Monday, May 28, 2007

the beach. thats where my mind is.

Right now, i'm seated looking at you in a cubicle. I'm thinking about bali, the breeze and the jimbaran seafood. I'm thinking of eating again. I'm just thinking about dipping myself into the water while the hot sun sets down to bake my skin. I just like to imagine things that put me at ease. Recently, i've been so stressed out, i dont know how it feels, but John tends to stress me out at times. Not just him, it's just everyone, how i'm pressured from one whole day of stress and i come home to even more stress when really i wanna go home to a splash of wild kisses and teddy bear hugs. He gets pissed at me when i get pissed at him, then in the end we both end up pissed. I can see at this point of the relationship, we've both grown because believe me it was a lot more dramatic with the constant arguments and fights in the beginning. I dont know if i'll be able to grow up ever, but i find myself a more understanding person. Usually, when i've gone through alot of stress and pressure and whoever just keeps adding the weight on me, i'd just breakdown and explode. I tend to blurt out things i dont mean, in result i regret saying the things i never meant to say. I really do respect people that can tolerate people who get on their nerves, i mean how the fuck do they do that? It's like you have your own stress to handle and solve, but imagine other people adding their stress on you, i mean how does it feel, it actually gives me a backache. I swear,stress really does affect you physically. It makes you sick of everyone, disgusted, then you wake up the next morning not feeling well and all nauseous and shit. That's what happens to me, stress leads to so many things, it leads to forgetting your meals, it leads to not being able to sleep, it leads to bad moods and break ups and everything just turns to sour cream. Not that i broke up with him, i realized that breaking up with him over one bloody BIGFAT fight was actually childish and wrong. I guess we just dont understand each other, so i wanna understand him more. In a way i'm trying to get serious with him, sooner or later it might happen. I know i haven't known him for long, but the experience and memories shared were meaningful and well lets just say that one week with him really makes a difference in my life. It changes my perception of things. It's pretty amazing...but oh well he's amazing and the most important thing is that he gives a shit about me and wouldn't bother me to death. That's all i need from him.
I would kill to laze on the beach and just freakin play with the sand and tan while sipping off a baby coconut. Now that sounds like a nice moment. Cuz the moment i'm having right now? Uhuh..nowhere near happiness.
Damn i want don don and mur muri to come...damn damn i dont know kapan...i gotta get my schedule listed in my thick head.
cu running out.