Sunday, October 08, 2006

the sunshine intimidates me--and so i hide.

Hey blogger,

It's a beautiful day huh? I know that no matter how many times i try to convince myself that i'm fully happy, i'll end up feeling like shit, so yeah please understand me. It's a Sunday today, but it feels like a freakin week day, cuz i still have to do some research. I've constantly been working on my laptop, bringing it around, typing around, discussing around, fuck dude, i really hate that life. But my group mates were cool so we got along well. Hate it when they group me up with strangers yknow, but oh well it turned out kewl. Like they were the underdogs of the class or something, all my friends were like "dude you're so not gonna do well" and i was like "yeah, perhaps ur right"..but we worked as a team and proved them wrong. haha. Im happy with the results though, i love our media flow chart, haha it defines professionalism alright. haha. I dont know..but that feeling of working together is so rare, yknow yeah its easy to work together, but its not easy to analyze each other's answers before we all agree to type it down. Haha...anyways i've been watching Russell Peters and Pablo Francisco, fuck i like them both, they're so fuckin funny! A good way for me to waste my time ay. If i had the time, i'd go white water rafting, i never got the chance, i never grabbed it actually, i was always too lazy and even when i felt like goin, no one else felt like it. Those moments when people keep changing their minds just when you change yours. Stupidos! haha...gosh i haven't seen Kristine in ages, yo tita....where you at man! I wonder if you read my blogs, cuz if you do, not bad...u ain't out of track, well its not that detailed. The rest i'll tell you personally oke tito. Ah not sure whether i'll make it this december to jjjj-town...haha cuz ive got this stupid ass internship going on and i guess i have to keep myself all focused, no off day sama sekali. It's a tough world out there, its so ugh unfair. I wanna watch this DUKUN movie man, looks real cool and everytime they say its based on a true story, thats where my interest lies, tapi when i come home from the cinema, i just scare the hell outta myself. Yeah that common fear of looking at the mirror cuz ur afraid there'll be someone uncool behind. hahaa..or when you're sleeping and you wanna close ur eyes, but you just gotta see what the fucks goin on in ur room, so u leave it open and plus you try to find things in the dark that form a figure or some sort of face, then you fuckin scare urself out. Im one of those people. I admit, i'm pussy but not that pussy tho, if you put me in a ghost house, i swear to god i'll still fuckin move. I recently went to a fun fare, it was cool, i lovedthis ride called VORTEX, that was scary shit man, and the rest were pretty cool. Its been a long time since i had that one adrenaline rush, the kinda rush when the wind attacks ur face, feels like some kind of freedom you can never get a hold of. Go on a rollercoaster and wave ur hands around then you'll comprehend my meaning dude. Deepavali's comin soon, its cool man, the flower art they make on the cement with colored sand, so pretty. I won't have the patience to do that. I duno man Hinduism is one interesting religion, its not fanatic or anything, its so peaceful and laid back. I would like to study about it one day. Well i know a little about Buddhism, i've been to more buddhist funerals then christian ones. I've touched the josstick more than i've touched the rosary. Not to say i'm lazy with my religion, its just what i have to do, its an interest i pick up more than my religion. But im still a Catholic though, i haven't been to church for years, but i feel more comfortable visiting a temple for some reason. I went to this big temple in penang, it was so beautiful man, there was a huge ass Buddha and it looks really cool when all the monks were humming and all that, and i kid you not, there was a really cute monk. haha im fuckin serious, he was real cute, yeah but its not gonna happen, i know i know. haha....hey i'm not nasty aite. He was plain cute, thats all. But im glad that he chose this path of life, im proud of him, but imagine if he decided not to be a monk? haha fuck dude...aite aite no more thoughts...i just find weird stuff like this sexy. When somethings wrong, it feels so right. The way people live by the rules, it's just so boring, can't we break it, can't we go beyond the barrier, it would be fun. Im so sick of this life, the boring life. I understand that people go to church cuz they want to go to church, but no matter how many times in a week you go, what's the difference, it doesn't make you true to your religion, it just makes you a fanatic. Im sorry, but i feel that God allows us to pray to him wherever we are and it doesn't have to take place in his house. I mean yeah i know to pay your respects and all, i will do that occassionally when i feel like it, but i won't do i everyday. If you go there everyday it just becomes a normal routine to be seen in church and to prove that ur faithful, but how bout the others out there that are really faithful, but they don't go to church everyday? I got sick of church cuz of all the people there after mass, hate the way all the mothers gather up to gossip about their husbands and kids.
ahh not to say im against that religion, im not at all, just that sometimes when someone gets so fanatic about GOD, it gets people kind of sick of their religion. Yeah religion talk, not to offend the people out there, but it bothers me how people think their religions cooler than others, and how there's only one god in the world when really we dont know. I can't believe we're so confident and sure that we're praying to someone. I mean you haven't even witnessed GOD and you're bragging to the world why he's so great and all? I duno man. We're kind of stupid beings, we just do whatever we're set to do, yeah people tell us to have faith and beliefs, but are those just empty beliefs that we consider or are they real beliefs cuz you've seen GOD and all? Ok cukup cukup. I get carried away sometimes cuz i've been told by several people that i should go to church whether i like it or not, then i just get pissed off, i mean dude...don't push someone to go to church if he/she doesn't want to, they can think for themselves and it doesnt matter what you think about them, whether they are irresponsible or unfaithful to god. ONly God judges people, people can't judge people. Cuz either way, when people judge people, we're always wrong.
adios, adios, adios....
im gonna go research now aite...