Wednesday, April 19, 2006

the nightmare is not being able to sleep

I can't sleep. Fck. I can't sleepp. So i stayed back for a few days, just wanna kick back and relax, visit the office, do my job, get to know some people. Yes...tiesto is coming right back to me again, the lastime i went i stayed for just an hour cuz i was dead sick but sisters dragged me into going i guess i'm gonna have to, kalau masih ada ticket. I'm hungry, i feel like mac and cheese...but nope i can't make that a daily supper habit, it's quite gross actually. I feel that there's so many things to say just that i've been saying the same thing in like nearly every entry. Boredom has come over me. It's all over me. It always comes back to me once i convince myself that it has gone away. It's annoying, i want to get rid of it. It makes me moody, bitchy, and gets me frustrated with the tiniest things. Yes, i'm bored and a lil mad and i can't sleep. How rough can life get huh? Damn i have to do a business memo for global ad and seriously i'm not in the mood. its 2:30am in the morning, i can't sleep n if possible i would like to sleep before 12 but now its impossible. Im used to sleeping early in the morning instead of early at night. Im just not an early person. Maybe its the ocean oil keeping me alert, keeping me so fresh at the wrong hour. But when i wake up in the morning, i'll feel like shit and look like shit and i'll just not want to do anything, i'll stay at home and procrastinate and eat. I hate that, im trying to change that. And i will, slowly. So besides typing here, i'm watching Grey's Anatomy. Its a pretty cool sitcom, keeps me entertained. I just watched transamerica just then, it was pretty touchin and the guy man....fuck he's so damn hot..shit...he's not my type but he's damn straight hot. Watch it, i swear. haha...anyways i spent my entire day at home and thats about it! Now i know what i have a collection of! Other people collect stamps, postcards, etcetera....i collect lighters. Yes yes...and most of the lighters i have are quite cool, they have tiny little flashlights in it. Yeah i collect lighters, how interesting. I need a buy a glass bowl or something and just pour the whole load of em in. they look so pretty. Sooner or later, i'll be giving em away? nah dunt think so, for they are my precious. Murti utami Purbo....i'm so sorry dude, i dont know the rest to the middle name, what was it again? udah lupa...not like i didn't bother to pay attention, i just didn't know, you never really mentioned it to me. Mines easy to memorize. trasilla. haha. So you and joe joe...your american with ocean blue eyes, i'm sure ur relationship gets sexier everyday thru the webcam huh? kan ngk ada any source of entertainment lagi. I duno mur the webcam is not my thing, it scares me and makes me feel fake. Haha mur remember last year when i told this guy online that my name was Cheppibel? haha fuck and what did he say? Men, they are full of it..yeah full of shit. How can they lie about such an ugly name, seriously. But for beautiful ppl like you, yes you can use em properly. :D haha. Kristine, where the hell are you man? i heard u ain't comin back for another year? thats darn long man...and why do i miss you? thats cuz ur the only one in our entire class that i've not seen in ageeeesss....ahh you better reply me butch. Now im blabbering way too much. i'm gonna go and hit my dreamland.
smooches and cuddles.

Monday, April 17, 2006

embrace me, surround me, as the rush comes

I've been listening to deeeeep house music now...the ones that calm you down and make you relax. Something like telepop music. Makes me feel better, also another type of motivation for me. Anyways, i woke up early again, and now it's just 9:30am and i have no idea what to do. Should i go out and shop for groceries or should i just bum around at home and watch desperate housewives? what say you? I say i should go out, but where to? I'm all alone, there's no one to talk to, walking out alone anywhere would be awkward, unless i go to a bookstore and hv a hot chocolate. yes i should. :D oh god, i need my best friends, where are they when i need them? i feel like such a loner here at home, my mums at work and my sisters are schooling. So i guess i shouldn't wake up so early all the time huh? Just recently, i can't stand the fact of lazing around at home, i just gotta get out even if i didn't get enough sleep. But what am i still doin at home? Ahh nanti aja deh abis mandi then i'll ciao. Shit its my mid sem break now, sooner or later...exams will come in and thats when i'll start to get bitchy. I can't wait till bali, can't wait. i just wanna relax far faraway in seminyak or ubud or jimbaran, one of those cozy resorts and just relaxxx. I'm kind of sick of kuta kuta kuta, its too busy, not what i need at the momenttttt. Yes a vacation after i go through mid term and final exams. Ahhh...i just hate projects, they drive mmeeee crazzzzyyyyyy! But yeah in the end, i'm stupid enough to do it.
As for my love life, im not involved with anyone sama sekali. More like i dont want to, if possible i want to get over guys right now. Anyone i used to like, i wanna get over. I just get confused these days, i'm too tired to be in another relationship for now.....when i like someone now..i wanna like them seriously and i want to be able to be a good girlfriend. Cuz if i keep fuckin it up, i duno it just really sucks. Right now i dont know how to feel or what to feel, i just know its not the right time to settle, i just wanna be single right now. So i can enjoy nights with my gfs, so i can focus more on my life instead of having to argue and explain in order to be trusted. Relationships, ahhh...theyre a killer really. I watch all my friends cry infront of me cuz their bfs treat em like shit and i was thinking to myself, why the fuck are they still with their bfs? They're such asswipes, i mean seriously i would just dump em right away. And fuck i wouldn't cry for a guy unless its worth it, don't they fuckin get the word "pride"? I mean ya too much of it is not so good, but you gotta have a lil at least. Stupid girlfriends i have. I feel that we're fated to meet because shit..i'm always dealing with their probs til i forget about my own. Im taking my break away from all the babysitting. Anyways...i almost forgot, i have assignments to do, so im gonna go right about now.
Miss you love
cocktail belly :D

Friday, April 14, 2006

no desire to..

I dont really like beer anymore but yes sometimes i do get caught up in one of those moods where i just release all my stress by drinkin. But that was ages ago, felt like i haven't done it in a long time. I dont intend to either. So for the past few months i haven't been drinking more than 4 bottles of beer in clubs? And when i club now, i sit around, or stand around, doing nothing. There's nothing to do. haha. Lastnight i was forced by my little bitchy sister to go to BLISS for some international school was boring, there were a crowd of kids there. hmmph. But i met waynus, he was MC'ing for the night, so adorable and nice to hug cuz he's so empuk. :D Yeah well, i haven't been doin much, i just went to carita today to chill and eat some good seafood but it was raining so i couldn't tan or swim. So we got bored and just drove back home.
I haven't been having cool dreams lately, yknow those dreams that make you smile when you sleep even if you haven't seen yourself asleep smiling, but you just know it? Yeah those dreams are awesome, makes me feel better when i wake up. Lastnight i dreamt about a jungle or something so when i woke up, i looked up at the ceiling and there were all these plants growing on it. weird..the fact that i really woke up and it wasn't a dream, guess i brought my dream to life for a few seconds there before it slowly faded away into the darkness. i think it explains confusion, how i'm lost and i don't really know where i wanna be or where i'm at in life, that kinda thing. I'm not really good when it comes to analyzing my own dreams. I don't have a lot to write now, call me boring, but i'm exhausted and i need some good ass sleep so yeah i better get going.

Wednesday, April 12, 2006

beautiful mornin'

Hey blog,yeah long time no see, i haven't really been blogging that much cuz i've been busy with my life, just like everyone is with theirs. As far as work goes, im improving. Skulwork? Exams are comin in sooner or later. But i'm doing alright. At this point of time, i can say i'm tired, really i am. But no matter how tired, i ain't givin up. The first drag of the day is the best, dont you think? I know alot of smokers do. I cut down though by quite a lot. Lastnight was Don's bday party, she had how many flamings and forced me to drink a shot of tequilla with her. Tequilla, it used to be my thing, but after nearly a year of not shooting a single shot, i feel like it's a new drink all over again. And so i had one shot, didn't feel good and didn't taste good but it did warm me up since the place was so cold. Shit i dont/can't drink as much as i used to, i don't know whether it's sad or better for me? At times it could be both. Damn, i have plenty of assignments to do but you were the first one i woke up to and its been quite a while, so just write. I haven't really been hanging out with my mum cuz she's such a busy woman and she wakes up early all the time, so for the past two days i've been waking up at 7 am on purpose just so i can see her and say good morning. I guess the people that matter most to you only matter to you when you're faraway to bother to matter. Yeah yeah. It's a beautiful mornin man....i had a healthy healthy breakfast. xD i wanna go wakeboarding! I dont care if i'll fall flat on my face again, haha, that hurt like a bitch but shit it was pure fun! I wanna take my sisters there.
ok see you. lets enjoy the day shall we.