Monday, July 02, 2007

the world, sweet but frustratin'

Hey you little whore.
haha. Anyways i've been so random these days. This applies to my thoughts, my life, my surroundings, my friends, my boyfriend, my food, my drinks, my hours, my life again. It's an upside down life i'm living right now. Back home, it's my life of whcih i'm used to and everythings just there for you to grab. Here..i go find things to grab and it's getting really tiring. Even with my own boyfriend, he's so spoilt..he needs me to give him attention. We had this weird fight this morning, the stupidest shit ever..i swear i regret it wholeheartedly. Arguing about whether or not i watch CNN? Excuse me John, i've been watching CNN everyday to check the latest updates about the WORLD. It's just that the stories focusing on the states is much more interesting than the world news. Thats all. And we fought about that. Really, fuck ur attitude JOhn, fuck it. It's annoying me like a fat fly on shit.
I want to go back home so bad, i dont remember the last time i enjoyed my morning and evening drags sitting on my black ikea couch while sipping off to hot tea or a hot milo. I dont remember just relaxing after a nice warm shower and feeding my eyeballs with cool books and those Asian Ghost stories. I don't remember my "ALONE" time. When will i ever get my alone time? I think i should move out to a studio Apartment. No housemates, no extra expenses, no dirt, no problems. Just mine. I'm beign so selfish right now, but i would kill to breathe alone and to eat alone and to freakin read a book alone wtihout people asking me wht the books about and where did i get it and all that fuckin shit. I miss those times with just me. I miss creating things, making cards, drinking a beer, just being alone keeps you on track. Because you get time to focus on yourself adn your thoughts. Which means your thoughts won't be interrupted or crossed over by people who disagree with em or have their own thoughts to voice out. Yknow..you dont need that shit everyday (which is what i've been getting every bloody day) it's frustrating. It sucks the life out of me. Keeps me motionless, expressionless, quiet, and bitchy. And i hate being like that, its a natural reaction when you've been spending a huge amount of time with the same person. So true. I'm sure he's feeling the same way too. Yknow having a girlfriend that can barely control her temper, walks away because she likes to avoid confrontation. Doesn't give enough shit about him when he's sick. I'm sure he feels like i treat him like shit. I dont know man. Do i? I really needa learn that part of me. All my friends are slowly making me realize that this is me, the bitch, or the ass, either way..it works..im both of em.
im out. annoyed really at the world.

1 comment:

Janice said...

make me a card, bel. then we'll go out and do whatever you want :) im missing ya!