. da fuck? haha okay....stay cool blog! hehe....i'll see ya! i miss my two dobbies!
mwahz....

a one day trip, the hwell.

Hey dude,
Right now i'm in Singapore, sleepin ova at jasons plc. Ahh it was a pretty good night of walking around and plus all the christmas decorations are already in place. But i dont fancy the mnm figures displayed infront of centrepoint, a little off. Yeah well, went to the drinkin plc near centrepoint, trus ke chjimes, had fun...talked for hours with my close friends and had some white white wine...yummay. I'm only staying for a day man! I mean i suppose to stay till tuesday, tapi jase has to book into army grounds tomoro and kellys leaving for kl tomoro, so that means i have no one! haha...oh well this trip was worth it anyways...i miss s'pore. it brings back so many memories of the past. Tomorrow i'll be goin shoppang..oh yeah...can't wait...needa get some formal wear for the new job. Life's been pretty exciting for me these days. N i'm lovin it. I miss my sisters tho, miss jakarta to death..miss playing pool in q and score. miss it all. miss pasta matrix and crystal jading,i miss it all. I miss nasi padang, no nasi padang in any part of the world can replace the one in jalan fatmawati. It's the bomb man. hehe....ahh i miss murti and krispy, my hyper pieces of shit...one to make me laugh my ass off and the other one to temenin me with all my impersonations. ahh..miss em so bad!!!! Jase is busy packin his stuff at this hour, feel sorry for him, the army life means NO life at all. You don't even get to hang out or go clubn, man that must suck ass. It does, thank god i'm not in it. National service is no fun. I thot it was, when iwas younger, but now that i have so many other things to do, i wouldn't enter it for the world. For some reason, i feel at home now...walking thru orchard road and runnin through the thick ass crowd just makes me feel safe. i dont know why. its weird..i know. Anywyas there's so many things i have to do when i get back tomoro, damn im leaving tomoro nite...and i just arrived today, it would feel liike some dream and when i wake up i'll be in KL all over again, to face the real shit. I need to get an organizer, i keep telling myself that, i keep reminding myself, yet i haven't gotten anything but just a sheet of paper to jot down all my daily activities. how pathetic. That's it! I'll be goin shopping later, i have to get an organizer, a nice one! Okay thats it for today bloggsterrrr...nothing much has happened to me since my last entry. If something does happen to me though, i'll refer to you. ciao.
belly

*thoughtless scheming*

Hey hey,
gmornin. i just woke up and yeah i know its around 3 pm but thats the time i wake up everyday man. I needa change that. Anyways i'm gonna watch The exorcism of Emily Rose soon..heard it was good....so yep yep. Damn i neeeeeeda rearrange my sleeping pattern, it's so messed up. Okay i'm trying not to swear for at least a few days, so i'll try here. Anyways i want to go to bed at at least 12am and wake up at 9am, so i have time to organize my day and stuff. Ahhh..Ok i better go now..im fff....super hungry. :D

weird nite...

hey blog,
i haven't been getting enough sleep these days, i attended an NDO seminar and it went on for like 8 hours straight with only a few 5 minute breaks here and there. But it was a good experience, i loved it. I've been really busy with this job and i'm lovin it, i love marketing. :D It helps me pass my time rather than just stay at home and do nothing. Went irish pubbin in finnegans yesterday, had 3 big ass pines of heineken and i duno mebe im weak but i got tipsy from that. And i sorta helped out a drunk girl cuz i was in the toilet and this drunk chick locked herself in the other cubicle trus...her friend couldn't get her out and went out to ask for help, but since i was so fuckn tipsy i had the guts to climb up all the way from my cubicle to the drunk chicks one. Then i unlocked the door for her and wala..., i came to her rescue. haha..nah..jk. But i'm proud of what i did, cuz i wouldn't have done that if it weren't for the drinks. Whats weird was that guys weren't hittin on me that nite, this chick was like grinding behind me and i thought it was a guy, and i got fuckn shocked when it wasn't. Scary shit...anyways i went to q bar just now with my cousin and we both wanted to check out the hotties around and stuff...but yeah well there were some but they were all fuckn taken, ruins the mooooood man. it ruins it bad. but when i club these days, i just drink and sit down on the couch and watch ppl dance...its fun that way yknow...sometimes i dance, only when the good reggae beat comes out, then i'll start groovin to it, but other than that, its all the same, there's no spice to nightlife anymore, no more excitement, cuz you know that ull always be up for the same shit every week or every night you go. This time in life, i wanna be more serious, i don't think i'll be in a relationship for long, i want to be single for the time being, i dont want to burden anyone and i'm sick and tired of arguments and shit. Ruins the friendship. I"m just gonna focus on my future for now, no nothing to do with relationships, its basically how i'm gonna succeed in this life, cuz i have this fear of being a failure. i would hate that so much. I need to have clear intentions of what i want in this life, what i want to be and how to reach those goals that i've set for myself. It's not easy, yes i know, but i'd still fight for it, i dont care what ppl say about me, i just wanna make my parents proud, cuz i just dont enjoy relying on em for everything...makes me feel so manja..i swear. hate that feeling. issh. Anyways i can't wait till december, my bestfriends are all gona be there, old times...old times....impatient i am. Ahh...anyways i better get goin now...i have an essay to do and i have to pass it up by monday...sad ain't it. ok time to end this entry, will write to you when i have time to.

mwah...

Hey blog,
long time no see. well finals are over, i sstill have to work on an essay and 2 reports, uggh..so malas. My sisters here in KL so ive just been taknig her out shoppin, drinkn, clubbin..yep thats about it. I"ve been really bussssaaaay man...no time to sleeeeeeeep that much, i feel so exhausted. I've had enough of clubbn for now. Well, me and jerm broke up, but no matter what, i'll always treat him as a good friend. I think we both made the right choice, long distance relationships are a fuckin pain in the ass. I think we spent most of the 3 months arguing about stupid stuff.
I can't wait till christmas! I miss murti, ishtine, jase, all of y'all. i miss you guys...we can smoke the greens when we get back and then go chill it mcd's! mwah love you guys!

home as it is..is great.

I love the feeling of being at home. feels goooood. home cooked food, ur sisters lying around someplc, ur mum, and yeah food again. haha. Oh man..i dunt knowwhat to do with my life, so many paths to take..just dunt know which one will be right for me. I need to know. I needa start thinking about my future now...i wanna be successful, i dont want to have to rely on anybody, it would just make me useless and manja. I used to be so manja man..when i was still living with my dad, i dunt want to live with him ever again. haha. it sounds mean yes..but oh well i really don't. Im watching the opera winfrey show..stuff you watch for entertainment. hmm...i miss jermass....he said he got fat..haha he's just trying to scare me. Anywyas ive been playing alotta pool, i lost the competition in zinc a few days back. that suckd. the guy was so freakin lucky man, he totally kept on safetying meeeeeee! hate him. he's such a pussy, i swear..his shots suck ass...yet he still won. And klaudia lost too...damn those guys are just pure lucky. I hate em for it! ahhh...anyways....lifes been pretty tough these days, stressed out and i have a PR report to do. i needa do it now! how can i get so males all of a sudden...doesn't make sense. Okay i better go do it now..i hope. or i'll just go to the 24 hour starbux. i guess i will...i shouuuuuuuulllllddd..haha
byee..gnite..mwah mwah.

drenched, drained, dead..

Dear you,
im so bored now...its my 2 month thing with jeremy today/yesterday. ngk tau ah....27th for me is 26th for him. So now that its the 28th, its the 27th for him. Never thot i would have passed a month really. Man im so stressed out, just did my pr exam yesterday, it was pretty tough, i ddin't really study for it, i ended up playing monopoly for the entire night with friends. Monopoly is addictive, thats when the money comes rolling in constantly. Ahh but at least i finished my organizational behaviour exam, thats all done. Now i have the new economy essay to finish. I'm only halfway...its due next week anyway. Schools been good, i feel i've been working harder compared to the last three sems. I dont know why, mebe cuz ive got awesome lecturers this sem, they're cool, especially writing for mass media. man the story he told us was devastating, nearly made me cry. Shit. But i still need to motivate myself when it comes to exams..i have to study in advance and stuff. Damn i dont like my sleeping pattern. I only take naps..and my naps are longer than my sleeping hours. I duno....its just not healthy.
ahh im tired blogg....gonna leave you....
byeee..

s'der som'in wrong with me..

Dear blogster,

Am i a heartless person? That i dunt know. People tell me that i dont express myself fully and that i am so insensitive towards people's feelings. It's really making me think. Ahhh i'm actually thinking loads these days, all cuza jem. He keeps questioning me and it leaves me thinking in order to answer his answers. So yeah i've been exercising my mind quite regularly these past few weeks. No wonder im so stressed out. haha..nah i just panic when it comes to exams. Im suppose to study for my business law exam at least 3 days before the day i sit for it. But fuck...whenever im studying, i'll always get a phonecall, n those phonecalls i get will always be invites. They say its not gonna take long and so i go...i follow....it takes long..i come home late...and for all you know..you've got no time to study but you desperately need time to sleep. Anyways i went clubn on friday night..it was fun..i admit. But i wish jem was there to grind with me. haha. I danced with this geek cuz damien dared me to dance with him and so i did....i taught him how to move to the rhythm and i guess he was happy enuf. hehe..i felt good about what i did. I mean cmon ppl were dissin him, even his fuckin friends man! I wanted to kill em good...and i did a great job actually. hehe. I just hate it when ppl mistreat other ppl who they feel are inferior to em. It's so chauvinistic. Ahhh dude...i miss my baby....im waiting to hang out with him again..so i wont have to go thru all da trouble just missin him. I dunt know why but everytime he reads something about me or finds out something about me, it's always the wrong things. Then he'll take it in a negative way. haha. Then he starts interrogating me about my past and about what i do...and why i did it, and what happend..shit like that..and tells me how he feels about it. He thinks too much.....he really does. But i think we've exchanged a lil bit of something, im starting to think more, and i hope he's a little more relaxed. I hope he's more immune to me by now. But he's done nothing wrong in this relationship except ask questions. haha that nosey parker. Well oh well today, i didn't really do much..just went to KLCC to get my business law textbook so i can study and ace my test..haha naw double doubts on that. hmm...trus went to bangsar REd chamber to chill, but got disappointed cuz Red chambers now called D' Haven. I mean what the fuck dude,t hats our shisha plc. Our chillin spot. Now its ruined. A new owner took over, that creep. The managements goin down man. the interior sux..its boring. the walls are white, not red anymore! ahhh...so depressing. Fuck, im so tired all of a sudden, i definitely have no energy to study. Looks like i have to absorb all the crap tomowo. x( I wanna beat that bitch bad. Competition is motivation. Yep yep...das true.

a big realization..

Dear you,
haha tonight was a funny night. i would call it strangely fun. okay whatever dude. Anyways i chilled at joyce and thims...zul came over and haha he pissed me off cuz i was too lazy to ask thim to get off the comp so i asked him to do it and he refused. so i threatened to pour water all over him. He prolly thought i wouldn't have the guts do. I did anyways..poured the whole cup, got him all wet...his face..his black shirt...nearly everything. haha. Then he still lstood there like som euseless piece of log, so this time i threatened to pour the cup of coke on him..he refused again, and so i poured the coke on him. haha..then it led to a pillow fight..or a bolster fight....then i started to use whatever goods were lying around next to me..and i rolled the newspaper up and started whacking the shit outta him. haha he's such a lil pussy man. i swear. That's when i realized that i'm pretty violent, i mean after the guling thing with Jem..that made me think. haha..im violent man. I should stop it. i should be all sweet and dainty..no fuck that shit. i'm gonna be myself and myself is this. i dont like to be bullied...or challenged...and so i go over the limits just to get what i want. ahhh..im a violent bitch. i have to stop. haha.....
Well anyways i haven't completed my essay yet...ahh males lah..its due next month anyways. isssh....anyways i've got skuuuu tomoroz...gonna sleeeeeeeepppppp and hopefully have an awesome dream.
mwahhhhhhz.

life can be sickening, so you have to be sickening to make ur life oh so not sickening.

Anyways, it was a weird day today. Myf riends came over and i had to cook em some spaghetti and salad. my famous salads. haha i know. yeah anyways...my spag was fuckd up man...didn't have any meat on it...thats what sux cuz what is a spag without its meat? its called a useless spag...a vegetarian spag. But to me it tasted quite good actually, cuz of all da parmesan and cheddar cheese i sprinkled around it. Plus the sauce was awesome too. And my salad was to die for. well all vegetarian lovers would love it! I ain't no vegetarian doug. I was for a month, respect teh effort. but i love vege just as much as i love meat. My fav type of meat is Beef and it goes well with my heineken. Thats the way i eat, i eat like a man baby. I dont like classy things, hiro made me realize that i am NOT even close to a classy person at all. I like the ghetto stuff, dirtty road side shit that fulfills ur tummy, stuff that are so dirty and messy that they taste so fuckin good. Im dirrttty. hehe oooh. okay ive gotten so lame, maybe cuz ive been chillin with jem jem too much, he's the king of being gay. All his names for me suck ass. Like krytapoo..godzilla, krystilla? what the fuck gee...he's gay. yeah you heard me..ur just pure gayness beb. :D Anyways..life's been good...man but it gets weirder by the day, maybe its cuz i get weirder by the day. Ahh i miss my best friends man..can't wait till dec. We will reunite and do some special upacara under the xmas tree of CITOS. haha i dunt know why..everytime its christmas time in citos, the xmas tree is like our landmark, a landmark of friendship, happy and retarded moments, and etcetera. Oh fuck, i have an essay due on the 7th of October, and i wanna outbeat this nerd i know to piss her off..and so i will do it mebe tomoro if i have free time, of which i always do. yes yes i'll do it tomoro! yay im so excited. just that when ppl are so annoying, they sicken me, and when they sicken me, it just makes me wanna do something about it to sicken them. And thats what im gonna do baby. :P Man jem always attacks me with his annoying questions...and it leaves me thinking...how to answer it. His questions are a bitch. He knows it himself...but what to do..he keeps asking and asking and asking. haha...anyways it was a lovely night...i'm off...got some unfinished business to keep up with. mwah mwahs...

ahhh..

Smoking kills ur time...when ur bored that is.
Ahh life's been goin so SLOoooooW these days. It feels as if we've b een together for a loOong time. But its been on for only a month. Actually im surprised it could even pass a month. Oh well....i dunt wanna hope for too much now, cuz that just won't do good.
hmm..i miss jase, whens he gonna get back from Brunei? he's supposed to visit me in KL, so i can introduce him to ma bitch, kellyo. hehe...ahh i miss that dude..he lets you beat him up whenever ur stressed out or sometin. haha.
I did my essay! well i handed it in today and oh well....i completed it two days ago. ahh im so proud of myself. hehe...i hope this rajinness goes on until i graduate. i need it. But it'll go away....just like that and i'll be lazy again. that meeeee....
Anyways...love off..im tired.

the morning has started, go work on ur shit..

[what i'm saying to myself]

Rise and shine dude! You have to keep up the good work. You're not even focusing and you didn't even finish ur assignment yesterday when you sorta promised to. you broke your promise and therefore you are useless. You have to work on it..if you don't you'll be a complete failure that couldn't stick to her own promises. shame on you if that happens. now the deadlines by 430pm, do it, but make sure contents are good and find examples from Carlill Vs the Carbolic Smokeball case. It'll be helpful, hopefully. Now go take a shower and do everything that refreshes you, go drink some orange juice and now start squeezing the work outta you. Clear your mind and relax while you're doing it. It'll be alright.

do the shit.....

cold shower

Just got back from a nice cold shower, haven't had one in ages! it feels so good, ifeel so fresh so clean clean. hehe. oh well i mean these past few weeks i've been taking warm showers early in the morning, and once you get out to the cold room, its awful...it feels like freakin winter mon! Ahh i missssh my dearest murti and tinoz...my two lovable buddies...the ones that tease me like shit, but still i love em....:D i can't wait to see everybody this dec, especially this two. And no wait..how could i forget about jason! haha that kampungan bastard, i made that up! hehe..not proud of it. Fuck i've got an essay due monday and i suppose to complete it by today..i dunt know why i just wanted to, but now that i haven't...i guess i have to start working on it soon. I'm gonna sleepover janice's place, we gonna smoke up bad..with my other cousin and this guy named Ernest (of which she's told me some stuff about, das right cousy). Haha ernest, such a weird name, it's like he owns the world or something. The name waynus is funny tho....Jon's such a waynus! he was being such an ass laughing and stuff. ahh...i miss lil jon, he's so adorable, so cute, so nice to hug! Just like his bro. :P Anyways, i'm so malesh to pack! I'm suppose to go to this concert thingi in taylors college and im draggin my cousin along! Jisnu's in it, so i wanna support him and da indos. wuhoo! Ah i mish klaudia, jerm says she looks like the giraffe from madagascar, that i have yet to watch. not bothered tho. hehe. Ahh i miss my baby....miss the hugs, the kisses, the fun, the stupid arguments, haha...that was funny...the night i started to hit him with his bolster. :D he deserved it. mwahaha. Oh fuck i dont wanna be late for classes ever, ahh shit i know i will again. but for the time being, i just dont wanna. Anywyas times up. i better start getn busy. haha...i miss shakin to get busy with kELLy.
adios...cheppi always.

time is runnin out.

Dear you,

Time passes by so quickly, i hate it. My poopie head's leaving and i'm gonna really miss him. ALthough he's leaving, it feels as if he's just taking a long vacation. I'm happy for him cuz he's about to start his new life in San Francisco, and i love that place. But damn i'm gonna miss him. I feel so bad about the way i treated him, i didn't give shit about him at first but now i really do give a shit about him. haha. I'm gonna miss everything we've shared this holiday, all the different stages taking place in different places. In bali, i didn't expect anything more than a hook up. I know it sounds as if i was using him but no i thought he was using me too. Yeah but after all the sweet things he's done for me, i guess i started to like him. And i do now. And i'm glad im with him now cuz he makes me happy. :) Dude, it sux that he's leaving tonight, i'll be seeing him soon for coffee, but still not much time left. What sux is that i've been hanging out with him everyday and i'm gettn pretty used to him being around me. And now that he's leaving for good til december, i'm gonna feel like shit, i'm gonna feel so lonely. :( I"m gonna miss his warm hugs, everything......And dude if you ever do read this, i mean it. haha....oh well i gotta go shower now, i feel gross.

bubye, CHEPPI

it turns out...

Hey dude,

These past few days have been a big blur for me, i don't know if he has noticed but i was so blur to the extend of not being capable of answering his questions. Well his questions are tough, but i'm glad he asked me anyways. Well the kind of blur phase im in is just that sometimes i get so confused because he's leaving so soon and so am i, which will be the last time i'll ever see him until this december or something. I'm really gonna miss him and i know he won't believe me. Anyways the reason as to why im so bothered is because i still wanna be with him, i'm willing to give this relationship a go n if it doesn't work out, whatever will be will be. Lastnight i got tipsy and went over to his place, wasn't suppose to sleepover but i took a neozep and just collapsed in a matter of minutes. And this morning i woke up so late and got home pretty late that my mother and sisters got so friggin pissed at me mon. it was horrible. Fuck my neck hurts and so does my body, its aching like a bitch! Ahh i miss my best friends, where are tehy when you need em, to take photobox pics with em and stuff like that...those were the best times, the old highschool days. i want it all back. It'll even be cool to see an enemy from highschool cuz it would just feel like you're still in highschool. My sisters have school so i guess theyre much too busy for me. But its aite, blame it on my wrong timing. So well i have to shower soon and meet the asshole. haha. Since he calls me cheppi, i'll call him asshole from now.
Bubye, cu soon.

gnite to you

Dear you,
its been a long time, i know. I'm kind of tipsy right now, just got back from wiwied after all the drinkn. It wasn't too good though. Hmm...im in jakarta again and oh well i'll always miss it every time i reach KL. No doubt. My life's been goin on well, i feel more secure now, mebe cuz i sorta have someone that shows concern over me. Yes i admit it dude. If you ever do read this. Hmm...schools started but i guess its been temporarily shut down due to the haze caused by Indonesia, the bushfire thang. Damn all these disasters comin one after another huh. I can't really type much but im here cuz i just wanna let you know how i've been doing. Well, tomoro sounds like a fun day, im not gonna plan it though, prolly gonna hang out with me mumsy, which is always fun..i swear, its fun hanging out with my mummy, love it. Okay gnite diaro, i'm fuckn tired now, need some rest, been drinkin for the past few days, i have to stop. Just taht everytime im bored, i just get beer and it helps me relax and fuck its starting to taste good. I know, i know...that sounds bad and it sounds like i'm gonna develop a beer belly very soon, i'll try to avoid that.
mwah..gnite to you and to you and to you too of course.
gnite again. Me signing out. :p

Time is a bitch

Dear Blog,
I can't believe mUrti's gone, uggh! Out of all times, i couldn't meet her yesterday, had no fuckin car to drive to her place and my maid ranaway so i couldn't leave the house all alone. So fuck that. And um......nothing much has happened this holiday, just clubbin and stuff. Thats all, boring stuff. This holiday i only wanted to hook up, no further than that. I'm starting to hate relationships. Well i don't hate it, i just dislike it for the time being. Anywyas im too tired to write seriously.
bye..

Time is a bitch

Dear Blog,
i feel so bad that i didn't get to spend much time with Murti, i mean i wanted to and i managed to though but i felt so bad interrupting with her and joe. They lookd as if they were having so much fun though! Well and now she's in Melbourne, that really sux. She was just here yesterday and i couldn't see her cuz i had no car and no maid either. My maid ranaway, it turns out she's scared of us. haha. I think that's funny. I'm leaving Jakarta in a few days, well this thursday, and i don't think i'll miss much of it, it's been boring staying at home a lot, the only entertainment is clubbin or drinking or pOOling or something like that, and i'm bored of three of those. But i am pretty excited for ladies night, Centro, Wednesday, it's been a long time since i've met champagne, miss it. But other than that, i really do not wanna go to Manna Lounge at all,that place sickens me and sometimes the crowd as well, they just occupy the dancefloor and you don't get space to dance. So what's the fucking point kan?! This holiday i was only up for a hook up, nothing else, i don't want to be in a relationship, i hate relationships! :) I know i sound kind of bitchy but i know that there'll be days when i start to want one, but just not quite yet. Im eating my potato au gratin or whatever its called, KEmchicks food is always yummy....good stuff, good stuff. Anyways, i'm OFF, wanna eat. I'm always hungry.

stings and flowers losin ground

Hey love,
Bali was aite, was boring tho, didn't really like the crowd in the clubs, they were fuckin annoying. Fuckin assholes mostly. I'm in jakarta now, i dont' miss bali a slight bit, but i prolly will miss it within the next few months, who knows? Jakarta's aite, it feels good to be home well knowing that i'll be goin back to KL the comin thursday. I can't wait to meet jase tho! And Oh fuck, Mur's leaving in like a few hours, damn i didn't spend that much time with her, she left so early lastnite. Yeah i guess it was my fault tho.
And i met Martin! Yay! Damn i haven't seen that guy in like ages, i thot he forgot all about me and mur, but thank god he called us, managed to have dinner with him and stuff. Ahh that dude hasn't changed one bit, he's still the same old fart.
Aite, kissy kiss, mwah! mwahs!

Brandon Flower-The killers!

Brandon Flower, he looks so adorable in his new video. yum. Joyce has a really nice template, but i can't be bothered to go thru the process, somethng related to remembering ur code or whatever shit. Ihhh malesh gwitu. i've been spending time with my sisters and mum, just family really. I need to spend some time with murphy, tis been a while since we've updated each other with personal stuff, we just got no time to do it cuz we're always surrounded by lotsa people. Anyways i love the sayur asin in indo gaya rasa, taste so damn good mon. Like seriously, damn gooooOod shite yo! Fuck im so hungry, but i'll be seeing ibu brigitta soon so i have to lose some weight. Issh. I watched ungu violet today, it was aite, indo movies have improved only that the stories are just too fiction, just never realistic.
ahh im lazy. got nothing much to talk about ere. see you bebz.

jakarta's sunshine::

At last i'm home, made it all the way from penang. Anyways these days have been quite hectic for me, i know it sounds pathetic when i consider clubbin as a hectic schedule. It is, it fucks up ur time but ur just too fucked up to bother about it. I enjoyed the shisha lastnight, but it wasn't enuf, its been a long time since we've gone out in a bunch. Murs got a bf now, his names Joe. They seem really cute together, he likes to spank her ass and vice versa, god knows what crazy animal sex they've been through. But its cute, i swear. Fuck i got a little tipsy last night, that pussy Sonny gave us all these shots and he didn't drink shit. I'm gonna kill that bastard and i'll get him drunk fo sho. And damn klaud was fuckd up bad man, she was like lying down on the ground where cars leave their tire marks and drip oil on. disgusting. stupid sister. And my other sister, she's not as fucked up but she's in the hospital, she's got dengue fever and i don't know how she received this illness but its not that bad. I looked worse mon, when i was stuck with typhoid. Scary. Anyways i have to be a good sister and sleep over the hospital of which i love doing cuz the bed is so fuckin comfortable, i slept like a bitch. So yay im goin over again tonight, can't wait. Anyways i love this plc, my home. Sweet home Jakarta. Damn im goin for mie goreng, yum yum. Wiwied, i had a few days ago, but didn't eat. Trus i'm going to have my bubur ayam di rumah sakit pondok indah, my favorite.
loveeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee..me AKA Cheppi

I feel yuck

I knew it, i always feel sick after drinking nescafe canned drinks, it makes you wanna puke mon. Ahhh...i did my hw due the coming thursday, Ooh i feel a huge relief. but there's still more to do tho, i hv an exam comin up this saturday, i better study. OOsshh..but for some bloody reason, i ain't so nervous about it nor am i super confident about it, im just aite with it. Just go with the flow mon. I don't think any of my friends are gonna study for it, who cares tho, i'll study for it and be the special one. I mean i have extra time so make use of it.
i feel sick. ima bounce. off now

life is full of crushes::

Ahh kim gary..the place..the resto..im seriously getn sick of it. I know i don't eat there often, but i go there very often and seriously the food is good but so i duno, too tasty i would say? its like so tasty u get sick of it, like how we get sick from eating a fat chocolate cake, like that yup. It didn't go to well as my first meal of the day. I miss my sisters and best friends now. GOd..i really do. Sometimes you need family, sometimes you need friends. But i consider my two siblings my friends, friends i go home to, friends i hang around with, friends under the same roof. But my best friends, yeah they are my best friends cuz we've been thru good and bad times, small arguments, we've been stupid together, we know each other quite deep down to the bone. But i guess i do keep my own personal secrets compartmentalized with our usual chittychatchats. I just cant help it, im quite the secretive shit. But im slowly opening up to mbok jamu and mas Jj, and tinoz. Oh god tino looks so pretty now, she lookss like halle berry, real hot ay. Im not saying she wasn't preetty, she was always biyutipul, but now she's much more outstanding. I feel like eatin tuna now..but wtf its like 3:35 am..forget feeding me tummy..im gonna feel so yuck about it. ahh my taste in guys are slowly changing. I don't have a specific type. i guess to me it is when you just feel chemistry between the both of you, he does funny things unintentionally and shit like that. I just figured i fall for guys that make me laugh, guys that are wise..yeah so far das all i got to share. oh wait and mysterious guys..ahhh...its nice sometimes, i hate guys that talk to much as if theyre the shit, but seriously they aren't the shit, they're just full of it. Also guys with no future, no life, ahh fuck em. they should just stay at home cuz das where they belong. I want someone successful, someone proper, someone filled with future prospects. Those are the smart ones, those are the HOT ones. Mbok jamu were talking about our x crushes, who we used to have crushes on way back in old school land. I remember having a crush on jase, oh god..thank god we have nothing between us now, we just buddies yo. haha. I used to have a crush on so many other dudes..but oh well those were just momentary ones, serious ones are the ones now. like i seriously think that my crushes possibly can turn into LIKE in no time. Ahh...i want heineken..i want bali..i want friends..i want a fling..i demand all those things. all those things, once i have it, it will reset my life as a teenager..refresh me. I guess i'll wake up and act like a true adult. haha nah fuck i won't. just talkin shitz ere. i wanna shroom so bad, i wanna take it with don, mur, and abs. ahh..terrific...hope the master plan will work out. haha i remember when mur got drunk after the total knock out drink, it killed her..and left me SOBER for a reason, yeah well to take care of her. haha..i wanna see that bitch die on drinks again, its so entertaining!
my dreams callin me...the only way to meet it is sleep. thats what im doin now.
love off.

clubsevon

Ahhh...gila man my muscles are like fuckin aching big time rite now. its 3:48am, just arrived home from clubtujuh, ihh....played pool for 5 fuckin hours, was suppose to meet bernie tapi cancelled cuz he was stuck in Shah Alam. Nevermind that, i played with Michael the entire night and i beat him around the first half, tapi he killed me the 2nd time around, as well as the other rounds. ahhh i needa practice, i need to play someone challenging so i will actually be considered a challenge. If only. But fuck my arms hurt, its like my muscles are contracting, my whole body is affected bad. waduh.....i need a massage bad. anyone don't mind massagin me? i seriously will get a massage from anybody at this point..desperate..need it bad. i think im gonna go to a spa sooner or later, just have to pamper myself a lil. For some reason, Mike always thinks i hate him or have this thing against him, i mean i seriously don't..he's like one of my closest friends in college, and i enjoy his company. But he told me i was actin weird today and i don't feel a damn thing. Ahh sometimes i don't know what type of face i put on. when i was smiling, he told me to smile cuz i looked so furious. so i was like heh? that shit dont' make sense mon. I can't wait to move into me new plc...im so malesh to move the barang tho...well cuz my whole bodys aching now. but yeah well...still lazyyyyy. I put like twooooooooo big tiger plasters on, one on my armand the other, my back. argh...sakit oowee. I dont know wut my plans are today..but i know it'll be just plain normal.
peach out.
hoho..

finally!!!!!!!!!!

Oh finally i finished that fuckn website! Shit man 6 pages,but still it was full of pics and contents plus the linking was fuckd up. Anyways im late for class, hopefully eric will still be there by 5. gotta beat time man...but the couples bathing...cmon come out come out..drip dry drip dry. Ahh im gonna get some real sleep tonight, i haven't been sleepin that much for the past 2 weeks, i feel like total shit. Shit a black cat just looked at me with its eyes...damn it looks like one of those sinbad creatures with those glowing eyes. Even in broad day light it glows. Well nice eyes..but its so scary. Well anyways, i need my beer,i deserve my heineken, been workin too damn hard these days, honest! It's the hardest i've worked since highschool. But of course i was more rajin in highschool, life was a lil restricted. Not much of clubbing or anything....yeah practically it. i miss clubbin with don and stuff...the girls night out we used to have all the time...ahh nice. i guess i need that. But right now i need a foot massage, need it bad.
anyways, i'm going to leave right now. needa hand in stupid website.

missin all. :(

I miss the power of love, daun hijauku. hehe...fatten me up.
i miss wiwieds roti bakar coklat-keju +es teh tawar
i miss critiques thrown both ways at me, at them, evveryone mon.
i miss getting the superman fly...oh the old superman story.
i miss cough syrups....natural dose of tranqsi wanna partay and blow my whistle bitch!
i miss drunkness, its been a while since we've met.
i miss ernie's laughter, krispys impersonations, the hot tukang sate's fc, bang jj's retarded sense of HUMOR!
I miss cibun, i demand a reunion...it'll be funny...we'll all be certified clubbers by then compared to what yall were like back in highskoo...party shitters ay.
Nasi padangku, come to me! my chilli made outta 1/4 cannabs. addictive.
i miss passn the trans', flashin their everythings, they aint' lookin too good. mebe we should flash em back!
i miss citos, tempat anak gaul...but who gifs mon..we're gaul kan..hehe
i miss partayin mon, routine on weds, lets claim our free champagne n vodk's from centro, get fuckd...trus go to manna L and ruin da massive speakospeaker.
i miss izzi pizza, gimme em izzi dough balls. delicius!
i miss havin ze crumbles for ze crumbs.i miss xmas, fav auspicious event.
Gramps i miss you, we'll have our cup of tea, ill visit, janji....
Bali i miss you, u overcome boredom and you make drinkin bintangs during sunny afternoons fuckin fun!
I miss usin da "drip dry, drip dry" and "two times bitch" n "burritos!" phrase. crazy/beautiful inc.
i miss bubur ayam rumah sakit pondok indah...
i miss my sweetest tabooo....
I miss pancakes n hersheys..give me the magical whip.whippo.
i miss takin photobox pictas...miss gettin tortured by that song.ahh.
Where's my perfect drug huh? dont tell me i lost you. i did didn't I.
Shooting stars.reload n fire across the darkness, so i can make a wish on behalf of the things ive missed.
im missin you. im missing all. i ran out of it bad.
-whooosh out-

keep goin till you hit the spot..whoa.

bloggie blog,
im tired, exhausted, sweating like shit, seriously moody, pissed, frustrated, doing my assignments, but its not enuf, lecturers demand more from us, das all i can give, i've been doing the group projects myself, its seriously tiring....now we're printin it out. ahh..i hate dreamweaver..its such a slow software to make stupid websites, mendingan frontpage dong.
Yay i called Martin in canada last night...fuck that dude...sombong buanget, finally i discovered that he's still alive! can't wait to see him man! Going to deliver the good news to mur, like she would care? i guess she's forgotten about him already, only I, the unforgetful one..cieh...keep in touch with him. Haha i have his pic where he looks terribly obese, compared it to highschool pics..damn hilarious man. We went to yamcha in Rafi's...and then went to KimG's for the honeylemon shit, trus got home, did assignments, dcided we needed a break, then chilled in darus. love that plc. And i saw a fuckin hot guy...uggh...he's not hot..he's just i duno...attractive, like really attractive. ahh..fuck it mon.
Okay whatever, class is awaiting. But im just too damn lazy, still goin thoz..
cya lata

Just a phase

The song -scar- reminds me of Danny. I had a fuckn argument with him a few days ago and it was horrible, he was selfish, normally we have this makin up thing in the end, but this time i was strong enough to resist him and dart home. He deserved it, no matter what we shared in the past, i guess it doesn't exist to me anymore. Naw im just saying that, i can't forget ppl that easily. Yeah feelings still there, what to do. But i like this other dude better than him, waaaaaaay better than him, only cuz dan and i used to go out, thats why that little something is still there. But i don't get whats so special about him, i hate having feelings for people when you don't know why you have feelins for em, the answers just i duno...no idea...etc. errr.....feel like aiming a bazooka straight to his face mon. Fuckn annoying.

Lyrics to scarrrr..

Chorus:I tear my heart open, I sow myself shut. My weakness is that I care too much.My scars remind me that the past is realI tear my heart open just to feel
Drunk and I'm feeling down and I just wanna be alone
I'm pissed cause you came around Why don't you just go home
Cause you channel all your pain and I can't help to fix myselfYour making me insane
All I can say is
ChorusI tried to help you once A kiss will only viseI saw you going downBut you never realizedThat your drowning in the water. So I offered you my hand Compassions in my nature
Tonight is our last dance

ChorusI'm drunk and I'm feeling downand I just wanna be aloneYou shouldn't ever came aroundWhy don't you just go home?Cause your drowning in the water and I tried to grab your handand I left my heart openbut you didn't understand.but you didn't understandYou fix yourselfI can't help you fix yourselfBut at least I can say I triedI'm sorry but I gotta move on with my own lifeI can't help you fix yourselfBut at least I can say I triedI'm sorry but I gotta move on with my own lifeChorus x2

sleepy

Blog,
im sleepy but i can't sleep and im chatting with justin, another justin not the cibun justin. anyways....i finished my assignment, but i still have loads more to do. have to wake up later on and complete it all. ahhh if only i was a nerd, i would have the motivation. Been too lazy, trus tadi siang i got scolded by my lecturer, isssh....i know im in trouble,but its only cuz i had to go all the way down to jb for the funeral. he wouldn't believe me gitu. jadi...yeah cuz he scolded me, i asked him to warn me more so i would be motivated. and i just finished my project, took me hours. I need the same determination i had a few hours ago for like the rest of the month. i miss me mumsy, wanna get her to bitch at my lecturers for me.
anyways peace out dude,
now im tired.

please kiss my ass. serious.

Dunt know what da fucks up with the title, but i seriously don't know what mood i am in right now. Fuck my projects man, how could they cause me such stress and pain. My bodys aching and i can barely breathe right. I need my friends, i miss watching movies in the bioskop, especially all those action to horror films, even romantic comedies, which i'm slowly losing taste in. I just watchd this film called DEBs, bought the dvd, its pretty cheesy....but my idols there, devon aoki..haha but anyways she doesn't look too good in it.
i'm ditcin my project, its due wednesday anyway, duno why i was doing it in advance anyway. I still have to do some web technology,d ue this thursd. But yay finished my scrapbook for moral studies,yknow stupid values people don't use in this god forsaken country. uggh. my internet is seriously getn me pissed..but im too lazy to show that im pissed. No ones at home, i woke up from a pretty long nap and poof....everyones gone, they left me and their all having dinner. i wish someone called me at this point of time, why cant someone call me and ask me out to dinner..so i can eat...so i can talk...so i won't be bored. my only companion now is dunhill menthol and marl lights menthol. both menthols. i guess menthols my companion. Im moving to my new plc in a few weeks, to be approx 3 weeks...yesh! Finally moving into a new plc...ground floor, id consider it a small house..but its a groundfloor condo. haha. facing the lake view juga bo. haha that word bo, or expression reminds me of abhi. Now i'm watching csi-miami...tis pretty good, ny is better. I duno mebe the crime scene investigations there are just more thrilling, plus they got better technology, more updated. ahhh....i miss danny right now....in a way i regret breakin up with him...i guess all my relationships are like this..but still im askin...why do i miss him, i didn't expect to miss him the slightest bit, but what am i doin now. Missin him. I miss his humor..i miss everything about him, especially his aftershave...yum..it makes me wanna kiss him. im trying to make it to prom, but i duno when my school hols end. And i don't wanna stay in jkt too long, don't wanna get myself bored...but i do miss it alot. i wonder whether we'll ever have a reunion in the future, i really am lookin forward to that. Okay anywyas im off. watching lost now...fuck the guys so sexy!

dear u

Hey blog,
ive been fine i guess...been busy attending my grandpas funeral and well that was pretty sad. But i don't know how to put it into words...it was just sad and happy altogether. I miss him so much tho.....it sorta hurts in a way, haven't felt this way before. i cried when i received the phonecall, but well during the funeral, i was completely alright, didn't wanna cry, it wasn't worth the tears cuz i should be happy for him. I am.
Anyways i've got projects to do.......stuff to complete....have to cope up for the whole week of bolosing..ya udah deh...better cabut now.

penang filled my tummy

that crab, filled my tummy with all this good, greasy, oily food..plus fattening. iihhh...finding it so hard to cope with mantaining my weight and here this bitch goes feeding me constantly.
anyways...penang was cool, i liked it altho it was for only 2 days, shoulda stayed longer, but i would get fat by then. issh. Kristine came over this friday and left semalam....only spent a night mon, shouldve stayed longer. anyways i brought her to my usual spots, like red chamber, club7, and oh ya the circus, brought her there to watch the shows. Hope i wasn't a bad host man, serious! Anyways yay i got a pretty good essay grade for ze malaysian studies essay, thought id flunk it somehow, cuz i didn't really get the topic. I feel like havin nasi padang man, wanna go to a sederhana branch bad! but they got no padang food here and if they do say its nasi padang, its just plain nasi campur which u mix with all these veges andmeat, but it ain't too good.
fuck, im tired.
dozing off and yaya playing basketball lataz~ finally.

the sad cold i have

fuck i caught a bad cold from my dad, god he's so contagious, it passed so fast to me. Now im just blowing tissues and its all over the floor cuz im too sick to pick em up. Iihhh..fuck my runny nose. It got slightly better, but later i bet it'll develop again, its gross. Mur just keeps comin up with funny emails and shit man, i gotta give her some credit to bother emailing me in specific detail of yeah that. Dude mur, u have a naughty "suna" dont worry you'll get it in no time. I'm fhungry, but im on an extensive diet, no eating 2-3 hours before sleeping, keep away from the white stuff after noon, hmm what else yeah? you can munch a lil but completely skip ur dinner, its instant weight loss, but im findin that so freakin hard to do, its freakin hard to do mon! So im still stuck at the current weight i have been for at least 3 m onths. I need to get rid of it, go under it......if dona needs to lose weight, then what more me man? i gota lose double her weight. nah just joshin, not that bad mon, don't wanna be anorexic. Ok i'll cut the fuckn crap about weight issues ere. I wanna go to bali again, re-tan myself, re-strategize my tanning plans, this time put on loads of sunblock, i don't wanna peel like gluee no mo. And i wanna shroom, haven't tried it yet, i want the beautiful colors goin on, not popn this time. I hv completely stopd it, its easy for me cuz im not frequent. But donas gotta quit, she wants to but she just bought some off emil, haha. k dude...i spent like 6 freakin hours on my essay, god! And its tough for me cuz its in Bm and lotsa words dont mean nothing when i use indo words. hmmmm..fuck it. Anyways i managed to exceed the limit by a word, haha...1001 words that is. Sick of that bitch, fuck her...i feel sorry for all the international students that don't no shit, cuz even i had a major problem putting it down in sentences. Anyways, kristines comin here! yay! I guess she'll be the first one ever to come down and visit me, how nice isn't it? yep yep it ish!!!!!!!!!
the fat love i put on for you, bernie

The "shock"

haha murs going through a state of shock right now, the type of shock when you just move in to a new environment and surrounding. haha...i went thru that, but mine wasn't due to moving to a new plc..was just new friends i had to built up some trust on again. I mean i trust my old friends tapi...my new friends at the start of uni weren't very friendly. I mean they just weren't right at first, but now it's all good, i've made friends and i've moved on without forgetting all my bestfriends. I still keep in touch with all of em, well most of em..the others just choose to vanish so be it..don't give a flyin fuck. i'M AT BURGER KING! Ordered my usual airport mushroom swiss set..yummeee..i'll never ever get sick of that.

stayn home

I love stayin at home in a way. Plus it's raining now, makes it worth smoking outside in the balkon, enjoyable dong. hehe. I was so glad to hear from Murti, her email, funny email that turned out pretty darn horny actually. Damn girl, slow down. hehe....:P ok, don't kill me. Aite sunburns good to go, but skin still remains pealing like gluuuueeeee. Grossy. haha i just helped someone out to write a scholarship letter, like fuk man if anythings under my hands, it'll be a big flop. I'm not convincing enough. Damn i feel sorry for her. Im goin back home to jako lagi and yay i have ishtine to hang out wiht, she can tell me about her new boay.mwaha. so cuuuuute. And i have this stupid john casablanca graduation to go to, with me lookn like a burnt victim, holy schmokes mwang..don't know what to do.hehe. Fuck guys, i have a crush on this guy in my skooo..he's cute, not hot...got cute dimples on both sides, he's just so exotic lookn, awww...well he's got a girlfriend..so too bad, crush will soon be over in no time. I still want to be single at the moment if you know what i mean. mwehe. Okay i'm stuck with words, can't think no longer.
byeDbye.

the bali trip :)

FUck, now i'm totally burnt, i blame it on the bali trip. i got so red, not brown, which is depressing in a way. hehe. hM..it was pretty nice, went shopping for the usual goods, went boogie boarding for hours under the baking sun, spent most of our breakfast hours in tREEHOUSE, ahh so lovely isn't it? WEll we went clubbing and it was pretty nice actually in EMBargo cuz they played this trans song i really really am into right now. now i have a bad sun burnt and if you may say, i'm completely gosong. it hurts and i can't hug people for the meantime cuz yeah it just hurts. ahhh fuck it mon. Anyways....i mish my friends, yeah friends i miss you. hwe hwe. WE got caught by the polisi like twice cuz we didnt wear a helmet trus the second time, he was just desperate for money. that poor fucker. hmm...well oh well...i can't write much as i have problems struggling with my awfully burnt shoulders. fuckkkk...
anyways, i love you all so much, every single one of yall that reads this to the ones that don't even know about my blog or don't even read it. Well hmm....party hard partiers and keep the smoke schmokin smokers. haha what the fuck, i got infected by someone obviously. And murti, don't think i got infected by some guy, haha i told you, im a good girl, planning to stay that way until the time is right! hehe....
good girls gotta go.......

my lovely number

Okay my new number is not that beautiful but at least it's the easiest one to memorize among the rest. Well i hope this number brings me alotta luck for the year 2005. I"m currently in the warnet now,w aiting for my friends to arrive and i duno i love being alone, meaning being single at the moment. Murti, murti, murti, haha that slut, i'm sort of proud of her actually. :D Don't get all "apa sih?". Well i'm back in kl now, no more jakarta, the next destination will be bali. I hope i get black yo, don't wanna get my hopes too high up for that. Murti has a crush on someone, haha....somehow its funny to me! But like the big mouth i am, i'm gonna act the opposite of it now, i know when to keep secrets, i realized i was a blabber mouth, but at least i didn't bocor the truth about ahem yknow mur? please be proud of me. huwahuwa. Man i miss these guys, Abs+mur+tini, i love em to death and i feel like teasing people. I feel so empty without em. Sometimes when you go to college/uni you think you can find the right guy or the right friends, but that's not true for me, ihaven't found the right guy nor the right friends. My only perfect friends come from the old highschool days, the ones that have seen me change and hte ones that have influenced this change. i love em bitches.
Can't wait to see em.
Well i end this blog with one meaningful kiss, mwah!
when i gotta go, i just gotta go yo.

just chillin.....

GOod morning mr. blog
Today i have no idea about my plans, but i feel like chillin at home for the rest of the day before i berangkat ke soekarno hatta. hehe. Jase and i mite meet up at the airport and check in together, its better than checking in alone i say. ANyways lastnight we had a good talk, about life and friendship, such as our close friends adn waht we would do to protect em. And what he said about mur was really schweeet. Like he would bash anyone up who fucks around with her and he had this serious face put on so i figured wow..it's the first time jase is actually serious about something. He did give me some words of wisdom lastnight and i was damn surprised yo. But i forgot what he said. After taht whole discussion, he went back to being a horny bwastad, asking me all these quessies about sex and how he could turn girls on and shit like that, ihhh..and oh wait..he kept on saying "IM A GIVER, NOT A TAKER!" ...waduh. Oh i just wished someone could just go on and fuck him to keep him quiet. iish. I'd never fuck him, so i'll find someone to fuck him.
Fuck dude, i dont' wanna go today, but i have to mon.
well i'm off, that's the most i can leave you guys with, my day has just started dudes.
love, cheppi

home schweet home

yo blog,
sup man, i'm not really in the mood to chat now, just feel like writing to you. I'm in jkt now, been spending most of my time with dumbass jase. I miss my home, it's only been like 2 months ago since i was last here but still you do go thru those homesick days when ur away. Well i smoked up lastnight, the first time in a month plus and ahhh...it felt so good. Of course i got hungry after that, i hogged the packet of chips the whole night. And of course martabak was involved, it has always been the after-snack of the green green grass.
And fuck i lost my freakin handphone, thank god its the cheap nokia cuz if it was the samsung, my mum would definitely kill me. The thing that bugs me the most is my simcard, fuck man! This is the most important number i've had so far, awww..i think i'm gonna report to the celcom plc and get the same number again.
Anyways i went to red chamber a few days back and it was pretty fun, we ended up having this kissing party. Where we would just spread around and kiss everybody. I duno i used to think girls were better kissers than guys, but i think guys are definitely better. It was funny how the guys started kissing each other, it was kinda yucky..but after a while it would turn out quite sexy. Damn..but that was a good night to remember.
Shit i've been gaining weight! That's all i can do in jkt really, eat good food, good food at home and good food outside of home. I wanna lose at least 4 kg. Well...hmmm..i'll be watching a tennis match!
well peach out yo peach out..hehehe..peach..wtf.
write lataz..

reality actually exists...

I don't mean to be carrie bradshaw from sex and the city but after having watched the series, i did learn quite a few things from it. I can't believe i'm really living in reality, i mean can you? Sometimes ur so unsure whether you're still alive you try to cut urself and see whether blood really flows out of ur skin. Sometimes im not quite sure whether i'd wake up the next morning, so now i'll try not to think of it. Hmm...i'm lonely, yes i admit but i do enjoy the loneliness, but there are times when you do need friends to talk to and i think my house mates are pretty much the right people to do that with. They completely understand me, my love and sex life, well they live with me, i'm sure they know me well enough. I met my housemates friend just now, forgot her name but she seems quite depressed, her boyfriend of 4 years got her pregnant twice and yet didn't mind covering the expenses for her abortion, twice that is. How terrible is that? He abused her to, when you come to think of it, if you knew somebody that long, how could somebody so close to you hurt you that way? I guess this is why i don't really trust guys, i never did actually, i just tried to convince myself to understand em and that all guys aren't meant to be like that. My best friend mur thinks i'm scared of all this commitment and relationships because of my parents. I'm starting to think that that is partially the answer. My parents are separated, my father cheated on my mother, as simple as that. My father? Yes he's an asshole but i guess he can't change, he'll never change. He's a good father, but he will never be a good husband. My mother? She's happy with another man and i'm glad for her, really i am.
Oh god i miss 9th grade, i wish i could watch a video of everything that happened, all the moments we spent together, that was my favorite class of all.
I just drank some white wine, again! hehe..but it's finished now, the bottle's so beautiful i wanna plant something in it and place it in my balcony. it'll look so pretty. I love this apartment of mine, it's so cozy, doesn't feel like Malaysia, feels like somewhere else. One day i'd love to buy this whole unit, i'll earn the money for it, i don't mind at all. It'll kill for me to leave this place, it has everything, a balcony and a tinsee winsee bit of the lake view with lights produced by the putrajaya bridge. It's awesome.
I'm really regular when it comes to you blog, i guess ur nice to talk to whenever boredom swings by. I have class tomoro, shit at 10 am, these days its pretty tough for me to wake up that early, i've become a real vampire, hating the daylight and loving the darkness of the 12am to 4am sky. Those are my happy hours.
Yknow the sad thing about having friends is treasuring them so much till the extend of knowing them so well that you think they'd stay like this forever and seeing them change would be a big preparation for you not to look forward to. Cuz it's like you can't do the things you used to do with them. I'm hoping my best friends won't change so much, i guess a slight change won't hurt, but i don't want them to fully change into another human being, to another friend that i have to adapt to yknow. I guess the only best friend of mine that will always remain the same is Jason, he's just so fully committed to friendship and that is why i treasure him. Don't get me wrong, i treasure each and every one of my best friends, just that jason is jason, he'll just stay the same, even if he gets married (which i have big doubts on that completely)
I need to occupy my time rather than just staying at home, just that i haven't found the answer yet, i've been flipping thru dozens and dozens of magazines each week and i've found nothing, no sign, no answer. I hate this really. I wanna do something i enjoy doing and am good at, which is nothing i'm sure. I really don't think im good or confident in life, i guess i need to build up my confidence, which will take forever.
I think i'm odd, whenever i'm tired, i remember even more moments i've shared and spent in life, i don't appreciate life more, just that i recall most of it when i'm tired and moody. Just all these flashbacks start coming in and it seems quite clear.
well i'm tired now, gonna leave you for dreamland...
bellleeeeekk..

white white wine...(not red mur)

Dear Mr.Blog,
I've missed you, been wanting to write to you for a few days. Anyways yesterday i was suppose to join the zouk fest tapi the tickets were all fuckin sold out! That made me so uggh frustrated, so frustrated that in the end i didn't feel like queuing thru the thick crowd and just went straight to eat dinner. After dinner, we adjourned to this plc called CLoud 9, some posh club in the highlands, it was empty at first and boring of course, but after a few rounds of drinks, we were tipsified (my own word or is it a word?) and some strangers wanted to join our table. I guess it was the first time me and my buds actually had REAl fun, the really pure fun you get when you least expect it. In addition, one of the strangers, this cambodian guy named SOk Dally opened a bottle of jD for us, filthy rich 22 year old boy. Yknow the type of guy who's the only child and lacks attention from his parents? Yeah those kinds. Well this richy rich here suddenly turned out dead drunk and just started to fall asleep, that's just a real bad knock out man and plus we had no info whatsoever about him and it was pretty tough to focus cuz we were sorta fucked as well. So anyways we managed to find some info about him, i had to like slap his face and tell him to open his eyes, and there he said it 9390, so we figured its definitely the hotel above. So we seated him on a wheelchair and pushed him to the hotel lobby and called his daddy to come down to redeem him. Oh god..that poor dude, prolly went thru a rough lecture this morning mon.

its 6:34am, early isn't it?
Atlast another early day, the 2nd early day i've encountered this year and for some reason, it feels great. Jase smsd me telling me he's goin to indo this thurs, that bloody bastard, knew he couldn't visit me, that guy is so busy that he's so full of empty promises. If i were in a deep sleep and his sms budged in, i'll kill him bad as well as his singaporean slang, its awful, yknow the extra expressions such as "lah, ahh, aiya, wahh" or whatever shit rhymes with it. Its hilarious to hear, but after a while it'll totally destroy my ear drums, actually it could destroy my appetite, no joke.
I drank white wine a few hours ago and the taste is still lasting within my tastebuds. Tantalizing it is. I miss home, rumah manis rumah, hehe...that sounds awful doesn't it? wOW..i'm so happy people like abhi actually bother to read my blog, most probably cuz they are just plain bored. I guess whatever matters in this life of mine that i spill on the blog is completely unentertaining. :D I just played basketball today and it was schweeet, haven't worked out in such a fuckn long time. Yknow i went to the gym a few days back and i could barely touch the machines mon. Well there was one where you pull ur whole body up with ur arms and normally i would be doing 10 mins of that, but i only did like 3 minutes of it. Trus here comes the treadmill, i used to do 30-45 mins, now i can't even last long pass 15!? ahh..i feel so weak and useless. I need to tone up or else yknow what they say, fats come in the way. K fuck the whole fat issue! Im chatting with reena, she's in sydney and she's still the same funny, outgoing character. I wonder how that balinese pup is doing, the one we found in the water sports place, it's so damn adorable. Damn i misssss mur, tini,n abs now, wish i could have another round of our lame jokes and sour critiques of which we throw about and at people. Today, on behalf of my mothers sms, i shall not light a single stick. Seriously, i'll quit for a few days, get the fresh air regulating throughout my lungs, need to refresh myself. Oooh my tummies grumblin....but im not hungry just yet.
yknow what? i'm good to go, i'll try to rest or perhaps not rest so i can get easy sleep tonight.

is this how we live life to the fullest?

I can't imagine living life when you hurt a person real bad. It just makes me feel so guilty inside, i already have enough guilt and it sure looks like life is adding more of it into me. I duno how to put this into words, but im just saying, why do i have to be so shallow? Why do i have to find a flaw in a person before i even get to see the real them? I guess this is what's wrong with me, i look at the surface and i don't bother going beyond that. I'm a shallow bitch, this is why its so tough living my life. Somehow i hate myself for being this part of myself, why was i born with it? I dont think my mother ever brought me up to be this inconsiderate about other people's feelings. I'm not good when it comes to empathy. Right now i'm in my bedroom, just wondering why i'm like this, i feel abnormal. I mean i look around and i see normal people with steady relationships n a love life and when i focus on myself, all i see is an empty life with no heart. Or its either a heart filled with stones. I think i might be quite heartless kan? No wait that can't be cuz i feel bad for other people but i never really put myself into their situation, just that i'm as shallow as the shore. How did i inherit such selfishness and stubbornness? yeah yeah im just like this and if im not mistaken my sisters are pretty much following my footsteps, they'll carry the heavy guilt burden in no time.
Okay i'll quit being annoying and focus more on my plans for this week- weekend, hmm...my friends and i are planning to go to this Zouk rave held in genting highlands, sounds awesome, i got my gear lights ready and everything is just cool, but yknow the bloody curse, whenever we look forward to an event or get so excited and do the advanced planning, it will end up a living disaster.
I don't know what else to say.
im off to, yeah bed.

oh that "fly"

haha..i finally paid that dumbass jase a visit! haah it's so weird being in singapore with this dude, he got black yo, like fuckn black! hahah..its hilarious. Like i couldn't spot him and suddenly i turned around and this burnt nose baldy comes darting my way and it took me a few seconds to familiarize with him or should i say it,he looks like a creature. hehe..maaf jase. The whole time i was the one annoying him, like pinching him here and there and trying to mess up his bushy eyebrows, hahahahha..theyre so hairy. Torture torture.
Jb was fun, got to see my grandpa recovering in bed, my grandma blowing her birthday candles, just the right timing i guess. I've been having loads of beer these days, iihh i feel fuckin bloated. Uni is alright, i won't say it sux, cuz it actually doesn't. Oh god, i'm not sure if i want a relationship now, i'm so confused with who and whether i should accept em. LIfe is a big ass. I've been listening to buddha bar music, so soothing and relaxing, it's perfect for meditation. I dont' meditate daily, i just do it when i'm so frustrated and it works, sort of. I'm paying attention more to my needs these days, what would make me a better person. And i admit, i am a failure in my love life and i guess the regular, but i don't want to entirely improve myself, i just want to be slightly better, which means i have to really feel what others feel in order to know how hurt they are before blaming them for their actions. I'm listening to "my immortal" now, i forced myself to isolate it for a few months and then let my ears listen again, i appreciate it more. I guess absence makes the heart grow fonder, that's why i choose to miss someone so much and then really give em a nice meaningful hug after. But i guess it would be quite tough for me, sometimes i miss people so easily i just feel like huggin em and hanging with em forever. My manhunt is coming in an hour i guess, i already know the results but theyre nice to look at so yeah. Oh fuck i have moral studies besok, yuck....it finishes at 8pm, fuck it mon, so tiring.
haha let me tell you about my wine experience yesterday, it was a major disaster. My flight was around 9ish and i got heavily tipsy before that, so yeah i was practically scrolling around the airport like a walking zombie, i was scary. I don't know what type of white wine they served, but if im not mistaken it tasted like conoisseur..i duno how to spell it, i guess its like 20 percent above, so i was doomed, fuckd actually. It was funny cuz i started cursing so much in my head, i started criticizing my uncle and stuff, of course it wasn't that bad, not obvious, i don't want to exaggerate, but writing is writing, you tend to exaggerate a liil much more cuz you can't seem to find words to make it simple, and im telling you what i went thru lastnight was not simple. Well like i said i was fucked and as well as flying on the floor, that's how it felt..but the feeling was nice. I fell asleep in the plane and as soon as i woke up, myhead was pounding bad. No one bothered to help me cuz i looked so cranky. You know what? I think i'm a weaker person now, i mean i miss those good old days when i wouldn't fall for guys that easily, now when the convos are nice and everythings running smooth, i'll just totally have the crumbles for him. I hate having instant crushes, it's so distracting. haha. I don't know what im talking about. pardon me.
I haven't read a book for a long time, i've just been sticking to national geos and readers digest, i plan to read the "living history of hillary rodham clinton" again cuz the lastime i read it, i was in a stage of adaptation, haha...meaning i was trying to adapt to uni and shit like that, so i didn't really get Hillary's whole point there.
I miss ice-cream! I'm definitely gonna treat myself to some haagen dazz again, i want baileys irish cream. I wanna go to zouk bad, not on a thurs though, probs on a friday or saturday when trans is on, trans is better for me now, i like that hyperness. Hip hop is really old school for me now, but well sometimes it's fun to dance to.
Okay well blogg, i'm leaving you for manhunt...soz man.
gnite..sweet dreams.
i pray for one of my cartoon dreams...ahhh..it's heaven. :P

It takes a hell lot of a rush for a small lot of nothing

Blog,
today was a very exhausting day for me. I was just on a constant rush here and there from sunway pyramid to cyberheights then to the putrajaya lrt station. Still no matter how much i ran, it didn't make a difference anyhow, i missed my first flight due to some technical problem going about. Iiiissh..this will make my mum think i'm irresponsible for missin the flight twice. But i made up for that by darting straight down to MAS n askin for the next flight possible, they put me on standby cuz they said their so-called flight was occupied tonight. Occupied my ass, i was seated in 25A, the window seat and no one was sitting next to me, there were 2 more vacant spots, why the hell put me on hold making me worry? ahhh sometimes malaysians just purposely want to make other malaysians suffer. It's only natural. Well i felt like i was participating in some amazing race show or sumthin. I rushed back n forth and the only person that seemed to notice me doing that is this dude that sits down and sorta binds the luggages. He was like "i wuff you" cuz i think his two front teeth were missin or he couldn't pronounce the words properly. haha. That scared me for a bit, i was like oh oke. This year has certainly been a pretty hectic one for me, i've travelled back and forth and rushed here and there just to get things right. Lastnight i got so pissed off secretly cuz my condo was a mess, it just annoyed me so bad that i ended up cleaning my whole god damn room, that type of anger makes me become all anal or something. It's still partially effecting me now, i got cleaner and neater and just more frigid. I don't wanna become charlotte from sex and the city, no fukn way, she pisses me off bad. Yum i finally had some shisha a few days back, it was alright, but that wonderful feeling just wasn't present. I don't know, that lounge just has a different feel and edge to it now, i guess cuz the previous manager isn't there anymore. Now it's raj, this manager whom i totally despise due to his unprofessional ways of managing his customers, whatever happened to the term called public relations? I don't like him, he's ruining my favorite weekend spot, favorite one! I don't know where mike.low went, so there goes mike the former manager, a great one too. Thank god mojito's there, he just serves us bloody well but we need mike the manager! :( Oh well vals day was nothin special, no parties of any sort. I received a half-dead rose and viewed a documentary from this dude in penang whom i don't know well at all, he's really sweet and all but i prefer just to be friends cuz it's better that way. I'm not into relationships now, it makes me tired and cranky. Well you never know, it's prolly just this mood i have now. OH well i just might be going to Shanghai, China. Never been there before, i'm really interested cuz i was just reading about it in the inflight magazine and it was impressing! :D Ahh..i wana go clubn there, hope they have nice buddha bars. Uni is great, i love my schedule cuz it's so empty, i only have four subjects to take this sem. 3 lan subs and one is intro to web technology, it sounds boring but its pretty cool actually, it's more of individual assessments instead of having to choose the leader of the group and divide the grades, it's confusing. You know what i like most these days? I look forward to "yamcha" sessions with my friends cuz it's better and cheaper than shopping. We just laze in a mamak stall and talk and talk and talk and the bill won't pass more than 15 bucks total. Cheap shit. I'm not up for shopn at all now, im too lazy to get new tops, new pants, new shit, yeah yeah...i need that mood to come. Hopefully it comes tomoro cuz im in my hometown now, jb, and tomoro my uncle ed and my mum have already planned in advance to go on a shopn spree, so i shall have to participate in that spree instead of couch potatoeing in the luxurious cafes. I ate the yummiest food ever! Ikan pari-pari or however you may call it, it's sting ray if im not mistaken and it taste like seafood heaven mon. Then i had this dessert called "cheng teng", just that and crushed ice, it makes my tongue go round. It's so delicious, it makes me happy. I'm serious! I'm a food lover, not a hater. Hmm...i'll be visiting the singaporean army dude this saturday, haha fuck you jase, you owe me big time, the only reason why i'm visiting this dude here is that one day he called me and sounded really pathetic and depressed over the phone, so i figured..oh to hell with this, just pay that poor pup a visit. Oh god manhunt suckd ass yesterday, my favorite contestant Maurice was eliminated only cuz he always poses the same facial expressions. Cmon he was the ultimate guy mon?! Well i still think he's fuckin hot and i like him better than john johnson by a slight bit.
Okay well i have to go now, my cousins trying to get some sleep but this laptop is annoying.
au revoir

lovies..

Dear blog,

Uggh..i feel so dirty again even after taking a nice cold shower. You just sweat after you shower I guess. Ihhh..the humid feeling. Feels awful really. Yay..tonight I will be getting heavily tipsy with donna, I made a pack to myself never to get wasted drunk cuz that’s just not worth the drinks you’ve spent for, you end up having a bad trip and bad effect in the end, but well you lose weight after barfing, so that’s just one positive thing about it. But besides that, getting tipsy is way better, you just get more flirty and have fun and the good thing is that you’re still a little sober and can still recall what happened. Oh god my mum and her endless case of “food poisoning”, she always has to be rushed to the hospital to get a check on her stomach. Sooner or later if she carries on drinking stout and eating sambal, she is bound to have appendicitis! I mean it totally burns the stomach walls, guiness+sambal totally burns, it’s just too acidic for her. Sometimes I worry about me mum, like I’m scared that one day when her resistance is low, she’ll suffer from some fatal illness. Well let’s not pray for that shall we. Actually to think of it, I have been quite rajin these days with you blog, I seem to write in you nearly everyday, or if not just a skip of 2-3 days or so. But at least I haven’t isolated you for a whole week recently. I guess you can say that I have been bored and being bored makes you pour out more things bcuz you have nothing else to do. Sometimes it’s hard to enjoy the afternoon sun, don’t you think? Cuz it’s just too hot at times and it hurts ur eyes and of course makes you sweat like a pig. But there are days when you just open up to everything, even the hot baking sun, you love the feeling of your skin getting burnt and you look around and everyone just seems so clear and so occupied with their lives. I have no idea what I’m talking about. But that happens to me, I normally go out at night time only and people walking pass by my house at night don’t look friendly, they’re monotonous. But when you see people under the bright sun, you see color and more character, know what I mean? I’m sure all of you reading this don’t comprehend my meaning. Sometimes I don’t even understand what I write or have written. Last night the remaining rumput was cool, we smoked up beside Chris’ apartment swimming pool, it was nice. Plus I had a few glasses of white wine with sasa and a can of beer, so I was sort of high, the type of high you get from eating sweet little things like chocolate n candies, yeah I call it the sugar rush. :D I’ll be leaving for sure tomorrow, which is a Tuesday. Thank god my plane flies at night, I hate having to go through the piercing sun, especially in the airport for instance. Uggh. Haha Damien is now in Sydney checking out the hot chicks and he sed cuz of that he’s as happy as a beaver. But seriously dude, are beavers really happy animals? According to my knowledge, they look terribly pathetic and look like they have nothing to do (but they are cute and confused animals) Like Gulfur from Winnie the pooh, he’s a beaver isn’t he? He ain’t happy. Anyways Crowley If you do come across this entry, please do shoot me back, I’ll be waiting for it. :D I feel like such a talkative bitch now, haha, but I am a stupid one. Yknow somehow I have a feeling that my previous basset-hound which I named Sushi is still alive, maybe it’s just a hunch, but seriously someday i’ll find her for Klaudia, she loved that dog just as much as she loved me. Hmm..that dog was a bitch, only polite to Klaudia and guys but she would just ignore me and attack klarissa. Haha it’s so funny how all our dogs seem to hold this grudge for sasa, I guess she deserves it, she’s a lil bitch herself. I know this entry doesn’t seem to make sense, I don’t really serve any point writing today but on behalf of murti I’d like to quote her famous “Boredom took the best of me” phrase. (An applause perhaps?) :P
Okay well I’m in a rush, off to buy dvds and send someone a valentines day gift, valentines day? Haha…it’s pathetic sometimes don’t you think. I’m disappointed cuz I don’t get to spend it with who I want to spend it with cuz I’m still stuck here in jkt.
Hmm…

Lovies, cheppi

you blogg you..

Dear blog,

Wow it feels like i haven't written in here for over a month mon. hmm..anyways i miss jase, he called me today and sounded really sad and pathetic, i have to visit that ass man. Kasian banget. I did quite a lot recently, well i've been playing pool and my bitchy sister actually told me i was improving after not playing for quite a long time. I just really suck at placing (i know2x) I just got back from starbux (da 24 hour one), we were crapping about all these political jokes and someone's shiny hair. hehe..i'm not gonna say who. Well i went to this boring ass chinese resto called Dragon City, somewhere around sudirman, trus adjourned to lil baghdad to schmoke some shisha. I haven't smoked up yet, hehe..the lastime i did was on wed, i got a free joint from yadi. haha it was nice, that roll, but i havent finished it yet.
In a way my life is slowly improving. I duno how to explain it. I went to bandung a few days ago and it was funny, but we spent most of the road trip in the car due to the horrific jam going about cuz its imlek, ahhh...how annoying man. wHY do people make such a big deal about chinese new year, its boring and all their houses are all colored red and decorated. I'm not saying its not nice, im just saying its sort of an exaggeration. I'm leaving jakarta this sunday, in a way i can't wait and can wait. I'm gonna miss my sisters and my mum of course. And im gonna miss clubbing with don and smokin rumput with her. This whole trip we've been tryin to go to stadium to pop, but every single time we make it there, something always goes wrong and we end up not going there. uggh..its really frustrating.
I hope uni doesn't start next week cuz i really wanna visit jase, that kid needs some motivation and some loving, so i'll just hang with him in s'pore.
What's with the whole valentines day special thangs..its gettn annoying, everywhere i go i see hearts around, i mean like all those heart shaped wind chimes around the entrances of restos...its so i duno. Vals day isn't that important to me, if i get a gift, i'd be thankful but no further than that. It's not like an official celebration or anything. i guess it just makes people feel more special about themselves ay...:I
Yay i didn't go clubbing today, was too tired, too restless. I dont' think i'll be doing alot of clubn in malaysia for quite a bit cuz i'm tired of it, yes it took me all this while to realize how it's just the same old thang ur up for everytime you hit the clubs. But it would be so fun to get drunk with ur close friends, just laugh and reminisce about everything retarded that happened in the past or will happen in the present.
well i must leave you for lalaland....
-temporary snooze-