Tuesday, June 19, 2007

earth to bella

Today's the day to just be back at work. I was sick for two days. Well i felt sick. haha. I dont know maybe it's just the thought of hitting the cubicle, makes me all claustrophobic and stuck. What's really pathetic is that when i get into the pantry to have my casual drags and i stare outside the window at the city, i start to really appreciate it. It's beautiful during the day, without the lighting, just with the sunlight that reflects on the trees. You can see that everything is accompanied by shadows all at once. Really nice view. The feeling of being released at the end of the day is one major relief. And i'm here inside the office, blocked from feeling the heat of the sun, just inside here, stuck in a freezer with no warmth beside me. I met john for lunch, he looked really sick, like his eye bags were purple, not grey, it just made me feel so sorry for him. I care about him a lot,but i dont know if he appreciates the attention i give him. Everytime he tells me i dont bother, it really frustrates me. I'm not that heartless, i live, i breathe the same air you all do, except the only thing that segregates us is our thinking, our tolerance, the ability to control anger or just splurt it out like a mean bitch. That's me, i splurt it out until it affects people and in the end i am filled with regret. But after all the regretting, why do i still continue to do the same? Is it because they are doing the same thing all over again, and that just shows people barely change. IF they changed, i'd change. I have made sacrifices, i have done the same. After all, i'm human, i do the same things and i need the same things. I need attention sometimes, i dont think i'm being spoilt. I just think i deserve these things sometimes, i just think that i need some tender lovin' care after a cold day at work. Just like how you get out from the pool and the winds just right there to freeze the shit outta you. Imagine, you have no towels to warm you up, wouldn't it be nice if someone could just wrap you up in that warmth and comfort? Wouldn't it be nice? It is to me.
I dont know what's been happening. Maybe i dont show that i care enough when he's sick and tired of arguing. Maybe i just push him to argue when he's weak. Maybe i'm just pure evil. Maybe i'm regretting being evil. Maybe i'll show him some more love and affection.
I watched Fantastic 4,the silver surfer. It was pretty good shit for me. I didn't watch the previous one, just this. I thought the graphics were fuckin realistic. I thought it wasn't too long or short, it flowed smoothly, kept me entertained. I was satisfied. I like the silver surfer. We had this relation, this chemistry. haha...he's gonna take me out on his board..we're gonna go downtown and party till the crack of dawn! haha..whoosh.
okay i'm fucked. My brain is.
Anyways, i can't wait to mr.elmomo gets back here, i wanna freakin give him a tight ass hug and just see how much weight he's jiggled off. haha. Can't wait to eat nasi kandar and just talk like old times, just rest and relax. ahhh miss you elmomoku!
Anyways..i guess blogging has its ending. This is the end for now.