Uncommon Slapstick

I went for a Masquerade party lastnight.

It would've been cool if everyone dressed up for the occassion but the whole invitation didn't really highlight that bit of the night.

It was fun and funny. Jay was actually. He was like poppin and lockin, grooving to the silence of smokers, laughter, and permanent stares. He was the entertainment clown of the night. But too bad he collapsed in bed before any of us headed back. My impression of Jay has 360'd, from a quiet emo boy to a hardcore masquerade clown.



The Clowns on the left. Not the right.

It was a simple night, but good the way it was. Conversations were based on rare drags, music, poisonous laughter, and killing the awkwardness between strangers in the big SMOKEY room. It was pleasant though.

Then I thought to myself that I should throw one of these Masquerade parties one day. And that the dresscode should be taken more seriously by our very own voluntary bouncers. Won't that be cooler? Well scrap that, let's move on to the frolicsome images we have here.









It's been a while for girls like us. The ones that party poop.




Sup homeslice?






The Great Fall of Mankind



Murder at the utmost degree





Jay: How are my moves? Wasn't too good ay?
Me: What? Noooo..don't be hatin'..you were amazing right there. Jay-T mang.
Jay: Thanks, i'm gonna go get the hang of it now.
(he moves into the middle and starts to get his groove on)
Me: Yeah you go Jay. (I say, without a stir of confidence)


I'm getting hungry from blogging. Takes a lot of effort man. Sometimes when I feel rajin and all, I'll type with inspiration and passion and whatever ion there is in the world to describe that hardworking feeling. But now I feel like soup in a fancy bowl.

I'll leave you to this:






The Man of our 5 hours


so long, farewell.

Bang Bang (My baby shot me down)

I'll give you a little run through on the latest things that has happened since our last episode together.

First of all, it wasn't that much. 28th marked Johnjohn AKA Dugong's Birthday. That boy had three dinners, well + 1 including the one with his parents tonight. Crazy. I only have one on the day I blow the cake, which is the day itself. He has like a few, because one isn't satisfying enough, he likes to be constantly reminded of how he's turning one year older. I get it now. The attention he needs. :)

So yeah his Birthday dinners were alright. The Cake was awesome. The Duck meat was awesome. The people? Cool too i guess, well except for one. But I will not disclose such information because I would like to keep it on a hush hush status now.

So John's Birthday event took the whole of Wednesday, Thursday (the actual day), Friday, and Saturday. Man.

On Saturday though, I had to try the All-Day Breakfast in Dome. Apparently, it is of the same price as Decanters but they are more generous with the servings. I got the Egg Hollandaise. I like it, but not enough to come back for more Egg Hollandaise action.

Nearly the whole of today was spent at the curve talking about nothing really. People passing, most especially the couples who are either color coordinated or are going for the whole "We are TWINS!" look. OH well. :D My smiley describes all the bittersweet thoughts of mine.

As the Sun lost its light to the moon, we headed down to DONGS to "KILL BILL" twice. I loved it. Tarantino, Quentin is a natural born director and killer in film making history. He mixes kung fu with pleasure. He makes Samurai swords sexy. He makes blood look like a gorgeous beauty (even when its bursting a fountain off someones neck). He's a genius, he is the GOD of film. Well, my GOD of entertainment. I just love KILL BILL VOL 1-2. Don't you? It's simple, it's easy to watch, it gives you wacky ideas, it makes you want to buy a samurai for keeps and of course not to mention, all the products/brands that sponsors Quentins cast: I'm guessing Marlboro was one of em, Lucky Charms, Fruit Loops, Puma, Onitsuka Tiger, and I'm also guessing the PUSSY WAGON was the all-American muscle truck, a FORD? I don't know but I seriously like the color of the movie and how everything sponsored fits the moments he wanted to portray. This is my second time watching VOL 1-2 again and damn, it seriously feels like my eyes have lost its virginity to these volumes.

I finally completed Paulo Coelho's 11 Minutes. I think it is worth a read and I give it a *** (3 Star) reader's value because it failed to excite me after Love struck these two love duos. The ending was unexpected because it wasn't a PC ending, it was like a Danielle Steel love novel. Might be good for some people, but it was just satisfactory, no excellent finishing touch. Just a bunch of words he tried to make up to quickly end the book. He too probably got sick of writing about thick passion and complicated romance so he just ended it on a boring note. :) I'm not ruining it for people, this is my personal opinion. But it is worth flipping through because there are lines and phrases in that book that make you go like "shit, how in the hell did he come out with something so creatively good like that?" Yeah happened many times through my 11 minutes experience. At least try to spend 11 minutes reading it, if you do not relate to it, discontinue and get a Sidney Sheldon or Danielle if it ain't romantic enough for you. hehe :D

I need a drag now. I prefer it to you. :D

Bang Bang, I shoot you down now.

Waiting for em chunks to subside.

Afternoon you little fool.

Sometimes I can't figure out how and why people have weird attitudes or ways of taking simple text messages. Like you could just say "Can't hang out today man" and immediately they'll be hating you with a "Fine, be that way!". I'm just thinking to myself, like WTF? It's stupid and the more I think of it, it makes me feel dumb for even wondering how these people feel. They should just know that no one has time to offend them through Short Message Services! ahem. Get it woman, I tend to keep things short when i'm using my phone, don't expect a long and nice email of how I can't make it for the day.

"FINE, BE THAT WAY!!!!!"

Anyways, I just gobbled some Auntie Anne chunks and now i'm doing the right thing, which is to let my stomach slowly digest what I have eaten so I can plunge in the old pool and do the laps i've been dissing for almost 2 weeks. Holidays are great, but they break your routine and they make you a temporary insomniac. I hope that in my case, it will be temporary.

I am currently reading a book entitled "Eleven Minutes" by Master Paulo Coelho. I'm sure many know him for his bestselling novel "The Alchemist" of which I haven't touched or filled my mind with just yet. I've read others like the Witch of Portobello, By the River Piedra I Sat Down and Wept, and now 11 Minutes. I'm not done yet with the minutes, but I can tell you that it's my favorite one of them all, it is highly erotic in a religious Paulo Coelho way. The typical description of Sexual Desire and how others perceive it. It's odd, but cool really. This book is about the struggle of a brazillian prostitute and how she strives to earn more money to feed her poor family and buy a farm back home. But before she can do all that, she registers herself as one of the "objects of desire" at the Copacabana. Through the months of pleasuring her customers and earning lots of dollars, she fastens her feelings on this famous painter and falls in love once again (when she promised herself she won't love again) If any writer out there can give you a different perspective and personal view on prostitutes in general, then that means he has succeeded. I can't really tell you the entire story, because i'm not done with it yet. When it comes to Paulo, i like to take my time reading and re-reading his explanations. :)



There goes the day....

I think it is time for me to do my laps, overtire my legs, and just get some exercise done.

ByeDbye.

Lookin back to Relax and :)

Hey now, hey now,

I am finally jotting down my thoughts. Not much of it, but hey some oddness in the air today moved me. So therefore, here are my set of words. I finally inserted pictures today. Don't know why it took me years to add extra jewels into my site. I guess i wanted to go for the creepy blog look with no sense of happiness. I seem like a wannabe, now that i think of it. I had my goth days, in highschool though, used to worship the devil. NOT. I just enjoyed reading those crafty books and tried making my own potions and casted wicked spells. In a way, some of my spells worked, but i guess the timing was right. Made me go all psychological on my thoughts. Man I never thought my goth days would end...thought that Mur, Kristine, and I would beat the CHARMED sisters. haha..we'd be like the highschool goth girls that praise hip hop fashion and music. hahahaa...tacky days are the coolest. Trust me, i love tacky, it fills me with so much laughter, its crazy.



Those were the days huh. The Fairytale Prom days.

Anyways about two days ago, I went through this Javanese massage. The lady that did my "pijit" was from the land of Indonesia, except she mentioned her hometown and I do not think it exists in the map. Sounds like some master of the village just made shit up. But it sounds like one of those Jelangkung films and their destinations to "Jln. Kramat Batu". Sounds like one of those potential filming spots for b-grade horror films. But just saying this reminds me of those old school days. When we used to be tight as a gang, as friends. Used to go watch movies in PIM and throw popcorns at each other.That was Simple Fun. Simple Laughter. Those were the times when friends and enemies really counted.




My back is still hurting, could this be good or could it be bad? I've been swimming everyday to overtire my body so when my muscles ache, I know I did some work out routine. The thing is sleeping is a hard factor for me now. I can't sleep for nuts, no matter how comfy my bed is, no matter how clean my room is, no matter how early i wake up and how late i sleep. I just don't really get that tired man. I think I am slowly turning into a ROBOT. Bell-E. Introducing my friend.



I should think of something to do to make the hours shrink into un-endless tick tocks. To make it seem like my time is productive, that sweat and effort is good almost everyday. I need to be given something to do. Thats what I thought, go back to Jakarta this Wednesday, do some Marketing work for Fred, drink some bintangs, shoot some pool and wala...productive enough. Much better than staying at home.

September welcomes the obstacles

Tuesday
9/September/2008

September, the month of random break ups and obs. A few weeks ago was the release of the hungry ghosts and we were warned to stay put in our homes after 6pm. Apparently people say that it is the prime time for these beings to hang out and meet up with their homies for casual drinks. I guess it is, it's like their annual vacation time other than choking in the flames of hell or cooling off with angels in heaven.

Anyways, this is like the second week of our September and you bet a lot has happened. My neighbors got robbed and so did their neighbors. Theft here, death there, people committing suicide like no ones bloody business. It's crazy because it happens around people and after people hear the news, the obstacles naturally go their way.

A few days ago it was a pleasant Friday night, I came out of my room and there was this gloomy shadow outside at our porch. The cause of the shadow? Some middle-eastern guy taking a sneak peak through our windows. Plus, my housemate was wrapped up in a bath towel humming and spinning to her jazz tunes as she reached for the toilet door. That pervert was watching her the whole time, then it got me thinking, damn he could have been there for like a few minutes already just watching her indulge in her marvellous Friday. So, I pointed at him and it took him a while to reconsider his stay at my front porch or pack his balls and leave. Then, he left and ran to his unit. HIS UNIT! He's my neighbor, yes he is. I have a pervert neighbor. I swear if it happens again for no reason, i'm going to call the cops on him. Well, not like calling the cops on him would really make a difference.

September is just a really bad month for my circle of friends. Always be armed with your gear. Pepper sprays are useless, they just look good as key chains. Pocket a swiss army knife and I guess it will last you when danger comes around the corner. :)

Baby boy will wear GAP.

Hi.

Man oh man, it's been such a long week for me. I'm not the type to update or fill in the emptiness of an empty blog page during work hours. If i did it during work, i guess it would serve as therapy to my mind. My boss said that if you need therapy, just enter the conference room alone and as you sit down in the darkness, feast your eyes on the light coming from the water tank. How therapeutic. It's basically an ordinary aquarium with some decent lights and some decent looking fishes as well. Fishes is already a word and I'm sure now they have the term fishes in dictionaries.

Yes yes, it's been a tiring string of days for me. I elope from one place to another, drive like a freaking circus monkey, and of course manage my tummy at the same time, as its the time of the month and my cravings have gone humongous. I can eat a whole person now by just picturing freakin bak kut teh in my mind, i swear i just want to eat that shit out from the claypot.

I will soon be heading for my cousins baby shower. I think I lack knowledge of celebratory terms. Such as a BABY SHOWER. I wasn't aware that a baby shower came prior to having the baby. I always had the knowledge that it was after the bump was popped, you shower it with joy and blessings. Numsayin? I just think it makes more sense that way. Anyhoos...i got great items for the baby boy. Very typical and American, i decided to walk into GAP KIDS. I have to admit, what i bought for the boy to come was splendid. I think sooner or later when he grows to know me, he'll tell me that i was the best aunt in the world for spoiling him in fashionable ways. :D I imagine him to be a cool kid. I swear baby shopping is much cooler than shopping for yourself. It gives you the ability to buy something so small and yet make use of it. As a gift of course. But you just have the liberty to make a newborn look good. Like hey, i shot straight out in 87 and my mother made me wear the most hideous clothes, stuff with no labels or brand names. Guess the only famous one i wore was like pigeon and the KIKILALA. That friggin name is so striking, you think it's only for LALA's. But no, they cater to kids and adolescents. How misleading huh?

Anyways, I think i'm gonna hit the 1 hour sack. I'm so tired I can feel my bones weakening and my eyes slowly closing a halfway.

I will update when i feel like it and when odd situations surpass to inspire me. :)

Au revoir poyple.

The Sunday Pigging

I’ve been waiting for lazy Sundays to come.
Today’s the perfect one for pigging-in at home. Just turn on your sensual jazz, feast thy eyes on a self-improvement book and warm up the lazy couch you’ve always taken for granted.

These past few days have been hectic with friends and the other half. Time to relax and set yourself to potato-mode. Unfortunately, there’s Brenda’s birthday party to go to and it’s pouring like a beast outside. Do you go or do you prefer to savor your day with the Sunday pigging? Sunday pigging of course.
But I’m still going. Because I am not a Birthday pooper, I still have some effort. This is for all the people at home wanting to go out for absolutely no reason but to hang out. Just hang out at home, you’ve got all your goods, your music, your television set, your biscuits, and your hot tea. And not to mention, the couch you barely enjoy due to responsibilities. Enjoy it today.
I am currently absorbed in this self-improvement book entitled “Why Men Love Bitches?” It caters to the curious needs of women out there that are “too nice” and have sacrificed so much for their men. The big factor is that the men do not appreciate and do not reciprocate.

Am I too nice? Coming from an angry bitch like me with complicated feelings and messed up thoughts that can be considered delusional and over the cherry top. I guess I am too nice. But there are points in the book which help me self-judge myself. There’s always room for improvement. No one can be the ultimate bitch I tell you, even the author. What she’s writing to all of us females is just an opinion that would work. And I thank her because she got all those questions of mine answered and she did some very interesting research before anyone else did. So here’s my applause for you Ms. Sherry Argov, for doing your homework and for the effort you’ve made into making weaklings turn into tough cookies so that the oblivious men out there shall want a savory bite of us all.
There is lightning above, getting closer to my window. It scares me shitless. It has officially ruined the lazy Sunday by striking it’s fierceness in every corner and leaving us to dwell in our habitats in fear of its monstrous temper. I loathe nature when it acts like it loathes us, keeping us in fear without telling us why. Nature is oh-so-childish and unjust.

But when it’s beautiful, it’s absolute.

Go do the Sunday pigging you guys. We have come a long way from Monday, it is time to pig out because you deserve it. If there was no birthday plan blocking my pigging agenda, I would be fastened to the couch with a home-made salsa dip (stolen from Frontera of course) and digging it with nachos covered in mozzarella melt. And I would ask Larry Frontera (you’ll know about Frontera in my next entry) to deliver the best margarita in town for only me to say yum to.

Cheers, a yummy Sunday for pigs.

im up for it.

Drinkin' tea by tea. Yes i am.
It's been three nights down and i've been going to the mamaks to cure the boredom. Anything to do with "out" of johns..i'm up for it. It's not the apartment that im suffering with. At times it's him. Arguments are more or less caused by my stupid idiotic mouth and temper temper. But oh well, if i don't get out, its never going to end.
I wouldn't say i'm happy in this relationship. I'd say there are many lovey dovey moments but the missing bit is still waiting to be filled. The missing bit is understanding. I get it now. A realization hit me when i went all psycho on him just now. I was pouring out my temper and frustration over a small little thing. Therefore i apologized, although i know the same action might just repeat in a few days to come.
I have no control over my emotions. It's either i'm totally crazy or cold. It's just one of those, there is no middle line. The word neutral just doesnt work for me.
Im missing my real friends now. I've lost touch with the real me a few months ago. It feels like i'm lost and confused now, trying to mature into a different person, trying to alter and adapt to a relationship that is different from the rest. But what happens if i lose touch of all the happiness and fun? There is no room for adventure these days. I've just been moving in and sooner or later i will fill in a blank seat doing paperwork. I know its not what i want to do. I guess for the mother, you have no choice but to huh.
That month in Jakarta was different. It was cool. It's amazing how all my friends have matured. It's amazing how everyones in this powerful relationship except for me. I'm in a relationship that's still working out. It's in neither sides of the bad or good, it's not even in the middle. This relationship could kill ur time, give you eyebags and a lot of stress. It could cause insomnia too. I guess that's why im still awake at this hour dealing with it.
I don't know who i will spend my lifetime with..but currently i've been thinking about it. I know i shouldn't. But can't help it. I keep thinking about the day i walk down that aisle plus with who? Is it the man i'm now with or will there be another? Yes, there are many beautiful moments to cherish. Good memories always stay the way they are. But the relationship will never ever end up the way it once started. They say you should always treat ur partner the way you guys first started out. I say its impossible. When two people meet, their goal is to get to know each other. But once they know each other and are so sick of seeing each others bad habits and such, how the hell are they suppose to act like they dont know each other and give the respect? It's a toughy. I could never do that. Fuck my English has gone really horrible and vague. Even when i try to pronounce a word..i end up tongue tied. Even as i type this, my brains tangled.
I can't wait till my graduation day comes. My family, my best friend, the ones that mean the world to me will be there. It will feel like home. I just know it.

The guy for me would be one that pampers me even when i'm bitchy. Even when i'm screaming my lungs out and it gets scary. Some guys can't tolerate that shit. They get all scared and they think im psycho.
It is psychotic to yell and scream...but sometimes it feels so good letting out everything. The one guy that could handle it and still see the good in me will be the guy i'll be with forever. Becuz that's all i need. I need constant attention, i know i'm selfish and stubborn. But i do need the love, the hugs, the kisses. I need someone bold and strong and confident, so that he could pass me some of it. The thing is, you never know who you're dating, even if you've been dating a person for years, you still dont see certain things that outsiders see.

I dont know why i haven't been in the smiley mood these days. I've just been pmsing. I've been so bitchy to myself and to him recently. It's not so healthy. It creates a lot of tension in the bedroom. It hurts to fight daily. But i really dont know how to stop it sometimes.

I just had a meaningful death stick. hehe. And suddenly this drunk walks pass me. Its joe of course. It's funny how he could go clubbin and wake up for work. amazing actually.

It's time to sleep. I feel like taking a jog around the complex.

gnite kiss. mwah.

blanked out.

To Mr. Blank Sheet of Paper.


These days have been a rollercoaster. Filled with the ups and downs of relationships, countless amounts of thoughts and stress that pile up like freakin maggots. It's just sickening to live life this way. How do you get over such stress, how do you relief that shit? Some say the solutions lie in magazines and google. I tried all that, there was no relief..no smile...no happy thoughts. No drugs to use.

It's shit that this life is full of weird emotions that everybody has to encounter just to break even. Just to feel a similarity between familiar feelings, emotions, moves, reactions. Whatever it is, i've never felt so horrible in life before.

Here i am breaking 20 in a matter of a few days. I'm leaving 20 for the big 21. Its suppose to be my year, its suppose to be all mine. And today when i was depressed and when my heart was thumpin like a choo choo train, i couldnt do shit about it. The pathetic part was that when my friends have issues, i used to think they were pussy issues. Now i'm the pussy and they've gone a step further, they've graduated from the stress and found a way to solve their problems. I helped some of those friends and im sitting here typing to you because i can't seem to help myself.

Now im thinking how the fuck do i help myself? I think when it happens to others, you see the bigger picture. When people are stressed out they are caught up in this emotional state and it deepens through time. So you see the big picture, tell them whats going on and some see it and some don't. Right now i need someone to help me paint the big picture infront of my eyes. So i can see it, so my thoughts will not believe my short term imaginations. Because i'm a pessimist. Everything that seems clear to me is bad. So thats why i ruin relationships, thats why i ruin myself and my partner. I need time to really find my true self. Just by letting things go for a while.

You just need more time to give ur brain a rest. I was talking to a good friend of mine and he told me that i live my life through reassurance. I always assure myself, gather the closure, then only my decisions are made. I never let time take its course, i just keep being a bug to things.

My nature is to push. I just realized im such a bug. I just keep flying everywhere, whatever angles available, i freakin ram straight into it. I push and push, i have no patience of any sort. How the hell do i just relax and do that? It's so tough. I admire the people that have that quality. PATIENCE.

Patience is such a powerful word. Because it never occurred to me till just right this sec that i lack that quality, and it is just what i need. The problem starts with building the patience. Words that best describe me is impatient, compulsive, pessimistic,selfish, and a person with bad understanding. Yeah that's all i got. Probably got a lot more negative words.

I dont think i can write anymore. I need to think and see myself in a different perspective. Study my flaws perhaps.

gnite.

drifting to 08

Here we are on the 31st waiting to party the night away till the year 08.
I dont know man, it's not such a big deal that the new year is approaching. We dont have to party hard for the date to move. It will still move. This is causing all the traffic and ridiculous amounts of garbage flying around the roads. I swear, its like that here.
I don't know what's wrong with me. Just that sometimes i get so moody when its the time of the month you know. I just feel that no one really understands my needs anymore, including him. I haven't seen john in a few weeks. To some people that may be an easy one if their entire relationship was based apart from each other, like my best friend Murti for example. For some reason, it's tough for me to do it with john, when you're apart, you have bad feelings about everything, yeah you want to trust the guy, but when you guys argue, there's absolutely nothing you can do about it till he flies down here then you can kick his ass.
I think i just need to occupy my head with useful things like yoga, yknow balance the mind, body, and soul. Connect whatever with whatever. I know it sounds very commercialized and stuff, hell yeah it is hollywoods favorite shit..but whatever you know if it works, it works. And i've always been used to active exercise, it's time i slow down and try something that requires the long stretch and flexibility.
Fcuk! My right arm hurts like hell man, i dont know i spent hours lastnight trying to improve my pool skills..haha i didn't improve. duh.
Sometimes im not happy in this relationship, but sometimes i really feel like im happy. It all depends on the mood. There are moments when you cherish the bond and everythings perfect and you're not fighting. But when you argue, you just dont know how the hell it happened. Like one moment you're loving and you just can't keep ur hands off each other, the next you're just freakin screaming ur bloody lungs our gasping for more air and energy to scream more! haha. yeah well its crazy sometimes.
I miss my johnny boy..i haven't seen him in so long that i've almost forgotten the way he looks. I have pictures and memories, but when i close my eyes, its hard to really imagine him. It's been quite long actually. I don't think i can do long distance, no matter how much you love a person or care for them, long distance just suffocates your freedom to do things. It's crap. It puts me in a tight situation.
ahhh enough of this relationship crap. I want to have a decent night with beer and friends. thats all.
mwah.

08080808

08 is slowly approaching. What am i gonna do about it? The graduation ceremonys on febo. That's the only thing i'm holding on to before i find myself a decent job with decent pay. I know most definitely that i dont want to grow up and experience the life of a loser. I want to work at least. Saying it is easy, but going through it takes forever.

I'll be going to hongkytown in a few hours. I hope i enjoy myself, use my leisure time there to really just get out of the world and think and think. I need to think..and i can't think when i'm at home, and i can't think when i'm in my second home. I know i can think elsewhere tho. It's really odd.

I dont know, my time in jakarta this time of the year feels really i dont know...different. Friends are different and they have more to say, but i dont quite feel tight with them anymore. I mean yeah we're still tight through reminiscing about who fell and who embarassed themselves in highschool .But thats it. How about being tight when you mature? I dont know..it jsut feels weird. I mean i do have fun with em. But it fuckin sux that everyones so busy or so not interested in driving to see their own friends. I'm getting lazy as well. I feel bad...but seriously there's no excitement or push anymore. It's just staying at home and waiting for someone to force your ass out the door. it's just like that.

I miss johnnyboy. I really do. I used to think that this relationship was a wreck. But now, i dont know distance really makes the heart grow fonder. It's true. When i'm with him, i dont feel i miss em, only when i'm away and they are out of complete sight, thats when i miss the shit out of em.

that's all i have to say.
i dont think i'll be writing till next year.
adios amigos.

i miss.

Hey you,
long time no see.

My days have been alright. What spiced up my life was the exhibition match that happened a few days back. It was federer against pete sampras. God, it was a beautiful game, it was great to watch it live rather than through the tv screen. It was reality infront of your eyes i tell you.
I miss mbok jamu and krispo. God, i dont know how i'll ever live life without having friends like them. Here i am, busy with life here. There they are, living it up someplace else. But when we meet, the retardation comes up. That's waht i can't live without. Life here is sad.

My cat ranaway, the cutest thing ever decided to pack its balls and leave for perhaps some notorious gang or some hot furry feline. I miss him so. I just dont knwo how to get to him. He's off the grounds, away from this place, perhaps far far away in neverland. I have no idea. i will search the streets of the night and day until i find this furry ass.

I miss home. I miss mummy. I miss my sisters.
missing a shizload of peeps right now.
bellio signing off.

Pulp fiction is stranger than fiction.

Today, i woke up at 3pm in the afternoon with no food. Guess what? That's what pizza hut is for, immediate delivery! Not. They told us that since the rain was so heavy and it would affect time and transport, we have to umbrella ourselves all the way there. Which was really selfish of them. Their delivery men serve a purpose there, and that is to serve their loyal customers who want a fucking bloody supreme pizza with garlic bread. And these bloody malaysians are so lazy, they can't do shit but just stay under the rain pathetically waiting for us to fetch it ourselves.
The fuck is the point of delivery then? Pissed my ass off.

I've been feeling really nauseous these days. I was chopping some vegetables a few days back to make some salad and all of a sudden my vision turned real blur and i could see tiny fragments of light around. They say that it's due to loss of blood. Which was true, cuz i was having my period. But the point is, that is scary. Your vision starts to weaken, then 30 minutes later you get this pounding effect in your head, then you start to feel like you're one pregnant mofo needing a bowl to puke on. So then i puke over and over again, it seemed endless. When i was going through ultimate pain, i started to envy all those that were being bums outside the living room. I started to feel so depressed and i even bothered to pray my ass off to MR.GOD so that he could work his magic on me. It didnt work.


I can't even think right now. I just feel like typing my thoughts off.
I've been into Sangria these days, its a medicine to cure depression and active temper. I just realized that i throw tantrums out of the blue. I just throw em and the shittiest thing is while im being all psychotic, i dont give a fuck about people's feelings. I realized that i do have pretty serious mood swings and a powerful temper. It runs in the blood of my loved ones. Most especially my father. He is one hot tempered dude.

I watched Pulp Fiction for the very first time. I fell in love with it the minute it started. The minute the awkwardness appears with the subtle taste of music, i had a huge crush. It was fucking brilliant. I swear to god, watch it over and over again till your eyes melt because Quentin Tarantino rocks our world. I just love the way he gets great actors and makes them look so vulnerable or so suave. It's fuckin cool. The soundtrack is beautiful, it's bloody gorgeous, you just want to listen to each song and replay the movie in your head. I love the part where Uma Thurman and John Travolta were in the JackRabbits contest doing the strong twist, then the music came up. Fucking classic scene. The dialogues superb, its just diggable. It's smart, its hilarious, its serious, its tasty, its classic, it roasts your mind, it generates an ambience, it makes you want to be something illegal. And that's really out of the box smart, its just a unique invention. I'm glad i watched it today to appreciate it, cuz if it came out in the 90's i wouldn't really understand shit about it.

Anyways i'm going to be watching Sliding Doors. All the old movies that bring back old memories of your childhood days. Perfecto.

I can't wait.

mwah.

just a simple drop of flat lines

Dear you,
Wow, anyways its been ages since i've been really lonely. At times, i do feel lonely but i meant the type of lonely when you just have no one to call because you feel pathetic to call people to talk. The type of lonely when no ones around to give a shit about you or your small back ache. the type of lonely that just keeps you dying inside until someone rescues you by taking you to watch some weird movie. That's the type of lonely i'm highlighting. It's horrible. But i've been through a few years of that, i just make do with the people i have, even if i dont like some of them, at least i try to.
I'm not that lonely now, I'm pretty satisfied with life. I haven't really been a bum, i've just been bumming around, but today after that tiring survey we did..shit i felt like it burnt a bloody hole in my brain. The forced effort really exhausts you like a fuck. I hate studying, somehow this sem i'm really not up for academic action, i'm not really up for proper education. I'm not up for an empty class and its empty seats. Im not up for cafeteria breaks and endless views of the freshies wearing hideous clothes. I'm not up for anything actually. I'm open to the bed, the place where all my thoughts sink in for the night and turn into dreams, some nightmares, some beautiful and colorful. Just the way i like my life to run, in dreamland manner.
I'm here smoking my cigarette, these Marlboros are always here with me in times of need and for small emergencies. When i think about who's been there for me, no one beats these sticks. I've cut down though, i used the nicotine patch, i wish i could quit naturally with all the willpower and crap, but hey either way i'm cutting down by enormous chunks. It feels better for my body, now i have space to breath and think while i still enjoy these babies of mine.
i've been quite a depressed log for a few weeks, even the short trip to Bali didn't do much for me, but it was fun. Fun is fun, it doesnt mean it kills the sadness and stress. It just makes you forget for like an hour, then again, it boomerangs back and puts you right back in the hardcore side of life.
i finally watched THE ROYAL TENENBAUMS. I thought it was brilliant. The type of movie you need to have a cigarette to. As gwyneth paltrow (Margot)slowly takes drags in nearly every episode throughout the whole movie, you will soon realize by the end of the movie that you've been smoking like a train.
I had a small talk with Brian, he seems depressed but not so at the same time. Some people are pros at pinning their lives in the shit hole. Some dont see the shit hole. I think its healthy for him to be sad at times, i mean complaining helps you realize that you're being such a nag. As time passes you will soon see that you're being an old hag that loves the art of nagging.
I've been quite bored these days with the way things are going in my bubble. I dont know when it will pop for me to see more things. It's just a flat line all the way, no heart beat, no speed bumps, just a long road of boredom awaits me.
I guess i have to get my ass off this seat and do something else. I've had enough time doing this.
i'm off now, to somewhere.
bellio

chef belly

Hey you,
i haven't been doing much lately, just been floating my boat, melting the candle, going with the flow. I've been letting nothing direct me. I have no direction these days, just lingering my thoughts and goals in another island while i mantain this bum bum ness. I'll be hardworking soon though, there are a couple of group projects that make my mind tick. And it's gonna get me itchy if no one has any sense of responsibility. I'm not saying i'm always the leader, i'm just saying that i can't stand it when people dont handle things and leave it in a clutter. I hate clutters, they are fuckin assholes. they ruin your life by blocking it with piles of shit. John and i have been hanging out quite a fair bit, we do laid back activities like board games, watching movies, analyzing each others comments and opinions. I think its healthy, it's great. Finally, the time has come, we are true to each other. These past few months have been odd, we were that insecure. But now, now im happy. I managed to shove myself through the hole instead of avoiding it like i always do. I do meaningful things now like take a drive, enjoy the nightlife outdoors instead of the nightlife i've experienced in clubs. I just drink hot tea and sit and talk. That's what i do. I love what i do.
There are many things i have yet to explore here. We're making plans, lots of em, we wanna go hiking, white water rafting, exploring stuff, and well we both just wanna be happy. A realization hit me a few days back, the realization of how uptight i used to be in relationships, how selfish and prideful i once was. Now when i think about myself and look at that pathetic image, i hate that part of me, the heartless side, perhaps i should be more of myself instead of protecting myself. It's like i seem to think that every guy i dates gonna get back at me, so hide in my stupid nutshell and just wait till the trouble no longer looks like trouble then i just get out and start more trouble i guess. Well i want to stop that, i want to manage this life, i want to understand my partner, i want to understand what it is like to have a beautiful relationship instead of giving up on it. I want to understand why i have to bear with the ugliness and be patient. I find that through the ugly, there's always another side you'll set foot in, that's the reality of things, the beauty of how relationships and people. It's unique, every person you're committed to changes you and vice versa. You do different thinks, get a taste of different types of humor and its just a big difference. At least you dont do the same darn things.
I'll be going to bali for two days soon, i dont know why i'm going, but mainly cuz of my mother and the bintangs. I want to get really tan and just worn out my skin, i'm sick of looking so pale and dead. I want some color. i want some fun.
Another thing i plan to do is cook. check out the recipes. Test my patience on the cook book more like it. I will try out something easier, then it'll be more complicated, then it will come to marinating bits and pieces. The type of cooking that requires more than a few knives and bowls here and there. The ones with impossible ingredients, herbs, and shit like that. Just those amazing shits. I watched Ratatouille, i swear to god, that movie rocked. Fucking inspired me to actually cook. haha..
anyways will get back to you another day, fingers are dying on me.
till then, when i complete the recipe.
mwah,.

My ML500

Greetings Mojito.
It's amazing how internship has given me so much time to dwell with you. To write with you and share my deep and dark thoughts. haha i kid, i kid. Anyways, i miss Will Ferrell, i haven't spotted him in any upcoming movies. Even the rumors don't say shit these days. Maybe i 'm just apart from E Channel, so i'm lost entertaintment wise. But it's not such a big deal for me, i just love Will Ferrell, i haven't even watched ELF yet. Can you imagine? John says its one of his finest flicks. So i'ma check that shit out. haha we're both Will Ferrell Fanatics. I had a really bad day yesterday, i was tired from work, i had a chitty chat with Kelly, we reminisced, we gossiped, we did what we could do given the time was nearly midnight. And both of us are under internship so we need to finish our last week and set a clean record. So both of us were already tired but the conversation reminded me of the old days when she would sleep over and we would tease guys and people. Those days were so fuckin memorable, i'll never forget that. If i need some fun, Kelly will deliver it to me. I miss her man. It's been dust years, i always say. Man, Michael learns to Rock is coming to town, i do not recall liking them, but their songs are so tacky and cheesy that you just keep singing it or thinking about it. It's a freakin cliche Karaoke song, they have that karaoke beat that all these expensive chinese karaoke centers in Kota have. Like people with bad english will sing along to these songs because its so easy to follow the beat and words. They sound the same, god dammit, it sounds the same. Like paint my love, nothing to lose, you took my heart away? All the same shit. Same shit yo. Anyways, i was thinking to myself about personal goals? I never thought about what car i'd like to buy for myself. I'm just thinking of moving to Spain with family, get a bungalow, and live our lives learning how to speak the language. It's fun, don't you think? I dont know that's my goal. I dont know if i'll ever touch it...but it's so easy for a goal to erase, that's when your thoughts and needs change, then your goals either become harder to achieve or too easy. But i was thinking if i had a goal, I don't really need a sports car or whatever. I am a big Mercedez fan, but i do not mind the BMW 6 bloody fuckin beautiful series. Now that's the best shit BMW came up with. Anyways the car i would want to be realistic about in this life i have is the 2007 MERC ML500 SUV. Fucking gorgeous SUV. That's probably the car of my choice now. As for sports, we're talking cars that cost just as much as elite houses or perhaps even more. I'd go for the MERC 2006 SLR McLaren. Ohmyfuckin god, it really pumps up the adrenaline rush in me. It's a hot car. It's the car i'll be glad with. I swear. I just like it. But for now my goal is to at least buy my mum something big, something that will surprise her. And i will. I strongly believe i can.
Fuck i miss bali, i miss the smell of the incense stix, i just miss it. I know i go there often but so what you know..its great, i love it.
Anyways im looking forward to Bandung, the last time i went there i was still fat. I can recall that. anyways mwah..love

that wish-i got it.

Lastnight, i was granted one small wish. A meaningful one. John finally understood what i wanted from him, we finally managed to share our dreams and desires, our likes and dislikes without a single argument. I congratulate this relationship, i guess sensitivity really does affect people. It always does, it puts yourself down. What can i say, we are all stupid HUMAN BEANS (quote Janice) i like that term, we are beans, we think like beans at times. I dont recall when we are ever really understanding and smart. There is not one day where we go by not doing something stupid.
The conversation was solid, it lasted for hours. It was enjoyable for me. That finally the guy that i once hated to be in a relationship with, broke up with several times, finally got around to digging into my brain. Gathering my thoughts and empathizing. That is his job, my job is to give him the confidence every man wants..that confidence, the drive.
Yeah that just really made my day. I dont mind skipping my beauty sleep for this talk. Its amazing, what it can do, how it can make two stubborn people wake up to a point of realization.
I'm going to cut it short right now. for love, cheers.
A toast to thelast week of internship, time to get serious.
cheppi

the world, sweet but frustratin'

Hey you little whore.
haha. Anyways i've been so random these days. This applies to my thoughts, my life, my surroundings, my friends, my boyfriend, my food, my drinks, my hours, my life again. It's an upside down life i'm living right now. Back home, it's my life of whcih i'm used to and everythings just there for you to grab. Here..i go find things to grab and it's getting really tiring. Even with my own boyfriend, he's so spoilt..he needs me to give him attention. We had this weird fight this morning, the stupidest shit ever..i swear i regret it wholeheartedly. Arguing about whether or not i watch CNN? Excuse me John, i've been watching CNN everyday to check the latest updates about the WORLD. It's just that the stories focusing on the states is much more interesting than the world news. Thats all. And we fought about that. Really, fuck ur attitude JOhn, fuck it. It's annoying me like a fat fly on shit.
I want to go back home so bad, i dont remember the last time i enjoyed my morning and evening drags sitting on my black ikea couch while sipping off to hot tea or a hot milo. I dont remember just relaxing after a nice warm shower and feeding my eyeballs with cool books and those Asian Ghost stories. I don't remember my "ALONE" time. When will i ever get my alone time? I think i should move out to a studio Apartment. No housemates, no extra expenses, no dirt, no problems. Just mine. I'm beign so selfish right now, but i would kill to breathe alone and to eat alone and to freakin read a book alone wtihout people asking me wht the books about and where did i get it and all that fuckin shit. I miss those times with just me. I miss creating things, making cards, drinking a beer, just being alone keeps you on track. Because you get time to focus on yourself adn your thoughts. Which means your thoughts won't be interrupted or crossed over by people who disagree with em or have their own thoughts to voice out. Yknow..you dont need that shit everyday (which is what i've been getting every bloody day) it's frustrating. It sucks the life out of me. Keeps me motionless, expressionless, quiet, and bitchy. And i hate being like that, its a natural reaction when you've been spending a huge amount of time with the same person. So true. I'm sure he's feeling the same way too. Yknow having a girlfriend that can barely control her temper, walks away because she likes to avoid confrontation. Doesn't give enough shit about him when he's sick. I'm sure he feels like i treat him like shit. I dont know man. Do i? I really needa learn that part of me. All my friends are slowly making me realize that this is me, the bitch, or the ass, either way..it works..im both of em.
im out. annoyed really at the world.

bumble bee.

Hey there blogster pants.

Yeah i spent two days in Indo...it was hectic. But i had fun with don and muri. Anyways i asked Don about Putra, apparently she loves him but she's not in love with him. Yknow what? That term is awesome, i completely agree with it. That's probably how i feel for John, and all along, i was just confused whether i was in love because i'm most definitely not in love with him. I just love him for the things he's done, the things he does, the affection he gives me, the hot milo he bothers to make. All these things, i love him for. Its more of an external thing, as in i love him for the things he has done for me, but i do not love him deeply for who he is. I'm not in love yet, i'm not so sure if i will or not. So thank god i was talking to Don about this, if not, i'd be doomed to explain myself to him.
John and i are going great, i was gone for two days, but i kept thinking about him, which was odd..because normally when i'm with family, everything else fades. He didn't. I kept wondering what his itinerary was over the weekends with the dudes..i just sat on my couch and pondered on whether or not he could be the right one. Klaudius thinks i should marry him, and yknow what..when i think about marriage with John, it's not so bad, but it doesn't feel right yet. Yeah really doesn't quite feel right. And it's still a big leap. I mean c'mon lets be realistic, i'm really young, i haven't really gotten a chance to be successful yet, i ain't gonna let marriage get in the way. People who wanna marry fast are just desperate fucks. I mean please...i need to stabilize myself financially. I need to own my own property, i need all these things before i get going to marriage.
Yeah...i dont know..but lastnight was a beautiful night, although i didn't get enough sleep, those hours talking and stuff were entertaining. I liked it a lot. Just felt like he's someone i could rely on when i'm hurt or feeling blue. He's my lover and my confidant. I just realized all this. Fuckin amazing huh.
Like for once, it feels right, it feels genuine..this stir of emotions between us. It just feels so right now...no more of those awkwardness. No more.
It's just me, him, and a great conversation and plenty of lovin'.
Okay, transformers was awesome..seriously it was so fuckin awesome, i dont know how to explain it.but the robots were awesome! I liked optimus prime and bumble bee. Dude it was just wow..magnificent. Entertaining. Cool.

about a boy. the one i want.

About two days ago, i realized to myself that we all deserve a second chance. Even if we don't deserve it, at least we know what it feels like to give or get a second acceptance after the guilt. For the first time in my life, i let go of him but took him back because when i looked at his face, i knew he needed to be forgiven, like he had nothing else to say. When people are speechless, i believe that that's where the most guilt is. I don't want to keep reminding myself of what happened, it's the past and i have already forgiven him so there's nothing much i can look forward to except major improvement between us and room for pure understanding and amazing sex. I believe that will be the key to a healthy relationship.
I just realized my type of guy as well. He has to be completely responsible, doesn't laze around in bed too often unless he's really sick once in a while. He has to be more successful than me, he has to be career-driven, ambitious, powerful, a knock out, just great at arguments with me to the extend of me agreeing. He has to understand me yet tell me off in a smooth way so i will fall even more for it instead of blow my buttons. I need him to be creative and cute and smart and he has to be intellectual...a charismatic chap. He has to get along well with my friends, he has to love animals the same way i do, he has to have experiences that will amaze me. He has to play sports with me, he has to play pool with me and beat me. I need someone like this, someone so tough, someone that could turn me on this way. He has to drink tiger beer with me whether he likes it or not, because when i need beer, i need it to chillax..and i want him to do it with me even if he has some sort of diarrhea, or even if he's sick and feels like puking. He has to juggle the time of playing the good and bad boy role. He has to be versatile, flexible to situations, knowing that i'm gonna stir up the fight and verbally abuse him with words. He has to know im mean but love me for the way i am. I know its selfish, but i need that for once..i need that attention...i barely ask for attention, barely ever. I dont think i do. That's waht i realized. But of course i can never get this mad combo all in one bloke. I guess i have to date itsy bitsy parts of it in every guy so i can confirm that in life, no dude...can ever be what i want and i have to live with the sad fuckin fact that i have to adapt to every type of bad quality he has. He has to be a great fucking flirt, he has to have the best jokes, he has to laugh at my jokes for me, he has to make me pancakes for breakfast, he has to cook for me. He has to just love me and love me when i least deserve it, cuzthats when i need it most. He has to love my mother and my mother has to love him back. He has to take care of my sisters, so i wouldn't worry so much. He has to take care of me when i'm a living hell. That's the only way i could love a guy, if he's like this. If there's anyone like this ever..i will fall madly in love with him. But is there anybody like this fantasy? No there isn't. Anyways, i'm attached, why am i wanting all this. Guess it hasn't come out from him yet and i keep waiting for the right time for him to show me all these things without leaving a single clue whatsoever. But so far, i'm glad i met him. Really i am. I just dont know how long this relationship will last, whether it will hit off. It's a pretty serious relationship between us...really. And the question is are both of us willing to move to the next chapter?
Peace.