Tis the season to be jolly, falallalalalla

Dear Blog,
I don't recall the numerous blogs i've had, they are all dead by now. I killed them. Nah i just forgot my username and password, as simple as that. Anyways i do know that this Christmas isn't going to be as amazing as it once was when i was a kid. I used to love decorating the Christmas tree and singing the old xmas carols to my family as i bang on the piano. But as years went by, life just changed tremendouslyfor me. I don't seem to have the motivation or spirit to celebrate anything anymore. That is sad my friend. I try to exert effort, but it's just pathetic really. The spirit should come naturally, not forcefully.
Anyways i'm in Jakarta right now, i'm at home baby. i'm glad, yes but days just seem so dull and boring for me sometimes, i just prefer to stay at home watching tv and munching on home food. Home is home, just gives you that lazy holiday mood. Clubbing isn't my top priority anymore, i don't enjoy it as much as i used to when i first clubbed. 13 years of age, i remember it was my first time ever to hit the clubs, it was when i had my first puff of smoke and first sipped off the glass of hard liquor. I guess i experimented way too early, i wanted to grow up so damn fast, but now that i'm 17, i think my interest in all that dunia malam shit has decreased and none of that shit about growing up was worth it in the long run. My best friends are all here and that is the only reason why my holidays are made enjoyable. Although i don't see them every single day, but as long as i know they're 10 minutes away from me, its all good. Tomorrow i'm holding a small Christmas dinner, my best friends are all coming, which is why i'm glad. Haven't had dinner at home for so long.
hmm..i guess we're going to the mountains for New years eve, sounds a little odd. Going to a rave in puncak? hmm...i don't mind doing something different for a change. Just as long as everybodys going to be there, that's the most important thang bebe. The Tsunami rave was quite fun, i admit, although i wasn't high on drugs nor alcohol. I didn't even drink a sip of anything, but still all that hyper music attacking ur ears just makes you feel like ur not completely at ur sober state. It drunkens you, makes you dance like crazy! Plus the atmosphere is filled with e'd up human beings acting like they have been possessed by the blinking lights and all that trance. Trance just puts you into a trance, it all makes sense now. Wow..i'm a blur really.
Oh god my mum asked me to join this institute thang called "The organizer", i guess she doesn't seem to think i'm organized enough, wants me to be a more scheduled and well-organized individual. That's not me. I'm so new to all this crap really, i don't really indulge in such seriousness in life, i believe things that are unplanned will end up planned. But as you plan things, it just slowly becomes a routine, then all of a sudden you get bored from all that planning and just go unplanned. The fuck am i saying. i guess i've been taking too much biogesics, it's like drugging me bad, making me feel so drowzy and at the same time curing this heavy flu of mine. Recover fast bel, recover fast.
Oh god, i'll be starting my 3rd semester in a month plus, good heavens, it's gonna be so boring for me. I always go to classes late, but at least i hand in my assignments on time. Lecturers are a bore and they know it, they know i don't like em so i guess they choose to detest me in a way. Hopefully that doesn't affect my grades, which i think might be quite possible. They are bitches, only nice to the ones that bother to listen to their dreadful sessions. It's just so mind numbing, makes me want to go crazy as i listen to the words coming out from their dry mouths. When ur studying, everything seems to be in slow motion. Why did i end up in mass comm when what i really wanted was marine biology?! I could be experimenting with creatures and diving underwater rather than writing essays on a regular basis. Shit, it's too late. But i'll make up for that big REGRET somehow in the future, when i'm more successful in life. Ahhh...i love taking a puff of smoke outside my house cuz the weathers just perfect, the darkness falls on you while the lamp post is ur only ray of light. Makes it look like ur outdoor bedroom or something. A natural sanctuary to smell the fresh air and feel healthy, just makes it serene and calm. Know what i miss? I miss barbeque parties, it's so nice. I mean you just drink, eat, and laugh, messy as hell but who the hell cares about manners at that time? Everyone has fun anyway! :D I hate advertisements, i'm a sucker for them. Like this star world promotion about the three tenors performing in the forbidden city in beijing, imean how sweet is that? I wish i could attend! You need dough in this world man! And i got no dough and no way am i referring to my parents for money, it's just too much to ask for. Allowance is all i have and all i need actually, but greediness is just wrong for me, i have to stop being greedy and stop wanting everything in the world.
Anyways i'm off to watch smallville! I'm not a regular fan or anything, but ohwell there's nothing else my eyes can screen on so toodles! -bellybutton-
gnite!