dear u

Hey blog,
ive been fine i guess...been busy attending my grandpas funeral and well that was pretty sad. But i don't know how to put it into words...it was just sad and happy altogether. I miss him so much tho.....it sorta hurts in a way, haven't felt this way before. i cried when i received the phonecall, but well during the funeral, i was completely alright, didn't wanna cry, it wasn't worth the tears cuz i should be happy for him. I am.
Anyways i've got projects to do.......stuff to complete....have to cope up for the whole week of bolosing..ya udah deh...better cabut now.

penang filled my tummy

that crab, filled my tummy with all this good, greasy, oily food..plus fattening. iihhh...finding it so hard to cope with mantaining my weight and here this bitch goes feeding me constantly.
anyways...penang was cool, i liked it altho it was for only 2 days, shoulda stayed longer, but i would get fat by then. issh. Kristine came over this friday and left semalam....only spent a night mon, shouldve stayed longer. anyways i brought her to my usual spots, like red chamber, club7, and oh ya the circus, brought her there to watch the shows. Hope i wasn't a bad host man, serious! Anyways yay i got a pretty good essay grade for ze malaysian studies essay, thought id flunk it somehow, cuz i didn't really get the topic. I feel like havin nasi padang man, wanna go to a sederhana branch bad! but they got no padang food here and if they do say its nasi padang, its just plain nasi campur which u mix with all these veges andmeat, but it ain't too good.
fuck, im tired.
dozing off and yaya playing basketball lataz~ finally.

the sad cold i have

fuck i caught a bad cold from my dad, god he's so contagious, it passed so fast to me. Now im just blowing tissues and its all over the floor cuz im too sick to pick em up. Iihhh..fuck my runny nose. It got slightly better, but later i bet it'll develop again, its gross. Mur just keeps comin up with funny emails and shit man, i gotta give her some credit to bother emailing me in specific detail of yeah that. Dude mur, u have a naughty "suna" dont worry you'll get it in no time. I'm fhungry, but im on an extensive diet, no eating 2-3 hours before sleeping, keep away from the white stuff after noon, hmm what else yeah? you can munch a lil but completely skip ur dinner, its instant weight loss, but im findin that so freakin hard to do, its freakin hard to do mon! So im still stuck at the current weight i have been for at least 3 m onths. I need to get rid of it, go under it......if dona needs to lose weight, then what more me man? i gota lose double her weight. nah just joshin, not that bad mon, don't wanna be anorexic. Ok i'll cut the fuckn crap about weight issues ere. I wanna go to bali again, re-tan myself, re-strategize my tanning plans, this time put on loads of sunblock, i don't wanna peel like gluee no mo. And i wanna shroom, haven't tried it yet, i want the beautiful colors goin on, not popn this time. I hv completely stopd it, its easy for me cuz im not frequent. But donas gotta quit, she wants to but she just bought some off emil, haha. k dude...i spent like 6 freakin hours on my essay, god! And its tough for me cuz its in Bm and lotsa words dont mean nothing when i use indo words. hmmmm..fuck it. Anyways i managed to exceed the limit by a word, haha...1001 words that is. Sick of that bitch, fuck her...i feel sorry for all the international students that don't no shit, cuz even i had a major problem putting it down in sentences. Anyways, kristines comin here! yay! I guess she'll be the first one ever to come down and visit me, how nice isn't it? yep yep it ish!!!!!!!!!
the fat love i put on for you, bernie

The "shock"

haha murs going through a state of shock right now, the type of shock when you just move in to a new environment and surrounding. haha...i went thru that, but mine wasn't due to moving to a new plc..was just new friends i had to built up some trust on again. I mean i trust my old friends tapi...my new friends at the start of uni weren't very friendly. I mean they just weren't right at first, but now it's all good, i've made friends and i've moved on without forgetting all my bestfriends. I still keep in touch with all of em, well most of em..the others just choose to vanish so be it..don't give a flyin fuck. i'M AT BURGER KING! Ordered my usual airport mushroom swiss set..yummeee..i'll never ever get sick of that.

stayn home

I love stayin at home in a way. Plus it's raining now, makes it worth smoking outside in the balkon, enjoyable dong. hehe. I was so glad to hear from Murti, her email, funny email that turned out pretty darn horny actually. Damn girl, slow down. hehe....:P ok, don't kill me. Aite sunburns good to go, but skin still remains pealing like gluuuueeeee. Grossy. haha i just helped someone out to write a scholarship letter, like fuk man if anythings under my hands, it'll be a big flop. I'm not convincing enough. Damn i feel sorry for her. Im goin back home to jako lagi and yay i have ishtine to hang out wiht, she can tell me about her new boay.mwaha. so cuuuuute. And i have this stupid john casablanca graduation to go to, with me lookn like a burnt victim, holy schmokes mwang..don't know what to do.hehe. Fuck guys, i have a crush on this guy in my skooo..he's cute, not hot...got cute dimples on both sides, he's just so exotic lookn, awww...well he's got a girlfriend..so too bad, crush will soon be over in no time. I still want to be single at the moment if you know what i mean. mwehe. Okay i'm stuck with words, can't think no longer.
byeDbye.

the bali trip :)

FUck, now i'm totally burnt, i blame it on the bali trip. i got so red, not brown, which is depressing in a way. hehe. hM..it was pretty nice, went shopping for the usual goods, went boogie boarding for hours under the baking sun, spent most of our breakfast hours in tREEHOUSE, ahh so lovely isn't it? WEll we went clubbing and it was pretty nice actually in EMBargo cuz they played this trans song i really really am into right now. now i have a bad sun burnt and if you may say, i'm completely gosong. it hurts and i can't hug people for the meantime cuz yeah it just hurts. ahhh fuck it mon. Anyways....i mish my friends, yeah friends i miss you. hwe hwe. WE got caught by the polisi like twice cuz we didnt wear a helmet trus the second time, he was just desperate for money. that poor fucker. hmm...well oh well...i can't write much as i have problems struggling with my awfully burnt shoulders. fuckkkk...
anyways, i love you all so much, every single one of yall that reads this to the ones that don't even know about my blog or don't even read it. Well hmm....party hard partiers and keep the smoke schmokin smokers. haha what the fuck, i got infected by someone obviously. And murti, don't think i got infected by some guy, haha i told you, im a good girl, planning to stay that way until the time is right! hehe....
good girls gotta go.......

my lovely number

Okay my new number is not that beautiful but at least it's the easiest one to memorize among the rest. Well i hope this number brings me alotta luck for the year 2005. I"m currently in the warnet now,w aiting for my friends to arrive and i duno i love being alone, meaning being single at the moment. Murti, murti, murti, haha that slut, i'm sort of proud of her actually. :D Don't get all "apa sih?". Well i'm back in kl now, no more jakarta, the next destination will be bali. I hope i get black yo, don't wanna get my hopes too high up for that. Murti has a crush on someone, haha....somehow its funny to me! But like the big mouth i am, i'm gonna act the opposite of it now, i know when to keep secrets, i realized i was a blabber mouth, but at least i didn't bocor the truth about ahem yknow mur? please be proud of me. huwahuwa. Man i miss these guys, Abs+mur+tini, i love em to death and i feel like teasing people. I feel so empty without em. Sometimes when you go to college/uni you think you can find the right guy or the right friends, but that's not true for me, ihaven't found the right guy nor the right friends. My only perfect friends come from the old highschool days, the ones that have seen me change and hte ones that have influenced this change. i love em bitches.
Can't wait to see em.
Well i end this blog with one meaningful kiss, mwah!
when i gotta go, i just gotta go yo.

just chillin.....

GOod morning mr. blog
Today i have no idea about my plans, but i feel like chillin at home for the rest of the day before i berangkat ke soekarno hatta. hehe. Jase and i mite meet up at the airport and check in together, its better than checking in alone i say. ANyways lastnight we had a good talk, about life and friendship, such as our close friends adn waht we would do to protect em. And what he said about mur was really schweeet. Like he would bash anyone up who fucks around with her and he had this serious face put on so i figured wow..it's the first time jase is actually serious about something. He did give me some words of wisdom lastnight and i was damn surprised yo. But i forgot what he said. After taht whole discussion, he went back to being a horny bwastad, asking me all these quessies about sex and how he could turn girls on and shit like that, ihhh..and oh wait..he kept on saying "IM A GIVER, NOT A TAKER!" ...waduh. Oh i just wished someone could just go on and fuck him to keep him quiet. iish. I'd never fuck him, so i'll find someone to fuck him.
Fuck dude, i dont' wanna go today, but i have to mon.
well i'm off, that's the most i can leave you guys with, my day has just started dudes.
love, cheppi

home schweet home

yo blog,
sup man, i'm not really in the mood to chat now, just feel like writing to you. I'm in jkt now, been spending most of my time with dumbass jase. I miss my home, it's only been like 2 months ago since i was last here but still you do go thru those homesick days when ur away. Well i smoked up lastnight, the first time in a month plus and ahhh...it felt so good. Of course i got hungry after that, i hogged the packet of chips the whole night. And of course martabak was involved, it has always been the after-snack of the green green grass.
And fuck i lost my freakin handphone, thank god its the cheap nokia cuz if it was the samsung, my mum would definitely kill me. The thing that bugs me the most is my simcard, fuck man! This is the most important number i've had so far, awww..i think i'm gonna report to the celcom plc and get the same number again.
Anyways i went to red chamber a few days back and it was pretty fun, we ended up having this kissing party. Where we would just spread around and kiss everybody. I duno i used to think girls were better kissers than guys, but i think guys are definitely better. It was funny how the guys started kissing each other, it was kinda yucky..but after a while it would turn out quite sexy. Damn..but that was a good night to remember.
Shit i've been gaining weight! That's all i can do in jkt really, eat good food, good food at home and good food outside of home. I wanna lose at least 4 kg. Well...hmmm..i'll be watching a tennis match!
well peach out yo peach out..hehehe..peach..wtf.
write lataz..

reality actually exists...

I don't mean to be carrie bradshaw from sex and the city but after having watched the series, i did learn quite a few things from it. I can't believe i'm really living in reality, i mean can you? Sometimes ur so unsure whether you're still alive you try to cut urself and see whether blood really flows out of ur skin. Sometimes im not quite sure whether i'd wake up the next morning, so now i'll try not to think of it. Hmm...i'm lonely, yes i admit but i do enjoy the loneliness, but there are times when you do need friends to talk to and i think my house mates are pretty much the right people to do that with. They completely understand me, my love and sex life, well they live with me, i'm sure they know me well enough. I met my housemates friend just now, forgot her name but she seems quite depressed, her boyfriend of 4 years got her pregnant twice and yet didn't mind covering the expenses for her abortion, twice that is. How terrible is that? He abused her to, when you come to think of it, if you knew somebody that long, how could somebody so close to you hurt you that way? I guess this is why i don't really trust guys, i never did actually, i just tried to convince myself to understand em and that all guys aren't meant to be like that. My best friend mur thinks i'm scared of all this commitment and relationships because of my parents. I'm starting to think that that is partially the answer. My parents are separated, my father cheated on my mother, as simple as that. My father? Yes he's an asshole but i guess he can't change, he'll never change. He's a good father, but he will never be a good husband. My mother? She's happy with another man and i'm glad for her, really i am.
Oh god i miss 9th grade, i wish i could watch a video of everything that happened, all the moments we spent together, that was my favorite class of all.
I just drank some white wine, again! hehe..but it's finished now, the bottle's so beautiful i wanna plant something in it and place it in my balcony. it'll look so pretty. I love this apartment of mine, it's so cozy, doesn't feel like Malaysia, feels like somewhere else. One day i'd love to buy this whole unit, i'll earn the money for it, i don't mind at all. It'll kill for me to leave this place, it has everything, a balcony and a tinsee winsee bit of the lake view with lights produced by the putrajaya bridge. It's awesome.
I'm really regular when it comes to you blog, i guess ur nice to talk to whenever boredom swings by. I have class tomoro, shit at 10 am, these days its pretty tough for me to wake up that early, i've become a real vampire, hating the daylight and loving the darkness of the 12am to 4am sky. Those are my happy hours.
Yknow the sad thing about having friends is treasuring them so much till the extend of knowing them so well that you think they'd stay like this forever and seeing them change would be a big preparation for you not to look forward to. Cuz it's like you can't do the things you used to do with them. I'm hoping my best friends won't change so much, i guess a slight change won't hurt, but i don't want them to fully change into another human being, to another friend that i have to adapt to yknow. I guess the only best friend of mine that will always remain the same is Jason, he's just so fully committed to friendship and that is why i treasure him. Don't get me wrong, i treasure each and every one of my best friends, just that jason is jason, he'll just stay the same, even if he gets married (which i have big doubts on that completely)
I need to occupy my time rather than just staying at home, just that i haven't found the answer yet, i've been flipping thru dozens and dozens of magazines each week and i've found nothing, no sign, no answer. I hate this really. I wanna do something i enjoy doing and am good at, which is nothing i'm sure. I really don't think im good or confident in life, i guess i need to build up my confidence, which will take forever.
I think i'm odd, whenever i'm tired, i remember even more moments i've shared and spent in life, i don't appreciate life more, just that i recall most of it when i'm tired and moody. Just all these flashbacks start coming in and it seems quite clear.
well i'm tired now, gonna leave you for dreamland...
bellleeeeekk..

white white wine...(not red mur)

Dear Mr.Blog,
I've missed you, been wanting to write to you for a few days. Anyways yesterday i was suppose to join the zouk fest tapi the tickets were all fuckin sold out! That made me so uggh frustrated, so frustrated that in the end i didn't feel like queuing thru the thick crowd and just went straight to eat dinner. After dinner, we adjourned to this plc called CLoud 9, some posh club in the highlands, it was empty at first and boring of course, but after a few rounds of drinks, we were tipsified (my own word or is it a word?) and some strangers wanted to join our table. I guess it was the first time me and my buds actually had REAl fun, the really pure fun you get when you least expect it. In addition, one of the strangers, this cambodian guy named SOk Dally opened a bottle of jD for us, filthy rich 22 year old boy. Yknow the type of guy who's the only child and lacks attention from his parents? Yeah those kinds. Well this richy rich here suddenly turned out dead drunk and just started to fall asleep, that's just a real bad knock out man and plus we had no info whatsoever about him and it was pretty tough to focus cuz we were sorta fucked as well. So anyways we managed to find some info about him, i had to like slap his face and tell him to open his eyes, and there he said it 9390, so we figured its definitely the hotel above. So we seated him on a wheelchair and pushed him to the hotel lobby and called his daddy to come down to redeem him. Oh god..that poor dude, prolly went thru a rough lecture this morning mon.

its 6:34am, early isn't it?
Atlast another early day, the 2nd early day i've encountered this year and for some reason, it feels great. Jase smsd me telling me he's goin to indo this thurs, that bloody bastard, knew he couldn't visit me, that guy is so busy that he's so full of empty promises. If i were in a deep sleep and his sms budged in, i'll kill him bad as well as his singaporean slang, its awful, yknow the extra expressions such as "lah, ahh, aiya, wahh" or whatever shit rhymes with it. Its hilarious to hear, but after a while it'll totally destroy my ear drums, actually it could destroy my appetite, no joke.
I drank white wine a few hours ago and the taste is still lasting within my tastebuds. Tantalizing it is. I miss home, rumah manis rumah, hehe...that sounds awful doesn't it? wOW..i'm so happy people like abhi actually bother to read my blog, most probably cuz they are just plain bored. I guess whatever matters in this life of mine that i spill on the blog is completely unentertaining. :D I just played basketball today and it was schweeet, haven't worked out in such a fuckn long time. Yknow i went to the gym a few days back and i could barely touch the machines mon. Well there was one where you pull ur whole body up with ur arms and normally i would be doing 10 mins of that, but i only did like 3 minutes of it. Trus here comes the treadmill, i used to do 30-45 mins, now i can't even last long pass 15!? ahh..i feel so weak and useless. I need to tone up or else yknow what they say, fats come in the way. K fuck the whole fat issue! Im chatting with reena, she's in sydney and she's still the same funny, outgoing character. I wonder how that balinese pup is doing, the one we found in the water sports place, it's so damn adorable. Damn i misssss mur, tini,n abs now, wish i could have another round of our lame jokes and sour critiques of which we throw about and at people. Today, on behalf of my mothers sms, i shall not light a single stick. Seriously, i'll quit for a few days, get the fresh air regulating throughout my lungs, need to refresh myself. Oooh my tummies grumblin....but im not hungry just yet.
yknow what? i'm good to go, i'll try to rest or perhaps not rest so i can get easy sleep tonight.

is this how we live life to the fullest?

I can't imagine living life when you hurt a person real bad. It just makes me feel so guilty inside, i already have enough guilt and it sure looks like life is adding more of it into me. I duno how to put this into words, but im just saying, why do i have to be so shallow? Why do i have to find a flaw in a person before i even get to see the real them? I guess this is what's wrong with me, i look at the surface and i don't bother going beyond that. I'm a shallow bitch, this is why its so tough living my life. Somehow i hate myself for being this part of myself, why was i born with it? I dont think my mother ever brought me up to be this inconsiderate about other people's feelings. I'm not good when it comes to empathy. Right now i'm in my bedroom, just wondering why i'm like this, i feel abnormal. I mean i look around and i see normal people with steady relationships n a love life and when i focus on myself, all i see is an empty life with no heart. Or its either a heart filled with stones. I think i might be quite heartless kan? No wait that can't be cuz i feel bad for other people but i never really put myself into their situation, just that i'm as shallow as the shore. How did i inherit such selfishness and stubbornness? yeah yeah im just like this and if im not mistaken my sisters are pretty much following my footsteps, they'll carry the heavy guilt burden in no time.
Okay i'll quit being annoying and focus more on my plans for this week- weekend, hmm...my friends and i are planning to go to this Zouk rave held in genting highlands, sounds awesome, i got my gear lights ready and everything is just cool, but yknow the bloody curse, whenever we look forward to an event or get so excited and do the advanced planning, it will end up a living disaster.
I don't know what else to say.
im off to, yeah bed.

oh that "fly"

haha..i finally paid that dumbass jase a visit! haah it's so weird being in singapore with this dude, he got black yo, like fuckn black! hahah..its hilarious. Like i couldn't spot him and suddenly i turned around and this burnt nose baldy comes darting my way and it took me a few seconds to familiarize with him or should i say it,he looks like a creature. hehe..maaf jase. The whole time i was the one annoying him, like pinching him here and there and trying to mess up his bushy eyebrows, hahahahha..theyre so hairy. Torture torture.
Jb was fun, got to see my grandpa recovering in bed, my grandma blowing her birthday candles, just the right timing i guess. I've been having loads of beer these days, iihh i feel fuckin bloated. Uni is alright, i won't say it sux, cuz it actually doesn't. Oh god, i'm not sure if i want a relationship now, i'm so confused with who and whether i should accept em. LIfe is a big ass. I've been listening to buddha bar music, so soothing and relaxing, it's perfect for meditation. I dont' meditate daily, i just do it when i'm so frustrated and it works, sort of. I'm paying attention more to my needs these days, what would make me a better person. And i admit, i am a failure in my love life and i guess the regular, but i don't want to entirely improve myself, i just want to be slightly better, which means i have to really feel what others feel in order to know how hurt they are before blaming them for their actions. I'm listening to "my immortal" now, i forced myself to isolate it for a few months and then let my ears listen again, i appreciate it more. I guess absence makes the heart grow fonder, that's why i choose to miss someone so much and then really give em a nice meaningful hug after. But i guess it would be quite tough for me, sometimes i miss people so easily i just feel like huggin em and hanging with em forever. My manhunt is coming in an hour i guess, i already know the results but theyre nice to look at so yeah. Oh fuck i have moral studies besok, yuck....it finishes at 8pm, fuck it mon, so tiring.
haha let me tell you about my wine experience yesterday, it was a major disaster. My flight was around 9ish and i got heavily tipsy before that, so yeah i was practically scrolling around the airport like a walking zombie, i was scary. I don't know what type of white wine they served, but if im not mistaken it tasted like conoisseur..i duno how to spell it, i guess its like 20 percent above, so i was doomed, fuckd actually. It was funny cuz i started cursing so much in my head, i started criticizing my uncle and stuff, of course it wasn't that bad, not obvious, i don't want to exaggerate, but writing is writing, you tend to exaggerate a liil much more cuz you can't seem to find words to make it simple, and im telling you what i went thru lastnight was not simple. Well like i said i was fucked and as well as flying on the floor, that's how it felt..but the feeling was nice. I fell asleep in the plane and as soon as i woke up, myhead was pounding bad. No one bothered to help me cuz i looked so cranky. You know what? I think i'm a weaker person now, i mean i miss those good old days when i wouldn't fall for guys that easily, now when the convos are nice and everythings running smooth, i'll just totally have the crumbles for him. I hate having instant crushes, it's so distracting. haha. I don't know what im talking about. pardon me.
I haven't read a book for a long time, i've just been sticking to national geos and readers digest, i plan to read the "living history of hillary rodham clinton" again cuz the lastime i read it, i was in a stage of adaptation, haha...meaning i was trying to adapt to uni and shit like that, so i didn't really get Hillary's whole point there.
I miss ice-cream! I'm definitely gonna treat myself to some haagen dazz again, i want baileys irish cream. I wanna go to zouk bad, not on a thurs though, probs on a friday or saturday when trans is on, trans is better for me now, i like that hyperness. Hip hop is really old school for me now, but well sometimes it's fun to dance to.
Okay well blogg, i'm leaving you for manhunt...soz man.
gnite..sweet dreams.
i pray for one of my cartoon dreams...ahhh..it's heaven. :P

It takes a hell lot of a rush for a small lot of nothing

Blog,
today was a very exhausting day for me. I was just on a constant rush here and there from sunway pyramid to cyberheights then to the putrajaya lrt station. Still no matter how much i ran, it didn't make a difference anyhow, i missed my first flight due to some technical problem going about. Iiiissh..this will make my mum think i'm irresponsible for missin the flight twice. But i made up for that by darting straight down to MAS n askin for the next flight possible, they put me on standby cuz they said their so-called flight was occupied tonight. Occupied my ass, i was seated in 25A, the window seat and no one was sitting next to me, there were 2 more vacant spots, why the hell put me on hold making me worry? ahhh sometimes malaysians just purposely want to make other malaysians suffer. It's only natural. Well i felt like i was participating in some amazing race show or sumthin. I rushed back n forth and the only person that seemed to notice me doing that is this dude that sits down and sorta binds the luggages. He was like "i wuff you" cuz i think his two front teeth were missin or he couldn't pronounce the words properly. haha. That scared me for a bit, i was like oh oke. This year has certainly been a pretty hectic one for me, i've travelled back and forth and rushed here and there just to get things right. Lastnight i got so pissed off secretly cuz my condo was a mess, it just annoyed me so bad that i ended up cleaning my whole god damn room, that type of anger makes me become all anal or something. It's still partially effecting me now, i got cleaner and neater and just more frigid. I don't wanna become charlotte from sex and the city, no fukn way, she pisses me off bad. Yum i finally had some shisha a few days back, it was alright, but that wonderful feeling just wasn't present. I don't know, that lounge just has a different feel and edge to it now, i guess cuz the previous manager isn't there anymore. Now it's raj, this manager whom i totally despise due to his unprofessional ways of managing his customers, whatever happened to the term called public relations? I don't like him, he's ruining my favorite weekend spot, favorite one! I don't know where mike.low went, so there goes mike the former manager, a great one too. Thank god mojito's there, he just serves us bloody well but we need mike the manager! :( Oh well vals day was nothin special, no parties of any sort. I received a half-dead rose and viewed a documentary from this dude in penang whom i don't know well at all, he's really sweet and all but i prefer just to be friends cuz it's better that way. I'm not into relationships now, it makes me tired and cranky. Well you never know, it's prolly just this mood i have now. OH well i just might be going to Shanghai, China. Never been there before, i'm really interested cuz i was just reading about it in the inflight magazine and it was impressing! :D Ahh..i wana go clubn there, hope they have nice buddha bars. Uni is great, i love my schedule cuz it's so empty, i only have four subjects to take this sem. 3 lan subs and one is intro to web technology, it sounds boring but its pretty cool actually, it's more of individual assessments instead of having to choose the leader of the group and divide the grades, it's confusing. You know what i like most these days? I look forward to "yamcha" sessions with my friends cuz it's better and cheaper than shopping. We just laze in a mamak stall and talk and talk and talk and the bill won't pass more than 15 bucks total. Cheap shit. I'm not up for shopn at all now, im too lazy to get new tops, new pants, new shit, yeah yeah...i need that mood to come. Hopefully it comes tomoro cuz im in my hometown now, jb, and tomoro my uncle ed and my mum have already planned in advance to go on a shopn spree, so i shall have to participate in that spree instead of couch potatoeing in the luxurious cafes. I ate the yummiest food ever! Ikan pari-pari or however you may call it, it's sting ray if im not mistaken and it taste like seafood heaven mon. Then i had this dessert called "cheng teng", just that and crushed ice, it makes my tongue go round. It's so delicious, it makes me happy. I'm serious! I'm a food lover, not a hater. Hmm...i'll be visiting the singaporean army dude this saturday, haha fuck you jase, you owe me big time, the only reason why i'm visiting this dude here is that one day he called me and sounded really pathetic and depressed over the phone, so i figured..oh to hell with this, just pay that poor pup a visit. Oh god manhunt suckd ass yesterday, my favorite contestant Maurice was eliminated only cuz he always poses the same facial expressions. Cmon he was the ultimate guy mon?! Well i still think he's fuckin hot and i like him better than john johnson by a slight bit.
Okay well i have to go now, my cousins trying to get some sleep but this laptop is annoying.
au revoir

lovies..

Dear blog,

Uggh..i feel so dirty again even after taking a nice cold shower. You just sweat after you shower I guess. Ihhh..the humid feeling. Feels awful really. Yay..tonight I will be getting heavily tipsy with donna, I made a pack to myself never to get wasted drunk cuz that’s just not worth the drinks you’ve spent for, you end up having a bad trip and bad effect in the end, but well you lose weight after barfing, so that’s just one positive thing about it. But besides that, getting tipsy is way better, you just get more flirty and have fun and the good thing is that you’re still a little sober and can still recall what happened. Oh god my mum and her endless case of “food poisoning”, she always has to be rushed to the hospital to get a check on her stomach. Sooner or later if she carries on drinking stout and eating sambal, she is bound to have appendicitis! I mean it totally burns the stomach walls, guiness+sambal totally burns, it’s just too acidic for her. Sometimes I worry about me mum, like I’m scared that one day when her resistance is low, she’ll suffer from some fatal illness. Well let’s not pray for that shall we. Actually to think of it, I have been quite rajin these days with you blog, I seem to write in you nearly everyday, or if not just a skip of 2-3 days or so. But at least I haven’t isolated you for a whole week recently. I guess you can say that I have been bored and being bored makes you pour out more things bcuz you have nothing else to do. Sometimes it’s hard to enjoy the afternoon sun, don’t you think? Cuz it’s just too hot at times and it hurts ur eyes and of course makes you sweat like a pig. But there are days when you just open up to everything, even the hot baking sun, you love the feeling of your skin getting burnt and you look around and everyone just seems so clear and so occupied with their lives. I have no idea what I’m talking about. But that happens to me, I normally go out at night time only and people walking pass by my house at night don’t look friendly, they’re monotonous. But when you see people under the bright sun, you see color and more character, know what I mean? I’m sure all of you reading this don’t comprehend my meaning. Sometimes I don’t even understand what I write or have written. Last night the remaining rumput was cool, we smoked up beside Chris’ apartment swimming pool, it was nice. Plus I had a few glasses of white wine with sasa and a can of beer, so I was sort of high, the type of high you get from eating sweet little things like chocolate n candies, yeah I call it the sugar rush. :D I’ll be leaving for sure tomorrow, which is a Tuesday. Thank god my plane flies at night, I hate having to go through the piercing sun, especially in the airport for instance. Uggh. Haha Damien is now in Sydney checking out the hot chicks and he sed cuz of that he’s as happy as a beaver. But seriously dude, are beavers really happy animals? According to my knowledge, they look terribly pathetic and look like they have nothing to do (but they are cute and confused animals) Like Gulfur from Winnie the pooh, he’s a beaver isn’t he? He ain’t happy. Anyways Crowley If you do come across this entry, please do shoot me back, I’ll be waiting for it. :D I feel like such a talkative bitch now, haha, but I am a stupid one. Yknow somehow I have a feeling that my previous basset-hound which I named Sushi is still alive, maybe it’s just a hunch, but seriously someday i’ll find her for Klaudia, she loved that dog just as much as she loved me. Hmm..that dog was a bitch, only polite to Klaudia and guys but she would just ignore me and attack klarissa. Haha it’s so funny how all our dogs seem to hold this grudge for sasa, I guess she deserves it, she’s a lil bitch herself. I know this entry doesn’t seem to make sense, I don’t really serve any point writing today but on behalf of murti I’d like to quote her famous “Boredom took the best of me” phrase. (An applause perhaps?) :P
Okay well I’m in a rush, off to buy dvds and send someone a valentines day gift, valentines day? Haha…it’s pathetic sometimes don’t you think. I’m disappointed cuz I don’t get to spend it with who I want to spend it with cuz I’m still stuck here in jkt.
Hmm…

Lovies, cheppi

you blogg you..

Dear blog,

Wow it feels like i haven't written in here for over a month mon. hmm..anyways i miss jase, he called me today and sounded really sad and pathetic, i have to visit that ass man. Kasian banget. I did quite a lot recently, well i've been playing pool and my bitchy sister actually told me i was improving after not playing for quite a long time. I just really suck at placing (i know2x) I just got back from starbux (da 24 hour one), we were crapping about all these political jokes and someone's shiny hair. hehe..i'm not gonna say who. Well i went to this boring ass chinese resto called Dragon City, somewhere around sudirman, trus adjourned to lil baghdad to schmoke some shisha. I haven't smoked up yet, hehe..the lastime i did was on wed, i got a free joint from yadi. haha it was nice, that roll, but i havent finished it yet.
In a way my life is slowly improving. I duno how to explain it. I went to bandung a few days ago and it was funny, but we spent most of the road trip in the car due to the horrific jam going about cuz its imlek, ahhh...how annoying man. wHY do people make such a big deal about chinese new year, its boring and all their houses are all colored red and decorated. I'm not saying its not nice, im just saying its sort of an exaggeration. I'm leaving jakarta this sunday, in a way i can't wait and can wait. I'm gonna miss my sisters and my mum of course. And im gonna miss clubbing with don and smokin rumput with her. This whole trip we've been tryin to go to stadium to pop, but every single time we make it there, something always goes wrong and we end up not going there. uggh..its really frustrating.
I hope uni doesn't start next week cuz i really wanna visit jase, that kid needs some motivation and some loving, so i'll just hang with him in s'pore.
What's with the whole valentines day special thangs..its gettn annoying, everywhere i go i see hearts around, i mean like all those heart shaped wind chimes around the entrances of restos...its so i duno. Vals day isn't that important to me, if i get a gift, i'd be thankful but no further than that. It's not like an official celebration or anything. i guess it just makes people feel more special about themselves ay...:I
Yay i didn't go clubbing today, was too tired, too restless. I dont' think i'll be doing alot of clubn in malaysia for quite a bit cuz i'm tired of it, yes it took me all this while to realize how it's just the same old thang ur up for everytime you hit the clubs. But it would be so fun to get drunk with ur close friends, just laugh and reminisce about everything retarded that happened in the past or will happen in the present.
well i must leave you for lalaland....
-temporary snooze-

Ahhh an early day :D

Today deyta came to pick me up at like 1pm with don and we went to ps to just look around. The usual for me would be window shopping, i only treated myself to some baileys irish cream in haagen daz..oh ya..lezat. Finally an early day to start with, normally we'd go shopping during the late rainy evenings. I haven't seen the morning sunshine for quite a while now, i'm like a vampire, hiding in my house all day and only active at night. It was so funny how we were in the car and it was all macet and shit and had nothing to do so we sort of picked on deytas driver, he had like this gross mullet hanging to his shoulders and everytime he turned his head to check on the rear view mirrors,i would get distracted by his curly ends mon! i mean seriously its fuckin distracting cuz it blocks ur view. haha....bad hair style i guess he just gets all the girls with that. the kampung girls that think he's ganteng. or mebe he thinks he look ssuper hot with that hairdo. eeekk. haha that was funny.
erm erm...i'm so lazy i feel like staying at home all day lazing and munching on home food...hehe. i might go out tonight perhaps with don, the usual thang, smoke the green green grass of home, thats all i do. I might ask for some tranqs cuz i have problem sleeping, i'm nearly an insomniac. yeha i miss nasi padang but i think my stomach is a little too weak for all the sambal at the moment, need to find the right time to eat that fat load of good fattening spicy stuff. hehe. To think of it, one of my favorite words would be "fat, ass, and mon" i say them quite often.
hmm..god i'm so not skilled at telling when a guy likes me, even if he makes his move, i'll still be so fuckin clueless and consider it as just casual flirtation.
i have to go now, go eat my ass off...:D i mean don't you just love food? it just makes you happy, its a happy drug.

love, cheppi

Dear FatassBLog,
Hehe…I always add the word “ass” to some funny word. Hmm…I was so bored the entire day, all I did was just sleep, sleep, wake up and eat, sleep….trus wake up and drove my sister to INSOMNIA to get her belly pierced. She was so fucking annoying man, she kept on insisting to go by a cab “Cheppi, please!” she screamed with ultimate desperation and i was just not listening.
Anyways I just schmoked up with Dono and the rest, well she was already really low on tranquilizers and I felt already low myself so I didn’t need any tranqs at that moment. Then we adjourned to our after-smoking-up predicted spot, WIWIED. Our tummy saviors, I just had teh tawar cuz I packed some roti kaya back home. Prolly will ditch it so my mum can feast on it the minute she wakes up in the morning. It’s so nice to smoke up when ur bored, I mean you still feel bored but then again..you do more things when ur a lil stoned than when ur just plain bored. I miss everyone when I’m high. Im typing right outside my house where there is this big ass rat I saw a few hours ago and m trying not to spot. My mother woke up and I hope she didn’t read the note I left on top of the kaya toast. Fuck. Oh well…I was suppose to watch outback jack, but ended up going to subud instead. Yay we’re finally going to hotel borobudur this Saturday, yippee! I can finally work out my weak muscles and go play some squash, tennis, and of course swim laps. I love that hotel, it’s my favorite hotel around, it just has everything. Wow basketball, haven’t played it in like 2 years, I mean a real game. That is what I call a solid work out!
I’m goin off now, need the sleep, might play pool besok. :D
-cheppi off-

great time

Bloggie,

Anyways, um..i had a great time today, with my mother. I went to watch Meet the Fockers in ex and it was so freakin funny. I guess that was like the first movie I’ve watched with my mum in like 10 years or so. Long time ay? Normally it’s with my mum and sisters. But today we had an alone time and I tried talking to her about how much sasa wants a belly piercing, oh god the square-minded, hard to persuade em to say “Yes” which is why I couldn’t stand it last time and went straight on and pierced it. Anyways we finally went to the grand Hyatt lounge, the last time I went there was like 3 years back, it’s so awesome, the view from the top is beautiful. I guess that is why it’s so hard to leave this country, it’s just so enjoyable. Yay! I finally bought myself some nice lingerie from PRESENCE, wuhoo! It’s one of those nice lacy black ones, ooh lace..haha…I used to hate lace so much, but now…I think it’s quite sexy actually. Oh god you know who has nice eyes? Robbie Williams! It’s so nice and green….uggh..but overall he’s not that good lookn, just his eyes. I’m meeting Damien this Tuesday before he goes off to Sydney. Just feel like hanging out with him for some reason. hmm...i'm in a happy mood! happy happy happy! wow..haven't been this happy for a fuckin long time.
anyways, ima bounce now,
cu

At this moment...

At this moment i feel completely lost and empty inside, as well as desperate for someone to care for me. My xbf just called but i rejected the call cuz i duno just not in the mood to talk to him, it's tiring. Why is it that whenever i ned that one person the most, they are always unavailable? And when they are right by my side, that's when i dont' need them and stash em away. I';m so angry at myself, i feel so pathetic, like living in this life is so meaningless for me. I need to get all this shitty load off my shoulders and just feel care free...wipeee! I want to paint my life red, i wanna be a happy and healthy person, i guess i just need some guidance from someone i trust. Damn..mur and abs are in oz, that is so sad. So sad for me to go back to jakarta knowing that my two good friends are gone for good. But they give me the motivation to visit them. So i don't wanna be all sad. hehe. Mur if ur with me, i miss you shit loads, like you have no idea mon...what is bernie without its ernie? :D And ABU, i miss you damn mucho too, u've been such a great ass friend and i appreciate it, i had time torturing you, annoying you cuz that is what cheppi's do best, annoy and tease ppl, make em suffer! Sometimes i seem to give the impression that i lead a normal and happy life, but deep down inside, i'm so tired and rather unstable. I seem to be locked up in a room, just that i need to find the right keys to get me out from this mess. Actually, i don't even know waht's bothering me. It's just a stir of emotions rolling in my head that drives me insane. Yeah well mur, that guy i told you about, he's so annoying, it's like i keep thinking about him, can't help it really. No i don't LOVE him, just plain like. Well anyways, i'm going off, gotta check in!