Thursday, March 03, 2005

is this how we live life to the fullest?

I can't imagine living life when you hurt a person real bad. It just makes me feel so guilty inside, i already have enough guilt and it sure looks like life is adding more of it into me. I duno how to put this into words, but im just saying, why do i have to be so shallow? Why do i have to find a flaw in a person before i even get to see the real them? I guess this is what's wrong with me, i look at the surface and i don't bother going beyond that. I'm a shallow bitch, this is why its so tough living my life. Somehow i hate myself for being this part of myself, why was i born with it? I dont think my mother ever brought me up to be this inconsiderate about other people's feelings. I'm not good when it comes to empathy. Right now i'm in my bedroom, just wondering why i'm like this, i feel abnormal. I mean i look around and i see normal people with steady relationships n a love life and when i focus on myself, all i see is an empty life with no heart. Or its either a heart filled with stones. I think i might be quite heartless kan? No wait that can't be cuz i feel bad for other people but i never really put myself into their situation, just that i'm as shallow as the shore. How did i inherit such selfishness and stubbornness? yeah yeah im just like this and if im not mistaken my sisters are pretty much following my footsteps, they'll carry the heavy guilt burden in no time.
Okay i'll quit being annoying and focus more on my plans for this week- weekend, friends and i are planning to go to this Zouk rave held in genting highlands, sounds awesome, i got my gear lights ready and everything is just cool, but yknow the bloody curse, whenever we look forward to an event or get so excited and do the advanced planning, it will end up a living disaster.
I don't know what else to say.
im off to, yeah bed.

No comments: