In a sponging gutter

Hello there Midnight babies.

No one is free to scoop me up for a Hot Cuppa. I'd go to a hotel or something to get one, but no one is free. Even if the hot chocolates on me. It's one of those nights where you need a friend around to dig in to conversations. Where are my besties? I miss em already. Too bad none of them are around, they are in better places for crying out loud. Man, i feel like a sad Tim Burton character. Except I'm craving for sweet things.



That would be good for me now. But i'm out of it.


Anyways, did i tell you i adore designspongeonline? It's got the greatest hippie turned neat, Corporate turned funky, Reggae's little Kitchen, and Godly sense of Creativity collectible items featured on the site. The person who blogs her incredibility? I'm guessing is one of those inspiring New York artists who welcomes the joy of raw and fractured artworks. She is like God. You give her an ugly couch and she throws in like all these weird combos of color and items, and you got stuff better looking than Harvey Norman. It's like a personalized live-life creatively home decor experience. I am totally inspired and in love with the look of it.












It's brilliant because it isn't complicated. The rooms all look like it is worth living in. It tells a story of passion, personality, and character. As compared to those interior design books where the rooms look perfectly engineered and untouched, design sponge creates life by outsmarting the dull with glorious colors and puzzled pieces to get to the beauty of abstract art. Example: Like putting bananas on a table and getting away with it. Damn these beings.

My mind is now sponging.




This is me sponging.

Earlier today, I went to the curve and headed for Living Quarters. I'm looking for a natural roar in the look. I'm looking for things that will make my new couch look awesome and cozy. To make it a sanctuary I can sit down and do my reading, laughing, hot cuppa-ing at. I managed to buy these really strange looking yet alluring pillow covers. Pardon my style, but I quite like this ensemble gathered today. Man, there's a journey to go to make things pretty huh?! This Mission is a MUSTTTT for me.





I'm not that proficient when it comes to the playground of ART, but i would like to think that i am close to that level. I need to keep sponging sponging.

Okay I think it looks like I got company for my hot cuppa.

Peace.

Uncommon Slapstick

I went for a Masquerade party lastnight.

It would've been cool if everyone dressed up for the occassion but the whole invitation didn't really highlight that bit of the night.

It was fun and funny. Jay was actually. He was like poppin and lockin, grooving to the silence of smokers, laughter, and permanent stares. He was the entertainment clown of the night. But too bad he collapsed in bed before any of us headed back. My impression of Jay has 360'd, from a quiet emo boy to a hardcore masquerade clown.



The Clowns on the left. Not the right.

It was a simple night, but good the way it was. Conversations were based on rare drags, music, poisonous laughter, and killing the awkwardness between strangers in the big SMOKEY room. It was pleasant though.

Then I thought to myself that I should throw one of these Masquerade parties one day. And that the dresscode should be taken more seriously by our very own voluntary bouncers. Won't that be cooler? Well scrap that, let's move on to the frolicsome images we have here.









It's been a while for girls like us. The ones that party poop.




Sup homeslice?






The Great Fall of Mankind



Murder at the utmost degree





Jay: How are my moves? Wasn't too good ay?
Me: What? Noooo..don't be hatin'..you were amazing right there. Jay-T mang.
Jay: Thanks, i'm gonna go get the hang of it now.
(he moves into the middle and starts to get his groove on)
Me: Yeah you go Jay. (I say, without a stir of confidence)


I'm getting hungry from blogging. Takes a lot of effort man. Sometimes when I feel rajin and all, I'll type with inspiration and passion and whatever ion there is in the world to describe that hardworking feeling. But now I feel like soup in a fancy bowl.

I'll leave you to this:






The Man of our 5 hours


so long, farewell.

Bang Bang (My baby shot me down)

I'll give you a little run through on the latest things that has happened since our last episode together.

First of all, it wasn't that much. 28th marked Johnjohn AKA Dugong's Birthday. That boy had three dinners, well + 1 including the one with his parents tonight. Crazy. I only have one on the day I blow the cake, which is the day itself. He has like a few, because one isn't satisfying enough, he likes to be constantly reminded of how he's turning one year older. I get it now. The attention he needs. :)

So yeah his Birthday dinners were alright. The Cake was awesome. The Duck meat was awesome. The people? Cool too i guess, well except for one. But I will not disclose such information because I would like to keep it on a hush hush status now.

So John's Birthday event took the whole of Wednesday, Thursday (the actual day), Friday, and Saturday. Man.

On Saturday though, I had to try the All-Day Breakfast in Dome. Apparently, it is of the same price as Decanters but they are more generous with the servings. I got the Egg Hollandaise. I like it, but not enough to come back for more Egg Hollandaise action.

Nearly the whole of today was spent at the curve talking about nothing really. People passing, most especially the couples who are either color coordinated or are going for the whole "We are TWINS!" look. OH well. :D My smiley describes all the bittersweet thoughts of mine.

As the Sun lost its light to the moon, we headed down to DONGS to "KILL BILL" twice. I loved it. Tarantino, Quentin is a natural born director and killer in film making history. He mixes kung fu with pleasure. He makes Samurai swords sexy. He makes blood look like a gorgeous beauty (even when its bursting a fountain off someones neck). He's a genius, he is the GOD of film. Well, my GOD of entertainment. I just love KILL BILL VOL 1-2. Don't you? It's simple, it's easy to watch, it gives you wacky ideas, it makes you want to buy a samurai for keeps and of course not to mention, all the products/brands that sponsors Quentins cast: I'm guessing Marlboro was one of em, Lucky Charms, Fruit Loops, Puma, Onitsuka Tiger, and I'm also guessing the PUSSY WAGON was the all-American muscle truck, a FORD? I don't know but I seriously like the color of the movie and how everything sponsored fits the moments he wanted to portray. This is my second time watching VOL 1-2 again and damn, it seriously feels like my eyes have lost its virginity to these volumes.

I finally completed Paulo Coelho's 11 Minutes. I think it is worth a read and I give it a *** (3 Star) reader's value because it failed to excite me after Love struck these two love duos. The ending was unexpected because it wasn't a PC ending, it was like a Danielle Steel love novel. Might be good for some people, but it was just satisfactory, no excellent finishing touch. Just a bunch of words he tried to make up to quickly end the book. He too probably got sick of writing about thick passion and complicated romance so he just ended it on a boring note. :) I'm not ruining it for people, this is my personal opinion. But it is worth flipping through because there are lines and phrases in that book that make you go like "shit, how in the hell did he come out with something so creatively good like that?" Yeah happened many times through my 11 minutes experience. At least try to spend 11 minutes reading it, if you do not relate to it, discontinue and get a Sidney Sheldon or Danielle if it ain't romantic enough for you. hehe :D

I need a drag now. I prefer it to you. :D

Bang Bang, I shoot you down now.

Waiting for em chunks to subside.

Afternoon you little fool.

Sometimes I can't figure out how and why people have weird attitudes or ways of taking simple text messages. Like you could just say "Can't hang out today man" and immediately they'll be hating you with a "Fine, be that way!". I'm just thinking to myself, like WTF? It's stupid and the more I think of it, it makes me feel dumb for even wondering how these people feel. They should just know that no one has time to offend them through Short Message Services! ahem. Get it woman, I tend to keep things short when i'm using my phone, don't expect a long and nice email of how I can't make it for the day.

"FINE, BE THAT WAY!!!!!"

Anyways, I just gobbled some Auntie Anne chunks and now i'm doing the right thing, which is to let my stomach slowly digest what I have eaten so I can plunge in the old pool and do the laps i've been dissing for almost 2 weeks. Holidays are great, but they break your routine and they make you a temporary insomniac. I hope that in my case, it will be temporary.

I am currently reading a book entitled "Eleven Minutes" by Master Paulo Coelho. I'm sure many know him for his bestselling novel "The Alchemist" of which I haven't touched or filled my mind with just yet. I've read others like the Witch of Portobello, By the River Piedra I Sat Down and Wept, and now 11 Minutes. I'm not done yet with the minutes, but I can tell you that it's my favorite one of them all, it is highly erotic in a religious Paulo Coelho way. The typical description of Sexual Desire and how others perceive it. It's odd, but cool really. This book is about the struggle of a brazillian prostitute and how she strives to earn more money to feed her poor family and buy a farm back home. But before she can do all that, she registers herself as one of the "objects of desire" at the Copacabana. Through the months of pleasuring her customers and earning lots of dollars, she fastens her feelings on this famous painter and falls in love once again (when she promised herself she won't love again) If any writer out there can give you a different perspective and personal view on prostitutes in general, then that means he has succeeded. I can't really tell you the entire story, because i'm not done with it yet. When it comes to Paulo, i like to take my time reading and re-reading his explanations. :)



There goes the day....

I think it is time for me to do my laps, overtire my legs, and just get some exercise done.

ByeDbye.

Lookin back to Relax and :)

Hey now, hey now,

I am finally jotting down my thoughts. Not much of it, but hey some oddness in the air today moved me. So therefore, here are my set of words. I finally inserted pictures today. Don't know why it took me years to add extra jewels into my site. I guess i wanted to go for the creepy blog look with no sense of happiness. I seem like a wannabe, now that i think of it. I had my goth days, in highschool though, used to worship the devil. NOT. I just enjoyed reading those crafty books and tried making my own potions and casted wicked spells. In a way, some of my spells worked, but i guess the timing was right. Made me go all psychological on my thoughts. Man I never thought my goth days would end...thought that Mur, Kristine, and I would beat the CHARMED sisters. haha..we'd be like the highschool goth girls that praise hip hop fashion and music. hahahaa...tacky days are the coolest. Trust me, i love tacky, it fills me with so much laughter, its crazy.



Those were the days huh. The Fairytale Prom days.

Anyways about two days ago, I went through this Javanese massage. The lady that did my "pijit" was from the land of Indonesia, except she mentioned her hometown and I do not think it exists in the map. Sounds like some master of the village just made shit up. But it sounds like one of those Jelangkung films and their destinations to "Jln. Kramat Batu". Sounds like one of those potential filming spots for b-grade horror films. But just saying this reminds me of those old school days. When we used to be tight as a gang, as friends. Used to go watch movies in PIM and throw popcorns at each other.That was Simple Fun. Simple Laughter. Those were the times when friends and enemies really counted.




My back is still hurting, could this be good or could it be bad? I've been swimming everyday to overtire my body so when my muscles ache, I know I did some work out routine. The thing is sleeping is a hard factor for me now. I can't sleep for nuts, no matter how comfy my bed is, no matter how clean my room is, no matter how early i wake up and how late i sleep. I just don't really get that tired man. I think I am slowly turning into a ROBOT. Bell-E. Introducing my friend.



I should think of something to do to make the hours shrink into un-endless tick tocks. To make it seem like my time is productive, that sweat and effort is good almost everyday. I need to be given something to do. Thats what I thought, go back to Jakarta this Wednesday, do some Marketing work for Fred, drink some bintangs, shoot some pool and wala...productive enough. Much better than staying at home.

September welcomes the obstacles

Tuesday
9/September/2008

September, the month of random break ups and obs. A few weeks ago was the release of the hungry ghosts and we were warned to stay put in our homes after 6pm. Apparently people say that it is the prime time for these beings to hang out and meet up with their homies for casual drinks. I guess it is, it's like their annual vacation time other than choking in the flames of hell or cooling off with angels in heaven.

Anyways, this is like the second week of our September and you bet a lot has happened. My neighbors got robbed and so did their neighbors. Theft here, death there, people committing suicide like no ones bloody business. It's crazy because it happens around people and after people hear the news, the obstacles naturally go their way.

A few days ago it was a pleasant Friday night, I came out of my room and there was this gloomy shadow outside at our porch. The cause of the shadow? Some middle-eastern guy taking a sneak peak through our windows. Plus, my housemate was wrapped up in a bath towel humming and spinning to her jazz tunes as she reached for the toilet door. That pervert was watching her the whole time, then it got me thinking, damn he could have been there for like a few minutes already just watching her indulge in her marvellous Friday. So, I pointed at him and it took him a while to reconsider his stay at my front porch or pack his balls and leave. Then, he left and ran to his unit. HIS UNIT! He's my neighbor, yes he is. I have a pervert neighbor. I swear if it happens again for no reason, i'm going to call the cops on him. Well, not like calling the cops on him would really make a difference.

September is just a really bad month for my circle of friends. Always be armed with your gear. Pepper sprays are useless, they just look good as key chains. Pocket a swiss army knife and I guess it will last you when danger comes around the corner. :)

Baby boy will wear GAP.

Hi.

Man oh man, it's been such a long week for me. I'm not the type to update or fill in the emptiness of an empty blog page during work hours. If i did it during work, i guess it would serve as therapy to my mind. My boss said that if you need therapy, just enter the conference room alone and as you sit down in the darkness, feast your eyes on the light coming from the water tank. How therapeutic. It's basically an ordinary aquarium with some decent lights and some decent looking fishes as well. Fishes is already a word and I'm sure now they have the term fishes in dictionaries.

Yes yes, it's been a tiring string of days for me. I elope from one place to another, drive like a freaking circus monkey, and of course manage my tummy at the same time, as its the time of the month and my cravings have gone humongous. I can eat a whole person now by just picturing freakin bak kut teh in my mind, i swear i just want to eat that shit out from the claypot.

I will soon be heading for my cousins baby shower. I think I lack knowledge of celebratory terms. Such as a BABY SHOWER. I wasn't aware that a baby shower came prior to having the baby. I always had the knowledge that it was after the bump was popped, you shower it with joy and blessings. Numsayin? I just think it makes more sense that way. Anyhoos...i got great items for the baby boy. Very typical and American, i decided to walk into GAP KIDS. I have to admit, what i bought for the boy to come was splendid. I think sooner or later when he grows to know me, he'll tell me that i was the best aunt in the world for spoiling him in fashionable ways. :D I imagine him to be a cool kid. I swear baby shopping is much cooler than shopping for yourself. It gives you the ability to buy something so small and yet make use of it. As a gift of course. But you just have the liberty to make a newborn look good. Like hey, i shot straight out in 87 and my mother made me wear the most hideous clothes, stuff with no labels or brand names. Guess the only famous one i wore was like pigeon and the KIKILALA. That friggin name is so striking, you think it's only for LALA's. But no, they cater to kids and adolescents. How misleading huh?

Anyways, I think i'm gonna hit the 1 hour sack. I'm so tired I can feel my bones weakening and my eyes slowly closing a halfway.

I will update when i feel like it and when odd situations surpass to inspire me. :)

Au revoir poyple.

The Sunday Pigging

I’ve been waiting for lazy Sundays to come.
Today’s the perfect one for pigging-in at home. Just turn on your sensual jazz, feast thy eyes on a self-improvement book and warm up the lazy couch you’ve always taken for granted.

These past few days have been hectic with friends and the other half. Time to relax and set yourself to potato-mode. Unfortunately, there’s Brenda’s birthday party to go to and it’s pouring like a beast outside. Do you go or do you prefer to savor your day with the Sunday pigging? Sunday pigging of course.
But I’m still going. Because I am not a Birthday pooper, I still have some effort. This is for all the people at home wanting to go out for absolutely no reason but to hang out. Just hang out at home, you’ve got all your goods, your music, your television set, your biscuits, and your hot tea. And not to mention, the couch you barely enjoy due to responsibilities. Enjoy it today.
I am currently absorbed in this self-improvement book entitled “Why Men Love Bitches?” It caters to the curious needs of women out there that are “too nice” and have sacrificed so much for their men. The big factor is that the men do not appreciate and do not reciprocate.

Am I too nice? Coming from an angry bitch like me with complicated feelings and messed up thoughts that can be considered delusional and over the cherry top. I guess I am too nice. But there are points in the book which help me self-judge myself. There’s always room for improvement. No one can be the ultimate bitch I tell you, even the author. What she’s writing to all of us females is just an opinion that would work. And I thank her because she got all those questions of mine answered and she did some very interesting research before anyone else did. So here’s my applause for you Ms. Sherry Argov, for doing your homework and for the effort you’ve made into making weaklings turn into tough cookies so that the oblivious men out there shall want a savory bite of us all.
There is lightning above, getting closer to my window. It scares me shitless. It has officially ruined the lazy Sunday by striking it’s fierceness in every corner and leaving us to dwell in our habitats in fear of its monstrous temper. I loathe nature when it acts like it loathes us, keeping us in fear without telling us why. Nature is oh-so-childish and unjust.

But when it’s beautiful, it’s absolute.

Go do the Sunday pigging you guys. We have come a long way from Monday, it is time to pig out because you deserve it. If there was no birthday plan blocking my pigging agenda, I would be fastened to the couch with a home-made salsa dip (stolen from Frontera of course) and digging it with nachos covered in mozzarella melt. And I would ask Larry Frontera (you’ll know about Frontera in my next entry) to deliver the best margarita in town for only me to say yum to.

Cheers, a yummy Sunday for pigs.

im up for it.

Drinkin' tea by tea. Yes i am.
It's been three nights down and i've been going to the mamaks to cure the boredom. Anything to do with "out" of johns..i'm up for it. It's not the apartment that im suffering with. At times it's him. Arguments are more or less caused by my stupid idiotic mouth and temper temper. But oh well, if i don't get out, its never going to end.
I wouldn't say i'm happy in this relationship. I'd say there are many lovey dovey moments but the missing bit is still waiting to be filled. The missing bit is understanding. I get it now. A realization hit me when i went all psycho on him just now. I was pouring out my temper and frustration over a small little thing. Therefore i apologized, although i know the same action might just repeat in a few days to come.
I have no control over my emotions. It's either i'm totally crazy or cold. It's just one of those, there is no middle line. The word neutral just doesnt work for me.
Im missing my real friends now. I've lost touch with the real me a few months ago. It feels like i'm lost and confused now, trying to mature into a different person, trying to alter and adapt to a relationship that is different from the rest. But what happens if i lose touch of all the happiness and fun? There is no room for adventure these days. I've just been moving in and sooner or later i will fill in a blank seat doing paperwork. I know its not what i want to do. I guess for the mother, you have no choice but to huh.
That month in Jakarta was different. It was cool. It's amazing how all my friends have matured. It's amazing how everyones in this powerful relationship except for me. I'm in a relationship that's still working out. It's in neither sides of the bad or good, it's not even in the middle. This relationship could kill ur time, give you eyebags and a lot of stress. It could cause insomnia too. I guess that's why im still awake at this hour dealing with it.
I don't know who i will spend my lifetime with..but currently i've been thinking about it. I know i shouldn't. But can't help it. I keep thinking about the day i walk down that aisle plus with who? Is it the man i'm now with or will there be another? Yes, there are many beautiful moments to cherish. Good memories always stay the way they are. But the relationship will never ever end up the way it once started. They say you should always treat ur partner the way you guys first started out. I say its impossible. When two people meet, their goal is to get to know each other. But once they know each other and are so sick of seeing each others bad habits and such, how the hell are they suppose to act like they dont know each other and give the respect? It's a toughy. I could never do that. Fuck my English has gone really horrible and vague. Even when i try to pronounce a word..i end up tongue tied. Even as i type this, my brains tangled.
I can't wait till my graduation day comes. My family, my best friend, the ones that mean the world to me will be there. It will feel like home. I just know it.

The guy for me would be one that pampers me even when i'm bitchy. Even when i'm screaming my lungs out and it gets scary. Some guys can't tolerate that shit. They get all scared and they think im psycho.
It is psychotic to yell and scream...but sometimes it feels so good letting out everything. The one guy that could handle it and still see the good in me will be the guy i'll be with forever. Becuz that's all i need. I need constant attention, i know i'm selfish and stubborn. But i do need the love, the hugs, the kisses. I need someone bold and strong and confident, so that he could pass me some of it. The thing is, you never know who you're dating, even if you've been dating a person for years, you still dont see certain things that outsiders see.

I dont know why i haven't been in the smiley mood these days. I've just been pmsing. I've been so bitchy to myself and to him recently. It's not so healthy. It creates a lot of tension in the bedroom. It hurts to fight daily. But i really dont know how to stop it sometimes.

I just had a meaningful death stick. hehe. And suddenly this drunk walks pass me. Its joe of course. It's funny how he could go clubbin and wake up for work. amazing actually.

It's time to sleep. I feel like taking a jog around the complex.

gnite kiss. mwah.

blanked out.

To Mr. Blank Sheet of Paper.


These days have been a rollercoaster. Filled with the ups and downs of relationships, countless amounts of thoughts and stress that pile up like freakin maggots. It's just sickening to live life this way. How do you get over such stress, how do you relief that shit? Some say the solutions lie in magazines and google. I tried all that, there was no relief..no smile...no happy thoughts. No drugs to use.

It's shit that this life is full of weird emotions that everybody has to encounter just to break even. Just to feel a similarity between familiar feelings, emotions, moves, reactions. Whatever it is, i've never felt so horrible in life before.

Here i am breaking 20 in a matter of a few days. I'm leaving 20 for the big 21. Its suppose to be my year, its suppose to be all mine. And today when i was depressed and when my heart was thumpin like a choo choo train, i couldnt do shit about it. The pathetic part was that when my friends have issues, i used to think they were pussy issues. Now i'm the pussy and they've gone a step further, they've graduated from the stress and found a way to solve their problems. I helped some of those friends and im sitting here typing to you because i can't seem to help myself.

Now im thinking how the fuck do i help myself? I think when it happens to others, you see the bigger picture. When people are stressed out they are caught up in this emotional state and it deepens through time. So you see the big picture, tell them whats going on and some see it and some don't. Right now i need someone to help me paint the big picture infront of my eyes. So i can see it, so my thoughts will not believe my short term imaginations. Because i'm a pessimist. Everything that seems clear to me is bad. So thats why i ruin relationships, thats why i ruin myself and my partner. I need time to really find my true self. Just by letting things go for a while.

You just need more time to give ur brain a rest. I was talking to a good friend of mine and he told me that i live my life through reassurance. I always assure myself, gather the closure, then only my decisions are made. I never let time take its course, i just keep being a bug to things.

My nature is to push. I just realized im such a bug. I just keep flying everywhere, whatever angles available, i freakin ram straight into it. I push and push, i have no patience of any sort. How the hell do i just relax and do that? It's so tough. I admire the people that have that quality. PATIENCE.

Patience is such a powerful word. Because it never occurred to me till just right this sec that i lack that quality, and it is just what i need. The problem starts with building the patience. Words that best describe me is impatient, compulsive, pessimistic,selfish, and a person with bad understanding. Yeah that's all i got. Probably got a lot more negative words.

I dont think i can write anymore. I need to think and see myself in a different perspective. Study my flaws perhaps.

gnite.