Saturday, July 22, 2006

i bet that you look good on the dancefloor.

I just woke up, it's a fresh start today, time to rearrange my room, do the entire feng shui setting goin on. I dont have one of those lillian feng shui books, but i'll try to depend on my instincts. It's a lovely morning for me, for the first time ever. x) Dancing in the moonlight by Toploader's such a good morning song, it's cute. Fuck murs not here, i feel bad, i never can make it in time to see her. But we did take those photobox pics.....finally after a year or something of not being able to make it due to pure laziness and lame excuses. I have no idea why i keep craving for ayam goreng, haha...i've never wanted ayam goreng so much before, just recently the ayam goreng craze hit me. What i miss? I miss ayam goreng kalasan near the airport, i miss bakmi kek, i miss all these yummy stuff i've abandoned since my parents separated. When ur parents separate, you tend to have a different lifestyle when it comes to your home and what you eat. Mine have changed tremendously. The reason why i'm able to even get out at night is because my father is not around to control me, the house is faraway, so therefore im not worried. I dunt know but this is how most of my friends feel about me. They think i act like a bitch because of what happened to my parents, and you know what? I'm starting to believe that it's true. I hate it when people say "she's from a broken family, etc etc"...i dunt come from a broken background, my family's perfectly fine, and they've never been better apart. My mum has her own bf's, she's one playa for her age, haha and my dads getting some too i guess. I duno i i just like my parents when they aren't arguing with each other, when they're not cheating on each other, especially my dad, i did hate him, but fuck it yknow, why hate him, i grew up to understand that his blood will always stay with me. I still spend time with dad, i miss him in a very subtle way. All those times he was too busy for me and my sisters, we never complained. But i guess he's improved a little, he still likes to take us swimming, fishing, and golfing at times, his top three priorities when it comes to something to do with us. Or the most is dufan, if we're even lucky, haha...he's never free, used to always fly here and there, i dunt even know if he's in jkt everytime i get back here. I duno im starting to appreciate my family very much, doesn't matter if it's not a pleasantville movie, but i like it perfectly broken, so that i can move on and so that i wouldn't be left hanging. You can say i slightly mistreat guys, the fear in me has subsided a little, but not quite, i won't trust em easily and even if we are in a relationship, the first thing i'll let go is not my anger, it's them. My relationships dont last long, im not the type of girlfriend that will listen all day long and be controlled, i can't take it...i feel like i need space to breath, need my own life back or something. Who am i to judge kan? I'm not a good gf, either they think i'll cheat on them instantly or do something wild and naughty behind their backs, but i can guarantee one thing, i would never cheat unless they cheated so i'll definitely come back with my sweet revenge. :D Been cheated on before, so i know what most guys are like, know what they are? They're assholes that think that hurting girls or destroying a relationship is a plus, they think they can control you and threaten you not to go clubbing or cheat on em or else it'll end between the both of you, they wanna take advantage of you for a bit, even if they really liked you, that like wasn't that serious anyway. Take you to nice dinners, but what for? To lure you into bed? I'm stupid at first with all these things, i get lured, i fall for the typical gentleman, the ones that know how to be decent, the ones that know how to smell, know where to bring you, know what to wear, know what you like. And i hate how smart some can be. Cuz behind the pretentious act lies this burning desire to have you and therefore it slowly grows tempting and thats when the chemistry begins and you know it, but you get along with it. You see...i know that analysis leads to paralysis, but it's true, all these things, i'm sick of it...why can't guys come up with something more genuine instead of amusing. I'm complaining like a bitch now, but if there was someone decent, i'd get brushed off straight. haha. Okok. :D I have just betrayed my own words of wisdom here, but i do mean it tho. haha
Ah..right now, i need to meet someone spiritual, not in a religious way, but in a way that he can soothe my thoughts and help the energy flow in me properly. Give me the right relaxation, not just sleep. I wanna do the diamond massage, looks fuckin cool, yeah i'll go find it in beverley hills somewhere. So they massage you using 6 million dollars worth of diamonds. Holy fuck. That would be cool, i dunt mind spending for the session if its that fuckin effective. hoolah! Hey the movie 'jatuh cinta lagi' was pretty good for an indo film yknow, they made jkt look like singapore, that's how good it was, or at certain germany. Yeah it was nice, the setting, the ambience, the idea, the plot, the proffesionalism was quite high, i liked it. Everything was right, just krisdayantis fuckin laugh, she should just laugh silently, it wouldve made the movie much better. she laughs like a fuckin duck. sorry...but she's annoying.
Yknow what songs so sexy? Hotel's a very meaningful song, like the type of song you need to give you a reason in life. Yknow songs that make you think about positive things, keeps ur mind running properly.
Im fungry write now, so i'm gonna go eat my heart out and just yeah eaaaaaaaaat! I needa get outta home soon or boredom will kill me.

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