good mornin

Morning blogger. I guess I've been waking up pretty early these days, hmm...i went to church on Christmas day to pay my respect, and it felt different. It was a different church and since i've never stepped in GOd's house in like 3 years, i guess i had that odd feeling of just invading. But in the end, i got the hang of it. I'm not used to it at all, it reminds me of my childhood days. Me just standing like a dope with my mother. But it was alright, it's not as boring as it was a few years back. My Christmas wasn't a blast, but all my friends were there, we had that casual hang out and started feasting on the turkey and our glasses of wine, it was beautiful, but then i got sick and they went home, so yeah its pretty sad shit. haha. But i dont know, Jakarta can get boring these days, maybe its because we all grew up and we all have our own things to hang on to. I haven't done much since i landed, just been hanging out with my friends which is real good and all but we gotta do more than that. Too bad most of them aren't going to Bali, i better have a great time in bali man or else i'd fucking regret leaving my friends in JKT. But i wish they could join me, it'll be wicked! Clubbing here is boring, i swear, i dont know, the crowds just getting worst. It's annoying. My friends and i dont even know what to do, i mean we dont feel like dancing or drinking that much, i guess we prefer to smoke up and laugh at each other. haha. It was funny when i was smoking up with deyta, she was asking me why the trees were so short and why the road was so small. Haha...funny shit. Bali has changed too actually, clubbin there is no longer relaxing, it's like you can never just sit around n have a beer. All the sleazy people are there to disturb. They disturb anybody and all they do is just get drunk every fuckin day...as soon as they wake up. I dont think they even sleep in their hotel, i think they just get wasted and hang around in the clubs, pubs, restos. It's a very tiring thing to do. I know i'd never be stupid enough to stay awake for like 3 straight days drinking alcohol. SO dumb. These days i don't wanna drink so much, i can see how it ruins me. I dont want to get drunk, cuz i can see how it makes me so different and slutty and all that shit.The usual, alcohol does shit to you when you have just a little bit too much. Like i can't stand tequilla shots anymore, it gets me sick instantly. It's gross. I just wanna have a beer. haha i'll never leave beer. Anyways time to move on with today's activity. SHOPPING. yeh i needa shop, i've been so damn lazy to walk around and shit, now i'm going for my own stuff, hehe.....anyways ciao.
CU nanti.

safe zone is it?

I am absolutely frustrated and agitated right now. Confused about my life, like where the fucks it going and where the fuck is the effort and sweat running? Is it running away from me, do i deserve some goody treats? Do i deserve anything at all? Or do i deserve shit. You see i hate this time of my life because i wanna be happy when christmas hits and this is the month of december but i dont see myself in the spirit of christmas, i dont see myself being santa. I dont see myself anywhere in particular. I just realized that all i do is help other people,i never stop to care about myself and my needs. The thing is im not used to it i can't. I hate it when people dont appreciate things, i hate it when people want to just make enemies with you. Whats the fuckn point in the end? I just hate people. I hate myself for now. I really do. Right now i feel like crap, i just go online and everyones just shooting me with comments and the need for advices of which i give and they dont use. I guess all my help was not a thought that counted to them. Im just in the mood to bitch around so please let me and get it that im not always like this. I just hate the fact that im so selfish at times and i can't let go of my pride, i hate pride in others as well, how they can just ignore you like that even when you're friends? I hate the fact that certain people care about who says hi to them online first, its so fuckin dumb. I hate how people can't let go, i just dont like the way it is, people keep twisting and turning. It prolongs it and it becomes like an endless waste of time. It's a waste of time. I can't keep caring for people that are so selfish with themselves, becuz all they care about is themselves. They are self-centered pieces of shit, they have too much pride and it makes me sick. Oh and one thing i hate, i hate it when people are worried about what others might judge them to be. I mean what the fuck, you are you, so be you, what else or who else can you be. I dont care if you're ugly or dumb, act it, dont act like ur smart when ur dumb becuz that will make you look dumber. I mean whatever you are, you know it best, so just be it becuz you are it. Ok whatever.
And to all the bloody bitches out there that think they're so hot and popular or whatever shit, fuck you guys man! I mean what the fuck, dont go around wiggling your funny looking thick powdered faces like ur some kind of heroine. You're not, you're an idiot becuz you just want to be hot and pretty and thats about it really? Why can't you have more substance like wanting to be smart for instance? Ain't that betteR? THe thing is girls these days misunderstand the word respect, they think respect comes from popularity and looks, when really respect comes from your good deeds and title in life. What you have done for others, what you have accomplished besides being Ms. whatever. I just hate these pretty girls that are pretty and are actually smart but just dumb when it comes to the social world. They wanna be the it item, they wanna be this and that. Uggh they make me feel like puking i swear. Every single thing that happens to them, they have to BBC it to me. Everytime a guy thinks they are hot, they gotta tell me as if it were the most matter of fact issue ever. It's just f-annoying. I can't handle it. It's blowing my nerves to insanity. Its draining my good moods. I get affected by other people, seriously. It adds pressure, it bugs me. Shit my maids awake, that shows im such an early sleeper. Yeah that just really reminds me about my late hours. ahem. i gotta stop.
And you fuckers out there, dont think you can mess with any one of my friends just becuz you're a piece of hot ass. So what if you're nice to look at, you're a pussy deep down and you know that. You're an asshole deep down and you're gonna be losers in the future. I dont care if your rich daddies support you throughout your entire life, that just shows ur bloody useless. Ur not even hooked into studying, what will you be hooked up with in the future? Uselessness? Yeah..thought so. So dont go around shoving ur money infront of our faces, cuz we dont care...its just money that does not belong to you anyway. So what if you break up with the girls first, it doesnt make you cooler. I just hate fools these days, they're so dumb, they are disrespectful, they think they can get girls with money (their parents' money cmon), they think so highly of themselves, i just wanna tell em to fck off. My friends have been hurt and i've seen it, those bloody idiots are not men, they are rodents. They are filthy pieces of shits..and yknow what in this world there are no proper guys, its just full of bullshit. Relationships were born to end, either way it will end. I can't stand all the girls that wanna slit their wrists and die just bcuz their lovers left them, so what, they just left. They should be thankful they're alive, instead they pull the trigger, slice themselves up, or just jump down the building. I can't believe it. Life is way too short already, why make it shorter? I hate this. More and more people are into this kind of suicide ritual, its like the fastest way to overcome ur problems is to DIE. Bloody shit heads. Ihhh i dont know why im so carried away with this entry. I guess im just in the mood to blabber out bits and bits after getting annoyed at myself and other people that were chatting with me.
oh damn there's just so many types of people out there that were meant to annoy you, meant to get on your nerves and tickle it excessively. Meant to drive you crazy enough to make crazy comments and complaints of how idiotic they are. Its so dumb.
i wanna leave. gnite. I want a good sleep. byye

hearty melt

Im back, im back. For some reason, it still feels like im in kl. But i guess i'm just settling down here, i miss jakarta loads, even now i do. It feels so i duno odd. My friends are scattered around, i dont know who to call and how to. I just know that Donnas always around so thats who i hang around with mosta the time. Just came back from La Forca, pretty nice place, the pool tables aren't that smooth but it's better than lazing around at home or chillin in some cafe. I get to see Don work her public relations. haha...but its a cool place. Shit its nearly christmas, it'll be coming so soon i wont get to complete all my christmas letters to the people i cherish oh so most!
hehe. I haven't eaten nasi padang yet, imagine. I'm thinking about work, whether i'll isolate it for my friends or the other way round or time manage my time to make time more time worthy. Yesh..can i do that? I hope so. Just lessen down on clubbin. I dont know why, but i dont like embassy, i hate dugeming there, there's some still air in that place, it makes me feel sick and stuffy inside and i just dont enjoy the sight of everyone there, i dont enjoy it at all. I'd rather go to vertigo, its much better for me. Man people are getting so weird these days, they do stupid things, they act stupid, they play stupid, they talk stupid, they eat stupid, they drink stupid, i dont knwo i think the whole worlds slowly becoming dumb. Its scaring the life out of me. I've been meeting people that have lost track and that have gone whack, my criticisms may seem extreme, but i might be a loser one day. Even if losers disgust me, i can imagine myself in the same boat. Sickening but this world is unpredictable, sometimes its better to be a loser than a winner with all the pressure. But seriously, please lord, i dont want to be a loser. I seriously dont wanna be at all! :(
Blogger pal, i dont want to get drunk at all, not even on new years eve. I just dont know what i do when i'm intoxicated yknow, i guess my mind and thoughts get poisoned too and then i start acting like someones fool. I start acting like the cheapest piece of shit ever. I hate that, i wouldnt want my mother to see me like that. The lastime i got drunk was the last trip here, i've made it four months clear of not getting drunk. I just dont wanna be not myself and jump into some sorta psycho. Because i'm happy being me. :D I'm happy with the failures and mistakes i've made and through alcohol it does lessen the burden for me, but not when i drink heavily, it makes me a burden to others. I should be considerate and stop being selfish with others. I should just enjoy my baileys irish cream while i go have a nice swim. i want to go to the book store and be able to stay there for hours without getting distracted by going somewhere else. I wanna be with my hot chocolate and friends and i wanna talk about others in a good way and talk about others in the bad. i wanna spend my day wisely. I hope i will. I wanna just have a real chilled out day. I've never really had that type of memory. It's just for an hour or so, never the whole day from morning till night. never ever. I appreciate everything now, i love the situation im in now, it keeps me alive, keeps me awake and sane. When lifes too perfect, its not the perfect life, its the most imperfect of all the type of lives. I want the life that has problems to deal with, it just reminds me that there's things to take care of and responsibilities and people to love. I just have to annoy you about my perspective, might seem rather odd but i'm odd and so are you.
Tomorrows a good day. I can smell some good ass breakfast in plaza indo and some good lunch with great friends and great dinner either at home or around kemang. Or perhaps we'll watch a movie and bum around citos. Now thats the j-town life, wonderful huh. Relaxing, but yeah its too good to be true at times. Oh fuck i needa make cards. Arts, help me craft good cards for i am one horrible being, i can't make shit that involves creativity and color coordination. I suck so bad in being artistic.

Good night and the sweetest dreams?

Love all you people that give me the warmest cuddles ever, it makes my heart melt. I swear, it does.

I'll be leaving KL on friday. Sad isn't it? Suppose to leave this sat but due to sisters visa, i guess we're down to friday. It's so sad how the indo jilbab bitch was bitchin all the way, i couldn't stand it. People were stinking, bitchin, and i was just sitting down like a dumb dumb playing the "forgotten warrior". How gay huh? It's hard to bcuz my fingers are too big for my samsung keypads. haha...seriously. Anyways i ate like someones bitch in penang, just kept on going and going like i had the biggest tummy in the world. There was nothing to do except eat, so thats all i did. I haven't eaten so much in ages, there was all this awesome chinese food, it was greasy and oily but hey thats the fun in food, the oiler it is the better. Trust me, it was the bomb! I just completed kristine and murtis xmas gifts. I hope they like it, they've both changed their sense of style, so i guess i have to be updated with their needs. Kristines now a beach bum and murti now loves nicole richie. haha. but it doesn't matter, to them i guess my thoughts of getting em gifts count. Now i have to wrap the gifts, the part where i suck badly in. I haven't been doing much really, just been idling around the streets of KL, thinking of what to do and where to go to find some funny entertainment. Friends are all occupied with their girlfriends or boyfriends, so i dont wanna be a major interruption and be blamed for it indirectly. So i'll have the own fun i have with my sister. I dont know what to get KLAR? Maybe i'll get her those emo shirts or tankinis. GOd, i miss nasi padang so much! I'm dying for the indo taste, dying for the indo life i left behind. I haven't been home for a few months, feels like a wire is unplugged in my personal life. Yeah KL's been so boring, i feel like i'm slowly deteriorating with the constant daily boredom. Clubbings no fun either, i get invited to places but it truly sux..its like i'm just not up for the crowd and blend of people, im not up for it, they're no good, they're not old friends, they're no fun...like my sister got stepped on by some little wanker on her big toe nail and now there's like a humongous purple blood clot and it looks hideous. And me? i can't drink for shit, i get so weak then even 3 bottles of heineken can fill my mind heavy. It's terrible. I guess i didn't go with the proper crowd of people, i mean yes my friends can be wacko fun but at times...you need the old buddies to support the fun throughout the night. That's what people can't do here, there's always someone behind the bars of coldness and there's always someone with stabbing thoughts of you, looking at you like a cold psycho bitch. Girls all get that...we tend to misjudge but hey, it could be true. In the end we tell each other "yknow i used to think you were a bitch, when really i found out you were nice, that made me feel bad" That's my number one line to people i misjudge and bitch about but in the end discover they are the most beautiful souls around this bloody earth. Yeah jakarta has a different light to it, you go home and ur familiar with the roads and the people you wanna call out for a drink are already set in your mind and in ur phonebook. Like i love calling out DONO CASINO for hang outs. haha...she's normally the first person i call. We plan the shit togetha. i miss that biatch man. You know im getting so sick of the fact that you need money for everything. Like i forgot to cash out some cash from the ATM and that just made me realize that you fuckin need the cash or else you can't survive the day. You can't buy your friends cool gifts, you can't meet your friends without money. It's so fuckin sick i swear, i hate money, i hate it so much. Everyones getting so greedy these days, they just want money out of you, its like nothing else matters, just the dough. Fuck em! Ahh gitu la...lifes so sad for me and others these days. I hate the way the world thinks, the way people in general think, its like they're never wrong knowing that they are fuckin wrong. I can't stand people like that. It just pisses the shiiizz out of me mon.
Anyways, enough about bitching about bitchy people.
Damn i gotta get working when i'm back in j-town. Im so weak when it comes to invites, fuckin weak, i can't nolak my friends, i can't! It's hard...i hate to see the disappointment in their eyes..haha ciehh...i just hate the bugging about not being able to make it and the dumb ass excuses of work. It's like i'm trying to be sok pro...but i'm really not, i wish we had more time in a day. I wish we could hang out the entire day and do some funny things or laugh at funny things. I hope this christmas will blast my mind, cuz it hasn't for the last couple of years. I thought christmas would help overcome boredom, but at times its so awkward spending it with friends and distant friends. It feels aneh.
Cheers to my prediction of christmas. mwah.
friends and fam, excellence! (quote JASON OSMOND LIEM) haha my kampungan bastard. Jase i exposed osmond! aha osmond, haha sounds like a long furry animal. ew. haha love you bang jjjjjj!

happy happy joy joy

Damn, the year 2006 is ending so soon. I was just writing all my new year resolutions and bam...the years over and i have to write what i want to achieve next year. SHIT. haha you know i was just wondering why someone gave us life and what is the whole point of life. Like when ants i kill die, where do they go? When people die, where do they go? Do they just rot not knowing that they've left their loved ones? Or maybe we're an experiment, but the question is, who's experimenting with us? And who is experimenting the people that are experimenting with us? If there was a creator of life, who is it and who created him? Things happen for a reason, so if there really was a GOD, he should show himself right now, he should just pop up and prove to us. I dont know man i was on the way home today and i was passing this highway and the scene was deadly man. There was this body on the road covered by a black plastic bag and shit...blood was draining out to the road like tree roots spreading out the ground. My tyres rolled over the blood, imagine that, it's gross but i felt so god damn sorry. Then got me thinking about GOD. Like whats he like? is he cruel or is he kind? Is he irresponsible or is he just leaving us in the dark? Is he crazy or is he rational? I dont know him at all. But why are so many people praying to him for help? I mean does he really help. Sometimes i think he really helps, but maybe the help just dropped by like that due to right timing, it could be psychological of me to think he helped. Ah okay whatever...anyways i'm happy, i'm glad and sooner or later i'll be back in jtown! :D
LOVE YOU BEB.

psycho bitch

Light....i'm starting to enjoy the sight of it these days. Makes me feel so fresh...yknow that feeling. I had a scary dream lastnight, i was dreaming about this psycho lesbi around her 30's and she tried to kill my friends and we were in this creepy worn down classroom. I was so freaked out because she came up to me in my dream and asked me to kill my friends because she threatened to kill me. So she gave me this huge ass butcher knife and asked me to chop my friends up to pieces. She was sick. The weird thing was that there were 30 people being kidnapped by her, a few guys and a buncha girls but none of us took enough guts to put her down or kill her. In the end, she leads us to this garden where two of my friends were buried and told us to kill ourselves or else she'd razor us to bits. In the end, i woke up and had a horrible headache. Up till now, i have a feeling that she still exists. I dont know whether i'll experience that type of thing one day, but its freaking the shit out of me. She's so sick i feel like killing her already. But where is she? I recognize her face still. One day when i meet her, i'ma call the cops. ah. Scary shit really.
Aw shit..gotta go christmas shopping, buy my besties stuff that they want. That's hard..i dont know what they like! I dont want to buy them something they wont use, i wanna buy them some thing they WILL use. Im not really that good with gifts, i just get the standard presents. I dont waste too much effort becuz i dont know how to concentrate on good gift wrapping and good choices of gifts. i'm real bad at it. But whatever, its the thought that counts right? Well i know people say that alot but sometimes gifts do matter and to them thoughts don't count.
i feel like shit now, a combo of flu, a sore throat, and a slight cough. Shit i took two panadols and it wiped the shit outta me, now i'm so fuckin blur, i can't even talk properly or do things right.
GOtta GO.