cheppi cheppi

Hey blog,
shit...im nearly done with my finals. Getin close getin close. But the thing is i have my cousins wedding to go to and thank god there's no exam on that day, but there are exams after that. The 11th of novembers like squashed in between my busy schedule...but since kristies getn MARRIED...shit its big..i gotta go check it out.
I've lost the taste of fun...fun is everywhere actually, you can have fun anytime, but it won't be original and unplanned. When its planned..everything is easy to predict. I won't say i have fun all the time, people seem to think im the type of person that always has the fun and makes it fun. Im really not that type of person. I can be so negative towards having fun, i can ruin a night just by forcing my friend to go home. I could do that..but im way too considerate to turn off the engines of the night. haha. In this life, i feel like my job is to help people that complain and whine about their own personal problems all night long. That's my job, my life. That's what i've been doing all the time that i forget what the fuck to do for myself. I forget everything and i start all over.
I praise the days when i could just laze around like a bitch without probs...those days were cool but today, i can't..no matter how hard i try to relax..i stress myself out and i stress other people out. That part of me is rather inconsiderate. I'm very inconsiderate at times...i blame selfish me...it has affected quite a number of people close to me. Although they think i dont give a damn...one day i hope they'll understand that this is me..and i hope to change but its a tough process. I want to just sit around and be a bum like the others..and i want to cure this stubbornness of mine. I'm so freakin stubborn. I really am. But not as stubborn as my sister. I miss playing big2 with them....i miss poolin with em too. I realized i got so shitty when i played this dj in langkawi..like faaarrrk he's one hero in pool man...he can spin a ball, like seriously, he can spin a ball and his accuracy is fuckin superb! I admire him..really do. One day i'll train to be just like him...if i'm given the time to train. haha.
Oh gosh christmas is coming, time for me to make some cards and buy some gifts...i dont feel like goin back to jakarta..but christmas has gotta be with the family, what is the meaning if its not wtih the family? I wanna go to maldives this dec tho....my friends getting married, i'm so happy for her...i really wanna go and see her beautiful wedding..ahh what a floaty dream to think of. It's just nice to be in a wedding...you get to see everything ahead of you. But i dont know if it'll happen to me..a friend of mine told me that guys would be too scared to propose to me. Shit man...makes me feel like some sad monster or sumin. But when i come to think of it..hell yeah its kinda true...i make the bitchy wife.
haha...whoever wants to marry me..i'll feel sorry for him. He's gonna have a rough time.
haha...the djajalie's...i guess we're all brought up this way...
anyways blog...i'm tied up..can't be all caught up here..gotta focus focus focus on my consumer behavior project...what a little mofo really...and some other projects of which i truly feel like throwing away.
m,w,a,h......
bello bello