Sunday, April 12, 2009

the past has drugged my thoughts. I like it though.

Jakarta got me thinking.
This is my home, where everything happened. The city that has inspired me in so many ways. Two days back home served as a reminder for all the corners, roads, malls, cafe's, gardens, and places I've shared awesome times in. Just by sightseeing through your car window, your eyes and thoughts serve as a journal/diary. Page by page.

I viewed the life i once lived and the current one I was in.

And damn....

22 years in the making.
22 years of my life has passed me by from the baby footsteps that have walked the earth up to the sandals and wedges that stride through the halls, malls, cafe's and clubs of today.

Just imagine, all those years of experience coming back to you. Simply priceless.

All those kids going crazy on swings, swinging to fun.
All those memories of naive kisses and sick puppy dovey love.
All those old-school films with intimate scenes you were oblivious to cuz daddy made you go to the study room so he could hog it with mum.
All those balcony climbs and kiddy guerilla tactics.
ALL those dodgeball games and loud cries from the victims
ALL those beautiful trips and smiles from a two buck shop
ALL those zoos and animals you wanted to keep as pets and ma-pa said 'How do we fit it in?'
ALL those trips on rollercoasters and rides
ALL those early morning pancakes mum had time to make
ALL those thoughts of no stress and worries
ALL those cooking n arts n craft clubs u were in to feel like you belonged
ALL those nights when Daddy made you sing a duet with him
ALL those highschool day sleepovers
ALL those highschool day gossips and jokes
ALL those dumb-ass break ups and great company
ALL the memories of nonsense, friendship, innocence, vulnerability, and pure-drug fun. All goes into an everlasting list.

My everlasting list that is.

I miss the past. Whatever happens in the past is good for your future. There is no such thing as whatever happens in the past, remains there. To me it's whatever happens in the past remains a drug in ur present thoughts. No matter how happy, angry, or sad of a pokerface you are, you see who you were and who you wanted to be and compare a similar moment or feel. My trigger of the past? Perfumes. Every perfume I have, I keep the bottles for both looks and memories of the past. For example, my last perfume Eternity by CK. It gives me memories of this one guy. And how charismatic and charming he was to me. Sexy, yet obedient. Escada-Island brings back my college days with friends and our spontaneous trips. Estee Lauder-Pleasures gives me the old-school church days of cathecism classes, summer school, and ice cold cool-aid and roll-ups. This is really making me smile. But no pressure, it remains a non-fiction part of my life that I have moved on from. But hey, I still get my occassional cool-aids and roll ups. And what's great about it is that it still tastes the same. There are some things in life that should not move on, because if they do, they will go bankrupt.

There's so many things stirring me up. Stressing me out. Of course i hate overdosing on stress. So, i'll try to keep things with the flow. I'm the type of person that gets agitated easily and I refuse to let time take its course. I want to kick time in the butt and take situations in my course. I want to control it by my actions and words of pisdom. I am quite the impulsive cookie. Not good. I always feel that time doesnt do things for u and u must beat it by doing what your instincts tell you to do before time decides on ur fate. So far, it's been alright. I will try to keep the cool-aids rolling. It's just so scary how if you turn left here, there are chances you will have a different day than if you had turned right. Or if you pick this cafe or that one? mind bugging ain't it. Sometimes, when i refuse to go here and there, I try to just force myself out of spontaneity, afraid I might miss out on the time of my life. I haven't had one cuz i've had many good times in a row until i'm desperate to find that OOONNNE BIIIIG kick ass time.
Alright, i am starting to be a typing-active brat.
Better stop right about now.