At this moment...

At this moment i feel completely lost and empty inside, as well as desperate for someone to care for me. My xbf just called but i rejected the call cuz i duno just not in the mood to talk to him, it's tiring. Why is it that whenever i ned that one person the most, they are always unavailable? And when they are right by my side, that's when i dont' need them and stash em away. I';m so angry at myself, i feel so pathetic, like living in this life is so meaningless for me. I need to get all this shitty load off my shoulders and just feel care free...wipeee! I want to paint my life red, i wanna be a happy and healthy person, i guess i just need some guidance from someone i trust. Damn..mur and abs are in oz, that is so sad. So sad for me to go back to jakarta knowing that my two good friends are gone for good. But they give me the motivation to visit them. So i don't wanna be all sad. hehe. Mur if ur with me, i miss you shit loads, like you have no idea mon...what is bernie without its ernie? :D And ABU, i miss you damn mucho too, u've been such a great ass friend and i appreciate it, i had time torturing you, annoying you cuz that is what cheppi's do best, annoy and tease ppl, make em suffer! Sometimes i seem to give the impression that i lead a normal and happy life, but deep down inside, i'm so tired and rather unstable. I seem to be locked up in a room, just that i need to find the right keys to get me out from this mess. Actually, i don't even know waht's bothering me. It's just a stir of emotions rolling in my head that drives me insane. Yeah well mur, that guy i told you about, he's so annoying, it's like i keep thinking about him, can't help it really. No i don't LOVE him, just plain like. Well anyways, i'm going off, gotta check in!