Friday, January 19, 2007

her territory

baby boo.
Well i haven't really had fun these past few days. I guess the highlight of my birthday was spent drinking away with friends and i had a great birthday cake. It came in a form of a buffet, chinese style yo. haha it was steamboat and it was awesome because people i didn't expect would do such a thing did it for me. So it was great, we ate for a whole two hours and i can still feel my tummy wanting for more. Great chicken wings, great seafood, great pot and just great food to wrap it up. My cousins were there. It was magnificent. :D I thought that when i touched down here i didn't have anybody to meet, considering all my friends are still on their hols, then i realized i had family here. haha...i am from here yeah. Another thing thats been bugging me eversince i talked to my mother is about my grandma. I heard she was sick and that she was just getting tired with life. She told my mother to be prepared because she's ready to leave but i seriously dont want her to leave yet. I think she's doing fine. She's still in her ruggard jeans and she's still smoking that bloody ciggarette like no ones business. I love her so much. I dont want anything to happen. It's been a year plus since my gramps has left us and trust me things have changed, i guess our familys slowly drifting away, we have plans here and there, that we tend to forget about him at times. I haven't visited my gramps yet, but i will very soon.
Shit, semesters starting on the upcoming black monday. Beautiful huh? I'll start being a bitch with all her usual complaints and i just won't have a life anymore, i'll cheat on you with a buncha assignments. Anyways i am so happy with my grades this sem, elya scared the shit outta me when he told me he got a C for media planning, shit shit...i was so damn scared to just see the results cuz he's smart and if he got a C, thats pretty good shit, what more would i get? prolly a D! But i didn't, thank planning is so hard, i swear lilian makes life tougher for peeps. I got a C+ but im freakin happy tho. Its better than a flat F. Then i got some a's and b's. But turned out pretty good for me. haha..yeah. So now it turns out that the internships straight after this sem, me have no time to go home. I wanna go home but Jakartas boring at times but i might have to go for LB. Yeah. i wanna just work hard this year. I know i always say this, but i hope i will. I've been saying it to myself all these years, it's time i did something about it. I'm halfway anyway and i'm done with uni by the end of the year. Yes! But thats when i start getting to know reality more, i'll be completely in it. Everything i do after uni will affect my life. I hope i get a decent job. I hope advertising and I will work well and be the best of friends cuz if not, then i guess i'll just be a complete failure. And i do not intend to be one. Life turns out different ways, i wish i could've been a marine biologist, but i guess i was following my future more than my passion. I guess i have to think about what my family wants first cuz i dont wanna be too self-centered. I gotta appreciate the things they've done. I do. My dads giving me a big time lecture about not appreciating him as a father. I mean what does he expect me to say? He is irresponsible at times, he forgets about his daughters while he starts spending on his girlfriends. He's not really that much of a father figure. But i love him you know, despite the things he's done in life, i still love him. Not like i can dig him out of my life. But i wouldn't. If my parents didn't separate, i wouldn't be this grateful. I would be spoiled and just boring. I wouldn't get to try new things, i wouldn't meet other people. Imagine, my dad doesn't want me to date anyone till i'm like 30. God. He's so strict! thank god i'm not living with him, prefer my mother. Damn this trip back to j town was awful man, everyday i had to argue wtih my mum, i just preferred to stay outta her territory i swear. Just all these arguments, all the blame naturally goes to me right? I mean i try to give in these days, i dont wanna be some rebellious bitch to her cuz i know she's just stressed out. She really is stressed out as hell, just that she's gotta stop pushing me, it's just way too much. I have so many things to attend to, i wanted to hang out with my friends and she got pissed cuz she was all alone at home. I mean c'mon yknow, let me chill with my friends and i'll come crawling back to you. Seriously, she was terrible with me. I wanted to get some fresh air, so i left early to KL. i just couldn't stand her. She should learn that one of the stages of being a mother involves deep understanding. If she understands me, then i'll understand her. The first thing i need to do is go shopping. I needa shop and get some new stuff for the new year. I am pretty superstitious and i dont care, but these things matter in life. I believe in feng shui because it really does do the work. I dont believe in fate though and i'm fuckin annoyed at some people that believe in it so strongly. Anyways dear blog, i've said enough today, i'm out of stuff to say.

Wednesday, January 10, 2007

light my baby goodbye

Morning blogger, it feels great to wake up at this hour. There's something fucked up wtih my clock always states that i write my entries at around 3am or like 6am or some shit. Aneh sih. I've been in a bad mood these couple of days, i guess i need the space from people, i need to just sit back and relax, no disturbance whatsoever. Yesterday, i was in a fuckin bad mood, i guess cuz the night at mbc was really shitty and the bodyguards were being big ass bitches in PUBLIC so cindy couldn't go in cuz of sandals and abhi couldn't get in cuz of his shirt. It's stupid...
I've been getting alot from my mum...she keeps pinning me down, i just feel so pressured by everybody. Everyones been being a lil bitchy lately, including the guys. I feel like taking off, i can't stand Jkt, i gotta start packing for tomoro. I dont think i wanna come back so soon..but who knows home is home yknow. I better spend my day wisely today, like do something that helps me chill out in life n shit. The massage felt good yesterday but it didn't bring me that happy mood, i need to be happy.

I just wanna sit, relax, have some hot tea, read a book, and light my baby.

Friday, January 05, 2007

luigi is a dumbass

Blog...i dont know why, i guess when i'm feeling bored i decide to kill boredom through you. It's this blog feeling, you feel like blogging, you feel like expressing how you feel or what disturbs you or what happened. So you can look back and remember through the past entries. I haven't yet scrolled through the past entries, i will soon..i'll either look back and feel stupid or all sad. Bali was not a blast, i didn't enjoy it...every single day i woke up realizing that if i spent the entire week in jkt, i'd smile. In bali, i was in a pissy mood, i was pissed off at the weather, the beach, the rain, the people. This was the worst bali trip ever, i dont want to recall this trip ever again. I hated it. And i never hate bali trips, but this one...i truly hate it. I was bitchy and pissy all the way....i guess i needed my friends.
My days here are nearly over...i'll be leaving a way i can't wait to leave...i want to go back to KL and just get my life straightened up. I want to prepare for school, i need to write a resume..i needa do so many things. If possible, i wanna leave asap. I dont want to think about anything else. In a way, i dont feel like comin back home this june or july...i'm just gonna visit mur or kristine...that would be a better way to spend life won't it. Rather than come home....and then do the same shit everyday..god im getting sick and tired of it. Besides..mummy visits me like nearly every two weeks or some shit...its so close....I gota do some sports take up ice hockey or something, i love just looks so damn hard...or just have frequent basketball games with the dudes...they'll teach me n make me improve slowly. Mur took pole dancing, it sounds really difficult gotta like carry your entire body up the pole and plus, you gotta wear heels, that im not good in. I have no sense of balance.
Okay im going to bounce...dreamland awaits...and i am so looking forward to it.
Those unforgettable fairytale nightmares? Yeah you fool, i've seen mario and luigi in my dreams, they weren't fighting against the world, they were fighting against each other. You know how stupid luigi is? He can't jump for shit.
nitey nite. I wanna play nintendo. :(