Monday, September 17, 2007

just a simple drop of flat lines

Dear you,
Wow, anyways its been ages since i've been really lonely. At times, i do feel lonely but i meant the type of lonely when you just have no one to call because you feel pathetic to call people to talk. The type of lonely when no ones around to give a shit about you or your small back ache. the type of lonely that just keeps you dying inside until someone rescues you by taking you to watch some weird movie. That's the type of lonely i'm highlighting. It's horrible. But i've been through a few years of that, i just make do with the people i have, even if i dont like some of them, at least i try to.
I'm not that lonely now, I'm pretty satisfied with life. I haven't really been a bum, i've just been bumming around, but today after that tiring survey we did..shit i felt like it burnt a bloody hole in my brain. The forced effort really exhausts you like a fuck. I hate studying, somehow this sem i'm really not up for academic action, i'm not really up for proper education. I'm not up for an empty class and its empty seats. Im not up for cafeteria breaks and endless views of the freshies wearing hideous clothes. I'm not up for anything actually. I'm open to the bed, the place where all my thoughts sink in for the night and turn into dreams, some nightmares, some beautiful and colorful. Just the way i like my life to run, in dreamland manner.
I'm here smoking my cigarette, these Marlboros are always here with me in times of need and for small emergencies. When i think about who's been there for me, no one beats these sticks. I've cut down though, i used the nicotine patch, i wish i could quit naturally with all the willpower and crap, but hey either way i'm cutting down by enormous chunks. It feels better for my body, now i have space to breath and think while i still enjoy these babies of mine.
i've been quite a depressed log for a few weeks, even the short trip to Bali didn't do much for me, but it was fun. Fun is fun, it doesnt mean it kills the sadness and stress. It just makes you forget for like an hour, then again, it boomerangs back and puts you right back in the hardcore side of life.
i finally watched THE ROYAL TENENBAUMS. I thought it was brilliant. The type of movie you need to have a cigarette to. As gwyneth paltrow (Margot)slowly takes drags in nearly every episode throughout the whole movie, you will soon realize by the end of the movie that you've been smoking like a train.
I had a small talk with Brian, he seems depressed but not so at the same time. Some people are pros at pinning their lives in the shit hole. Some dont see the shit hole. I think its healthy for him to be sad at times, i mean complaining helps you realize that you're being such a nag. As time passes you will soon see that you're being an old hag that loves the art of nagging.
I've been quite bored these days with the way things are going in my bubble. I dont know when it will pop for me to see more things. It's just a flat line all the way, no heart beat, no speed bumps, just a long road of boredom awaits me.
I guess i have to get my ass off this seat and do something else. I've had enough time doing this.
i'm off now, to somewhere.

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