Tuesday, July 17, 2007

My ML500

Greetings Mojito.
It's amazing how internship has given me so much time to dwell with you. To write with you and share my deep and dark thoughts. haha i kid, i kid. Anyways, i miss Will Ferrell, i haven't spotted him in any upcoming movies. Even the rumors don't say shit these days. Maybe i 'm just apart from E Channel, so i'm lost entertaintment wise. But it's not such a big deal for me, i just love Will Ferrell, i haven't even watched ELF yet. Can you imagine? John says its one of his finest flicks. So i'ma check that shit out. haha we're both Will Ferrell Fanatics. I had a really bad day yesterday, i was tired from work, i had a chitty chat with Kelly, we reminisced, we gossiped, we did what we could do given the time was nearly midnight. And both of us are under internship so we need to finish our last week and set a clean record. So both of us were already tired but the conversation reminded me of the old days when she would sleep over and we would tease guys and people. Those days were so fuckin memorable, i'll never forget that. If i need some fun, Kelly will deliver it to me. I miss her man. It's been dust years, i always say. Man, Michael learns to Rock is coming to town, i do not recall liking them, but their songs are so tacky and cheesy that you just keep singing it or thinking about it. It's a freakin cliche Karaoke song, they have that karaoke beat that all these expensive chinese karaoke centers in Kota have. Like people with bad english will sing along to these songs because its so easy to follow the beat and words. They sound the same, god dammit, it sounds the same. Like paint my love, nothing to lose, you took my heart away? All the same shit. Same shit yo. Anyways, i was thinking to myself about personal goals? I never thought about what car i'd like to buy for myself. I'm just thinking of moving to Spain with family, get a bungalow, and live our lives learning how to speak the language. It's fun, don't you think? I dont know that's my goal. I dont know if i'll ever touch it...but it's so easy for a goal to erase, that's when your thoughts and needs change, then your goals either become harder to achieve or too easy. But i was thinking if i had a goal, I don't really need a sports car or whatever. I am a big Mercedez fan, but i do not mind the BMW 6 bloody fuckin beautiful series. Now that's the best shit BMW came up with. Anyways the car i would want to be realistic about in this life i have is the 2007 MERC ML500 SUV. Fucking gorgeous SUV. That's probably the car of my choice now. As for sports, we're talking cars that cost just as much as elite houses or perhaps even more. I'd go for the MERC 2006 SLR McLaren. Ohmyfuckin god, it really pumps up the adrenaline rush in me. It's a hot car. It's the car i'll be glad with. I swear. I just like it. But for now my goal is to at least buy my mum something big, something that will surprise her. And i will. I strongly believe i can.
Fuck i miss bali, i miss the smell of the incense stix, i just miss it. I know i go there often but so what you know..its great, i love it.
Anyways im looking forward to Bandung, the last time i went there i was still fat. I can recall that. anyways mwah..love

Monday, July 16, 2007

that wish-i got it.

Lastnight, i was granted one small wish. A meaningful one. John finally understood what i wanted from him, we finally managed to share our dreams and desires, our likes and dislikes without a single argument. I congratulate this relationship, i guess sensitivity really does affect people. It always does, it puts yourself down. What can i say, we are all stupid HUMAN BEANS (quote Janice) i like that term, we are beans, we think like beans at times. I dont recall when we are ever really understanding and smart. There is not one day where we go by not doing something stupid.
The conversation was solid, it lasted for hours. It was enjoyable for me. That finally the guy that i once hated to be in a relationship with, broke up with several times, finally got around to digging into my brain. Gathering my thoughts and empathizing. That is his job, my job is to give him the confidence every man wants..that confidence, the drive.
Yeah that just really made my day. I dont mind skipping my beauty sleep for this talk. Its amazing, what it can do, how it can make two stubborn people wake up to a point of realization.
I'm going to cut it short right now. for love, cheers.
A toast to thelast week of internship, time to get serious.

Monday, July 02, 2007

the world, sweet but frustratin'

Hey you little whore.
haha. Anyways i've been so random these days. This applies to my thoughts, my life, my surroundings, my friends, my boyfriend, my food, my drinks, my hours, my life again. It's an upside down life i'm living right now. Back home, it's my life of whcih i'm used to and everythings just there for you to grab. Here..i go find things to grab and it's getting really tiring. Even with my own boyfriend, he's so spoilt..he needs me to give him attention. We had this weird fight this morning, the stupidest shit ever..i swear i regret it wholeheartedly. Arguing about whether or not i watch CNN? Excuse me John, i've been watching CNN everyday to check the latest updates about the WORLD. It's just that the stories focusing on the states is much more interesting than the world news. Thats all. And we fought about that. Really, fuck ur attitude JOhn, fuck it. It's annoying me like a fat fly on shit.
I want to go back home so bad, i dont remember the last time i enjoyed my morning and evening drags sitting on my black ikea couch while sipping off to hot tea or a hot milo. I dont remember just relaxing after a nice warm shower and feeding my eyeballs with cool books and those Asian Ghost stories. I don't remember my "ALONE" time. When will i ever get my alone time? I think i should move out to a studio Apartment. No housemates, no extra expenses, no dirt, no problems. Just mine. I'm beign so selfish right now, but i would kill to breathe alone and to eat alone and to freakin read a book alone wtihout people asking me wht the books about and where did i get it and all that fuckin shit. I miss those times with just me. I miss creating things, making cards, drinking a beer, just being alone keeps you on track. Because you get time to focus on yourself adn your thoughts. Which means your thoughts won't be interrupted or crossed over by people who disagree with em or have their own thoughts to voice out. Yknow..you dont need that shit everyday (which is what i've been getting every bloody day) it's frustrating. It sucks the life out of me. Keeps me motionless, expressionless, quiet, and bitchy. And i hate being like that, its a natural reaction when you've been spending a huge amount of time with the same person. So true. I'm sure he's feeling the same way too. Yknow having a girlfriend that can barely control her temper, walks away because she likes to avoid confrontation. Doesn't give enough shit about him when he's sick. I'm sure he feels like i treat him like shit. I dont know man. Do i? I really needa learn that part of me. All my friends are slowly making me realize that this is me, the bitch, or the ass, either way..it works..im both of em.
im out. annoyed really at the world.

Sunday, July 01, 2007

bumble bee.

Hey there blogster pants.

Yeah i spent two days in Indo...it was hectic. But i had fun with don and muri. Anyways i asked Don about Putra, apparently she loves him but she's not in love with him. Yknow what? That term is awesome, i completely agree with it. That's probably how i feel for John, and all along, i was just confused whether i was in love because i'm most definitely not in love with him. I just love him for the things he's done, the things he does, the affection he gives me, the hot milo he bothers to make. All these things, i love him for. Its more of an external thing, as in i love him for the things he has done for me, but i do not love him deeply for who he is. I'm not in love yet, i'm not so sure if i will or not. So thank god i was talking to Don about this, if not, i'd be doomed to explain myself to him.
John and i are going great, i was gone for two days, but i kept thinking about him, which was odd..because normally when i'm with family, everything else fades. He didn't. I kept wondering what his itinerary was over the weekends with the dudes..i just sat on my couch and pondered on whether or not he could be the right one. Klaudius thinks i should marry him, and yknow what..when i think about marriage with John, it's not so bad, but it doesn't feel right yet. Yeah really doesn't quite feel right. And it's still a big leap. I mean c'mon lets be realistic, i'm really young, i haven't really gotten a chance to be successful yet, i ain't gonna let marriage get in the way. People who wanna marry fast are just desperate fucks. I mean please...i need to stabilize myself financially. I need to own my own property, i need all these things before i get going to marriage.
Yeah...i dont know..but lastnight was a beautiful night, although i didn't get enough sleep, those hours talking and stuff were entertaining. I liked it a lot. Just felt like he's someone i could rely on when i'm hurt or feeling blue. He's my lover and my confidant. I just realized all this. Fuckin amazing huh.
Like for once, it feels right, it feels genuine..this stir of emotions between us. It just feels so right now...no more of those awkwardness. No more.
It's just me, him, and a great conversation and plenty of lovin'.
Okay, transformers was awesome..seriously it was so fuckin awesome, i dont know how to explain it.but the robots were awesome! I liked optimus prime and bumble bee. Dude it was just wow..magnificent. Entertaining. Cool.