He smokes sexily.

This guy, i dont know who, a stranger to my eye, someone i dont know....looks so fuckn hot when he smokes. Like i was just watching him take a smoke and he looked so good. The ironic thing is that he ain't good looking, he just looks sexy when he smokes. It's amazing how guys can just blind you like that. I mean an ugly guy could look cool playing a guitar. Happened to me once, had a crush on a guy when he was slammin on his guitar. I was like Fuck..that is what you call hotness. Didn't do much today, met up with Indran in chinoz...basically just got to know that guy actually, he seems nice and very experienced in the business world, especially when it comes to construction and stuff that my ears are complete virgins to. Then i met aaron in d'haven, seems like a nice guy as well.....met him thru ethan. I had a loooong day....i had 3 heinekens just then and it felt good, now beer has become my skyjuice. Ihh..but im not that gross though, i don't wake up in the morning and look for beer instead of fresh milk. I drink milk thank you. Ooo dat sounded nasty. I drink australian milk, haha fuck i better stop..it sounds sick already. I'm just saying that im not an alcoholic, and i do not intend to become one in the mere future. I'm going clubbing again in zouk tonight, since it's ladies night, i wanna see if my hot guys there and if he is yknow what will happen? Nothing, as usual. Nothing happens if you rely on me to make the move, cuz i have no moves and i don't make moves. I wish i could, but that would make me seem like i'm desperate, which i'm not. These days i've been so busy with work, trying to do my job properly and efficiently, sometimes i end up fuckn the whole plan up, sometimes i have great news, so those are the ups and downs of bellies life. hehe.Mummy's coming in two days..i can't wait to tan the shit outta myself....can't wait! I better lose weight too! I feel like a fat ass during my bulan. hehe..my tummy gets all bloated and i have odd cramps here and there, just not a good feeling for a girl like me. I can't afford to get sick (oh btw coughs gone) so yeah i needa work first before i pulang to indoooooo. isssh. Damn right now, what i have just realized after meeting several guys, i don't want to be in a relationship at all! i wanna focus on me job, me futa! I need space basically, i don't want all that romantic crap to happen to me. That's the last thing i need now...but okay okay i dont mean to sound so tough but i really need to avoid all that, it could distract me or someone could get hurt. And i dont wanna hurt nobody...or get hurt or get disturbed. I just need a break, a big one to sort my life out. Ahhh....any james blakes around? If so, can you please take me out on a date? haha....:D No i'm not obsessed with him, i just find that guy fuckn hot. Okay i better get going now. i'm tired. It's been a hellava long day.
mwah mwah.

me druggy? hell no!

I had fun today talking to leon, tim, and the others. It's funny how they used to be little naughty boys and now they're successful people. It is funny. Basically, yes my sleeping pattern is fucked but i seriously can't help it...it's hard to rearrange the whole shit. And i'll be going clubbin tonight and tomoro since my friends invited...and i have P's to meet. So yeah i guess i have to go anyway. I wanna go to poppy's garden! Im startin to love that place, seriously! Just like the atmosphere and the sight, alotta hot people there. hehe :D I miss klaudia man, duno why she seems to be bored in jakarta, without me..haha cieh. Yeah i'm so entertaining, i'm such a cool sister. haha ngk ah...anyways my month has come and i haven't really been pmsing, normally i pms like a bitch, people can't even stand me! Ahhh no idea why i write here sometimes. Why the hell do people seem to think that i'm somewhat a druggy? Fuck i'm nothing close to that..i don't even pop! I don't even take weed these days..i only smoke up when i'm with donna and the crew, das all..and that's like every trip back to jakarta. But in Kl, i'm such a good girl..haha. Well i do go clubbin but i only drink my heineken so what's so wrong with that kan...the way people misjudge me, it's cruel. All ye ppl out there, stop thinking of me this way ok. I'm clean! The thought of me as a druggie just sounds awful, it makes me sound like such a brainless and useless pieca shit. I don't want that do i..hell no! My iguanas getting smart...since i bought that UV light thing for him, he can actuallly jump on it from his massive wooden logs and climb up to the top where there are tiny little holes he can escape from. He went missing before, not gonna let it happen again man. Thank god marshall found him for me, or else...i'd be devastated. I don't have a dog here, so he's the second closest to my alaska. Haha altho it's a reptile, so what..still kept as a pet. Fark..i'm getting really ssssllleeeeeppppppyyyy...better gather some energy for later....i've got some work to do!!!! :D
gnite

poppys garden is quite the poppy plc.

Went to poppys lastnight, had some fun, had like 7 glasses of beer and peter was like my only companion for the entire night, since the others were getting busy. Man i never get busy wtih a guy, dunt intend to and i'm a lazy actually.
fuk i'm gaining weight again, i can't stand it, when i see food, i just attack it before the others have a chance to grab hold of their utensils. i'm such a pig. i swear. isssshh. can't stand it, its scaring me, the way i eat..i should seriously exercise! This has been a big disturbance to me. Anyways poppys was awesome, the place is awesome, the crowds awesome, we were situated beside a table of hotties, like ohmyfuck..they were all fuckn gorgeous males with gorgeous females, yes yes, which is why i diddn't hit on any of em. heheh. nah...i wasn't really interested anyways, they were sorta up themselves, so i just didn't wanna look anymore. haha. But i met a few people and it was aite..it was pretty cool actually. You have to be like 21 above to get in, thank god for my tembak drivers license..hahahha..luckay may. Man im missing jkt..i'm missing my mummy, i have to jemput her from the bandara at like 925am this friday then we're gonna go to penang and that's where i'm gonna tan yo! oooooooohhh yeah. i wanna tan so bad..i miss playing with water and all the splish splashing around, all those days just seem so (sigh) fffuun. I dunt know but right now i'm just not into anybody, no one, telur, kosong, flat zero, what should i say..the big empty egg. I just dunt dig any guys..i see hotties here and there, but their hotness doesn't affect me,i dont' know if its a good thing or not and NOOOO i dont dig girls...girls aren't interesting, i know what girls have and it's not what i want, trust may. hehe...i'm a chicka. Fuck damien man...everytime we argue he can only call me a bencong so that way i'll fuckn shut the hell up. issssh.....one day i'll yell out 'tits' across the office entrance and it'll be permanently labelled on his forehead. fuckn tits. hehe..:p He makes me feel like i really am a she-male..like fuck that dude man...one day i'll kick his bloody bencong arse. If i want to be in a relationship, it'll take time cuz thats not what i'm looking for now, i want to be single for the mean time and if possible when someoen decent drops by, i wouldn't mind. Just no more long distance relationships for me please...its tough for both sides newhos. Ahhh i dont wanna think about anything else, i just needa work hard..sleep earlier...wake up earlier...do things in advanced so i have time to take care of myself. Like fuck man i had a fever so i popd in like a panadol and had too much cough syrup so thats where its fuckd up....i started to hear things in my head, but it sounded as if i was hearing it directly from my ears. Like a voice was saying "kwistabel, kwistabel.." that was creepy. But ahh i dont believe in stuff like that, i just think i overdosed myself on that cough syrup. Fuk man miss everybody here, needa hug. I'm so bored right now and so fuckn lonely, i dont' wanna go to sleep, i dont wanna go out. i dont know what to do. But i'm happy cuz my lil baby iguana got fat yo! Yeah! I think its been eating its own shit cuz i was worried about not feeding him anything, since i haven't been around much at home lately. Haven't had the time to feed me baby. But is all good.
Anyways i better jet off since i'm getting a lil too talkative here. issh.

sleeping pattern, not good.

Issh my sleeping patterns fuckd up! Seriously! I wake up at like 6pm? then i head to the office and then i go chill out and stuff...then come home at this hour....6am. It sux railly. hehe...anyways im looking forward to finnegans! Wuhoo! But i dont think i'll drink too much, don't intend to get tipsy or drunk again...ooh thats bad. I need to come home early and wake up early. I need to exercise,i need to do so many things! That's it, one of these days i'm gonna wake up and force myself to jog by the lakeside alone if nobody wants to join me. hehe...then i'll go relax and swim at night..sounds like a good plan, that way i can focus more in life, once everythings organized. Tis just much better. Yay murti's gonna visit me soon! Yeay can't wait, can't wait..miss her like shit mon. I miss ala em like shit. huhu. Anyways i better go now....i'm getting real stoned due to the magical cough syrup i gobbled down my throat. I'm sick, yup yup...but a girls gotta have fun kan? i can't stand staying at home..makes me feel pathetic cuz i have better things to do other than laze around and do nothing. ahhh...but i'm glad i'm pretty occupied these days, i'm trying to keep up with work the way i keep up with final exams. hahah..okay i better sleep my ass off now. cu!

i can't sleep, why is that?

Okay what the fuck is wrong with me?! It's like 835am now and i can't seem to sleep. I can't sleep! I'm not tired, even after overdosing myself with some cough syrup, i'm still not that stoned. Well i thought i was stoned, but i'm not. I tried to read but that didn't work either. I don't wanna light up my citronelle cuz it gave me bad nightmares lastnight...trust me...it was odd+scary. I kept imagining bad things and i felt really uncomfortable and alll that resulted in a slight fever. I was cold but i felt hot as well, then when i took off my sweater, i started freezing..ahhh when ur sick, ur body confuses you, you don't know what you really feel. But i'm fine today, just catching the slight flu and cough. It's annoying. See! I'm so rajin, i have to write to you again.....ahh i wish somebody could just take care of me, someone like my mummy. Now i have no one and i have to be independent, i have to take care of myself. But when you're really pathetic and ill, it's kind of hard to play that role yknow. Really is. Okay thats it man...i'm sick of complaining so i mite as well do something about it..i'm gonna force myself into bed and shut my eyes and keep reminding myself not to open it, cuz thats when you start to just day dream and stay awake..ahh i dont want that. So that's what i'm gonna do....till then...tata
me force me to sleep! :(

A new day

Hey blog,
i dont know why i've been in such a pissy mood these days, i just have that mood and i can't do shit to get rid of it. The onlyplace for me to release all this is to explode either in my diary. In this blog i don't necessarily say everything, it's only the surface of what i truly mean. I mean cmon hey, its a blog, the public reads it, i dont want anyone knowing too much shit about me and das if they even bother to read it, but there's a risk kan? yup. Recently i've been going up to the office alot..and i like the atmosphere and the people. They're friendly. Well depends on who's network ur under, but my network seems just fine. Thats all i've been doing, occupying myself with that and i sleep like at 10am in teh morning and wake up at this hour, 6ish pm. Not healthy man. I have a bad cough and it's terribly cold out there, cuz i'm staying on the ground floor and when you open the back door, the wind just attacks ur face man! And it gets cold too! Isssh...now im feeling like tremendous shit, i don't know how to explain how much shit i feel like i'm in. Yes i'm stressed out, but sometimes you just don't know whats the cause for this stress of urs. It's like a combination of different tiny things that accumulate in me and then the worst part is that i keep too much problems in me that one day i'll just explode! That's my bad habit, i keep things in me, it's hard for me to really let it all out just like that. It seems plain easy to other people, but it's friggin tough for me. I just don't trust that many people. In this world, i don't know how many friends i will learn to trust. See the thing about me is that i trust a stranger more than i trust my best friends. Mebe cuz the stranger doesn't judge me the way friends do yknow. They just give you some solid advice and pooff....off they go. I dont know maybe i'm weird. No no...complicated is the word. But hey all girls are complicated right? we have different moods all the time. Like if you knew me today, i'd be different tomoro. Man i don't know why, i have a thing for shaved heads now...it's hotter to me...seriously. I think guys should just shave their heads rather than worry about how to style their hair or whatever. besides, they look better without hair. haha...some do, some don't ok i admit. Anyways i'm off, got work to do.....sorry for being sombong and barely writing to you...but my sleeping patterns so off...and i've been so lazy cuz of my flu and cough and of course the really moist weather. da fuck? haha okay....stay cool blog! hehe....i'll see ya! i miss my two dobbies!
mwahz....

a one day trip, the hwell.

Hey dude,
Right now i'm in Singapore, sleepin ova at jasons plc. Ahh it was a pretty good night of walking around and plus all the christmas decorations are already in place. But i dont fancy the mnm figures displayed infront of centrepoint, a little off. Yeah well, went to the drinkin plc near centrepoint, trus ke chjimes, had fun...talked for hours with my close friends and had some white white wine...yummay. I'm only staying for a day man! I mean i suppose to stay till tuesday, tapi jase has to book into army grounds tomoro and kellys leaving for kl tomoro, so that means i have no one! haha...oh well this trip was worth it anyways...i miss s'pore. it brings back so many memories of the past. Tomorrow i'll be goin shoppang..oh yeah...can't wait...needa get some formal wear for the new job. Life's been pretty exciting for me these days. N i'm lovin it. I miss my sisters tho, miss jakarta to death..miss playing pool in q and score. miss it all. miss pasta matrix and crystal jading,i miss it all. I miss nasi padang, no nasi padang in any part of the world can replace the one in jalan fatmawati. It's the bomb man. hehe....ahh i miss murti and krispy, my hyper pieces of shit...one to make me laugh my ass off and the other one to temenin me with all my impersonations. ahh..miss em so bad!!!! Jase is busy packin his stuff at this hour, feel sorry for him, the army life means NO life at all. You don't even get to hang out or go clubn, man that must suck ass. It does, thank god i'm not in it. National service is no fun. I thot it was, when iwas younger, but now that i have so many other things to do, i wouldn't enter it for the world. For some reason, i feel at home now...walking thru orchard road and runnin through the thick ass crowd just makes me feel safe. i dont know why. its weird..i know. Anywyas there's so many things i have to do when i get back tomoro, damn im leaving tomoro nite...and i just arrived today, it would feel liike some dream and when i wake up i'll be in KL all over again, to face the real shit. I need to get an organizer, i keep telling myself that, i keep reminding myself, yet i haven't gotten anything but just a sheet of paper to jot down all my daily activities. how pathetic. That's it! I'll be goin shopping later, i have to get an organizer, a nice one! Okay thats it for today bloggsterrrr...nothing much has happened to me since my last entry. If something does happen to me though, i'll refer to you. ciao.
belly

*thoughtless scheming*

Hey hey,
gmornin. i just woke up and yeah i know its around 3 pm but thats the time i wake up everyday man. I needa change that. Anyways i'm gonna watch The exorcism of Emily Rose soon..heard it was good....so yep yep. Damn i neeeeeeda rearrange my sleeping pattern, it's so messed up. Okay i'm trying not to swear for at least a few days, so i'll try here. Anyways i want to go to bed at at least 12am and wake up at 9am, so i have time to organize my day and stuff. Ahhh..Ok i better go now..im fff....super hungry. :D

weird nite...

hey blog,
i haven't been getting enough sleep these days, i attended an NDO seminar and it went on for like 8 hours straight with only a few 5 minute breaks here and there. But it was a good experience, i loved it. I've been really busy with this job and i'm lovin it, i love marketing. :D It helps me pass my time rather than just stay at home and do nothing. Went irish pubbin in finnegans yesterday, had 3 big ass pines of heineken and i duno mebe im weak but i got tipsy from that. And i sorta helped out a drunk girl cuz i was in the toilet and this drunk chick locked herself in the other cubicle trus...her friend couldn't get her out and went out to ask for help, but since i was so fuckn tipsy i had the guts to climb up all the way from my cubicle to the drunk chicks one. Then i unlocked the door for her and wala..., i came to her rescue. haha..nah..jk. But i'm proud of what i did, cuz i wouldn't have done that if it weren't for the drinks. Whats weird was that guys weren't hittin on me that nite, this chick was like grinding behind me and i thought it was a guy, and i got fuckn shocked when it wasn't. Scary shit...anyways i went to q bar just now with my cousin and we both wanted to check out the hotties around and stuff...but yeah well there were some but they were all fuckn taken, ruins the mooooood man. it ruins it bad. but when i club these days, i just drink and sit down on the couch and watch ppl dance...its fun that way yknow...sometimes i dance, only when the good reggae beat comes out, then i'll start groovin to it, but other than that, its all the same, there's no spice to nightlife anymore, no more excitement, cuz you know that ull always be up for the same shit every week or every night you go. This time in life, i wanna be more serious, i don't think i'll be in a relationship for long, i want to be single for the time being, i dont want to burden anyone and i'm sick and tired of arguments and shit. Ruins the friendship. I"m just gonna focus on my future for now, no nothing to do with relationships, its basically how i'm gonna succeed in this life, cuz i have this fear of being a failure. i would hate that so much. I need to have clear intentions of what i want in this life, what i want to be and how to reach those goals that i've set for myself. It's not easy, yes i know, but i'd still fight for it, i dont care what ppl say about me, i just wanna make my parents proud, cuz i just dont enjoy relying on em for everything...makes me feel so manja..i swear. hate that feeling. issh. Anyways i can't wait till december, my bestfriends are all gona be there, old times...old times....impatient i am. Ahh...anyways i better get goin now...i have an essay to do and i have to pass it up by monday...sad ain't it. ok time to end this entry, will write to you when i have time to.

mwah...

Hey blog,
long time no see. well finals are over, i sstill have to work on an essay and 2 reports, uggh..so malas. My sisters here in KL so ive just been taknig her out shoppin, drinkn, clubbin..yep thats about it. I"ve been really bussssaaaay man...no time to sleeeeeeeep that much, i feel so exhausted. I've had enough of clubbn for now. Well, me and jerm broke up, but no matter what, i'll always treat him as a good friend. I think we both made the right choice, long distance relationships are a fuckin pain in the ass. I think we spent most of the 3 months arguing about stupid stuff.
I can't wait till christmas! I miss murti, ishtine, jase, all of y'all. i miss you guys...we can smoke the greens when we get back and then go chill it mcd's! mwah love you guys!