Story me---ur such a smart ass.

Whoever you are story me, why dont you just fuck off? Im telling you in a nice way. Childish of me to delete ur comment...yes..maybe but i dont even know you and ur not even a friend of mine so why do you care to read my blog? Ify ou have problems wtih me well then just leave me alone. I dont even know you. And yes i act liek a kid, i admit it..wats so bad about it? You act like a kid too..bothering about your comments being deleted is such a small thing. Ur seriously disturbed. Seriously. So you can fuck off my page and discontinue to read my blogs..if its so boring or if its too childish for you. So wahtever i do or say...or write in this blog..is about my life..even my best friends dont give a fuck like you do. So go give a fuck on ur own blog. tata.

a kid?

Anyways, im at the airport now, decided to waste my time online and writing to you instead of just smoking the boredom away. Well i've been reading this book entitled "Jakarta Undercover", im halfway now but i have the right to say that it rocks! You guys should read it...fellow jakartans...read it! It's a must! All the stuff you wanna know about the underground nightlife and expensive call girls and even to sashimi sex. Imagine all that in Jkt..all hidden from us and i'm 19 now and i've never actually understood the real nightlife until i read this book. I'm trying not to be too much of a bitch, i've been bitching at mum cuz she's been annoying and she treats me like a kid, of which i am actually, but still, teenagers hate to be treated this way, makes them feel so useless. So i got pissd and now that she left me alone and dropd me off, i feel like i miss her and i regret bitchin at her. I dont wanna leave jakarta, but i guess ihave to...i've been chillin with my sisters everyday, i'm going to miss them. i think the more you see em, you'll miss em more when ur away cuz you're living, eating, joking around with them 24/7..its tough to just let go and fly away. I'm not used to missin people around me but most of my friends are overseas and i'm hte one always comin back to jkt when i miss it. I just can't stand not comin back sometimes. When friends in KL dont give me the friendship i need..i go back...when i just can't stand the people around and theres too many problems to stress about...i end up goin to a travel agent to book the first flight back home. That was months ago though, i have to leave..i have to study and i have to work and all that takes place in KL. I dont know where i'll live in the future..i dont wanna be faraway from home dats fo sho..but i also wanna be faraway from home...i wanna get out of here and go someplace else. I know i'll always come back, no doubt about that. Okay i guess i gotsta be goin now dude... i have to board soon.
mwah

goodmorning sunshine! :D

Ahh what a day, what a day, what a beautiful day. Cieh sok dramatis gini kan mur? i better stop. Nah well i have no plans for today, it's a blank day, but i have a feeling that it'll be a good day, and i have a feeling that i won't get bitchy today. haha. Anyways i really dont know what to do here in jkt, i went clubbing lastnight, it was ok, drank a shiz load of beer but i got sick of it. Then klaudia got drunk and started pukin so we had to go home, she was with her soon-to-be boy. haha......anyways he helped alot, i hope she sees that in him. I talked to him personally this morning for like 3 hours, telling me about his life story and experiences through relationships and what his problems are. Just doing my job as a big sis, he's much older than Klauds man. hmm..no choice, but so far he's a nice guy. I won't judge before not knowing much of him. Yea anywhos....i wanna have a decent day today, got some shit to do for work and then i want good dinner.
gbye

why does shit happen? its so annoying.

Tell me the truth, why does shit happen? One minute you feel like ur completely happy, then when something happens in between that happy moment, something else can bring u down. I hate moments, cuz they don't last forever. If only they could. If they lasted forever, it would be great for now. Not like i want everything perfect in life, i just want to be happy. Just that these past few weeks i haven't been, i've been stressing myself out, even after a massage, i still stressed my ownself out. It's like nothing works. beer doesn't even work and it's starting to disgust me. And i just drank some. To hell with beer...i hate it and love it. We have a love-hate relationship. And in the end i drink some of it while i hate the shit out of it. Hmm...im weird..i know. People have informed me about that. I don't care. At least im not trying to be fake. Ahh fuck i'm so frustrated...i smoked two packs of cigs. I'm so annoyed..i feel so ugggh. yeah. My dreams and desires? hmm..right now i would like an x5, nope not tell my daddy to buy it for me, buy it with my own money, the money i earn. Its a different feeling and i can't wait for it. I think tis the perfect car for me to drive around, it's big, spacious, and it's elegant. My type. Another choice would be the 6 series. I've always had a thing for evo's though, they're cheap but they're hot!! If you ask me about my love life? It feels like its been ages since i've had a boyfriend, it's like i find myself so selfish and wrong in relationships, i needa improve myself. Understand the guys more instead of always trying to be right. I have to do that. If only i could take a day off and get the hell away from here, but as much as i want to i can't...i gotta commit to these things. I gotta make it before i get away from it. hmmm......now i dont think i want to venture into any relationships, i'm not in the mood, i know i'll fuck it up, i always do. So im not prepared to fuck up again, i wanna improve myself. I just dont see myself in a relationship for a bit...i need some space to think things through and to really sort out my life. I dont want any guys either, but who am i to say that right? I can't judge my future? wHO KNOWS all these plans might fail on me? Who knows i'll meet someone sweet, someone that shows he cares for me and i'll be stupid enuf to fall for it? I duno. But i dont wanna think of that now. I was just passing thru kristines blog and it says on her caption "i love being a kid". Dats right! I love being a kid too, i wanna be one right now...so that i can go around celebrating like there's no tomoro, so i can go around parading like i dont give a fuck, so i dont have to work, so i dont have to study, so i dont have problems and so that i can just be silly and not really care and give a damn about what ppl think...so i wont be judged, so they would just think of me as a kid that wants to have fun. Basically, so i can do everything and be satisfied instantly. It's cool. i'm jealous of kids, i wanna be them..i wanna take their place. I wanna cook, i wanna do so many things! Shit....it does happen. haha. My mind has so many things to say today huh...its mainly complaints about my life all over again, just like what i've written in hte other past entries when i met the same mood. its me..the bitchy me..all over again. You bloggers must be bored of this blogger huh...well i write to let it all out..i write to pass my time, i write to read back on how i felt and how stupid i was or how smart i was? haha no im not smart..can never be. Just wasn't born with the talent. haha. I just write cuz i feel like it, i mean its nice to look back on what you've written adn think to urself "wow shit like that did happen or wow..some great shit happend in ur life or wow...ur just pathetic" i just think about all that. i question alot, i'm inquisitive, im nosey..and i like myself this way instead of just lazing around and watching tv, at least i have found some entertainment of which involves my thoughts, needs, priorities, shittiness, stuff like that. Man i remember one time this kid told me "ur pathetic" shit man..like imagine how i felt..i felt like shit. haha. Then i decided to do more things and take interest in new hobbies. I duno that kid actually kinda saved me. I thank him..haha. I dont wanna go back to those days of a geek. I dont wanna be called a dork, i dont want ppl to diss me so badly and tell me i look like crap. That happend in 6th grade, clear memory lasts in me till now. Yeah those days, its actually funny when i think of it. Really is. Can't imagine im 19 now, what am i gonna do before i turn 20? I have to do so many things, achieve so many things, set new priorities and get em straightened! So i can breathe, so i can live, and so i wont feel so old...so i would feel as if i've done so many things at such a young age..thats the life i want. Ahh marriage? that word is so strong it scares me. I'm not afraid to get married, i'm just afraid what will happen during the marriage, will i be shitty? Most likely, it will be me committing the wrongs. Its always been me, just that i've always won and victory is not so great when you don't deserve it. I feel like ive written in like a million pages..i should put an end to this now. Good bye you folks out there that has bothered enough to read all this..i thank ala yall, sorry that my entries really dont kill ur boredom, its not meant for that. Mwah..i miss you my murti and my kristine and my gay jason.
i love

wishes, wishes 06, how i wish.

* i wish life wasn't a game and that it would just be direct with us.

*i wish there weren't so many assholes in this world.

*i wish there was somebody out there that could understand me more than i understand me.

*I wish i could drink coffee the way i drink tea

*I wish i could drink everything else the way i drink my beer.

*I wish love would be like and like would be love.

*I wish i could visit all my friends in just one day.

*I wish i could trust guys more, understand em more.

*i wish that i don't get easily agitated

*i wish that the sky was the ground and the ground was the sky

*i wish my relationships would last longer

*i wish i would stay really focused on me job and school work.

*i wish what i wish

*i wish i didn't have to think

das all folks. love off.

how it went.

Normal girl lives her normal life i guess. My birthday was alright, went to poppys garden, celebrated with Jude since his bday was on the 16th, so yeah it rocked pretty much. And yeah i drank alotta beer and das about it. Just beer beer beer all the way, doesn't it get borin? No i've been drinkin so much beer that sooner or later it will become my skyjuice. Soon it will be a beverage i wake up to every morning. That's gross but nah i can control that bit. Im no alcoholic. Im goin back to JKT again, i'm drained today, i feel gross and tired. The worst feeling ever. I joined a dance competition lastnight and it was so funny. Nope i didn't win, haha this fat chick won, i guess it was her birthday so she deserved it and they judge by the crowds applause. It ws fun. I hate SKOL beer, hate it! 3rd best in the world my ass, i wouldn't put it third best. issh. Life? Has been pretty hectic for me, i have to work and i missed out when i went home for nearly a month, and school's starting which is gonna be fuckin tiring for me. I'm up for it, up for the challenge to balance both my work and school work. I want to be good at both, nothing's gonna distract me. haha. So this time when i go back to jkt, i'm gonna work my ass off. i'm gonna work! I just hate how home sweet home really means home sweet home, i mean i can't treat it like a freakin office. And so i end up eating, sleeping, watching tv, all the characteristics of a couch potatoe, its all in me. I'm a fat LAZY potatoe. I have to stop all this. I've been good so far, i cut down on cigs! haha im goin gfor like 10 a day first. I hate how ppl can just quit like that, makes me feel like the ultimate loser. Like i'm so weak and i don't have any willpower planted in me. I need to stop. The word stop is not tough enough, i need something tougher than that for motivation. Im gonna eat a fruit salad, delifrance is like 10 meters away, time for me to get healthy and stop smoking. haha. Aw shit.
anyways bloggy, i gotta go now. will update soon.

beer drinka

Haha its been a long time since i've taken valium until donna distributed it to people the other day. so this is what i wrote when i came home a lil high on v and beer. it's so stupid but i dont mind postin it.
A few days ago i wrote:
"Great valium gobbled down with golden sizzling beer. I'm feeling the val, it's slowing me down, slowing me down good. I'm feeling it more as i lie down on my cozy bed. I'm cozy as fuck, its beautiful, and for the very first time in jakarta this hol, i feel relaxed and happy. But i keep all the happiness to myself as i am selfish to share it or show it off to the others. my body no longer aches it just wants to go home to bed and tuck itself under a warm cotton blanket. That's what it wants. My mind, on the other hand has a humongous urge to feast on a borobudur buffet, wanting all the sashimi there is on the platter, wanting it bad. Vision is blurry, mind is filled with vague thoughts to attend to. I am going off now, need to shut down my system, need to freshen it up for later. Goodnite and please i beg you, give me the dream i want, a hopeless aspiration that i'll try to make possible. I'll make it work. A good day, a goodnight."
For some reason it doesn't sound like me huh..but i'm stuck here in jkt..without a journal to write on, so i'm writing in my highschool homework book, it's some old school shit i had stashed underneath a buncha books. Haha i've been bored as fuck here not knowing what to do. Friends are all busy with other friends and me? i have no other friends to get busy with. I'm the perfect loner. haha ngk begitu parah tapi emang bener kok. I love jakarta to shits but without the crowd, there's no fun, even if ur in a fancy place. You have no fun friends to chillax and enjoy the place with you. Shit i really wanna go to a bookstore..i needa get books but its either i end up shopping or eating then i'll be too lazy by then. i wanna read memoirs of a geisha and i wanna read it before i watch it. But i guess that's impossible huh. I just wanna drive alone today..wanna do everything alone, so people won't like drift me off someplace else and ruin my so-called plans. i wanna do so many things, i wanna read, i wanna cook, i wanna shop, i wanna write, i wanna watch, i wanna eat, i wanna chill. I wanna drink. haha shit i have to stop drinking beer man..i always drink beer..the golden tequilla shots are over...once i sniff the shot glass of tequilla..i immediately get turned off..i get disgusted and i just can't even sip it. it tastes awful. I dont know why i used to love shootin it. So now i'm a beer person obviously, i've been drinking beer nearly everyday, its pathetic. I feel like such a fat asshole. Yknow those disgusting old men that get drunk in the afternoons? Ahh...its gross really. Wow i'm pretty talkative today...i have a talkative mind right now. it has so much to say. But i better give it some rest. anyways....i'ma bounce now. gonna watch tv. Fuck im an official couch potatoe. Seriously when i come home, there's always food served on the table, so here i am just snacking a lil..then eating a whole meal. Ahh...dont give a shit..if im fated to get fat..then im fated to get fat. Can't fight it or can i? haha shit i'll stop. bye..im hungry..gonna steal the food away from my skinny sisters. ahh no wonder they're skinny....i always seem to grab most of the food. cuuuuuu
mwah mwah

sooon i will be old.,

Okay well my cousins wedding was funny. My dad and all my uncles got drunk, cousins too. It was a nice gathering, haven't had that family type of feeling in a while. I was freezing like a bitch due to the damn ac but yet after a few toasts of red wine here and there...the warmth came kickin in. I'm actually happy today...i dont know why...everything was perfect...it was a good day..a sunny day. I went to church today and i helped out as the receptionist...collecting all the red packets filled with jewelry and all the dough from the guests. I was a guest to..i donated some money for my cousin. haha..damn the bride was just beautiful...she spilled wine on her white gown but still..she rocked in it. She rocked today! I met all the cousins i missed..i met all my nieces and they're just gettin prettier...they're gona be hot when they grow up. its guaranteed. I was at church today..normally i wouldn't wanna go but today i enjoyed it...i love how there's a long flight of stairs as u go up...and i love how the breeze just helps you push urself up the stairs..it happened to me...haha. I know it sounds a lil weird or lame..but i am lame and i'm telling the truth, the wind actually led me to that direction. It's nice meeting family and everything.....it really is..ive almost forgotten how it feels to have a complete family. i was busy entertaining my relatives and having fun when suddenly out of the blue this guy approached me and just gave me a rose..so movie like huh? But it was so sweet tho..no ones ever done that to me. haha. And i dont even know who he is..prolly not related to me anyway. Little things such as this..can just lighten up my day. Ahh i miss my friends...i miss murti and kristine and jason..where the hell are they..why aren't they here with me now..why!!! ahhh i better stop nagging or else i'll turn old. I am turning 19 tho...wonder what life has prepared for me. I hope for a cool ride this year....cuz soon i'll be 20. I want to enjoy my last year of being a teenager. I dont want to always get pissed and bitchy at ppl..i wanna be nice and friendly :D
okay times up...i gotta go to sleep..a long day for me tomoro.
mwahhhh...

january 1st

Happy new years day! I celebrated this so called event in Arty's apartement in Kemang. It was pretty fun, after that we went to have some dimsum. Anyways i broke up with sebastian, things didn't really work out well between us. i guess i just felt that we didn't click that much. There are just some ppl you can click with and sometimes with others you don't. Man i've been drinking beer everyday, the bintang beer in my fridge that was stockd up is now GONE actually. my sisters aren't here with me but its aight, they're growing up, they got their own friends.
anyways gnite, i'm getn bitten by mosquitoes. This is a new year...i will definitely set my own new year resolutions!
GNITE. me tired.

jakarto0

yes, i've met all my friends. But for some reason christmas this year didn't feel so christmassy. I get bored every single day the second i wake up from bed. It's boring, boring, boring. Like there's no spice to life here...all my friends are here, but they're all spending time with their families and they're much toooooo busy to chill and drink with me. I'm just bored i guess. I dont know whats up this hol. I feel like leaving early cuz there are no new cooool ass plces to go....its like everyones just gone. Old times have changed in just a matter of a few months. Ahh...but its aite for me though, i try to keep up with the boredom, try to freshen up and enjoy my day. But it just seems so dull, every place is slowly changing, the people are changing, and life here has already changed for me. And this year i wont be going to bali cuz well no ones going...yep yep...none of my friends are going and um....i dont see a point to go. As much as i wanna enjoy tanning and shit like that....i can't possibly be doing all that alone, i need the fun crowd. Well today was aight though, wasn't that boring...i went to kemang to chill trus went back home and smoked up with mur and abs...we got a lil high, mur started laughing at unfunny stuff which came out as funny to me so i joined in with her tsunami laughter. Duno what the fuck im talking about but yeah..thats how i'll explain it to you for now. im so irresponsible this year with xmas gifts..ahh i didn't even make cards..i didn't even bother to. And murs already in the process of making my card...she shows much more effort than i do. I have to make cards, please give me the motivation, someone! I'm so confused with what i want in life.....i just hate it that i can't express myself properly, i always leave ppl hanging when i talk about my personal problems. I keep it all in. Im immuned to all these secrets cuz well i keep it in for so long that sometimes they're buried real deep in me and i kinda forget about it. Anyways im off..real tired and today i'm goin shopppiiing for the peeps i forgot to shop for. haha...gnite.
mwah mwah

Its a nice wednesday.

Dear you blogster,
ahh life seems alright these days, it really has. I've been sleeping at least at 4am..but thats aight compared to sleeping only in the afternoon. Well recently i've been meeting this guy, i met him at ghetto heaven, he's a really nice guy and his name's Sebastian. I dunt know why i'm attracted to him but i guess there's this charm about him das hard to resist. Yeah so i met him about 2 weeks ago and now we're in a relationship. I dont know how long it will last...but whatever it is...at least it's not long distance. Cuz no matter how much i like the person, my long distance relationships seem to fuck up. Yeah seems like LD relationships weren't meant for a gal like me. Not like i'm a player, i don't play and i have never cheated on any one of my x boyfriends. Yes they've cheated on me, but who cares, it's their fault or maybe mine for being an awful girlfriend? I'm not surprised anyway, i feel that i treat guys like shit...i try to improve myself..but it just doesn't work out. Either the guys are much too annoying or i'm just easily annoyed. Nevermind that shit anyway. I haven't been doing much recently, just been chillin and stuff with friends and a few days ago when murti was here, i took the initiative of taking her around KL despite of my work. Yeah i dont think i was a really good host there, feel bad, needa make it up to her when i go back to Jakarta. I bought her a cool gift anyways. :D haha. well its cool to me...so i duno if she'll think its cool. haha...i duno whats wrong with me, bodys been aching like a bitch man...and i had a really nice professional massage lastnite from sebas..felt good and now this back problems actually recoverin :D. Okay well toodles...gotta go shower. mwahhhhhzzz...

exhaustion x(

Ahhh my backs aching and my legs are aching...shit i was stuffed in the car for like 4 straight hours and damn didn't feel good. Didn't go to penang, didn't tan the shit outta maself. I just went to JB, back to me hometown, felt goooood..i had funnn...even if it was just a one night stay..i shopd shiz loads.
Oh yeah these past few days have beeen fun...damn i lost to this guy in pool lastnight, i was fuckn tipsy and i couldn't hit anythang in. I lost infront of a big ass crowd. damn i better be sober nextime. Keep telling myself that. Anyways...damn im aching everywhere, not good not good. ahh im gonna ciao now and get some rest..feeln tired and just recovered from a bad hangover.
till then...mwah

He smokes sexily.

This guy, i dont know who, a stranger to my eye, someone i dont know....looks so fuckn hot when he smokes. Like i was just watching him take a smoke and he looked so good. The ironic thing is that he ain't good looking, he just looks sexy when he smokes. It's amazing how guys can just blind you like that. I mean an ugly guy could look cool playing a guitar. Happened to me once, had a crush on a guy when he was slammin on his guitar. I was like Fuck..that is what you call hotness. Didn't do much today, met up with Indran in chinoz...basically just got to know that guy actually, he seems nice and very experienced in the business world, especially when it comes to construction and stuff that my ears are complete virgins to. Then i met aaron in d'haven, seems like a nice guy as well.....met him thru ethan. I had a loooong day....i had 3 heinekens just then and it felt good, now beer has become my skyjuice. Ihh..but im not that gross though, i don't wake up in the morning and look for beer instead of fresh milk. I drink milk thank you. Ooo dat sounded nasty. I drink australian milk, haha fuck i better stop..it sounds sick already. I'm just saying that im not an alcoholic, and i do not intend to become one in the mere future. I'm going clubbing again in zouk tonight, since it's ladies night, i wanna see if my hot guys there and if he is yknow what will happen? Nothing, as usual. Nothing happens if you rely on me to make the move, cuz i have no moves and i don't make moves. I wish i could, but that would make me seem like i'm desperate, which i'm not. These days i've been so busy with work, trying to do my job properly and efficiently, sometimes i end up fuckn the whole plan up, sometimes i have great news, so those are the ups and downs of bellies life. hehe.Mummy's coming in two days..i can't wait to tan the shit outta myself....can't wait! I better lose weight too! I feel like a fat ass during my bulan. hehe..my tummy gets all bloated and i have odd cramps here and there, just not a good feeling for a girl like me. I can't afford to get sick (oh btw coughs gone) so yeah i needa work first before i pulang to indoooooo. isssh. Damn right now, what i have just realized after meeting several guys, i don't want to be in a relationship at all! i wanna focus on me job, me futa! I need space basically, i don't want all that romantic crap to happen to me. That's the last thing i need now...but okay okay i dont mean to sound so tough but i really need to avoid all that, it could distract me or someone could get hurt. And i dont wanna hurt nobody...or get hurt or get disturbed. I just need a break, a big one to sort my life out. Ahhh....any james blakes around? If so, can you please take me out on a date? haha....:D No i'm not obsessed with him, i just find that guy fuckn hot. Okay i better get going now. i'm tired. It's been a hellava long day.
mwah mwah.

me druggy? hell no!

I had fun today talking to leon, tim, and the others. It's funny how they used to be little naughty boys and now they're successful people. It is funny. Basically, yes my sleeping pattern is fucked but i seriously can't help it...it's hard to rearrange the whole shit. And i'll be going clubbin tonight and tomoro since my friends invited...and i have P's to meet. So yeah i guess i have to go anyway. I wanna go to poppy's garden! Im startin to love that place, seriously! Just like the atmosphere and the sight, alotta hot people there. hehe :D I miss klaudia man, duno why she seems to be bored in jakarta, without me..haha cieh. Yeah i'm so entertaining, i'm such a cool sister. haha ngk ah...anyways my month has come and i haven't really been pmsing, normally i pms like a bitch, people can't even stand me! Ahhh no idea why i write here sometimes. Why the hell do people seem to think that i'm somewhat a druggy? Fuck i'm nothing close to that..i don't even pop! I don't even take weed these days..i only smoke up when i'm with donna and the crew, das all..and that's like every trip back to jakarta. But in Kl, i'm such a good girl..haha. Well i do go clubbin but i only drink my heineken so what's so wrong with that kan...the way people misjudge me, it's cruel. All ye ppl out there, stop thinking of me this way ok. I'm clean! The thought of me as a druggie just sounds awful, it makes me sound like such a brainless and useless pieca shit. I don't want that do i..hell no! My iguanas getting smart...since i bought that UV light thing for him, he can actuallly jump on it from his massive wooden logs and climb up to the top where there are tiny little holes he can escape from. He went missing before, not gonna let it happen again man. Thank god marshall found him for me, or else...i'd be devastated. I don't have a dog here, so he's the second closest to my alaska. Haha altho it's a reptile, so what..still kept as a pet. Fark..i'm getting really ssssllleeeeeppppppyyyy...better gather some energy for later....i've got some work to do!!!! :D
gnite

poppys garden is quite the poppy plc.

Went to poppys lastnight, had some fun, had like 7 glasses of beer and peter was like my only companion for the entire night, since the others were getting busy. Man i never get busy wtih a guy, dunt intend to and i'm a lazy actually.
fuk i'm gaining weight again, i can't stand it, when i see food, i just attack it before the others have a chance to grab hold of their utensils. i'm such a pig. i swear. isssshh. can't stand it, its scaring me, the way i eat..i should seriously exercise! This has been a big disturbance to me. Anyways poppys was awesome, the place is awesome, the crowds awesome, we were situated beside a table of hotties, like ohmyfuck..they were all fuckn gorgeous males with gorgeous females, yes yes, which is why i diddn't hit on any of em. heheh. nah...i wasn't really interested anyways, they were sorta up themselves, so i just didn't wanna look anymore. haha. But i met a few people and it was aite..it was pretty cool actually. You have to be like 21 above to get in, thank god for my tembak drivers license..hahahha..luckay may. Man im missing jkt..i'm missing my mummy, i have to jemput her from the bandara at like 925am this friday then we're gonna go to penang and that's where i'm gonna tan yo! oooooooohhh yeah. i wanna tan so bad..i miss playing with water and all the splish splashing around, all those days just seem so (sigh) fffuun. I dunt know but right now i'm just not into anybody, no one, telur, kosong, flat zero, what should i say..the big empty egg. I just dunt dig any guys..i see hotties here and there, but their hotness doesn't affect me,i dont' know if its a good thing or not and NOOOO i dont dig girls...girls aren't interesting, i know what girls have and it's not what i want, trust may. hehe...i'm a chicka. Fuck damien man...everytime we argue he can only call me a bencong so that way i'll fuckn shut the hell up. issssh.....one day i'll yell out 'tits' across the office entrance and it'll be permanently labelled on his forehead. fuckn tits. hehe..:p He makes me feel like i really am a she-male..like fuck that dude man...one day i'll kick his bloody bencong arse. If i want to be in a relationship, it'll take time cuz thats not what i'm looking for now, i want to be single for the mean time and if possible when someoen decent drops by, i wouldn't mind. Just no more long distance relationships for me please...its tough for both sides newhos. Ahhh i dont wanna think about anything else, i just needa work hard..sleep earlier...wake up earlier...do things in advanced so i have time to take care of myself. Like fuck man i had a fever so i popd in like a panadol and had too much cough syrup so thats where its fuckd up....i started to hear things in my head, but it sounded as if i was hearing it directly from my ears. Like a voice was saying "kwistabel, kwistabel.." that was creepy. But ahh i dont believe in stuff like that, i just think i overdosed myself on that cough syrup. Fuk man miss everybody here, needa hug. I'm so bored right now and so fuckn lonely, i dont' wanna go to sleep, i dont wanna go out. i dont know what to do. But i'm happy cuz my lil baby iguana got fat yo! Yeah! I think its been eating its own shit cuz i was worried about not feeding him anything, since i haven't been around much at home lately. Haven't had the time to feed me baby. But is all good.
Anyways i better jet off since i'm getting a lil too talkative here. issh.

sleeping pattern, not good.

Issh my sleeping patterns fuckd up! Seriously! I wake up at like 6pm? then i head to the office and then i go chill out and stuff...then come home at this hour....6am. It sux railly. hehe...anyways im looking forward to finnegans! Wuhoo! But i dont think i'll drink too much, don't intend to get tipsy or drunk again...ooh thats bad. I need to come home early and wake up early. I need to exercise,i need to do so many things! That's it, one of these days i'm gonna wake up and force myself to jog by the lakeside alone if nobody wants to join me. hehe...then i'll go relax and swim at night..sounds like a good plan, that way i can focus more in life, once everythings organized. Tis just much better. Yay murti's gonna visit me soon! Yeay can't wait, can't wait..miss her like shit mon. I miss ala em like shit. huhu. Anyways i better go now....i'm getting real stoned due to the magical cough syrup i gobbled down my throat. I'm sick, yup yup...but a girls gotta have fun kan? i can't stand staying at home..makes me feel pathetic cuz i have better things to do other than laze around and do nothing. ahhh...but i'm glad i'm pretty occupied these days, i'm trying to keep up with work the way i keep up with final exams. hahah..okay i better sleep my ass off now. cu!

i can't sleep, why is that?

Okay what the fuck is wrong with me?! It's like 835am now and i can't seem to sleep. I can't sleep! I'm not tired, even after overdosing myself with some cough syrup, i'm still not that stoned. Well i thought i was stoned, but i'm not. I tried to read but that didn't work either. I don't wanna light up my citronelle cuz it gave me bad nightmares lastnight...trust me...it was odd+scary. I kept imagining bad things and i felt really uncomfortable and alll that resulted in a slight fever. I was cold but i felt hot as well, then when i took off my sweater, i started freezing..ahhh when ur sick, ur body confuses you, you don't know what you really feel. But i'm fine today, just catching the slight flu and cough. It's annoying. See! I'm so rajin, i have to write to you again.....ahh i wish somebody could just take care of me, someone like my mummy. Now i have no one and i have to be independent, i have to take care of myself. But when you're really pathetic and ill, it's kind of hard to play that role yknow. Really is. Okay thats it man...i'm sick of complaining so i mite as well do something about it..i'm gonna force myself into bed and shut my eyes and keep reminding myself not to open it, cuz thats when you start to just day dream and stay awake..ahh i dont want that. So that's what i'm gonna do....till then...tata
me force me to sleep! :(

A new day

Hey blog,
i dont know why i've been in such a pissy mood these days, i just have that mood and i can't do shit to get rid of it. The onlyplace for me to release all this is to explode either in my diary. In this blog i don't necessarily say everything, it's only the surface of what i truly mean. I mean cmon hey, its a blog, the public reads it, i dont want anyone knowing too much shit about me and das if they even bother to read it, but there's a risk kan? yup. Recently i've been going up to the office alot..and i like the atmosphere and the people. They're friendly. Well depends on who's network ur under, but my network seems just fine. Thats all i've been doing, occupying myself with that and i sleep like at 10am in teh morning and wake up at this hour, 6ish pm. Not healthy man. I have a bad cough and it's terribly cold out there, cuz i'm staying on the ground floor and when you open the back door, the wind just attacks ur face man! And it gets cold too! Isssh...now im feeling like tremendous shit, i don't know how to explain how much shit i feel like i'm in. Yes i'm stressed out, but sometimes you just don't know whats the cause for this stress of urs. It's like a combination of different tiny things that accumulate in me and then the worst part is that i keep too much problems in me that one day i'll just explode! That's my bad habit, i keep things in me, it's hard for me to really let it all out just like that. It seems plain easy to other people, but it's friggin tough for me. I just don't trust that many people. In this world, i don't know how many friends i will learn to trust. See the thing about me is that i trust a stranger more than i trust my best friends. Mebe cuz the stranger doesn't judge me the way friends do yknow. They just give you some solid advice and pooff....off they go. I dont know maybe i'm weird. No no...complicated is the word. But hey all girls are complicated right? we have different moods all the time. Like if you knew me today, i'd be different tomoro. Man i don't know why, i have a thing for shaved heads now...it's hotter to me...seriously. I think guys should just shave their heads rather than worry about how to style their hair or whatever. besides, they look better without hair. haha...some do, some don't ok i admit. Anyways i'm off, got work to do.....sorry for being sombong and barely writing to you...but my sleeping patterns so off...and i've been so lazy cuz of my flu and cough and of course the really moist weather. da fuck? haha okay....stay cool blog! hehe....i'll see ya! i miss my two dobbies!
mwahz....

a one day trip, the hwell.

Hey dude,
Right now i'm in Singapore, sleepin ova at jasons plc. Ahh it was a pretty good night of walking around and plus all the christmas decorations are already in place. But i dont fancy the mnm figures displayed infront of centrepoint, a little off. Yeah well, went to the drinkin plc near centrepoint, trus ke chjimes, had fun...talked for hours with my close friends and had some white white wine...yummay. I'm only staying for a day man! I mean i suppose to stay till tuesday, tapi jase has to book into army grounds tomoro and kellys leaving for kl tomoro, so that means i have no one! haha...oh well this trip was worth it anyways...i miss s'pore. it brings back so many memories of the past. Tomorrow i'll be goin shoppang..oh yeah...can't wait...needa get some formal wear for the new job. Life's been pretty exciting for me these days. N i'm lovin it. I miss my sisters tho, miss jakarta to death..miss playing pool in q and score. miss it all. miss pasta matrix and crystal jading,i miss it all. I miss nasi padang, no nasi padang in any part of the world can replace the one in jalan fatmawati. It's the bomb man. hehe....ahh i miss murti and krispy, my hyper pieces of shit...one to make me laugh my ass off and the other one to temenin me with all my impersonations. ahh..miss em so bad!!!! Jase is busy packin his stuff at this hour, feel sorry for him, the army life means NO life at all. You don't even get to hang out or go clubn, man that must suck ass. It does, thank god i'm not in it. National service is no fun. I thot it was, when iwas younger, but now that i have so many other things to do, i wouldn't enter it for the world. For some reason, i feel at home now...walking thru orchard road and runnin through the thick ass crowd just makes me feel safe. i dont know why. its weird..i know. Anywyas there's so many things i have to do when i get back tomoro, damn im leaving tomoro nite...and i just arrived today, it would feel liike some dream and when i wake up i'll be in KL all over again, to face the real shit. I need to get an organizer, i keep telling myself that, i keep reminding myself, yet i haven't gotten anything but just a sheet of paper to jot down all my daily activities. how pathetic. That's it! I'll be goin shopping later, i have to get an organizer, a nice one! Okay thats it for today bloggsterrrr...nothing much has happened to me since my last entry. If something does happen to me though, i'll refer to you. ciao.
belly

*thoughtless scheming*

Hey hey,
gmornin. i just woke up and yeah i know its around 3 pm but thats the time i wake up everyday man. I needa change that. Anyways i'm gonna watch The exorcism of Emily Rose soon..heard it was good....so yep yep. Damn i neeeeeeda rearrange my sleeping pattern, it's so messed up. Okay i'm trying not to swear for at least a few days, so i'll try here. Anyways i want to go to bed at at least 12am and wake up at 9am, so i have time to organize my day and stuff. Ahhh..Ok i better go now..im fff....super hungry. :D