lyricsss

EAGLES LYRICS"Hotel California"
On a dark desert highway, cool wind in my hair
Warm smell of colitas, rising up through the air
Up ahead in the distance, I saw shimmering light
My head grew heavy and my sight grew dimI had to stop for the night
There she stood in the doorway;
I heard the mission bellAnd I was thinking to myself,'This could be Heaven or this could be Hell'
Then she lit up a candle and she showed me the way
There were voices down the corridor,I thought I heard them say...
Welcome to the Hotel CaliforniaSuch a lovely place (Such a lovely place)Such a lovely facePlenty of room at the Hotel CaliforniaAny time of year (Any time of year)You can find it here
Her mind is Tiffany-twisted, she got the Mercedes Benz
She got a lot of pretty, pretty boys she calls friends
How they dance in the courtyard, sweet summer sweat.
Some dance to remember, some dance to forget
So I called up the Captain,'Please bring me my wine'He said, 'We haven't had that spirit here since nineteen sixty nine'
And still those voices are calling from far away,
Wake you up in the middle of the nightJust to hear them say...
Welcome to the Hotel CaliforniaSuch a lovely place (Such a lovely place)Such a lovely faceThey livin' it up at the Hotel CaliforniaWhat a nice surprise (what a nice suprise)Bring your alibis
Mirrors on the ceiling,The pink champagne on ice
And she said 'We are all just prisoners here, of our own device'
And in the master's chambers,They gathered for the feast
They stab it with their steely knives,
But they just can't kill the beast
Last thing I remember, I wasRunning for the door
I had to find the passage backTo the place I was before
'Relax,' said the night man,'We are programmed to receive.
You can check-out any time you like,But you can never leave!'

Could it be?

He cared for me but why didn't i bother to notice how much he cared? I know i hurt him, i know it hurt so much to hurt him but the feeling i had for him is no longer there, its been gone a few months ago and all the while i was just forcing myself to reconsider this relationship when really it wasn't a relationship, it was just me being needy of a companion and a friend. These past few months with him after the break up has been fine, i treat him as a friend while he treats me like im the greatest, when really im just a piece of crap. Whatever he did for me, i dont deserve it, he basically did everything for me and what can i do? Thank him about it? cmon, thats not enuf for the amount of things he's done, its unmeasurable. I told him all the intimacy between us had to be over and that we'd be friends, he's hurt of course, i'm sad for being too tough on him but thats the most i could do, there is absolutely no future between us, there never will be. This morning i sent him to the airport, the look on his face really wanted to make me cry, but if i cried he would cry and if he cried, it would make me feel so guilty so there were obviously no tears in my eyes. Im writing this here because i never write about him here....i just appreciate all that he's done for me and to my thoughts. He's really changed my perception about life, about business, about work, about people, about being an individual. He helped me out so much. I guess i just wanted to thank him, even tho its over between us, even if we weren't in a relationship anymore for the past few months, even if he doesn't believe me, i just wanted to say that i really really appreciate everythings he's done. I appreciate him as a very good friend, nothing more.
Today making things clear really taught me that if you dont clear up your big mess, the bigger it gets, someones gonna get hurt and the situation will turn real ugly. I really dont want to take anyone for granted anymore, i need a break to really set my mind on what i want in life. I guess having relationships aren't important, but when someones there for you at the right time, you tend to fall for their effort and time wasted on you. I guess everybody needs someone by their side, at first i was too cocky to say it, but i really do need to rely on someone at times, i can't seriously solve all my problems at one go, i always need someone to guide me through the rough road, someone that could inspire me to continue smiling, someone that could really persuade me to get my ass back up and be realistic instead of day dream and hope that good things will come along. Man..good things come when you do something, you can't just sit around like n arse and wait for it to come to you. Thats what i thought a while ago..but i've learned a little....i've become a more realistic person, i try not to be a pessimist, since i used to be one, it didn't work in life for me. So i wanna be more positive starting from today xD.
Yeah we'll see my progress....im damn tired....gonna ciao for dreamland.
mwah.

tired----

i have weird sleeping patterns. Just because i had barely two hours of sleep this morning, i actually convinced myself that i could have great sleep right about now, and fuck..now i'm writing to you all over again, just like the other nights when dreamland won't take me. I took actifed, for that horrible cough i was giving out just about everywhere today. When ur cough gets really bad, it tends to have this recoiling effect, oooh yeah...thats when the cough gets real real bad. Just like mine, fuck...it's so tiring to cough, sometimes i try to hold it in, but it tickles my throat. So i'm alone again, yeah a loner, if starbux was my neighbor, i would hang out anytime baby. So at least i have some inspiration to plan out what it is that needs to planned out instead of staying at home n doing the same thing all the time when i can't fall into nice sleep. I was like twisting and turning all over, nah comfortable spots didn't make me sink into dreams, just made me jump out of my bed, that's all.
I feel so uncomfortable at this hour, everything just seems so still and awkward and you're the only thing that's breathing. It feels weird, no noise from the television, just you typing these words and that's about it.
Today i went shopping man, it was awesome, actually managed to get some preppy clothes.
it was cool.
yeah that's basically my life for today and what happened. haha...okay gnite gnite gnite.

hushhh..

My little bloggie,
Today in a way i feel depressed. I guess i just give up easily on things that aren't that difficult if you make some effort. Problem with me is that i don't give that much effort, i dunt have the fire chasing me, i really don't. If i had that fire, i'm one lucky bitch, but unfortunately i don't.
My sister got drunk just then, now i know what it feels like to take care of people when they are drunk, most especially when i'm drunk and all i do is puke everywhere, fuck that's just really selfish of me huh..not like i mean to, but shit happens. It's hard to promise urself not to get drunk, it's mainly peer pressure that makes you drink and drink more than you think you can. You wanna drink with them and act tougher than you are with drinks when really i have realized in this life, whoever drinks the least is the winner, not the most. haha...never thought about that you know. But i like drinking less, it makes me feel healthier and i don't start getting all slutty, well who am i to say all this. It'll prolly strike back at me one day and i'll fuckin embarass myself. It's a fact, just when you promise yourself that you won't ever get tipsy again, you end up getting drunk instead. So i just wanna hush about all this shit. Ahhh blog im tired...im gonna go to sleep and have cool dreams with the cartoons. Maybe spongebob and square pants will show up? Hmm..or ooooh...homer simpson cracking me up. I need that in dreamland. au revoir.
i miss all the people that i've missed and met throughout my beautiful 19 years.
cheppi----

i bet that you look good on the dancefloor.

I just woke up, it's a fresh start today, time to rearrange my room, do the entire feng shui setting goin on. I dont have one of those lillian feng shui books, but i'll try to depend on my instincts. It's a lovely morning for me, for the first time ever. x) Dancing in the moonlight by Toploader's such a good morning song, it's cute. Fuck murs not here, i feel bad, i never can make it in time to see her. But we did take those photobox pics.....finally after a year or something of not being able to make it due to pure laziness and lame excuses. I have no idea why i keep craving for ayam goreng, haha...i've never wanted ayam goreng so much before, just recently the ayam goreng craze hit me. What i miss? I miss ayam goreng kalasan near the airport, i miss bakmi kek, i miss all these yummy stuff i've abandoned since my parents separated. When ur parents separate, you tend to have a different lifestyle when it comes to your home and what you eat. Mine have changed tremendously. The reason why i'm able to even get out at night is because my father is not around to control me, the house is faraway, so therefore im not worried. I dunt know but this is how most of my friends feel about me. They think i act like a bitch because of what happened to my parents, and you know what? I'm starting to believe that it's true. I hate it when people say "she's from a broken family, etc etc"...i dunt come from a broken background, my family's perfectly fine, and they've never been better apart. My mum has her own bf's, she's one playa for her age, haha and my dads getting some too i guess. I duno i i just like my parents when they aren't arguing with each other, when they're not cheating on each other, especially my dad, i did hate him, but fuck it yknow, why hate him, i grew up to understand that his blood will always stay with me. I still spend time with dad, i miss him in a very subtle way. All those times he was too busy for me and my sisters, we never complained. But i guess he's improved a little, he still likes to take us swimming, fishing, and golfing at times, his top three priorities when it comes to something to do with us. Or the most is dufan, if we're even lucky, haha...he's never free, used to always fly here and there, i dunt even know if he's in jkt everytime i get back here. I duno im starting to appreciate my family very much, doesn't matter if it's not a pleasantville movie, but i like it perfectly broken, so that i can move on and so that i wouldn't be left hanging. You can say i slightly mistreat guys, the fear in me has subsided a little, but not quite, i won't trust em easily and even if we are in a relationship, the first thing i'll let go is not my anger, it's them. My relationships dont last long, im not the type of girlfriend that will listen all day long and be controlled, i can't take it...i feel like i need space to breath, need my own life back or something. Who am i to judge kan? I'm not a good gf, either they think i'll cheat on them instantly or do something wild and naughty behind their backs, but i can guarantee one thing, i would never cheat unless they cheated so i'll definitely come back with my sweet revenge. :D Been cheated on before, so i know what most guys are like, know what they are? They're assholes that think that hurting girls or destroying a relationship is a plus, they think they can control you and threaten you not to go clubbing or cheat on em or else it'll end between the both of you, they wanna take advantage of you for a bit, even if they really liked you, that like wasn't that serious anyway. Take you to nice dinners, but what for? To lure you into bed? I'm stupid at first with all these things, i get lured, i fall for the typical gentleman, the ones that know how to be decent, the ones that know how to smell, know where to bring you, know what to wear, know what you like. And i hate how smart some can be. Cuz behind the pretentious act lies this burning desire to have you and therefore it slowly grows tempting and thats when the chemistry begins and you know it, but you get along with it. You see...i know that analysis leads to paralysis, but it's true, all these things, i'm sick of it...why can't guys come up with something more genuine instead of amusing. I'm complaining like a bitch now, but if there was someone decent, i'd get brushed off straight. haha. Okok. :D I have just betrayed my own words of wisdom here, but i do mean it tho. haha
Ah..right now, i need to meet someone spiritual, not in a religious way, but in a way that he can soothe my thoughts and help the energy flow in me properly. Give me the right relaxation, not just sleep. I wanna do the diamond massage, looks fuckin cool, yeah i'll go find it in beverley hills somewhere. So they massage you using 6 million dollars worth of diamonds. Holy fuck. That would be cool, i dunt mind spending for the session if its that fuckin effective. hoolah! Hey the movie 'jatuh cinta lagi' was pretty good for an indo film yknow, they made jkt look like singapore, that's how good it was, or at certain parts...like germany. Yeah it was nice, the setting, the ambience, the idea, the plot, the proffesionalism was quite high, i liked it. Everything was right, just krisdayantis fuckin laugh, she should just laugh silently, it wouldve made the movie much better. she laughs like a fuckin duck. sorry...but she's annoying.
Yknow what songs so sexy? Hotel california-eagle...it's a very meaningful song, like the type of song you need to give you a reason in life. Yknow songs that make you think about positive things, keeps ur mind running properly.
Im fungry write now, so i'm gonna go eat my heart out and just yeah eaaaaaaaaat! I needa get outta home soon or boredom will kill me.
ciao.

cool me down

Sup sunshine?
I've been having some great fun in bali, not the type of fun i used to have, i guess i just appreciate much more of the island than the clubs now..haha. It feels good to hang out by the beach and just fall asleep, it's beautiful. It feels good to just dig your toes into the sand and wash it away at the shore, it just feels good to chill to a tehbotol there, it feels good to learn how to surf and suck so much in it. I suck...haha....i'm really bad when it comes to balancing, but i could stand a few times down to the shore, but shit it was difficult. I respect those who can surf man, my whole body's aching and i have bruises everywhere, it hurts to even walk properly. I'm pmsing now in a way, i kept getting pissed off at myself for nothing, that kind of heat you need to get rid of by just releasing your anger. I have it sometimes. I just had a massage in footish and god it felt so goodddd....i needed one badly anyway. World cups up, france against portugal tonight, now baby that's a good show for the night! I'm not into the world cup but ever since i saw England cryin their asses off, i realized that it was pretty funny, so i took interest. Not that i have anything against them or anything, it just made soccer more entertaining. I hate feeling so weak, especially during my month, i just feel so heated up, so moody, so lazy, so weird..yup. I have no motivation at all, just feel like sleeping for days. There was this interesting guy in bali, he isn't the typical hottie that all the girls fall for, some girls would dig him, some girls wouldn't, i dig his outlook tho...he was mixed i duno what, but he was really yum..he had this nice tattoo across his tummy and fuck it looked real hot. haha. yeah he hot orite. I didn't meet anyone in bali, just a few guys, they were nice, but nah nothing happened, i wasn't into the whole clubbin scene. I wanted to go to the reggae bar i went to with the rest a few years back tapi it was kind of ghetto so ngk berani masuk sendirian gitu. haha...but i was completely in the mood for some bob marley. uggh...udah terlambat nih...
I'm gona go chill with murti and don, those are the two left here, so i'm gonna chill with em and have fun to get rid of this extreme bitchiness in me right now. Hot chocolate ppl?
mwah i love you, totally.

murs comin soooonn

Jakartas been kinda boring lately. I'm waiting for my friends to come down from KL, so thats when working in the office begins. I need to rest....but i haven't been resting that well....i'm tired. hm...i wanna do something cool with my friends, not clubbing if possible, not getting tipsy or drunk if possible, perhaps we can eat some good food together and start laughing about old times. Old times, how i miss it. Really really do. I watched "she's the man" at home, haha its kinda funny surprisingly, the guy Duke's so fuckin hot, like shit...fuckin hot. Thats the only guy me and my sisters agree with...just fuckin hot. haha....i'm in love with trans now.....not the hyperactive ones, just the ones that ease my mind, the ones that make you feel comfortable in life, more like what they play in the lounge. Yknow what's so fuckin wrong? i beat my sister in pool and i won a black label bottle and a lil bita money from q, holy shit dude....i was fuckin lucky! haha..i felt bad tho..i didn't deserve it tho...im fuckin bad in placing and i duno...its hard to focus ur mind to it. i wanna learn how to play golf, hehe.....going to the driving range sometime this week hopefully...if i have time. I'll be working my ass off, so i'm trying to enjoy and get some fresh air before they arrive. ah..shit. Murs comin in two days, i cant wait...she helps me out without even saying anything, just her presence makes me feel comfortable and in place. Makes me feel like i can just be happy all the time without stressing myself out. I'm quite stressed out actually, none of my best friends are here, so i dont really have anyone to turn to about my personal problems. But its nothing big, i just sound dramatic. So before i turn into a drama queen lets just change the subject. There's a company rave i'm goin to this july in singapura, not really looking forward to it in a way....haha....at least im bringing klauds with me....she's a better sister than my youngest sis. My youngest sis is going thru the stage where she loves friends and ignores family, i've been thru that, but i wasn't that much of a bad ass. I didn't smoke. haha. Anywhos....my plan for this week? Unpredictable.
very unpredictable. :D
K im back and i can't fuckin sleep. fuck...i'm getting so moody these days....pms season is over....nothings bothering me except my thoughts. i hate em, they are evil, shit. There's something i wish to challenge in work by this month, but my instincts tell me that no matter how hard i work, i might not achieve it! Hmm..i hat ethis feeling, the feeling of failing without failing just yet. I wish i wasn't so tied down. I need someone to cheer me up, where's everyone when i need em. I wonder why im stressing myself out? dude....there's something wrong with me...i need some hot chocolate to warm me up, to help my mind relax, cuz its been thinking alot. I've been dreaming alot lately...i dreamt that madonna was giving me piano lessons. what the fuck is that yknow? So weird.
Ok ok..i needa break.
im gonna get some fresh air.
adios.

in this place

Hey hey hey, right time for you isn't it. I went to vertigo lastnight, it rocked, i had fun. I'm so weak on drinks now man, shit. I get tipsy so easily now over a few shots of illusions. Shit...its safer not to drink knowing that i'm such a weakling. Life is great so far, haha wuhoo! nah not that great, but i'm handling it like an adult. TIme management is what i lack the most, i need to improve me time schedule. I'd like to have a lovely sunday today, nothing like my sundays in KL, its boring ova there. Here i have my sisters, so i'll prolly go to EX, miss that place gitu loh. Soon will be the IME rave, wuhoooooo.......................ime raves gonna rock! So weird how a company has its own rave huh. It's complete coolness. I'm sorry, my minds not in place, i feel odd. haha. Shit thats funny crap! Yep yep!
k i gotsta bounce now!
blahblah.....love love

in this place

Hey hey hey, right time for you isn't it. I went to vertigo lastnight, it rocked, i had fun. I'm so weak on drinks now man, shit. I get tipsy so easily now over a few shots of illusions. Shit...its safer not to drink knowing that i'm such a weakling. Life is great so far, haha wuhoo! nah not that great, but i'm handling it like an adult. TIme management is what i lack the most, i need to improve me time schedule. I'd like to have a lovely sunday today, nothing like my sundays in KL, its boring ova there. Here i have my sisters, so i'll prolly go to EX, miss that place gitu loh. Soon will be the IME rave, wuhoooooo.......................ime raves gonna rock! So weird how a company has its own rave huh. It's complete coolness. I'm sorry, my minds not in place, i feel odd. haha. Shit thats funny crap! Yep yep!
k i gotsta bounce now!
blahblah.....love love

as good as it gets

As good as it gets, i'm finally writing again. It wasn't too long wasn't it? Right now i'm researching for assignments, thought i could give my mind a break, i feel that it's already deep fried by now. I'm fried mentally. I cannot bear to think about what topic and what bodycopy and whatever shit for my ad. Plus copywriting assignment is just a few days away, a few days is not simple for a storyboard, but if there's one thing i'm good at, i'm good at procrastinating. I've been so lazy these days, i don't fckn get it. I don't. Lazy as in i'm real good at being a couch potato, i'm real good at it, serious. But my mind wants to do everything, my body doesn't react to it, it just lies down dead just like a couch. I am a couch or a bed, always there lazing around. But okay yesterday i woke up early, splashed a cold shower, finished off the evaluation bit, then chilled and etc. I'm not a coffee person, but recently ive been dying for starbucks cafe latte. i duno...i dont want to be addicted or anything. A lil bit of coffee for me is already effective enough to keep me awake throughout the entire day, but a few days ago, it did the complete opposite. I slept like a pig. Like honestly, i had a beautiful sleep, something of which i haven't had in dust years. Damn i want to be able to meet murti sooner or later this month, she's goin to bali (lombok) but i'm goin to bali, and i'm goin to j-town around the end of the month, ahhh i hope we enjoy together in bali mur, i hope we can meet up! Miss you kinkstressku. Um...what else do i have to say? I've been a good girl these days, just that i'm lazy. Man i haven't gone clubbin for such a long time, beer i haven't touched for quite a while, haha.....quite unbelievable isn't it...cuz i used to love beer so much, then i realized after a long ass time that it wasn't worth the gobble. I hate being drunk on beer, everyone knows what happens, i get so slutty, i can't even control myself, my mind gets possessed or something. haha. But seriously, i dont wanna act like that, it's not something to be proud of i would say. And the most i'll get is tipsy, but someone has to take care of me. :D i wanna be tipsy with my best friends. lets all enjoy one night of being tipsy, we'll talk about the funniest things, we'll tease each other, fck each other up, laugh at each other, whatever yknow. i just miss those days. i deserve that after my final exams. Once everythings done then i'll be the host of this best friend gathering. Hey its not gay, it's simply cool. Love you guys....will love you till the day i drop.
kisses to ur lovely cheeks

smile myself to sleep

The dark days kill. But now i'm not in pain, i'm not in the world of boredom. I just need some light. Let there be light during the night. The moon itself is not enough, i'm greedy, i want two more. It's so dark here, i'm at home, im stuck here, i can't go out cuz theyre all asleep. Ppl i call will be asleep. Im not bo red i repeat. im not bored. It feels strange now. Not knowing what to do at this hour, i say to myself, i should actually be bored, although i'm not.
I miss, yes my three best friends, all for different reasons, different moments between each. They are my fairies, they light me up, give me hope to see them during holidays or anytime they are free to take a day off, but most likely is me to take a day off for them. I'd do anything, go anywhere just to support these precious peeps. They are the one, for i love em so, and realized just a year ago. I want to marry all three of them so my loneliness and stress will be cured. It's better to marry all three of em at once than marry just one. Haha joshin.
work, going good so far, dont wanna jinx it, dont wanna jinx anyone in the business. Teamwork is all it takes to support me, i go to get fuckd up so that it would motivate me. They are tough on me, they tell me i dont produce shit or beautiful results, they tell me i'm a loser that has lost already and will never get back up, but i do. I get back up. I'm stronger. i'm bitchier. And i like it just the way life is, uncomfortable.
The daily dramas of fakes, are they really fake? i gv em some credit to make effort to act like somebody else when really they know best that they can't possibly pull it off. But they continue to be fake to twist our minds, to make us pay attention to em. Everyones done this, everyone has had their drama days, they just have to admit it quietly. No one will act out their bad habits on first dates. We should work on being ourselves on first dates. But it's a tough move there.
Im making up for lent, i haven't served my 40 days in years, i feel that i should grow up and suffer..so i'm givin up meat...turkey, chicken, beef, and pork..whatever it is that fulfills my tummy...i choose to sacrifice em for a month plus. I think its the right move.
Beer, no longer my favorite. yes i drink it at times, not more than 3 glasses, you believe me? Or you just wanna say bullshit? I think you'll go with bullshit. But i've given up beer a few months ago...now i guess i've thought so much about how disgusting it is that i no longer love it but get sick from it.
Margarita, defines life, i enjoy sipping every second of the lime and tequilla, it ain't strong. It's a mild drink and it's delicious. It goes well with my thoughts and aids my thoughts to even bigger ones. You wouldn't understand, it just helps.
Stressed out cuz i think too much about nothing. I just picture the worst scenarios that can ever take plc in life and try to invent ways of solvin it. Problem solvin. I kind of have fun, but those are unecessary thoughts to consider, i have enough to think about. And love is not in the list...hot guys or guys are not in the list. Now they do not exist for a bit. I dont want to be attracted to anyone right now. Though its way beyond my control, i just try to control thinkin that i will control.
There's this guy, he's in skul, i dont know him, we see each other, we notice each other. I dont have a crush on him, neither does he have one on me. But someday, i will know him..cuz he looks like he'd make a good friend, someone understanding enough for me. Someone perfect for me. But pride is keeping us away from each other, blocking a great friendship i feel. haha..i know it sounds weird..but i would really want to get to know him. I feel that he could be a best friend in KL. The fact that he's hot doesn't appeal to me, it's just him, his charisma, the way he just looks at me, i like it cuz he's straight forward yet mysterious. i can tell he's sincere. :D cieh... Since my three musketeers are scattered around the globe, i feel i need another musketeer here. :D But no those are just random thoughts, stickin to the control bit. :D
qUESTIONS:
The future, will i fail or be normal or succeed? Will i fall for an ass? will i trip infront of a cool crowd? Will i cry within this week? will i violate my promise? Will i drink beer or margarita? will i make more money? will i argue with my housemate? will i argue or fuck up my friends? will i do well for my presentation? will i see my friends again? will i ever devote my time for someone? will i be more responsible in future? will i get a dopod? will i disappoint myself or them? will i trust more ppl? will i behave properly infront of the p's? will i do a good job of influencing? will i be influenced? All these are just the usual thoughts that pass my mind all at one go. Seems confusing, but we normally have more. I only have a few sentences, normally i have essays of questions in my head to deliver in blogs. But i get stuck n unfortunately, questions are forgotten.
i would love to chill by the lakeside and sip white wine and laugh for nothing.
lets all smile ourselves to sleep. I'll go first.

the nightmare is not being able to sleep

I can't sleep. Fck. I can't sleepp. So i stayed back for a few days, just wanna kick back and relax, visit the office, do my job, get to know some people. Yes...tiesto is coming right back to me again, the lastime i went i stayed for just an hour cuz i was dead sick but now...haha....my sisters dragged me into going again..so i guess i'm gonna have to, kalau masih ada ticket. I'm hungry, i feel like mac and cheese...but nope i can't make that a daily supper habit, it's quite gross actually. I feel that there's so many things to say just that i've been saying the same thing in like nearly every entry. Boredom has come over me. It's all over me. It always comes back to me once i convince myself that it has gone away. It's annoying, i want to get rid of it. It makes me moody, bitchy, and gets me frustrated with the tiniest things. Yes, i'm bored and a lil mad and i can't sleep. How rough can life get huh? Damn i have to do a business memo for global ad and seriously i'm not in the mood. its 2:30am in the morning, i can't sleep n if possible i would like to sleep before 12 but now its impossible. Im used to sleeping early in the morning instead of early at night. Im just not an early person. Maybe its the ocean oil keeping me alert, keeping me so fresh at the wrong hour. But when i wake up in the morning, i'll feel like shit and look like shit and i'll just not want to do anything, i'll stay at home and procrastinate and eat. I hate that, im trying to change that. And i will, slowly. So besides typing here, i'm watching Grey's Anatomy. Its a pretty cool sitcom, keeps me entertained. I just watched transamerica just then, it was pretty touchin and the guy man....fuck he's so damn hot..shit...he's not my type but he's damn straight hot. Watch it, i swear. haha...anyways i spent my entire day at home and thats about it! Now i know what i have a collection of! Other people collect stamps, postcards, etcetera....i collect lighters. Yes yes...and most of the lighters i have are quite cool, they have tiny little flashlights in it. Yeah i collect lighters, how interesting. I need a buy a glass bowl or something and just pour the whole load of em in. they look so pretty. Sooner or later, i'll be giving em away? nah dunt think so, for they are my precious. Murti utami Purbo....i'm so sorry dude, i dont know the rest to the middle name, what was it again? udah lupa...not like i didn't bother to pay attention, i just didn't know, you never really mentioned it to me. Mines easy to memorize. trasilla. haha. So you and joe joe...your american with ocean blue eyes, i'm sure ur relationship gets sexier everyday thru the webcam huh? kan ngk ada any source of entertainment lagi. I duno mur the webcam is not my thing, it scares me and makes me feel fake. Haha mur remember last year when i told this guy online that my name was Cheppibel? haha fuck and what did he say? Men, they are full of it..yeah full of shit. How can they lie about such an ugly name, seriously. But for beautiful ppl like you, yes you can use em properly. :D haha. Kristine, where the hell are you man? i heard u ain't comin back for another year? thats darn long man...and why do i miss you? thats cuz ur the only one in our entire class that i've not seen in ageeeesss....ahh you better reply me butch. Now im blabbering way too much. i'm gonna go and hit my dreamland.
smooches and cuddles.
belek

embrace me, surround me, as the rush comes

I've been listening to deeeeep house music now...the ones that calm you down and make you relax. Something like telepop music. Makes me feel better, also another type of motivation for me. Anyways, i woke up early again, and now it's just 9:30am and i have no idea what to do. Should i go out and shop for groceries or should i just bum around at home and watch desperate housewives? what say you? I say i should go out, but where to? I'm all alone, there's no one to talk to, walking out alone anywhere would be awkward, unless i go to a bookstore and hv a hot chocolate. yes i should. :D oh god, i need my best friends, where are they when i need them? i feel like such a loner here at home, my mums at work and my sisters are schooling. So i guess i shouldn't wake up so early all the time huh? Just recently, i can't stand the fact of lazing around at home, i just gotta get out even if i didn't get enough sleep. But what am i still doin at home? Ahh nanti aja deh abis mandi then i'll ciao. Shit its my mid sem break now, sooner or later...exams will come in and thats when i'll start to get bitchy. I can't wait till bali, can't wait. i just wanna relax far faraway in seminyak or ubud or jimbaran, one of those cozy resorts and just relaxxx. I'm kind of sick of kuta kuta kuta, its too busy, not what i need at the momenttttt. Yes a vacation after i go through mid term and final exams. Ahhh...i just hate projects, they drive mmeeee crazzzzyyyyyy! But yeah in the end, i'm stupid enough to do it.
As for my love life, im not involved with anyone sama sekali. More like i dont want to, if possible i want to get over guys right now. Anyone i used to like, i wanna get over. I just get confused these days, i'm too tired to be in another relationship for now.....when i like someone now..i wanna like them seriously and i want to be able to be a good girlfriend. Cuz if i keep fuckin it up, i duno it just really sucks. Right now i dont know how to feel or what to feel, i just know its not the right time to settle, i just wanna be single right now. So i can enjoy nights with my gfs, so i can focus more on my life instead of having to argue and explain in order to be trusted. Relationships, ahhh...theyre a killer really. I watch all my friends cry infront of me cuz their bfs treat em like shit and i was thinking to myself, why the fuck are they still with their bfs? They're such asswipes, i mean seriously i would just dump em right away. And fuck i wouldn't cry for a guy unless its worth it, don't they fuckin get the word "pride"? I mean ya too much of it is not so good, but you gotta have a lil at least. Stupid girlfriends i have. I feel that we're fated to meet because shit..i'm always dealing with their probs til i forget about my own. Im taking my break away from all the babysitting. Anyways...i almost forgot, i have assignments to do, so im gonna go right about now.
Miss you love
cocktail belly :D

no desire to..

I dont really like beer anymore but yes sometimes i do get caught up in one of those moods where i just release all my stress by drinkin. But that was ages ago, felt like i haven't done it in a long time. I dont intend to either. So for the past few months i haven't been drinking more than 4 bottles of beer in clubs? And when i club now, i sit around, or stand around, doing nothing. There's nothing to do. haha. Lastnight i was forced by my little bitchy sister to go to BLISS for some international school thing...it was boring, there were a crowd of kids there. hmmph. But i met waynus, he was MC'ing for the night, so adorable and nice to hug cuz he's so empuk. :D Yeah well, i haven't been doin much, i just went to carita today to chill and eat some good seafood but it was raining so i couldn't tan or swim. So we got bored and just drove back home.
I haven't been having cool dreams lately, yknow those dreams that make you smile when you sleep even if you haven't seen yourself asleep smiling, but you just know it? Yeah those dreams are awesome, makes me feel better when i wake up. Lastnight i dreamt about a jungle or something so when i woke up, i looked up at the ceiling and there were all these plants growing on it. weird..the fact that i really woke up and it wasn't a dream, guess i brought my dream to life for a few seconds there before it slowly faded away into the darkness. i think it explains confusion, how i'm lost and i don't really know where i wanna be or where i'm at in life, that kinda thing. I'm not really good when it comes to analyzing my own dreams. I don't have a lot to write now, call me boring, but i'm exhausted and i need some good ass sleep so yeah i better get going.
goodnight.

beautiful mornin'

Hey blog,yeah long time no see, i haven't really been blogging that much cuz i've been busy with my life, just like everyone is with theirs. As far as work goes, im improving. Skulwork? Exams are comin in sooner or later. But i'm doing alright. At this point of time, i can say i'm tired, really i am. But no matter how tired, i ain't givin up. The first drag of the day is the best, dont you think? I know alot of smokers do. I cut down though by quite a lot. Lastnight was Don's bday party, she had how many flamings and forced me to drink a shot of tequilla with her. Tequilla, it used to be my thing, but after nearly a year of not shooting a single shot, i feel like it's a new drink all over again. And so i had one shot, didn't feel good and didn't taste good but it did warm me up since the place was so cold. Shit i dont/can't drink as much as i used to, i don't know whether it's sad or better for me? At times it could be both. Damn, i have plenty of assignments to do but you were the first one i woke up to and its been quite a while, so just write. I haven't really been hanging out with my mum cuz she's such a busy woman and she wakes up early all the time, so for the past two days i've been waking up at 7 am on purpose just so i can see her and say good morning. I guess the people that matter most to you only matter to you when you're faraway to bother to matter. Yeah yeah. It's a beautiful mornin man....i had a healthy healthy breakfast. xD i wanna go wakeboarding! I dont care if i'll fall flat on my face again, haha, that hurt like a bitch but shit it was pure fun! I wanna take my sisters there.
ok see you. lets enjoy the day shall we.
mwah.

fun is dying. Work is multiplying.

Dear blog,
i've been really busy with school work and work. And i can't stand people who won't stop leaving people that don't give a shit about them alone. It's truly annoying, don't they feel it? I mean imagine someone who blogs but cares about other people's blogs...and cares about how boring it is. Blogs are meant to be boring anyway....when we're bored, we write boring things. It depends on us. So i've been working part time..and it's going great so far..just that maybe i'm slowing down a bit due to school. I have tons of assignments and i have alot of poetry going on and i'm not quite the emotional kind of person that would jot down all her deep thoughts into that empty paper. that's not me. I try and i might share it with you but maybe a bit later. It feels wrong to show it. haha. So this semester i've been really busy that one of my friends asked me to stop and smell the roses. I am doing so today...i'm relaxing, chilling....thinking. I have to stop thinking about what would happen to me. Thinking is negative, it ruins you..makes you incapable, weakens you. Ok ok. So i'm gonna go play monopoly later and try to beat that bitch, joyce cuz she's been winning since forever. Anyways i wish i went back to club med, it was beautiful..the guys were yummy, the beach was windy and it felt so good tanning, the people were so friendly, you don't get that everywhere. At first it felt kind of odd cuz it didn't feel like any country, felt like heaven. like another world. Relationships? Nah i'm not settling for that anytime soon..just not now...not yet. I'm too lazy to fuck it up and i'm too lazy to fix it up...and most of all i'm too lazy to be someones girlfriend. It's tiring. But yeah life's been tiring for me...but all that tiredness will soon subside when the fire starts rolling in. Just not for today, today i need no fire..i need to relax and go plunge in the pool or something...I need to eat fruits and be healthy. Smoking? I've cut down already...it's amazing....i dont even feel like smoking that much anymore. It's good. Clubbing? not much at all. :D I just dont feel like shaking my booty on the dancefloor with gfs anymore..i dont feel like drinking so much and getting drunk anymore..i just want to chill at a lounge and sip on wine or just have a proper glass of beer. I think i'm slowing down, the energy and fun has died down. I dunt even know if its a good thing or not...but for once in my life it feels right. I'm not saying i won't do these things again..i might..but i dont have the urge to. get it? Aw..i miss my triple shits...the three people who cheer me up...they dont even have to cheer me up, they just have to call me names and i'll start laughing. I'm easy. Sometimes i feel like i do need a guy to cheer me up or be by my side....i guess i feel insecure sometimes, no matter how tough i try to act..im not tough, i'm damn weak. I guess i have a habit of hiding things...i never express enough..but so far i'm slowly letting it go. Slowly having some faith in others..slowly trusting them. Anyways i gotta go right now....gotta live the life, gotta monopolize monopoly.

my pwecious!

Life's aite. Ive been stressed out, actually i say that all the time. Im sick of people that just want to act smart, such as story me..but lets leave whoever he or she is...he doesn't exist. I've been juggling work and studies and so far its been juggled properly, i just have to wait till they both get tangled and i cant cope up wtih both. There's no such thing as being perfect in both fields. So i hve to choose one. hmm...depends tho. I need my highschool friends to be around me, i've been feeling quite down these days, not knowing what to do, thinking about my own future, thinking whether i could ever trust someone again, thinking about my best friends, thinking about everyone that matters to me. Clubbing? You'd be surprised..i cut down shit loads. The only time i went clubbin was a few days ago cuz of my friends bday, but other than that, not even in my mind. Oh ya happy birthday jason! U da bomb! haha...okay i better leave now. I want murti..i want jason..i want kristine. I want them all....to be here...i want them here..right now! It sucks to suffer yknow. I hate my life..haha okay i wouldn't say that...i dont hate my life..but i wish the precious moments were frozen so i could just go back to it...play it in my head or see it with my own eyes over and over again. And why am i being so dramatic? Enough! haha...i dont wanna copy murti after the greens...mbak tuh sangat sok dramatis tau ngk... Yois. haha..yknow what happend just now..some guy in skew came up to me and he knew my name...and asked for me digits..and i didn't even recognize him mann...so he was trying to explain how he knew me...and how we used to be friends..i was like what?! Hell no! dude, that was the scariest shit eva...who does that? its sad. Its either im forgetful n he really knows me? or its either he's forgetful and has mistaken me for somebody else. perhaps perhaps. Okay people....blog.....story me...i wont ignore you..but i will say bye to ala y'all. Bye!? :D

Story me---ur such a smart ass.

Whoever you are story me, why dont you just fuck off? Im telling you in a nice way. Childish of me to delete ur comment...yes..maybe but i dont even know you and ur not even a friend of mine so why do you care to read my blog? Ify ou have problems wtih me well then just leave me alone. I dont even know you. And yes i act liek a kid, i admit it..wats so bad about it? You act like a kid too..bothering about your comments being deleted is such a small thing. Ur seriously disturbed. Seriously. So you can fuck off my page and discontinue to read my blogs..if its so boring or if its too childish for you. So wahtever i do or say...or write in this blog..is about my life..even my best friends dont give a fuck like you do. So go give a fuck on ur own blog. tata.

a kid?

Anyways, im at the airport now, decided to waste my time online and writing to you instead of just smoking the boredom away. Well i've been reading this book entitled "Jakarta Undercover", im halfway now but i have the right to say that it rocks! You guys should read it...fellow jakartans...read it! It's a must! All the stuff you wanna know about the underground nightlife and expensive call girls and even to sashimi sex. Imagine all that in Jkt..all hidden from us and i'm 19 now and i've never actually understood the real nightlife until i read this book. I'm trying not to be too much of a bitch, i've been bitching at mum cuz she's been annoying and she treats me like a kid, of which i am actually, but still, teenagers hate to be treated this way, makes them feel so useless. So i got pissd and now that she left me alone and dropd me off, i feel like i miss her and i regret bitchin at her. I dont wanna leave jakarta, but i guess ihave to...i've been chillin with my sisters everyday, i'm going to miss them. i think the more you see em, you'll miss em more when ur away cuz you're living, eating, joking around with them 24/7..its tough to just let go and fly away. I'm not used to missin people around me but most of my friends are overseas and i'm hte one always comin back to jkt when i miss it. I just can't stand not comin back sometimes. When friends in KL dont give me the friendship i need..i go back...when i just can't stand the people around and theres too many problems to stress about...i end up goin to a travel agent to book the first flight back home. That was months ago though, i have to leave..i have to study and i have to work and all that takes place in KL. I dont know where i'll live in the future..i dont wanna be faraway from home dats fo sho..but i also wanna be faraway from home...i wanna get out of here and go someplace else. I know i'll always come back, no doubt about that. Okay i guess i gotsta be goin now dude... i have to board soon.
mwah

goodmorning sunshine! :D

Ahh what a day, what a day, what a beautiful day. Cieh sok dramatis gini kan mur? i better stop. Nah well i have no plans for today, it's a blank day, but i have a feeling that it'll be a good day, and i have a feeling that i won't get bitchy today. haha. Anyways i really dont know what to do here in jkt, i went clubbing lastnight, it was ok, drank a shiz load of beer but i got sick of it. Then klaudia got drunk and started pukin so we had to go home, she was with her soon-to-be boy. haha......anyways he helped alot, i hope she sees that in him. I talked to him personally this morning for like 3 hours, telling me about his life story and experiences through relationships and what his problems are. Just doing my job as a big sis, he's much older than Klauds man. hmm..no choice, but so far he's a nice guy. I won't judge before not knowing much of him. Yea anywhos....i wanna have a decent day today, got some shit to do for work and then i want good dinner.
gbye