Monday, December 25, 2006

good mornin

Morning blogger. I guess I've been waking up pretty early these days, hmm...i went to church on Christmas day to pay my respect, and it felt different. It was a different church and since i've never stepped in GOd's house in like 3 years, i guess i had that odd feeling of just invading. But in the end, i got the hang of it. I'm not used to it at all, it reminds me of my childhood days. Me just standing like a dope with my mother. But it was alright, it's not as boring as it was a few years back. My Christmas wasn't a blast, but all my friends were there, we had that casual hang out and started feasting on the turkey and our glasses of wine, it was beautiful, but then i got sick and they went home, so yeah its pretty sad shit. haha. But i dont know, Jakarta can get boring these days, maybe its because we all grew up and we all have our own things to hang on to. I haven't done much since i landed, just been hanging out with my friends which is real good and all but we gotta do more than that. Too bad most of them aren't going to Bali, i better have a great time in bali man or else i'd fucking regret leaving my friends in JKT. But i wish they could join me, it'll be wicked! Clubbing here is boring, i swear, i dont know, the crowds just getting worst. It's annoying. My friends and i dont even know what to do, i mean we dont feel like dancing or drinking that much, i guess we prefer to smoke up and laugh at each other. haha. It was funny when i was smoking up with deyta, she was asking me why the trees were so short and why the road was so small. Haha...funny shit. Bali has changed too actually, clubbin there is no longer relaxing, it's like you can never just sit around n have a beer. All the sleazy people are there to disturb. They disturb anybody and all they do is just get drunk every fuckin soon as they wake up. I dont think they even sleep in their hotel, i think they just get wasted and hang around in the clubs, pubs, restos. It's a very tiring thing to do. I know i'd never be stupid enough to stay awake for like 3 straight days drinking alcohol. SO dumb. These days i don't wanna drink so much, i can see how it ruins me. I dont want to get drunk, cuz i can see how it makes me so different and slutty and all that shit.The usual, alcohol does shit to you when you have just a little bit too much. Like i can't stand tequilla shots anymore, it gets me sick instantly. It's gross. I just wanna have a beer. haha i'll never leave beer. Anyways time to move on with today's activity. SHOPPING. yeh i needa shop, i've been so damn lazy to walk around and shit, now i'm going for my own stuff, hehe.....anyways ciao.
CU nanti.

Tuesday, December 19, 2006

safe zone is it?

I am absolutely frustrated and agitated right now. Confused about my life, like where the fucks it going and where the fuck is the effort and sweat running? Is it running away from me, do i deserve some goody treats? Do i deserve anything at all? Or do i deserve shit. You see i hate this time of my life because i wanna be happy when christmas hits and this is the month of december but i dont see myself in the spirit of christmas, i dont see myself being santa. I dont see myself anywhere in particular. I just realized that all i do is help other people,i never stop to care about myself and my needs. The thing is im not used to it i can't. I hate it when people dont appreciate things, i hate it when people want to just make enemies with you. Whats the fuckn point in the end? I just hate people. I hate myself for now. I really do. Right now i feel like crap, i just go online and everyones just shooting me with comments and the need for advices of which i give and they dont use. I guess all my help was not a thought that counted to them. Im just in the mood to bitch around so please let me and get it that im not always like this. I just hate the fact that im so selfish at times and i can't let go of my pride, i hate pride in others as well, how they can just ignore you like that even when you're friends? I hate the fact that certain people care about who says hi to them online first, its so fuckin dumb. I hate how people can't let go, i just dont like the way it is, people keep twisting and turning. It prolongs it and it becomes like an endless waste of time. It's a waste of time. I can't keep caring for people that are so selfish with themselves, becuz all they care about is themselves. They are self-centered pieces of shit, they have too much pride and it makes me sick. Oh and one thing i hate, i hate it when people are worried about what others might judge them to be. I mean what the fuck, you are you, so be you, what else or who else can you be. I dont care if you're ugly or dumb, act it, dont act like ur smart when ur dumb becuz that will make you look dumber. I mean whatever you are, you know it best, so just be it becuz you are it. Ok whatever.
And to all the bloody bitches out there that think they're so hot and popular or whatever shit, fuck you guys man! I mean what the fuck, dont go around wiggling your funny looking thick powdered faces like ur some kind of heroine. You're not, you're an idiot becuz you just want to be hot and pretty and thats about it really? Why can't you have more substance like wanting to be smart for instance? Ain't that betteR? THe thing is girls these days misunderstand the word respect, they think respect comes from popularity and looks, when really respect comes from your good deeds and title in life. What you have done for others, what you have accomplished besides being Ms. whatever. I just hate these pretty girls that are pretty and are actually smart but just dumb when it comes to the social world. They wanna be the it item, they wanna be this and that. Uggh they make me feel like puking i swear. Every single thing that happens to them, they have to BBC it to me. Everytime a guy thinks they are hot, they gotta tell me as if it were the most matter of fact issue ever. It's just f-annoying. I can't handle it. It's blowing my nerves to insanity. Its draining my good moods. I get affected by other people, seriously. It adds pressure, it bugs me. Shit my maids awake, that shows im such an early sleeper. Yeah that just really reminds me about my late hours. ahem. i gotta stop.
And you fuckers out there, dont think you can mess with any one of my friends just becuz you're a piece of hot ass. So what if you're nice to look at, you're a pussy deep down and you know that. You're an asshole deep down and you're gonna be losers in the future. I dont care if your rich daddies support you throughout your entire life, that just shows ur bloody useless. Ur not even hooked into studying, what will you be hooked up with in the future? Uselessness? Yeah..thought so. So dont go around shoving ur money infront of our faces, cuz we dont care...its just money that does not belong to you anyway. So what if you break up with the girls first, it doesnt make you cooler. I just hate fools these days, they're so dumb, they are disrespectful, they think they can get girls with money (their parents' money cmon), they think so highly of themselves, i just wanna tell em to fck off. My friends have been hurt and i've seen it, those bloody idiots are not men, they are rodents. They are filthy pieces of shits..and yknow what in this world there are no proper guys, its just full of bullshit. Relationships were born to end, either way it will end. I can't stand all the girls that wanna slit their wrists and die just bcuz their lovers left them, so what, they just left. They should be thankful they're alive, instead they pull the trigger, slice themselves up, or just jump down the building. I can't believe it. Life is way too short already, why make it shorter? I hate this. More and more people are into this kind of suicide ritual, its like the fastest way to overcome ur problems is to DIE. Bloody shit heads. Ihhh i dont know why im so carried away with this entry. I guess im just in the mood to blabber out bits and bits after getting annoyed at myself and other people that were chatting with me.
oh damn there's just so many types of people out there that were meant to annoy you, meant to get on your nerves and tickle it excessively. Meant to drive you crazy enough to make crazy comments and complaints of how idiotic they are. Its so dumb.
i wanna leave. gnite. I want a good sleep. byye

Saturday, December 16, 2006

hearty melt

Im back, im back. For some reason, it still feels like im in kl. But i guess i'm just settling down here, i miss jakarta loads, even now i do. It feels so i duno odd. My friends are scattered around, i dont know who to call and how to. I just know that Donnas always around so thats who i hang around with mosta the time. Just came back from La Forca, pretty nice place, the pool tables aren't that smooth but it's better than lazing around at home or chillin in some cafe. I get to see Don work her public relations. haha...but its a cool place. Shit its nearly christmas, it'll be coming so soon i wont get to complete all my christmas letters to the people i cherish oh so most!
hehe. I haven't eaten nasi padang yet, imagine. I'm thinking about work, whether i'll isolate it for my friends or the other way round or time manage my time to make time more time worthy. Yesh..can i do that? I hope so. Just lessen down on clubbin. I dont know why, but i dont like embassy, i hate dugeming there, there's some still air in that place, it makes me feel sick and stuffy inside and i just dont enjoy the sight of everyone there, i dont enjoy it at all. I'd rather go to vertigo, its much better for me. Man people are getting so weird these days, they do stupid things, they act stupid, they play stupid, they talk stupid, they eat stupid, they drink stupid, i dont knwo i think the whole worlds slowly becoming dumb. Its scaring the life out of me. I've been meeting people that have lost track and that have gone whack, my criticisms may seem extreme, but i might be a loser one day. Even if losers disgust me, i can imagine myself in the same boat. Sickening but this world is unpredictable, sometimes its better to be a loser than a winner with all the pressure. But seriously, please lord, i dont want to be a loser. I seriously dont wanna be at all! :(
Blogger pal, i dont want to get drunk at all, not even on new years eve. I just dont know what i do when i'm intoxicated yknow, i guess my mind and thoughts get poisoned too and then i start acting like someones fool. I start acting like the cheapest piece of shit ever. I hate that, i wouldnt want my mother to see me like that. The lastime i got drunk was the last trip here, i've made it four months clear of not getting drunk. I just dont wanna be not myself and jump into some sorta psycho. Because i'm happy being me. :D I'm happy with the failures and mistakes i've made and through alcohol it does lessen the burden for me, but not when i drink heavily, it makes me a burden to others. I should be considerate and stop being selfish with others. I should just enjoy my baileys irish cream while i go have a nice swim. i want to go to the book store and be able to stay there for hours without getting distracted by going somewhere else. I wanna be with my hot chocolate and friends and i wanna talk about others in a good way and talk about others in the bad. i wanna spend my day wisely. I hope i will. I wanna just have a real chilled out day. I've never really had that type of memory. It's just for an hour or so, never the whole day from morning till night. never ever. I appreciate everything now, i love the situation im in now, it keeps me alive, keeps me awake and sane. When lifes too perfect, its not the perfect life, its the most imperfect of all the type of lives. I want the life that has problems to deal with, it just reminds me that there's things to take care of and responsibilities and people to love. I just have to annoy you about my perspective, might seem rather odd but i'm odd and so are you.
Tomorrows a good day. I can smell some good ass breakfast in plaza indo and some good lunch with great friends and great dinner either at home or around kemang. Or perhaps we'll watch a movie and bum around citos. Now thats the j-town life, wonderful huh. Relaxing, but yeah its too good to be true at times. Oh fuck i needa make cards. Arts, help me craft good cards for i am one horrible being, i can't make shit that involves creativity and color coordination. I suck so bad in being artistic.

Good night and the sweetest dreams?

Love all you people that give me the warmest cuddles ever, it makes my heart melt. I swear, it does.

Tuesday, December 12, 2006

I'll be leaving KL on friday. Sad isn't it? Suppose to leave this sat but due to sisters visa, i guess we're down to friday. It's so sad how the indo jilbab bitch was bitchin all the way, i couldn't stand it. People were stinking, bitchin, and i was just sitting down like a dumb dumb playing the "forgotten warrior". How gay huh? It's hard to bcuz my fingers are too big for my samsung keypads. haha...seriously. Anyways i ate like someones bitch in penang, just kept on going and going like i had the biggest tummy in the world. There was nothing to do except eat, so thats all i did. I haven't eaten so much in ages, there was all this awesome chinese food, it was greasy and oily but hey thats the fun in food, the oiler it is the better. Trust me, it was the bomb! I just completed kristine and murtis xmas gifts. I hope they like it, they've both changed their sense of style, so i guess i have to be updated with their needs. Kristines now a beach bum and murti now loves nicole richie. haha. but it doesn't matter, to them i guess my thoughts of getting em gifts count. Now i have to wrap the gifts, the part where i suck badly in. I haven't been doing much really, just been idling around the streets of KL, thinking of what to do and where to go to find some funny entertainment. Friends are all occupied with their girlfriends or boyfriends, so i dont wanna be a major interruption and be blamed for it indirectly. So i'll have the own fun i have with my sister. I dont know what to get KLAR? Maybe i'll get her those emo shirts or tankinis. GOd, i miss nasi padang so much! I'm dying for the indo taste, dying for the indo life i left behind. I haven't been home for a few months, feels like a wire is unplugged in my personal life. Yeah KL's been so boring, i feel like i'm slowly deteriorating with the constant daily boredom. Clubbings no fun either, i get invited to places but it truly sux..its like i'm just not up for the crowd and blend of people, im not up for it, they're no good, they're not old friends, they're no my sister got stepped on by some little wanker on her big toe nail and now there's like a humongous purple blood clot and it looks hideous. And me? i can't drink for shit, i get so weak then even 3 bottles of heineken can fill my mind heavy. It's terrible. I guess i didn't go with the proper crowd of people, i mean yes my friends can be wacko fun but at need the old buddies to support the fun throughout the night. That's what people can't do here, there's always someone behind the bars of coldness and there's always someone with stabbing thoughts of you, looking at you like a cold psycho bitch. Girls all get that...we tend to misjudge but hey, it could be true. In the end we tell each other "yknow i used to think you were a bitch, when really i found out you were nice, that made me feel bad" That's my number one line to people i misjudge and bitch about but in the end discover they are the most beautiful souls around this bloody earth. Yeah jakarta has a different light to it, you go home and ur familiar with the roads and the people you wanna call out for a drink are already set in your mind and in ur phonebook. Like i love calling out DONO CASINO for hang outs. haha...she's normally the first person i call. We plan the shit togetha. i miss that biatch man. You know im getting so sick of the fact that you need money for everything. Like i forgot to cash out some cash from the ATM and that just made me realize that you fuckin need the cash or else you can't survive the day. You can't buy your friends cool gifts, you can't meet your friends without money. It's so fuckin sick i swear, i hate money, i hate it so much. Everyones getting so greedy these days, they just want money out of you, its like nothing else matters, just the dough. Fuck em! Ahh gitu la...lifes so sad for me and others these days. I hate the way the world thinks, the way people in general think, its like they're never wrong knowing that they are fuckin wrong. I can't stand people like that. It just pisses the shiiizz out of me mon.
Anyways, enough about bitching about bitchy people.
Damn i gotta get working when i'm back in j-town. Im so weak when it comes to invites, fuckin weak, i can't nolak my friends, i can't! It's hard...i hate to see the disappointment in their eyes..haha ciehh...i just hate the bugging about not being able to make it and the dumb ass excuses of work. It's like i'm trying to be sok pro...but i'm really not, i wish we had more time in a day. I wish we could hang out the entire day and do some funny things or laugh at funny things. I hope this christmas will blast my mind, cuz it hasn't for the last couple of years. I thought christmas would help overcome boredom, but at times its so awkward spending it with friends and distant friends. It feels aneh.
Cheers to my prediction of christmas. mwah.
friends and fam, excellence! (quote JASON OSMOND LIEM) haha my kampungan bastard. Jase i exposed osmond! aha osmond, haha sounds like a long furry animal. ew. haha love you bang jjjjjj!

Saturday, December 09, 2006

happy happy joy joy

Damn, the year 2006 is ending so soon. I was just writing all my new year resolutions and bam...the years over and i have to write what i want to achieve next year. SHIT. haha you know i was just wondering why someone gave us life and what is the whole point of life. Like when ants i kill die, where do they go? When people die, where do they go? Do they just rot not knowing that they've left their loved ones? Or maybe we're an experiment, but the question is, who's experimenting with us? And who is experimenting the people that are experimenting with us? If there was a creator of life, who is it and who created him? Things happen for a reason, so if there really was a GOD, he should show himself right now, he should just pop up and prove to us. I dont know man i was on the way home today and i was passing this highway and the scene was deadly man. There was this body on the road covered by a black plastic bag and shit...blood was draining out to the road like tree roots spreading out the ground. My tyres rolled over the blood, imagine that, it's gross but i felt so god damn sorry. Then got me thinking about GOD. Like whats he like? is he cruel or is he kind? Is he irresponsible or is he just leaving us in the dark? Is he crazy or is he rational? I dont know him at all. But why are so many people praying to him for help? I mean does he really help. Sometimes i think he really helps, but maybe the help just dropped by like that due to right timing, it could be psychological of me to think he helped. Ah okay whatever...anyways i'm happy, i'm glad and sooner or later i'll be back in jtown! :D

Friday, December 01, 2006

psycho bitch

Light....i'm starting to enjoy the sight of it these days. Makes me feel so fresh...yknow that feeling. I had a scary dream lastnight, i was dreaming about this psycho lesbi around her 30's and she tried to kill my friends and we were in this creepy worn down classroom. I was so freaked out because she came up to me in my dream and asked me to kill my friends because she threatened to kill me. So she gave me this huge ass butcher knife and asked me to chop my friends up to pieces. She was sick. The weird thing was that there were 30 people being kidnapped by her, a few guys and a buncha girls but none of us took enough guts to put her down or kill her. In the end, she leads us to this garden where two of my friends were buried and told us to kill ourselves or else she'd razor us to bits. In the end, i woke up and had a horrible headache. Up till now, i have a feeling that she still exists. I dont know whether i'll experience that type of thing one day, but its freaking the shit out of me. She's so sick i feel like killing her already. But where is she? I recognize her face still. One day when i meet her, i'ma call the cops. ah. Scary shit really.
Aw shit..gotta go christmas shopping, buy my besties stuff that they want. That's hard..i dont know what they like! I dont want to buy them something they wont use, i wanna buy them some thing they WILL use. Im not really that good with gifts, i just get the standard presents. I dont waste too much effort becuz i dont know how to concentrate on good gift wrapping and good choices of gifts. i'm real bad at it. But whatever, its the thought that counts right? Well i know people say that alot but sometimes gifts do matter and to them thoughts don't count.
i feel like shit now, a combo of flu, a sore throat, and a slight cough. Shit i took two panadols and it wiped the shit outta me, now i'm so fuckin blur, i can't even talk properly or do things right.
GOtta GO.

Wednesday, November 29, 2006

personal frustration

So what is up with this personal shit? What is up with the daily boredom and whining? Whats up with the personal shit most of all? I seriously dont know. I've been thinking so much these days, thinking about my past, thinking about how im gonna be in the future, thinking about the life of others and the life of the ones i love truly. I love so many people, i just found that out, besides my family, all my friends that make me laugh and cheer me up, i love them. The thing is i dont care about anything else but my friends and family. I just want to do what i have to do, so i can make it up to everyone. I dont know what i'm really talking about here but i really gotta change my attitude. I have's my mindset, why is it so stubborn. Why am i so stubborn? Shit. Seriously. Yeah well when i go back to Jakarta, i'm gonna miss it even more, knowing that i'll be in the office almost almost almost every single fuckin day. I dont have all the time to chill out in every corner of the city, i'll be situated in one plc.
Christmas is just around the corner, shit...i dont want another christmas to go to waste...i didn't quite spend christmas seriously last year, i didn't have that joyful spirit. But this year, i wanna be different, i wanna drain myself in the christmas spirit, i dont mind dressing up as santa with his orang buah. haha..fuck. I dont mind all that, i just want to feel christmas just like it was back then in hte 90's. Lets all celebrate it like kids! Blah blah blah. I dont know whether i'm the type of person that gets easily frustrated at someone, but i guess i do. There's a buncha girls all dressed up and gossipping about how paris and nicoles so hot to em and who the fuck looks like paris? Shit dude...they worship paris, its so dumb. Now they're talking about guys and who's cute, fuck fuck fark...they're wearing head bands with polkadots, weird ass tights, with their out of style tops and it really makes them look like teenagers trying to grow up too fast. Not saying htat they can't club or anything, i mean they are so fuckin annoying, their fuckin attitudes and their hair and their painted faces. It's just all too much, and this is freakin starbux man..why do you wanna dress up in heels and weird ass clothing? Fuck man, why dont they just go casual, doesn't that make them look better and by fact, HOTTER?! It's not like i ahve a big problem, but they're everywhere! Here and there, saying like the exact same things, mumbling about the bitchin they gave their boys, mumbling about the boys that adore them and think they're hot. Well yknow what....they should keep it in. I wouldn't tell anyone who thinks of me as this or that...cuz in the first place..i personally dont give a shit about how i look. I mean yes i give a shit, but not as bad as they do..i dont care whether i'm ugly or unfortunate looking, so what....i'm still capable of enjoying life. I'm still enjoying life! I am enjoying life! All these little frustrations and thoughts, just make me feel so lucky to have the friends i have back in J_TOWN. Thank god i have them, thank god thank god! I love them so much. They keep me in place man.
Love all the lovers in the world. MWAH. Cu

Monday, November 20, 2006

recovery recovery recovery...

My days have fully recovered. We have reached the end of sem, it's over. All the hard work and assignments and exams and stupid quizzes, its all over, for now. I have one more sem to go along with an internship. This sounds scary, i'm near to the edge of reality. So freakin scary. I hope i will make it, i hope that when i'm working, i'll work hard and not just work for money. I hope i'll get a promotion, i hope i'll keep getting promoted. I hope that i'll earn good money and keep earning better. I hope i can open up whatever it is i want to open up. Most of all, i want to do this for my family. So i can buy my mother her beautiful house and my father his beautiful house. haha. I just want to prove to them that i can do this for them and to show my love and appreciation over the 19 years of their hard work and stress. All cuz of me and my sisters, this is what they have gone through and i dont mind going through the same or even worst just to get them what they want. I may sound emo but this is life, we have emotions and we do get emotional. I feel like going somewhere relaxing, now that i can finally relax without exams or assignments at the back of my mind. Its all erased, my minds empty, i dont know what to do, someones gonna tell me what to do, so i'll have something to do. Imagine if i felt like enjoying during the exam week, i'd be fucked. Now the feeling i have, it feels so much better than the last sems, it feels like i'm halfway to complete. Bloggg...i have a crush on someone. i feel that its a stupid crush, but i can't get over the fact that its a fact yknow. Someone i've never met, but he makes me feel like i'm in place, he relaxes my mind, he helps me out with my problems, he just makes me feel like stress is temporary. Ah..ya i need that, it feels like buddha is getting to me. That kind of spiritual healing. I dont know why but its a slight crush, i'll get over it, i always do, well at least most of the time. Anyways i feel so free now, i have nothing to do, i just went shopping, wow the first time in like 4 months, has been a long time. Shit..then i went and it was cool..felt weird to shop yknow cuz i haven't done that shit in a long time....i wanna go to phuket, might with chuppy, hope i have fun there if i do land there...i wanna just chill and be a lazy beach bum. Just carry myself there without the heavy thoughts of my future.
Time for pool. haha yay. I bet i suck, i haven't practiced for shit weeks...i wanna play for fun today and improve in it.
adios for now. its time for pool!

Wednesday, November 15, 2006

My cousins married?

Well i had a decent weekend this week, went for my cousins wedding, it was a major blast for her i know..but not for me. haha. I mean i'm so happy for her, it's just so sad to see her officially taken you get it? But im so god damn happy about that. I've never seen her shake her booty like that mon. Yeah Kristie, congrats to you, i'm such a cool cousin man..i was there...just too bad there was no stripper for the hen's night..tooo badddd.. I guess james has to strip for you now...maybe wear his thongs or some shit. haha. Thats personal. For you both, i won't budge in. haha. Gosh how i miss this cousin, i dont even know what to get her. Her style changes all the time..except after she came back from pattaya. Kristie used to dress like a plain and sophisticated chick, now she's going all out, she brought Pattaya, Thailand back and she's got that boho string fashion sense. From head to toe people, from her freakin head to toe. haha but she looks beautiful, im not sayin anything. It's just that you look good and its a major 360 from what you used to dress in. I guess you've found the life, go ahead and get a house by the beach. It's so you. haha.
My days have been rotten, rotten as fuck. I've passed the major exam for media planning, i never knew it was so tough to plan media. I just i just i's tough. But we're over with this sem, well nearly. I am left with a group presentation and one strategic ad exam. Once thats all done, i'm going to laundry my throat at laundry's. Just have fun with casual drinks and perhaps my royal Sangria. What a babe.haha i dont know why but i remember when jase used to say "Excellence" at the end of every sentence, what a dumbass mofo. I remember paint ball shooting mann..shit that mofo thought cuz he was equipeed with that freakin paintball gear and the unecessary water bottle, he could defeat me. You loser, dont underestimate a djajalie. haha we are all trained to shoot people like you. haha canda deng. What cracked me up was that i was trying to pay attention, but bang jj..he kept doing all these fancy turns and jumps, he was practically rolling all over the place. Then i shot his fat ass. oh yeah i shot ur fat ass alright. Too bad i didn't shoot more of it. Or else you'd be dead now you ho. haha. Jase..i love you no matter how gay you are and even if ur in the army now and ur gay, i'd love you no matter what. Ur my true mofo. My true (sigh)..fwen.
Dude my sisters pic with ronald mcdonalds fuckin helped me work out my tummy due to the extreme laughter, it just looks perfectly gay. It's just so funnay!!!!
ahh yawes deh...malesh to go on..cuz its kinda hard to write things on when nothing much happend. Its like i have to extend or stress on what already happend? haha.. you people that i've always loved and will love. Too all the abangs and premans out there, you know ur sexy.
lover is poofing off to her own wonderland. Bye shit heads.

Friday, November 03, 2006

assignments you asshole!

Hey baby im doing my research again. The usual.
Man...i'm done around the 17th..why oh why? issh..i've been writing in this blog nearly every single day and my oh my..i'm so rajin.
Man i'm so afraid to step into the advertising world and do the accounts side. Like how the fuck do i handle such stuff? I'm already having trouble with my assignments and all, how do i absorb all that in the working world. I can't afford to fuck up in reality but in school, i have another chance. If i do fuck the job up, i get fired. It sux really. I just cut my hair and i look like a freakin idiot..i look like realy dumb man. Like shit!
Man i have no time to blog right now..gotta get some work done. ahh work. I wish i was in bali now or any beach nearby, so i can just stuff my toes into the sand, make a retarded sand castle and lie down like a freakin bum and not give a shit about studies and life. Just for a few hours or so i wanna be able to relax not stress out.

Monday, October 30, 2006

cheppi cheppi

Hey blog, nearly done with my finals. Getin close getin close. But the thing is i have my cousins wedding to go to and thank god there's no exam on that day, but there are exams after that. The 11th of novembers like squashed in between my busy schedule...but since kristies getn MARRIED...shit its big..i gotta go check it out.
I've lost the taste of is everywhere actually, you can have fun anytime, but it won't be original and unplanned. When its planned..everything is easy to predict. I won't say i have fun all the time, people seem to think im the type of person that always has the fun and makes it fun. Im really not that type of person. I can be so negative towards having fun, i can ruin a night just by forcing my friend to go home. I could do that..but im way too considerate to turn off the engines of the night. haha. In this life, i feel like my job is to help people that complain and whine about their own personal problems all night long. That's my job, my life. That's what i've been doing all the time that i forget what the fuck to do for myself. I forget everything and i start all over.
I praise the days when i could just laze around like a bitch without probs...those days were cool but today, i can' matter how hard i try to relax..i stress myself out and i stress other people out. That part of me is rather inconsiderate. I'm very inconsiderate at times...i blame selfish has affected quite a number of people close to me. Although they think i dont give a day i hope they'll understand that this is me..and i hope to change but its a tough process. I want to just sit around and be a bum like the others..and i want to cure this stubbornness of mine. I'm so freakin stubborn. I really am. But not as stubborn as my sister. I miss playing big2 with them....i miss poolin with em too. I realized i got so shitty when i played this dj in faaarrrk he's one hero in pool man...he can spin a ball, like seriously, he can spin a ball and his accuracy is fuckin superb! I admire him..really do. One day i'll train to be just like him...if i'm given the time to train. haha.
Oh gosh christmas is coming, time for me to make some cards and buy some gifts...i dont feel like goin back to jakarta..but christmas has gotta be with the family, what is the meaning if its not wtih the family? I wanna go to maldives this dec friends getting married, i'm so happy for her...i really wanna go and see her beautiful wedding..ahh what a floaty dream to think of. It's just nice to be in a get to see everything ahead of you. But i dont know if it'll happen to me..a friend of mine told me that guys would be too scared to propose to me. Shit man...makes me feel like some sad monster or sumin. But when i come to think of it..hell yeah its kinda true...i make the bitchy wife.
haha...whoever wants to marry me..i'll feel sorry for him. He's gonna have a rough time.
haha...the djajalie's...i guess we're all brought up this way...
anyways blog...i'm tied up..can't be all caught up here..gotta focus focus focus on my consumer behavior project...what a little mofo really...and some other projects of which i truly feel like throwing away.
bello bello

Thursday, October 26, 2006

collecting seashells by the sea

Hey wat up
i had a fresh break....i went to penang trus ke langkawi...have to stay within Malaysia or else i'll definitely fail my semester. This time i'm goin back to kl and i'm gonna have to study and do all my assignments at one go. Since i took up four days already, i can't afford to waste another day of having some fun. Langkawi was not what i expected...when you arrive the feel as if it still looks like where you were running away from..the city. It looks like a city..but as you drive deeper into the'll see a real a forest without lights, without life. Then you past your forest and reach a stretch of pubs and such..of which looks like's beautiful...its a good break for me but even though i didn't enjoy it..anything with a beach will make me happy. I'll smile for sure. And i did manage to get a lil tan but it was aite..the whole time i was at the beach, i was collecting sea shells and playing with them little hermit crabs. so cute....i was trying to catch a baby crab but it was too fast for me...i realized then that my stamina was running low. haha it is man. I didn't really go shopping....i just went cruisin around, island hopping more like it. It was cool to get was cool to find my way back. All in all, it's cool to do such things. It's cool to be adventurous with people that are adventurous and don't mind staying in the cheap wooden pondoks and such. That's pure fun.
Days like this, we all should cherish. Because sooner or later, i'll be back in class doin the old boring stuff...learning stuff that are unecessary but trying to ace it. That's just stupid of me..but what can i do..its just one more sem and i'm good to more sem thank god!
i'm so so sick of the life in uni..but once work starts..i'll beg to run back and study in uni.
haha..its just like that.
I used to think that it was easy to make money, well it's not. It's not easy! Some people don't have to be educated but they can make it and the educated ones are far too educated to lose their face and in the end....they end up failures. I hope that life will turn out good for me..i hope i will grow up to be a responsible person. I hope i'll grow up for the most part.
Anyways my times up.
i gotta ciao now.

Tuesday, October 17, 2006

get'n out

I'm in genting highlands, just went to the ride of terror..haha terror my ass. Spent 20 sumin bux on something that doesn't even have a pontianak or a ghost in it. I mean it looked scary at first...but as you walk through the jungle of ghosts and fucked up statues with their fuckd up faces, you feel that the 20 bux shouldve been spent on something else like dufan. Even that dufan cartoon freaks me out more than this stupid ass ride. fuck this shit man.
ok back to the part about why im here? I'm here bcuz i wannabe, im here bcuz the city's so boring and the haze is really affecting my lungs. Im here because i want fresh air and fresh space and fresh mushroom dishes. I'm here because it clears my lungs and my head and everything thats bothering me. It's just a new dimension to be in. Although this place is scattered with families and their noisy kids, that don't bug me, they're having the exact vacation im having and its bloody fun. What i'm doing? I'm enjoying my cig as it burns down real fast....but its good to smoke here along with the fresh air.....its as if you're smoking nicotine with fresh air. Cool huh...just makes you feel less guilty about smoking becuz u feel refreshed. I'm such a tea drinker, more than i'm a beer pisses my body off...makes me reject the gas...all i can have is 2 bottles or so...but it doesn't bother makes me feel much better. Compared to the old days when i was carrying a beer belly, twas awful. I feel light headed, i feel happy. haha....anyways...i was just talking to a friend about marriage..and shit its scary. One of my friends think i won't get married cuz he said the boys would be too scared to propose to me. That really doesn't answer my scares me. I mean of course i wanna get married, wouldn't it be sad to be unmarriable? To be so unavailable in this already boring world. I mean i want to taste the real life...but now is definitely the wrong time for all that shit. I just dont know what to think about when it comes to such things, it doesn't seem to make sense why things all have to end up this way for people, for families. Why do i have to get married yknow? There's no the end my dad will eventually set me up. One thing i've been doing recently, i've been trying to master people's personalities...trying to listen to their comebacks and such so i'll know them more. Seriously, a comeback is a possible way to tell a persons true color. You just see the color of humor and with that humor you read what reaction they want out of you. I'm sure i'm quite an easy person to read. Just that sometimes when people guess what i'm thinking about right, i get so freaked out...then i change the subject. It's scary to read people's minds becuz when you know everything, you just know everything and it creates conflicts of which leads to losing friends. I don't know how many friends of mine back stab me...but im beginning to understand why they do that becuz i myself tend to talk about some people...friends especially, friends i know so well and just when ive had too much of their medicine, i spread it elsewhere like a freakin plague. Normally due to rage, frustration, and to decrease my stress level. I can't stand it when my friends borrow something from me and then wear it infront of me as if its theirs and they don't talk about returning it...i can't see myself doing that. And please if you borrow money from someone, have the decency to pay them where the hell were you brought up....didn't ur parents teach you to return what's lost and found? or what's borrowed and worn? like fuck man....people have got to learn shit like that. its beginning to make me wanna make a speech on that. I'm stressing out these days because uni is ending so soon and once it ends, it's over...there's no going back, there's no looking back, there's no longer a chance. It's like they teach you how to wear ur own diapers before you take care of other people's. it's freaking me out. That's what you call work, cleaning up shit left behind from people in a higher position. It sux. Today i just saw a huge farm....i realized that it was what i really wanted for my future, yeah i wanna live in a cozy house in the middle of a huge ass farm, waking up to cows and such..isn't that cool? The fresh air...fresh everything.. I want to buy that with my own hard earned money...with the sweat i exerted, my own money. If its not possible, i'll let you guys know after i go to work. If it's not possible, i dont give, i'll get back up. Well, i'll try not to be lazy. I've been so lazy these days, eversince i've rearranged my room..i guess i fucked up on the feng shui bit. I'm quite into feng shui, it's logical and it really does make sense.
Yeah and like i said life's just ok. Ok means there's a bunch of happy and angry moments. its only fair..if it ain't balanced and you see me smiling everyday, i must be fuckd up like someone's bitch man. guys...just no boy friends..yeah there's alotta flirtation goin around..but that's just out of boredom and complete non-interest in them. I swear.
I wanna make a cook out in my'll be so fun...just a small barbecue party with all the retards..isn't that cute? haha..then we can toast to our fine wines by the lake..magnificent.
Yeah well thats something that won't happen...whatever plans i plan turns out a failure..normal la normal. My cousins getting married so soonn...shit man....then i'm gona have to wear a dress and look pretty for her...since she's such a perfectionist. It's gonna be such a sweet wedding.....i'm scared i'll cry for her..i've seen her grow up and she's seen me grow up as well...just that time passes so fast and now she's in her late 20's..thats so weird mon.
Anyways i gotta go now...i'm freezing my ass off bcuz its freezing haha...and what the fuck i'm hungry. I dunt understand, i've been eating so fuckin much and even if my tummy pops out..i still eat like there's no there's gonna be no food tomorrow. WTF...i gotta cut down on my meals. It's really my sleeping hours messin up...and i dont wanna skip no class...faaaaarkkk i got class early tomoro morning. i gotta go dude....assignments have been killing me, stressing me out..making me wanna choke on an olive or something. But i know what i'm gonna do once sem ends...i'm gonna fuckin just sit down like a joker and drink with myjoker all the way to the top.

Wednesday, October 11, 2006

i want to eat some real food.

I feel like blogging
So here i am.

Its so quiet around here, this place, this life, the friends around you, they're so still, colder than an iceberg, they dont heat you up when you need the heat. I need a hug, a really warm hug to decrease the troubles twisting in my head. I need someone to care for me. That's just for now though..the only thing that keeps me moving are my assignments, other than that...i won't move..i'll stay in my nutshell and eat in it. Quite pathetic. Clubbing? It's bulan puasa, all the clubbers are being good this month, but i'm too lazy to go shake that ass and watch others do the same thing and drink the same shit, i'm too lazy...we're going for the exact same thing over and over again. It's getting boring. It really is, but i know i'll end up going just for some solid entertainment. Haha i love watching hte girls dance. They just think they're so fuckin hot when really they're not..if they were at least pretty, i'd give them some credit, but they're fuckin sick and all they do to get attention is flash their g-strings and underwear. God damn...don't you have anything else to show off to the guys. Ya that sickens me. I mite go party this saturday, but partying now is so plain...same shit. I can't believe i didn't notice it. Now when i go to zouk or something, i just stay there for like an hour. its been a while since i've danced with my girlfriends till the end. It's been a realllly loooooooong ass time man. Ah fuck im hungry right now. I'm gonna get myself something from dairy queens. haha fattening, but great.
Before i turn 20, i'm gonna do so many things...i'll prolly celebrate my birthday with my fellow internshippers. haha...i'll prolly just celebrate it alone. haha. Definitely don't want to get drunk and be the laughing stock. I swear..shit can't i get drunk properly. It's awful.
Okay i'ma go and continue my work today....alotta pressure but i'm handlin it quite well. See you when its over..hopefully.

Sunday, October 08, 2006

the sunshine intimidates me--and so i hide.

Hey blogger,

It's a beautiful day huh? I know that no matter how many times i try to convince myself that i'm fully happy, i'll end up feeling like shit, so yeah please understand me. It's a Sunday today, but it feels like a freakin week day, cuz i still have to do some research. I've constantly been working on my laptop, bringing it around, typing around, discussing around, fuck dude, i really hate that life. But my group mates were cool so we got along well. Hate it when they group me up with strangers yknow, but oh well it turned out kewl. Like they were the underdogs of the class or something, all my friends were like "dude you're so not gonna do well" and i was like "yeah, perhaps ur right"..but we worked as a team and proved them wrong. haha. Im happy with the results though, i love our media flow chart, haha it defines professionalism alright. haha. I dont know..but that feeling of working together is so rare, yknow yeah its easy to work together, but its not easy to analyze each other's answers before we all agree to type it down. Haha...anyways i've been watching Russell Peters and Pablo Francisco, fuck i like them both, they're so fuckin funny! A good way for me to waste my time ay. If i had the time, i'd go white water rafting, i never got the chance, i never grabbed it actually, i was always too lazy and even when i felt like goin, no one else felt like it. Those moments when people keep changing their minds just when you change yours. Stupidos! haha...gosh i haven't seen Kristine in ages, yo tita....where you at man! I wonder if you read my blogs, cuz if you do, not bad...u ain't out of track, well its not that detailed. The rest i'll tell you personally oke tito. Ah not sure whether i'll make it this december to jjjj-town...haha cuz ive got this stupid ass internship going on and i guess i have to keep myself all focused, no off day sama sekali. It's a tough world out there, its so ugh unfair. I wanna watch this DUKUN movie man, looks real cool and everytime they say its based on a true story, thats where my interest lies, tapi when i come home from the cinema, i just scare the hell outta myself. Yeah that common fear of looking at the mirror cuz ur afraid there'll be someone uncool behind. hahaa..or when you're sleeping and you wanna close ur eyes, but you just gotta see what the fucks goin on in ur room, so u leave it open and plus you try to find things in the dark that form a figure or some sort of face, then you fuckin scare urself out. Im one of those people. I admit, i'm pussy but not that pussy tho, if you put me in a ghost house, i swear to god i'll still fuckin move. I recently went to a fun fare, it was cool, i lovedthis ride called VORTEX, that was scary shit man, and the rest were pretty cool. Its been a long time since i had that one adrenaline rush, the kinda rush when the wind attacks ur face, feels like some kind of freedom you can never get a hold of. Go on a rollercoaster and wave ur hands around then you'll comprehend my meaning dude. Deepavali's comin soon, its cool man, the flower art they make on the cement with colored sand, so pretty. I won't have the patience to do that. I duno man Hinduism is one interesting religion, its not fanatic or anything, its so peaceful and laid back. I would like to study about it one day. Well i know a little about Buddhism, i've been to more buddhist funerals then christian ones. I've touched the josstick more than i've touched the rosary. Not to say i'm lazy with my religion, its just what i have to do, its an interest i pick up more than my religion. But im still a Catholic though, i haven't been to church for years, but i feel more comfortable visiting a temple for some reason. I went to this big temple in penang, it was so beautiful man, there was a huge ass Buddha and it looks really cool when all the monks were humming and all that, and i kid you not, there was a really cute monk. haha im fuckin serious, he was real cute, yeah but its not gonna happen, i know i know. haha....hey i'm not nasty aite. He was plain cute, thats all. But im glad that he chose this path of life, im proud of him, but imagine if he decided not to be a monk? haha fuck dude...aite aite no more thoughts...i just find weird stuff like this sexy. When somethings wrong, it feels so right. The way people live by the rules, it's just so boring, can't we break it, can't we go beyond the barrier, it would be fun. Im so sick of this life, the boring life. I understand that people go to church cuz they want to go to church, but no matter how many times in a week you go, what's the difference, it doesn't make you true to your religion, it just makes you a fanatic. Im sorry, but i feel that God allows us to pray to him wherever we are and it doesn't have to take place in his house. I mean yeah i know to pay your respects and all, i will do that occassionally when i feel like it, but i won't do i everyday. If you go there everyday it just becomes a normal routine to be seen in church and to prove that ur faithful, but how bout the others out there that are really faithful, but they don't go to church everyday? I got sick of church cuz of all the people there after mass, hate the way all the mothers gather up to gossip about their husbands and kids.
ahh not to say im against that religion, im not at all, just that sometimes when someone gets so fanatic about GOD, it gets people kind of sick of their religion. Yeah religion talk, not to offend the people out there, but it bothers me how people think their religions cooler than others, and how there's only one god in the world when really we dont know. I can't believe we're so confident and sure that we're praying to someone. I mean you haven't even witnessed GOD and you're bragging to the world why he's so great and all? I duno man. We're kind of stupid beings, we just do whatever we're set to do, yeah people tell us to have faith and beliefs, but are those just empty beliefs that we consider or are they real beliefs cuz you've seen GOD and all? Ok cukup cukup. I get carried away sometimes cuz i've been told by several people that i should go to church whether i like it or not, then i just get pissed off, i mean dude...don't push someone to go to church if he/she doesn't want to, they can think for themselves and it doesnt matter what you think about them, whether they are irresponsible or unfaithful to god. ONly God judges people, people can't judge people. Cuz either way, when people judge people, we're always wrong.
adios, adios, adios....
im gonna go research now aite...

Friday, October 06, 2006

A recovery

Shit, i miss jakarta, it's only been 2 months or so but im missing my mum like a bitch. And the fact that i have internship right after this semester doesn't really make me feel alot betta. Imagine no breaks or family dinners, no life, nothing to turn to. I can only depend on myself. I miss my friends, im so sick mentally, not that way, but so home sick. I long for the old days where friends would be around on the dot...around everywhere i go. It's so sad its happening, the stage of growing up is a killer. I have no choice, i have to be rational that if i wanna end uni, i gotta get recognition from internshippin. Its just so sad cuz i haven't seen most of my friends for so long, i feel like a different person. I feel like spendin time with them in an island, just havin fun and cracking up jokes and all. Those are the days to miss, the days that mean so much to you, the days you use to take for granted, the days that make your day, most of all, the days that make who you are today grateful for having those days. Ahh..i have a headache, i can't think properly, i have an essay to do,i just can't breathe. I can't live properly without these retards. At times like these, life makes me feel so inferior to others, makes me lifeless without these people. They mean so fuckin much to me man. Im sad..but its ok tho...i know i'll wake up tomoro and it'll be all cool again. Im gonna go now mang....gotta do my work. I'll try to work hard.
love you

Tuesday, August 29, 2006

a heavenly mood

hello peeple.
ahh its been quite long since i've written, well it feels like it. here i am doing some research, here i am forcing myself to be hard working again. here i am playing the tickle iq i am frustrated. haha. well i recently went to the lagoon, went to sun tan my ass off, and i did enjoy it just that i didn't put enuf sun protection and now my bodys sun-aching. Life's been ok, sleeping hours are a little fuckd up due to this newfound hobby of mine, fishing. hah yeah...i love fishing, it really takes ur mind off things and it helps you wtih something really important..patience. I figured that if i started fishing, maybe, just maybe, i might improve my temper and all that stress that i've been inflicting to myself. Yeah i havent cooked anything for myself lately...just been eating a lotta lotta unhealthy food. Ah fuck classes are getting harder. Just when i thought Media planning was a light course, it wasn't. fuckin calculations and formulas mannng. I just hate studying sometimes, seriously. I only like the exams, thats it. Assignments are a killer to me. Exams assure you that if you fuckin pass its fuckin over! Ah..can't wait for finals..then it'll be the internship, i duno i hope to apply for leo b or saatchi and of those..that would be awesome to work in such advertising firm. Advertising is a bitch but i like cuz of the aggressiveness and the activities and all the bullshit. its just an aggressive business and i hope it would make me a stronger person.
Life? been aite..met some guys, enjoying their company, they make life feel much better than girls do sometimes..they don't complain about guys, thats why. haha.
but im not dating any of em, its all good between us, friends stay friends...nothing more for now i guess...i've been too busy trying to study and trying to work but i just know that life cant be balanced all the time, its only when you feel like it.
Oh well im craving for some teo chew porridge, dude its so healthy man..instead of stupid junk food all day in school. thats all i can do to munch away the boredom.
Anyways i have an early day tomoro, gotta follow my schedule as planned. if just a useless piece of craaapooo.
ps. i really miss that one person that cracks me up so bad, that wants me to bitch at him, that waits for me to tie my shoes, the one that just looks so stupid when he's all caught up. he doesn't exist yet..but he seems pretty cool for me.

Friday, August 11, 2006


EAGLES LYRICS"Hotel California"
On a dark desert highway, cool wind in my hair
Warm smell of colitas, rising up through the air
Up ahead in the distance, I saw shimmering light
My head grew heavy and my sight grew dimI had to stop for the night
There she stood in the doorway;
I heard the mission bellAnd I was thinking to myself,'This could be Heaven or this could be Hell'
Then she lit up a candle and she showed me the way
There were voices down the corridor,I thought I heard them say...
Welcome to the Hotel CaliforniaSuch a lovely place (Such a lovely place)Such a lovely facePlenty of room at the Hotel CaliforniaAny time of year (Any time of year)You can find it here
Her mind is Tiffany-twisted, she got the Mercedes Benz
She got a lot of pretty, pretty boys she calls friends
How they dance in the courtyard, sweet summer sweat.
Some dance to remember, some dance to forget
So I called up the Captain,'Please bring me my wine'He said, 'We haven't had that spirit here since nineteen sixty nine'
And still those voices are calling from far away,
Wake you up in the middle of the nightJust to hear them say...
Welcome to the Hotel CaliforniaSuch a lovely place (Such a lovely place)Such a lovely faceThey livin' it up at the Hotel CaliforniaWhat a nice surprise (what a nice suprise)Bring your alibis
Mirrors on the ceiling,The pink champagne on ice
And she said 'We are all just prisoners here, of our own device'
And in the master's chambers,They gathered for the feast
They stab it with their steely knives,
But they just can't kill the beast
Last thing I remember, I wasRunning for the door
I had to find the passage backTo the place I was before
'Relax,' said the night man,'We are programmed to receive.
You can check-out any time you like,But you can never leave!'

Sunday, August 06, 2006

Could it be?

He cared for me but why didn't i bother to notice how much he cared? I know i hurt him, i know it hurt so much to hurt him but the feeling i had for him is no longer there, its been gone a few months ago and all the while i was just forcing myself to reconsider this relationship when really it wasn't a relationship, it was just me being needy of a companion and a friend. These past few months with him after the break up has been fine, i treat him as a friend while he treats me like im the greatest, when really im just a piece of crap. Whatever he did for me, i dont deserve it, he basically did everything for me and what can i do? Thank him about it? cmon, thats not enuf for the amount of things he's done, its unmeasurable. I told him all the intimacy between us had to be over and that we'd be friends, he's hurt of course, i'm sad for being too tough on him but thats the most i could do, there is absolutely no future between us, there never will be. This morning i sent him to the airport, the look on his face really wanted to make me cry, but if i cried he would cry and if he cried, it would make me feel so guilty so there were obviously no tears in my eyes. Im writing this here because i never write about him here....i just appreciate all that he's done for me and to my thoughts. He's really changed my perception about life, about business, about work, about people, about being an individual. He helped me out so much. I guess i just wanted to thank him, even tho its over between us, even if we weren't in a relationship anymore for the past few months, even if he doesn't believe me, i just wanted to say that i really really appreciate everythings he's done. I appreciate him as a very good friend, nothing more.
Today making things clear really taught me that if you dont clear up your big mess, the bigger it gets, someones gonna get hurt and the situation will turn real ugly. I really dont want to take anyone for granted anymore, i need a break to really set my mind on what i want in life. I guess having relationships aren't important, but when someones there for you at the right time, you tend to fall for their effort and time wasted on you. I guess everybody needs someone by their side, at first i was too cocky to say it, but i really do need to rely on someone at times, i can't seriously solve all my problems at one go, i always need someone to guide me through the rough road, someone that could inspire me to continue smiling, someone that could really persuade me to get my ass back up and be realistic instead of day dream and hope that good things will come along. Man..good things come when you do something, you can't just sit around like n arse and wait for it to come to you. Thats what i thought a while ago..but i've learned a little....i've become a more realistic person, i try not to be a pessimist, since i used to be one, it didn't work in life for me. So i wanna be more positive starting from today xD.
Yeah we'll see my damn tired....gonna ciao for dreamland.

Friday, July 28, 2006


i have weird sleeping patterns. Just because i had barely two hours of sleep this morning, i actually convinced myself that i could have great sleep right about now, and i'm writing to you all over again, just like the other nights when dreamland won't take me. I took actifed, for that horrible cough i was giving out just about everywhere today. When ur cough gets really bad, it tends to have this recoiling effect, oooh yeah...thats when the cough gets real real bad. Just like mine,'s so tiring to cough, sometimes i try to hold it in, but it tickles my throat. So i'm alone again, yeah a loner, if starbux was my neighbor, i would hang out anytime baby. So at least i have some inspiration to plan out what it is that needs to planned out instead of staying at home n doing the same thing all the time when i can't fall into nice sleep. I was like twisting and turning all over, nah comfortable spots didn't make me sink into dreams, just made me jump out of my bed, that's all.
I feel so uncomfortable at this hour, everything just seems so still and awkward and you're the only thing that's breathing. It feels weird, no noise from the television, just you typing these words and that's about it.
Today i went shopping man, it was awesome, actually managed to get some preppy clothes.
it was cool.
yeah that's basically my life for today and what happened. haha...okay gnite gnite gnite.

Monday, July 24, 2006


My little bloggie,
Today in a way i feel depressed. I guess i just give up easily on things that aren't that difficult if you make some effort. Problem with me is that i don't give that much effort, i dunt have the fire chasing me, i really don't. If i had that fire, i'm one lucky bitch, but unfortunately i don't.
My sister got drunk just then, now i know what it feels like to take care of people when they are drunk, most especially when i'm drunk and all i do is puke everywhere, fuck that's just really selfish of me huh..not like i mean to, but shit happens. It's hard to promise urself not to get drunk, it's mainly peer pressure that makes you drink and drink more than you think you can. You wanna drink with them and act tougher than you are with drinks when really i have realized in this life, whoever drinks the least is the winner, not the most. haha...never thought about that you know. But i like drinking less, it makes me feel healthier and i don't start getting all slutty, well who am i to say all this. It'll prolly strike back at me one day and i'll fuckin embarass myself. It's a fact, just when you promise yourself that you won't ever get tipsy again, you end up getting drunk instead. So i just wanna hush about all this shit. Ahhh blog im gonna go to sleep and have cool dreams with the cartoons. Maybe spongebob and square pants will show up? Hmm..or ooooh...homer simpson cracking me up. I need that in dreamland. au revoir.
i miss all the people that i've missed and met throughout my beautiful 19 years.

Saturday, July 22, 2006

i bet that you look good on the dancefloor.

I just woke up, it's a fresh start today, time to rearrange my room, do the entire feng shui setting goin on. I dont have one of those lillian feng shui books, but i'll try to depend on my instincts. It's a lovely morning for me, for the first time ever. x) Dancing in the moonlight by Toploader's such a good morning song, it's cute. Fuck murs not here, i feel bad, i never can make it in time to see her. But we did take those photobox pics.....finally after a year or something of not being able to make it due to pure laziness and lame excuses. I have no idea why i keep craving for ayam goreng, haha...i've never wanted ayam goreng so much before, just recently the ayam goreng craze hit me. What i miss? I miss ayam goreng kalasan near the airport, i miss bakmi kek, i miss all these yummy stuff i've abandoned since my parents separated. When ur parents separate, you tend to have a different lifestyle when it comes to your home and what you eat. Mine have changed tremendously. The reason why i'm able to even get out at night is because my father is not around to control me, the house is faraway, so therefore im not worried. I dunt know but this is how most of my friends feel about me. They think i act like a bitch because of what happened to my parents, and you know what? I'm starting to believe that it's true. I hate it when people say "she's from a broken family, etc etc"...i dunt come from a broken background, my family's perfectly fine, and they've never been better apart. My mum has her own bf's, she's one playa for her age, haha and my dads getting some too i guess. I duno i i just like my parents when they aren't arguing with each other, when they're not cheating on each other, especially my dad, i did hate him, but fuck it yknow, why hate him, i grew up to understand that his blood will always stay with me. I still spend time with dad, i miss him in a very subtle way. All those times he was too busy for me and my sisters, we never complained. But i guess he's improved a little, he still likes to take us swimming, fishing, and golfing at times, his top three priorities when it comes to something to do with us. Or the most is dufan, if we're even lucky, haha...he's never free, used to always fly here and there, i dunt even know if he's in jkt everytime i get back here. I duno im starting to appreciate my family very much, doesn't matter if it's not a pleasantville movie, but i like it perfectly broken, so that i can move on and so that i wouldn't be left hanging. You can say i slightly mistreat guys, the fear in me has subsided a little, but not quite, i won't trust em easily and even if we are in a relationship, the first thing i'll let go is not my anger, it's them. My relationships dont last long, im not the type of girlfriend that will listen all day long and be controlled, i can't take it...i feel like i need space to breath, need my own life back or something. Who am i to judge kan? I'm not a good gf, either they think i'll cheat on them instantly or do something wild and naughty behind their backs, but i can guarantee one thing, i would never cheat unless they cheated so i'll definitely come back with my sweet revenge. :D Been cheated on before, so i know what most guys are like, know what they are? They're assholes that think that hurting girls or destroying a relationship is a plus, they think they can control you and threaten you not to go clubbing or cheat on em or else it'll end between the both of you, they wanna take advantage of you for a bit, even if they really liked you, that like wasn't that serious anyway. Take you to nice dinners, but what for? To lure you into bed? I'm stupid at first with all these things, i get lured, i fall for the typical gentleman, the ones that know how to be decent, the ones that know how to smell, know where to bring you, know what to wear, know what you like. And i hate how smart some can be. Cuz behind the pretentious act lies this burning desire to have you and therefore it slowly grows tempting and thats when the chemistry begins and you know it, but you get along with it. You see...i know that analysis leads to paralysis, but it's true, all these things, i'm sick of it...why can't guys come up with something more genuine instead of amusing. I'm complaining like a bitch now, but if there was someone decent, i'd get brushed off straight. haha. Okok. :D I have just betrayed my own words of wisdom here, but i do mean it tho. haha
Ah..right now, i need to meet someone spiritual, not in a religious way, but in a way that he can soothe my thoughts and help the energy flow in me properly. Give me the right relaxation, not just sleep. I wanna do the diamond massage, looks fuckin cool, yeah i'll go find it in beverley hills somewhere. So they massage you using 6 million dollars worth of diamonds. Holy fuck. That would be cool, i dunt mind spending for the session if its that fuckin effective. hoolah! Hey the movie 'jatuh cinta lagi' was pretty good for an indo film yknow, they made jkt look like singapore, that's how good it was, or at certain germany. Yeah it was nice, the setting, the ambience, the idea, the plot, the proffesionalism was quite high, i liked it. Everything was right, just krisdayantis fuckin laugh, she should just laugh silently, it wouldve made the movie much better. she laughs like a fuckin duck. sorry...but she's annoying.
Yknow what songs so sexy? Hotel's a very meaningful song, like the type of song you need to give you a reason in life. Yknow songs that make you think about positive things, keeps ur mind running properly.
Im fungry write now, so i'm gonna go eat my heart out and just yeah eaaaaaaaaat! I needa get outta home soon or boredom will kill me.

Wednesday, July 05, 2006

cool me down

Sup sunshine?
I've been having some great fun in bali, not the type of fun i used to have, i guess i just appreciate much more of the island than the clubs now..haha. It feels good to hang out by the beach and just fall asleep, it's beautiful. It feels good to just dig your toes into the sand and wash it away at the shore, it just feels good to chill to a tehbotol there, it feels good to learn how to surf and suck so much in it. I suck...haha....i'm really bad when it comes to balancing, but i could stand a few times down to the shore, but shit it was difficult. I respect those who can surf man, my whole body's aching and i have bruises everywhere, it hurts to even walk properly. I'm pmsing now in a way, i kept getting pissed off at myself for nothing, that kind of heat you need to get rid of by just releasing your anger. I have it sometimes. I just had a massage in footish and god it felt so goodddd....i needed one badly anyway. World cups up, france against portugal tonight, now baby that's a good show for the night! I'm not into the world cup but ever since i saw England cryin their asses off, i realized that it was pretty funny, so i took interest. Not that i have anything against them or anything, it just made soccer more entertaining. I hate feeling so weak, especially during my month, i just feel so heated up, so moody, so lazy, so weird..yup. I have no motivation at all, just feel like sleeping for days. There was this interesting guy in bali, he isn't the typical hottie that all the girls fall for, some girls would dig him, some girls wouldn't, i dig his outlook tho...he was mixed i duno what, but he was really yum..he had this nice tattoo across his tummy and fuck it looked real hot. haha. yeah he hot orite. I didn't meet anyone in bali, just a few guys, they were nice, but nah nothing happened, i wasn't into the whole clubbin scene. I wanted to go to the reggae bar i went to with the rest a few years back tapi it was kind of ghetto so ngk berani masuk sendirian gitu. haha...but i was completely in the mood for some bob marley. uggh...udah terlambat nih...
I'm gona go chill with murti and don, those are the two left here, so i'm gonna chill with em and have fun to get rid of this extreme bitchiness in me right now. Hot chocolate ppl?
mwah i love you, totally.

Monday, June 19, 2006

murs comin soooonn

Jakartas been kinda boring lately. I'm waiting for my friends to come down from KL, so thats when working in the office begins. I need to rest....but i haven't been resting that well....i'm tired. hm...i wanna do something cool with my friends, not clubbing if possible, not getting tipsy or drunk if possible, perhaps we can eat some good food together and start laughing about old times. Old times, how i miss it. Really really do. I watched "she's the man" at home, haha its kinda funny surprisingly, the guy Duke's so fuckin hot, like shit...fuckin hot. Thats the only guy me and my sisters agree with...just fuckin hot. haha....i'm in love with trans now.....not the hyperactive ones, just the ones that ease my mind, the ones that make you feel comfortable in life, more like what they play in the lounge. Yknow what's so fuckin wrong? i beat my sister in pool and i won a black label bottle and a lil bita money from q, holy shit dude....i was fuckin lucky! haha..i felt bad tho..i didn't deserve it fuckin bad in placing and i duno...its hard to focus ur mind to it. i wanna learn how to play golf, hehe.....going to the driving range sometime this week hopefully...if i have time. I'll be working my ass off, so i'm trying to enjoy and get some fresh air before they arrive. ah..shit. Murs comin in two days, i cant wait...she helps me out without even saying anything, just her presence makes me feel comfortable and in place. Makes me feel like i can just be happy all the time without stressing myself out. I'm quite stressed out actually, none of my best friends are here, so i dont really have anyone to turn to about my personal problems. But its nothing big, i just sound dramatic. So before i turn into a drama queen lets just change the subject. There's a company rave i'm goin to this july in singapura, not really looking forward to it in a least im bringing klauds with me....she's a better sister than my youngest sis. My youngest sis is going thru the stage where she loves friends and ignores family, i've been thru that, but i wasn't that much of a bad ass. I didn't smoke. haha. plan for this week? Unpredictable.
very unpredictable. :D
K im back and i can't fuckin sleep. fuck...i'm getting so moody these days....pms season is over....nothings bothering me except my thoughts. i hate em, they are evil, shit. There's something i wish to challenge in work by this month, but my instincts tell me that no matter how hard i work, i might not achieve it! Hmm..i hat ethis feeling, the feeling of failing without failing just yet. I wish i wasn't so tied down. I need someone to cheer me up, where's everyone when i need em. I wonder why im stressing myself out? dude....there's something wrong with me...i need some hot chocolate to warm me up, to help my mind relax, cuz its been thinking alot. I've been dreaming alot lately...i dreamt that madonna was giving me piano lessons. what the fuck is that yknow? So weird.
Ok ok..i needa break.
im gonna get some fresh air.

Saturday, June 17, 2006

in this place

Hey hey hey, right time for you isn't it. I went to vertigo lastnight, it rocked, i had fun. I'm so weak on drinks now man, shit. I get tipsy so easily now over a few shots of illusions. Shit...its safer not to drink knowing that i'm such a weakling. Life is great so far, haha wuhoo! nah not that great, but i'm handling it like an adult. TIme management is what i lack the most, i need to improve me time schedule. I'd like to have a lovely sunday today, nothing like my sundays in KL, its boring ova there. Here i have my sisters, so i'll prolly go to EX, miss that place gitu loh. Soon will be the IME rave, wuhoooooo.......................ime raves gonna rock! So weird how a company has its own rave huh. It's complete coolness. I'm sorry, my minds not in place, i feel odd. haha. Shit thats funny crap! Yep yep!
k i gotsta bounce now! love

in this place

Hey hey hey, right time for you isn't it. I went to vertigo lastnight, it rocked, i had fun. I'm so weak on drinks now man, shit. I get tipsy so easily now over a few shots of illusions. Shit...its safer not to drink knowing that i'm such a weakling. Life is great so far, haha wuhoo! nah not that great, but i'm handling it like an adult. TIme management is what i lack the most, i need to improve me time schedule. I'd like to have a lovely sunday today, nothing like my sundays in KL, its boring ova there. Here i have my sisters, so i'll prolly go to EX, miss that place gitu loh. Soon will be the IME rave, wuhoooooo.......................ime raves gonna rock! So weird how a company has its own rave huh. It's complete coolness. I'm sorry, my minds not in place, i feel odd. haha. Shit thats funny crap! Yep yep!
k i gotsta bounce now! love

Thursday, June 01, 2006

as good as it gets

As good as it gets, i'm finally writing again. It wasn't too long wasn't it? Right now i'm researching for assignments, thought i could give my mind a break, i feel that it's already deep fried by now. I'm fried mentally. I cannot bear to think about what topic and what bodycopy and whatever shit for my ad. Plus copywriting assignment is just a few days away, a few days is not simple for a storyboard, but if there's one thing i'm good at, i'm good at procrastinating. I've been so lazy these days, i don't fckn get it. I don't. Lazy as in i'm real good at being a couch potato, i'm real good at it, serious. But my mind wants to do everything, my body doesn't react to it, it just lies down dead just like a couch. I am a couch or a bed, always there lazing around. But okay yesterday i woke up early, splashed a cold shower, finished off the evaluation bit, then chilled and etc. I'm not a coffee person, but recently ive been dying for starbucks cafe latte. i duno...i dont want to be addicted or anything. A lil bit of coffee for me is already effective enough to keep me awake throughout the entire day, but a few days ago, it did the complete opposite. I slept like a pig. Like honestly, i had a beautiful sleep, something of which i haven't had in dust years. Damn i want to be able to meet murti sooner or later this month, she's goin to bali (lombok) but i'm goin to bali, and i'm goin to j-town around the end of the month, ahhh i hope we enjoy together in bali mur, i hope we can meet up! Miss you kinkstressku. Um...what else do i have to say? I've been a good girl these days, just that i'm lazy. Man i haven't gone clubbin for such a long time, beer i haven't touched for quite a while, haha.....quite unbelievable isn't it...cuz i used to love beer so much, then i realized after a long ass time that it wasn't worth the gobble. I hate being drunk on beer, everyone knows what happens, i get so slutty, i can't even control myself, my mind gets possessed or something. haha. But seriously, i dont wanna act like that, it's not something to be proud of i would say. And the most i'll get is tipsy, but someone has to take care of me. :D i wanna be tipsy with my best friends. lets all enjoy one night of being tipsy, we'll talk about the funniest things, we'll tease each other, fck each other up, laugh at each other, whatever yknow. i just miss those days. i deserve that after my final exams. Once everythings done then i'll be the host of this best friend gathering. Hey its not gay, it's simply cool. Love you guys....will love you till the day i drop.
kisses to ur lovely cheeks

Thursday, May 11, 2006

smile myself to sleep

The dark days kill. But now i'm not in pain, i'm not in the world of boredom. I just need some light. Let there be light during the night. The moon itself is not enough, i'm greedy, i want two more. It's so dark here, i'm at home, im stuck here, i can't go out cuz theyre all asleep. Ppl i call will be asleep. Im not bo red i repeat. im not bored. It feels strange now. Not knowing what to do at this hour, i say to myself, i should actually be bored, although i'm not.
I miss, yes my three best friends, all for different reasons, different moments between each. They are my fairies, they light me up, give me hope to see them during holidays or anytime they are free to take a day off, but most likely is me to take a day off for them. I'd do anything, go anywhere just to support these precious peeps. They are the one, for i love em so, and realized just a year ago. I want to marry all three of them so my loneliness and stress will be cured. It's better to marry all three of em at once than marry just one. Haha joshin.
work, going good so far, dont wanna jinx it, dont wanna jinx anyone in the business. Teamwork is all it takes to support me, i go to get fuckd up so that it would motivate me. They are tough on me, they tell me i dont produce shit or beautiful results, they tell me i'm a loser that has lost already and will never get back up, but i do. I get back up. I'm stronger. i'm bitchier. And i like it just the way life is, uncomfortable.
The daily dramas of fakes, are they really fake? i gv em some credit to make effort to act like somebody else when really they know best that they can't possibly pull it off. But they continue to be fake to twist our minds, to make us pay attention to em. Everyones done this, everyone has had their drama days, they just have to admit it quietly. No one will act out their bad habits on first dates. We should work on being ourselves on first dates. But it's a tough move there.
Im making up for lent, i haven't served my 40 days in years, i feel that i should grow up and i'm givin up meat...turkey, chicken, beef, and pork..whatever it is that fulfills my tummy...i choose to sacrifice em for a month plus. I think its the right move.
Beer, no longer my favorite. yes i drink it at times, not more than 3 glasses, you believe me? Or you just wanna say bullshit? I think you'll go with bullshit. But i've given up beer a few months i guess i've thought so much about how disgusting it is that i no longer love it but get sick from it.
Margarita, defines life, i enjoy sipping every second of the lime and tequilla, it ain't strong. It's a mild drink and it's delicious. It goes well with my thoughts and aids my thoughts to even bigger ones. You wouldn't understand, it just helps.
Stressed out cuz i think too much about nothing. I just picture the worst scenarios that can ever take plc in life and try to invent ways of solvin it. Problem solvin. I kind of have fun, but those are unecessary thoughts to consider, i have enough to think about. And love is not in the guys or guys are not in the list. Now they do not exist for a bit. I dont want to be attracted to anyone right now. Though its way beyond my control, i just try to control thinkin that i will control.
There's this guy, he's in skul, i dont know him, we see each other, we notice each other. I dont have a crush on him, neither does he have one on me. But someday, i will know him..cuz he looks like he'd make a good friend, someone understanding enough for me. Someone perfect for me. But pride is keeping us away from each other, blocking a great friendship i feel. haha..i know it sounds weird..but i would really want to get to know him. I feel that he could be a best friend in KL. The fact that he's hot doesn't appeal to me, it's just him, his charisma, the way he just looks at me, i like it cuz he's straight forward yet mysterious. i can tell he's sincere. :D cieh... Since my three musketeers are scattered around the globe, i feel i need another musketeer here. :D But no those are just random thoughts, stickin to the control bit. :D
The future, will i fail or be normal or succeed? Will i fall for an ass? will i trip infront of a cool crowd? Will i cry within this week? will i violate my promise? Will i drink beer or margarita? will i make more money? will i argue with my housemate? will i argue or fuck up my friends? will i do well for my presentation? will i see my friends again? will i ever devote my time for someone? will i be more responsible in future? will i get a dopod? will i disappoint myself or them? will i trust more ppl? will i behave properly infront of the p's? will i do a good job of influencing? will i be influenced? All these are just the usual thoughts that pass my mind all at one go. Seems confusing, but we normally have more. I only have a few sentences, normally i have essays of questions in my head to deliver in blogs. But i get stuck n unfortunately, questions are forgotten.
i would love to chill by the lakeside and sip white wine and laugh for nothing.
lets all smile ourselves to sleep. I'll go first.

Wednesday, April 19, 2006

the nightmare is not being able to sleep

I can't sleep. Fck. I can't sleepp. So i stayed back for a few days, just wanna kick back and relax, visit the office, do my job, get to know some people. Yes...tiesto is coming right back to me again, the lastime i went i stayed for just an hour cuz i was dead sick but sisters dragged me into going i guess i'm gonna have to, kalau masih ada ticket. I'm hungry, i feel like mac and cheese...but nope i can't make that a daily supper habit, it's quite gross actually. I feel that there's so many things to say just that i've been saying the same thing in like nearly every entry. Boredom has come over me. It's all over me. It always comes back to me once i convince myself that it has gone away. It's annoying, i want to get rid of it. It makes me moody, bitchy, and gets me frustrated with the tiniest things. Yes, i'm bored and a lil mad and i can't sleep. How rough can life get huh? Damn i have to do a business memo for global ad and seriously i'm not in the mood. its 2:30am in the morning, i can't sleep n if possible i would like to sleep before 12 but now its impossible. Im used to sleeping early in the morning instead of early at night. Im just not an early person. Maybe its the ocean oil keeping me alert, keeping me so fresh at the wrong hour. But when i wake up in the morning, i'll feel like shit and look like shit and i'll just not want to do anything, i'll stay at home and procrastinate and eat. I hate that, im trying to change that. And i will, slowly. So besides typing here, i'm watching Grey's Anatomy. Its a pretty cool sitcom, keeps me entertained. I just watched transamerica just then, it was pretty touchin and the guy man....fuck he's so damn hot..shit...he's not my type but he's damn straight hot. Watch it, i swear. haha...anyways i spent my entire day at home and thats about it! Now i know what i have a collection of! Other people collect stamps, postcards, etcetera....i collect lighters. Yes yes...and most of the lighters i have are quite cool, they have tiny little flashlights in it. Yeah i collect lighters, how interesting. I need a buy a glass bowl or something and just pour the whole load of em in. they look so pretty. Sooner or later, i'll be giving em away? nah dunt think so, for they are my precious. Murti utami Purbo....i'm so sorry dude, i dont know the rest to the middle name, what was it again? udah lupa...not like i didn't bother to pay attention, i just didn't know, you never really mentioned it to me. Mines easy to memorize. trasilla. haha. So you and joe joe...your american with ocean blue eyes, i'm sure ur relationship gets sexier everyday thru the webcam huh? kan ngk ada any source of entertainment lagi. I duno mur the webcam is not my thing, it scares me and makes me feel fake. Haha mur remember last year when i told this guy online that my name was Cheppibel? haha fuck and what did he say? Men, they are full of it..yeah full of shit. How can they lie about such an ugly name, seriously. But for beautiful ppl like you, yes you can use em properly. :D haha. Kristine, where the hell are you man? i heard u ain't comin back for another year? thats darn long man...and why do i miss you? thats cuz ur the only one in our entire class that i've not seen in ageeeesss....ahh you better reply me butch. Now im blabbering way too much. i'm gonna go and hit my dreamland.
smooches and cuddles.

Monday, April 17, 2006

embrace me, surround me, as the rush comes

I've been listening to deeeeep house music now...the ones that calm you down and make you relax. Something like telepop music. Makes me feel better, also another type of motivation for me. Anyways, i woke up early again, and now it's just 9:30am and i have no idea what to do. Should i go out and shop for groceries or should i just bum around at home and watch desperate housewives? what say you? I say i should go out, but where to? I'm all alone, there's no one to talk to, walking out alone anywhere would be awkward, unless i go to a bookstore and hv a hot chocolate. yes i should. :D oh god, i need my best friends, where are they when i need them? i feel like such a loner here at home, my mums at work and my sisters are schooling. So i guess i shouldn't wake up so early all the time huh? Just recently, i can't stand the fact of lazing around at home, i just gotta get out even if i didn't get enough sleep. But what am i still doin at home? Ahh nanti aja deh abis mandi then i'll ciao. Shit its my mid sem break now, sooner or later...exams will come in and thats when i'll start to get bitchy. I can't wait till bali, can't wait. i just wanna relax far faraway in seminyak or ubud or jimbaran, one of those cozy resorts and just relaxxx. I'm kind of sick of kuta kuta kuta, its too busy, not what i need at the momenttttt. Yes a vacation after i go through mid term and final exams. Ahhh...i just hate projects, they drive mmeeee crazzzzyyyyyy! But yeah in the end, i'm stupid enough to do it.
As for my love life, im not involved with anyone sama sekali. More like i dont want to, if possible i want to get over guys right now. Anyone i used to like, i wanna get over. I just get confused these days, i'm too tired to be in another relationship for now.....when i like someone now..i wanna like them seriously and i want to be able to be a good girlfriend. Cuz if i keep fuckin it up, i duno it just really sucks. Right now i dont know how to feel or what to feel, i just know its not the right time to settle, i just wanna be single right now. So i can enjoy nights with my gfs, so i can focus more on my life instead of having to argue and explain in order to be trusted. Relationships, ahhh...theyre a killer really. I watch all my friends cry infront of me cuz their bfs treat em like shit and i was thinking to myself, why the fuck are they still with their bfs? They're such asswipes, i mean seriously i would just dump em right away. And fuck i wouldn't cry for a guy unless its worth it, don't they fuckin get the word "pride"? I mean ya too much of it is not so good, but you gotta have a lil at least. Stupid girlfriends i have. I feel that we're fated to meet because shit..i'm always dealing with their probs til i forget about my own. Im taking my break away from all the babysitting. Anyways...i almost forgot, i have assignments to do, so im gonna go right about now.
Miss you love
cocktail belly :D

Friday, April 14, 2006

no desire to..

I dont really like beer anymore but yes sometimes i do get caught up in one of those moods where i just release all my stress by drinkin. But that was ages ago, felt like i haven't done it in a long time. I dont intend to either. So for the past few months i haven't been drinking more than 4 bottles of beer in clubs? And when i club now, i sit around, or stand around, doing nothing. There's nothing to do. haha. Lastnight i was forced by my little bitchy sister to go to BLISS for some international school was boring, there were a crowd of kids there. hmmph. But i met waynus, he was MC'ing for the night, so adorable and nice to hug cuz he's so empuk. :D Yeah well, i haven't been doin much, i just went to carita today to chill and eat some good seafood but it was raining so i couldn't tan or swim. So we got bored and just drove back home.
I haven't been having cool dreams lately, yknow those dreams that make you smile when you sleep even if you haven't seen yourself asleep smiling, but you just know it? Yeah those dreams are awesome, makes me feel better when i wake up. Lastnight i dreamt about a jungle or something so when i woke up, i looked up at the ceiling and there were all these plants growing on it. weird..the fact that i really woke up and it wasn't a dream, guess i brought my dream to life for a few seconds there before it slowly faded away into the darkness. i think it explains confusion, how i'm lost and i don't really know where i wanna be or where i'm at in life, that kinda thing. I'm not really good when it comes to analyzing my own dreams. I don't have a lot to write now, call me boring, but i'm exhausted and i need some good ass sleep so yeah i better get going.

Wednesday, April 12, 2006

beautiful mornin'

Hey blog,yeah long time no see, i haven't really been blogging that much cuz i've been busy with my life, just like everyone is with theirs. As far as work goes, im improving. Skulwork? Exams are comin in sooner or later. But i'm doing alright. At this point of time, i can say i'm tired, really i am. But no matter how tired, i ain't givin up. The first drag of the day is the best, dont you think? I know alot of smokers do. I cut down though by quite a lot. Lastnight was Don's bday party, she had how many flamings and forced me to drink a shot of tequilla with her. Tequilla, it used to be my thing, but after nearly a year of not shooting a single shot, i feel like it's a new drink all over again. And so i had one shot, didn't feel good and didn't taste good but it did warm me up since the place was so cold. Shit i dont/can't drink as much as i used to, i don't know whether it's sad or better for me? At times it could be both. Damn, i have plenty of assignments to do but you were the first one i woke up to and its been quite a while, so just write. I haven't really been hanging out with my mum cuz she's such a busy woman and she wakes up early all the time, so for the past two days i've been waking up at 7 am on purpose just so i can see her and say good morning. I guess the people that matter most to you only matter to you when you're faraway to bother to matter. Yeah yeah. It's a beautiful mornin man....i had a healthy healthy breakfast. xD i wanna go wakeboarding! I dont care if i'll fall flat on my face again, haha, that hurt like a bitch but shit it was pure fun! I wanna take my sisters there.
ok see you. lets enjoy the day shall we.

Wednesday, March 22, 2006

fun is dying. Work is multiplying.

Dear blog,
i've been really busy with school work and work. And i can't stand people who won't stop leaving people that don't give a shit about them alone. It's truly annoying, don't they feel it? I mean imagine someone who blogs but cares about other people's blogs...and cares about how boring it is. Blogs are meant to be boring anyway....when we're bored, we write boring things. It depends on us. So i've been working part time..and it's going great so far..just that maybe i'm slowing down a bit due to school. I have tons of assignments and i have alot of poetry going on and i'm not quite the emotional kind of person that would jot down all her deep thoughts into that empty paper. that's not me. I try and i might share it with you but maybe a bit later. It feels wrong to show it. haha. So this semester i've been really busy that one of my friends asked me to stop and smell the roses. I am doing so today...i'm relaxing, chilling....thinking. I have to stop thinking about what would happen to me. Thinking is negative, it ruins you..makes you incapable, weakens you. Ok ok. So i'm gonna go play monopoly later and try to beat that bitch, joyce cuz she's been winning since forever. Anyways i wish i went back to club med, it was beautiful..the guys were yummy, the beach was windy and it felt so good tanning, the people were so friendly, you don't get that everywhere. At first it felt kind of odd cuz it didn't feel like any country, felt like heaven. like another world. Relationships? Nah i'm not settling for that anytime soon..just not now...not yet. I'm too lazy to fuck it up and i'm too lazy to fix it up...and most of all i'm too lazy to be someones girlfriend. It's tiring. But yeah life's been tiring for me...but all that tiredness will soon subside when the fire starts rolling in. Just not for today, today i need no fire..i need to relax and go plunge in the pool or something...I need to eat fruits and be healthy. Smoking? I've cut down's amazing....i dont even feel like smoking that much anymore. It's good. Clubbing? not much at all. :D I just dont feel like shaking my booty on the dancefloor with gfs anymore..i dont feel like drinking so much and getting drunk anymore..i just want to chill at a lounge and sip on wine or just have a proper glass of beer. I think i'm slowing down, the energy and fun has died down. I dunt even know if its a good thing or not...but for once in my life it feels right. I'm not saying i won't do these things again..i might..but i dont have the urge to. get it? Aw..i miss my triple shits...the three people who cheer me up...they dont even have to cheer me up, they just have to call me names and i'll start laughing. I'm easy. Sometimes i feel like i do need a guy to cheer me up or be by my side....i guess i feel insecure sometimes, no matter how tough i try to not tough, i'm damn weak. I guess i have a habit of hiding things...i never express enough..but so far i'm slowly letting it go. Slowly having some faith in others..slowly trusting them. Anyways i gotta go right now....gotta live the life, gotta monopolize monopoly.

Tuesday, February 28, 2006

my pwecious!

Life's aite. Ive been stressed out, actually i say that all the time. Im sick of people that just want to act smart, such as story me..but lets leave whoever he or she is...he doesn't exist. I've been juggling work and studies and so far its been juggled properly, i just have to wait till they both get tangled and i cant cope up wtih both. There's no such thing as being perfect in both fields. So i hve to choose one. hmm...depends tho. I need my highschool friends to be around me, i've been feeling quite down these days, not knowing what to do, thinking about my own future, thinking whether i could ever trust someone again, thinking about my best friends, thinking about everyone that matters to me. Clubbing? You'd be surprised..i cut down shit loads. The only time i went clubbin was a few days ago cuz of my friends bday, but other than that, not even in my mind. Oh ya happy birthday jason! U da bomb! haha...okay i better leave now. I want murti..i want jason..i want kristine. I want them be here...i want them here..right now! It sucks to suffer yknow. I hate my life..haha okay i wouldn't say that...i dont hate my life..but i wish the precious moments were frozen so i could just go back to it in my head or see it with my own eyes over and over again. And why am i being so dramatic? Enough! haha...i dont wanna copy murti after the greens...mbak tuh sangat sok dramatis tau ngk... Yois. haha..yknow what happend just now..some guy in skew came up to me and he knew my name...and asked for me digits..and i didn't even recognize him he was trying to explain how he knew me...and how we used to be friends..i was like what?! Hell no! dude, that was the scariest shit eva...who does that? its sad. Its either im forgetful n he really knows me? or its either he's forgetful and has mistaken me for somebody else. perhaps perhaps. Okay me...i wont ignore you..but i will say bye to ala y'all. Bye!? :D

Saturday, February 18, 2006

Story me---ur such a smart ass.

Whoever you are story me, why dont you just fuck off? Im telling you in a nice way. Childish of me to delete ur comment...yes..maybe but i dont even know you and ur not even a friend of mine so why do you care to read my blog? Ify ou have problems wtih me well then just leave me alone. I dont even know you. And yes i act liek a kid, i admit it..wats so bad about it? You act like a kid too..bothering about your comments being deleted is such a small thing. Ur seriously disturbed. Seriously. So you can fuck off my page and discontinue to read my blogs..if its so boring or if its too childish for you. So wahtever i do or say...or write in this about my life..even my best friends dont give a fuck like you do. So go give a fuck on ur own blog. tata.