what we have left behind.

Life is life, what else can it be? I'm living it..elya just left off like that, that elmo bitch. haha..i miss him to bits but i realized that if i broke down buckets...then i guess he would cry like shit. So i held it in like a motherfucker. I held it alright...then brian started suffering, Rayn too. All of us just miss this little twit. Left us for hot chicks. haha
It's valentines day, but i dont exactly have date...i just have a dinner date..but after that..i dont know man..i want my friends back to hang out with. We'll chill out and lounge and just be all relaxed with our usual convos. I hope i'll enjoy dinner, dates aren't really my thing...to be honest..i dont like dates..i feel locked up..i feel its too romantic..it just is. I haven't had a date for so long, i guess i was just too lazy to. But today, i'm giving this one a shot. If the date goes well, then i'll go well. If he's boring and he can't make me laugh..then i'm sorry..goodbye to him. haha..gawd..im just not in the mood to date..they are all the same..they dont really like me..htey just need a companion. I dont think anyones ever liked me for real before. I dont know...and i dont think i've actually really liked anyone before too..it's the truth..i haven't. No matter how much i show them i like them, it's not all 100% true. I'm just making the effort to keep up with them..then i realize that its all plain stupid. If you ask me who do i really like? I have no answer to that. There is not one single guy out there that fits me, it's like in the end, the relationships just dont last and maybe it's all my fault.
I dont care anymore about relationships, i guess if they come, they come. If they don't, then well SINGLE will always live to be my bestest best friend. I'm not complaining, i like single. It's so plain that there's no restriction whatsoever..you can have your friends..you can flirt with anyone you wanna flirt with, you can just do wahtever..without being judged or without being blamed for something so shallow.
Uni is getting really busy now...i'll be stressed out sooner or later..so i'm writing to you first..i'm just spending time here before i really get into something. ..and i will.
Anyways, jase's dad just had a heart attack, damn that guy he's been through alot. I guess when people look at us, they'd think we're going out when really my friendship with him is so personal that it looks personal even when we're not attracted one bit. Its like dating my own brother. He's just the only person ever that could cheer me up in weird ways. Whenever i feel like crying and life is shit..he's the one i'll contact first. Whenever i feel restless and weak..he's the one i will consult. Love you jjboy.
anyways..its time up..im busy now..mwah