About two days ago, i realized to myself that we all deserve a second chance. Even if we don't deserve it, at least we know what it feels like to give or get a second acceptance after the guilt. For the first time in my life, i let go of him but took him back because when i looked at his face, i knew he needed to be forgiven, like he had nothing else to say. When people are speechless, i believe that that's where the most guilt is. I don't want to keep reminding myself of what happened, it's the past and i have already forgiven him so there's nothing much i can look forward to except major improvement between us and room for pure understanding and amazing sex. I believe that will be the key to a healthy relationship.
I just realized my type of guy as well. He has to be completely responsible, doesn't laze around in bed too often unless he's really sick once in a while. He has to be more successful than me, he has to be career-driven, ambitious, powerful, a knock out, just great at arguments with me to the extend of me agreeing. He has to understand me yet tell me off in a smooth way so i will fall even more for it instead of blow my buttons. I need him to be creative and cute and smart and he has to be intellectual...a charismatic chap. He has to get along well with my friends, he has to love animals the same way i do, he has to have experiences that will amaze me. He has to play sports with me, he has to play pool with me and beat me. I need someone like this, someone so tough, someone that could turn me on this way. He has to drink tiger beer with me whether he likes it or not, because when i need beer, i need it to chillax..and i want him to do it with me even if he has some sort of diarrhea, or even if he's sick and feels like puking. He has to juggle the time of playing the good and bad boy role. He has to be versatile, flexible to situations, knowing that i'm gonna stir up the fight and verbally abuse him with words. He has to know im mean but love me for the way i am. I know its selfish, but i need that for once..i need that attention...i barely ask for attention, barely ever. I dont think i do. That's waht i realized. But of course i can never get this mad combo all in one bloke. I guess i have to date itsy bitsy parts of it in every guy so i can confirm that in life, no dude...can ever be what i want and i have to live with the sad fuckin fact that i have to adapt to every type of bad quality he has. He has to be a great fucking flirt, he has to have the best jokes, he has to laugh at my jokes for me, he has to make me pancakes for breakfast, he has to cook for me. He has to just love me and love me when i least deserve it, cuzthats when i need it most. He has to love my mother and my mother has to love him back. He has to take care of my sisters, so i wouldn't worry so much. He has to take care of me when i'm a living hell. That's the only way i could love a guy, if he's like this. If there's anyone like this ever..i will fall madly in love with him. But is there anybody like this fantasy? No there isn't. Anyways, i'm attached, why am i wanting all this. Guess it hasn't come out from him yet and i keep waiting for the right time for him to show me all these things without leaving a single clue whatsoever. But so far, i'm glad i met him. Really i am. I just dont know how long this relationship will last, whether it will hit off. It's a pretty serious relationship between us...really. And the question is are both of us willing to move to the next chapter?