a heavenly mood

hello peeple.
ahh its been quite long since i've written, well it feels like it. here i am doing some research, here i am forcing myself to be hard working again. here i am playing the tickle iq test...here i am frustrated. haha. well i recently went to the lagoon, went to sun tan my ass off, and i did enjoy it just that i didn't put enuf sun protection and now my bodys sun-aching. Life's been ok, sleeping hours are a little fuckd up due to this newfound hobby of mine, fishing. hah yeah...i love fishing, it really takes ur mind off things and it helps you wtih something really important..patience. I figured that if i started fishing, maybe, just maybe, i might improve my temper and all that stress that i've been inflicting to myself. Yeah i havent cooked anything for myself lately...just been eating a lotta lotta unhealthy food. Ah fuck classes are getting harder. Just when i thought Media planning was a light course, it wasn't. fuckin calculations and formulas mannng. I just hate studying sometimes, seriously. I only like the exams, thats it. Assignments are a killer to me. Exams assure you that if you fuckin pass its fuckin over! Ah..can't wait for finals..then it'll be the internship, i duno i hope to apply for leo b or saatchi and saatchi...one of those..that would be awesome to work in such advertising firm. Advertising is a bitch but i like cuz of the aggressiveness and the activities and all the bullshit. its just an aggressive business and i hope it would make me a stronger person.
Life? been aite..met some guys, enjoying their company, they make life feel much better than girls do sometimes..they don't complain about guys, thats why. haha.
but im not dating any of em, its all good between us, friends stay friends...nothing more for now i guess...i've been too busy trying to study and trying to work but i just know that life cant be balanced all the time, its only when you feel like it.
Oh well im craving for some teo chew porridge, dude its so healthy man..instead of stupid junk food all day in school. thats all i can do to munch away the boredom.
Anyways i have an early day tomoro, gotta follow my schedule as planned. if not..im just a useless piece of craaapooo.
aite..mwah.
ps. i really miss that one person that cracks me up so bad, that wants me to bitch at him, that waits for me to tie my shoes, the one that just looks so stupid when he's all caught up. he doesn't exist yet..but he seems pretty cool for me.

lyricsss

EAGLES LYRICS"Hotel California"
On a dark desert highway, cool wind in my hair
Warm smell of colitas, rising up through the air
Up ahead in the distance, I saw shimmering light
My head grew heavy and my sight grew dimI had to stop for the night
There she stood in the doorway;
I heard the mission bellAnd I was thinking to myself,'This could be Heaven or this could be Hell'
Then she lit up a candle and she showed me the way
There were voices down the corridor,I thought I heard them say...
Welcome to the Hotel CaliforniaSuch a lovely place (Such a lovely place)Such a lovely facePlenty of room at the Hotel CaliforniaAny time of year (Any time of year)You can find it here
Her mind is Tiffany-twisted, she got the Mercedes Benz
She got a lot of pretty, pretty boys she calls friends
How they dance in the courtyard, sweet summer sweat.
Some dance to remember, some dance to forget
So I called up the Captain,'Please bring me my wine'He said, 'We haven't had that spirit here since nineteen sixty nine'
And still those voices are calling from far away,
Wake you up in the middle of the nightJust to hear them say...
Welcome to the Hotel CaliforniaSuch a lovely place (Such a lovely place)Such a lovely faceThey livin' it up at the Hotel CaliforniaWhat a nice surprise (what a nice suprise)Bring your alibis
Mirrors on the ceiling,The pink champagne on ice
And she said 'We are all just prisoners here, of our own device'
And in the master's chambers,They gathered for the feast
They stab it with their steely knives,
But they just can't kill the beast
Last thing I remember, I wasRunning for the door
I had to find the passage backTo the place I was before
'Relax,' said the night man,'We are programmed to receive.
You can check-out any time you like,But you can never leave!'

Could it be?

He cared for me but why didn't i bother to notice how much he cared? I know i hurt him, i know it hurt so much to hurt him but the feeling i had for him is no longer there, its been gone a few months ago and all the while i was just forcing myself to reconsider this relationship when really it wasn't a relationship, it was just me being needy of a companion and a friend. These past few months with him after the break up has been fine, i treat him as a friend while he treats me like im the greatest, when really im just a piece of crap. Whatever he did for me, i dont deserve it, he basically did everything for me and what can i do? Thank him about it? cmon, thats not enuf for the amount of things he's done, its unmeasurable. I told him all the intimacy between us had to be over and that we'd be friends, he's hurt of course, i'm sad for being too tough on him but thats the most i could do, there is absolutely no future between us, there never will be. This morning i sent him to the airport, the look on his face really wanted to make me cry, but if i cried he would cry and if he cried, it would make me feel so guilty so there were obviously no tears in my eyes. Im writing this here because i never write about him here....i just appreciate all that he's done for me and to my thoughts. He's really changed my perception about life, about business, about work, about people, about being an individual. He helped me out so much. I guess i just wanted to thank him, even tho its over between us, even if we weren't in a relationship anymore for the past few months, even if he doesn't believe me, i just wanted to say that i really really appreciate everythings he's done. I appreciate him as a very good friend, nothing more.
Today making things clear really taught me that if you dont clear up your big mess, the bigger it gets, someones gonna get hurt and the situation will turn real ugly. I really dont want to take anyone for granted anymore, i need a break to really set my mind on what i want in life. I guess having relationships aren't important, but when someones there for you at the right time, you tend to fall for their effort and time wasted on you. I guess everybody needs someone by their side, at first i was too cocky to say it, but i really do need to rely on someone at times, i can't seriously solve all my problems at one go, i always need someone to guide me through the rough road, someone that could inspire me to continue smiling, someone that could really persuade me to get my ass back up and be realistic instead of day dream and hope that good things will come along. Man..good things come when you do something, you can't just sit around like n arse and wait for it to come to you. Thats what i thought a while ago..but i've learned a little....i've become a more realistic person, i try not to be a pessimist, since i used to be one, it didn't work in life for me. So i wanna be more positive starting from today xD.
Yeah we'll see my progress....im damn tired....gonna ciao for dreamland.
mwah.