Sunday, December 30, 2007

drifting to 08

Here we are on the 31st waiting to party the night away till the year 08.
I dont know man, it's not such a big deal that the new year is approaching. We dont have to party hard for the date to move. It will still move. This is causing all the traffic and ridiculous amounts of garbage flying around the roads. I swear, its like that here.
I don't know what's wrong with me. Just that sometimes i get so moody when its the time of the month you know. I just feel that no one really understands my needs anymore, including him. I haven't seen john in a few weeks. To some people that may be an easy one if their entire relationship was based apart from each other, like my best friend Murti for example. For some reason, it's tough for me to do it with john, when you're apart, you have bad feelings about everything, yeah you want to trust the guy, but when you guys argue, there's absolutely nothing you can do about it till he flies down here then you can kick his ass.
I think i just need to occupy my head with useful things like yoga, yknow balance the mind, body, and soul. Connect whatever with whatever. I know it sounds very commercialized and stuff, hell yeah it is hollywoods favorite shit..but whatever you know if it works, it works. And i've always been used to active exercise, it's time i slow down and try something that requires the long stretch and flexibility.
Fcuk! My right arm hurts like hell man, i dont know i spent hours lastnight trying to improve my pool skills..haha i didn't improve. duh.
Sometimes im not happy in this relationship, but sometimes i really feel like im happy. It all depends on the mood. There are moments when you cherish the bond and everythings perfect and you're not fighting. But when you argue, you just dont know how the hell it happened. Like one moment you're loving and you just can't keep ur hands off each other, the next you're just freakin screaming ur bloody lungs our gasping for more air and energy to scream more! haha. yeah well its crazy sometimes.
I miss my johnny boy..i haven't seen him in so long that i've almost forgotten the way he looks. I have pictures and memories, but when i close my eyes, its hard to really imagine him. It's been quite long actually. I don't think i can do long distance, no matter how much you love a person or care for them, long distance just suffocates your freedom to do things. It's crap. It puts me in a tight situation.
ahhh enough of this relationship crap. I want to have a decent night with beer and friends. thats all.

Thursday, December 20, 2007


08 is slowly approaching. What am i gonna do about it? The graduation ceremonys on febo. That's the only thing i'm holding on to before i find myself a decent job with decent pay. I know most definitely that i dont want to grow up and experience the life of a loser. I want to work at least. Saying it is easy, but going through it takes forever.

I'll be going to hongkytown in a few hours. I hope i enjoy myself, use my leisure time there to really just get out of the world and think and think. I need to think..and i can't think when i'm at home, and i can't think when i'm in my second home. I know i can think elsewhere tho. It's really odd.

I dont know, my time in jakarta this time of the year feels really i dont know...different. Friends are different and they have more to say, but i dont quite feel tight with them anymore. I mean yeah we're still tight through reminiscing about who fell and who embarassed themselves in highschool .But thats it. How about being tight when you mature? I dont jsut feels weird. I mean i do have fun with em. But it fuckin sux that everyones so busy or so not interested in driving to see their own friends. I'm getting lazy as well. I feel bad...but seriously there's no excitement or push anymore. It's just staying at home and waiting for someone to force your ass out the door. it's just like that.

I miss johnnyboy. I really do. I used to think that this relationship was a wreck. But now, i dont know distance really makes the heart grow fonder. It's true. When i'm with him, i dont feel i miss em, only when i'm away and they are out of complete sight, thats when i miss the shit out of em.

that's all i have to say.
i dont think i'll be writing till next year.
adios amigos.