smile myself to sleep

The dark days kill. But now i'm not in pain, i'm not in the world of boredom. I just need some light. Let there be light during the night. The moon itself is not enough, i'm greedy, i want two more. It's so dark here, i'm at home, im stuck here, i can't go out cuz theyre all asleep. Ppl i call will be asleep. Im not bo red i repeat. im not bored. It feels strange now. Not knowing what to do at this hour, i say to myself, i should actually be bored, although i'm not.
I miss, yes my three best friends, all for different reasons, different moments between each. They are my fairies, they light me up, give me hope to see them during holidays or anytime they are free to take a day off, but most likely is me to take a day off for them. I'd do anything, go anywhere just to support these precious peeps. They are the one, for i love em so, and realized just a year ago. I want to marry all three of them so my loneliness and stress will be cured. It's better to marry all three of em at once than marry just one. Haha joshin.
work, going good so far, dont wanna jinx it, dont wanna jinx anyone in the business. Teamwork is all it takes to support me, i go to get fuckd up so that it would motivate me. They are tough on me, they tell me i dont produce shit or beautiful results, they tell me i'm a loser that has lost already and will never get back up, but i do. I get back up. I'm stronger. i'm bitchier. And i like it just the way life is, uncomfortable.
The daily dramas of fakes, are they really fake? i gv em some credit to make effort to act like somebody else when really they know best that they can't possibly pull it off. But they continue to be fake to twist our minds, to make us pay attention to em. Everyones done this, everyone has had their drama days, they just have to admit it quietly. No one will act out their bad habits on first dates. We should work on being ourselves on first dates. But it's a tough move there.
Im making up for lent, i haven't served my 40 days in years, i feel that i should grow up and suffer..so i'm givin up meat...turkey, chicken, beef, and pork..whatever it is that fulfills my tummy...i choose to sacrifice em for a month plus. I think its the right move.
Beer, no longer my favorite. yes i drink it at times, not more than 3 glasses, you believe me? Or you just wanna say bullshit? I think you'll go with bullshit. But i've given up beer a few months ago...now i guess i've thought so much about how disgusting it is that i no longer love it but get sick from it.
Margarita, defines life, i enjoy sipping every second of the lime and tequilla, it ain't strong. It's a mild drink and it's delicious. It goes well with my thoughts and aids my thoughts to even bigger ones. You wouldn't understand, it just helps.
Stressed out cuz i think too much about nothing. I just picture the worst scenarios that can ever take plc in life and try to invent ways of solvin it. Problem solvin. I kind of have fun, but those are unecessary thoughts to consider, i have enough to think about. And love is not in the list...hot guys or guys are not in the list. Now they do not exist for a bit. I dont want to be attracted to anyone right now. Though its way beyond my control, i just try to control thinkin that i will control.
There's this guy, he's in skul, i dont know him, we see each other, we notice each other. I dont have a crush on him, neither does he have one on me. But someday, i will know him..cuz he looks like he'd make a good friend, someone understanding enough for me. Someone perfect for me. But pride is keeping us away from each other, blocking a great friendship i feel. haha..i know it sounds weird..but i would really want to get to know him. I feel that he could be a best friend in KL. The fact that he's hot doesn't appeal to me, it's just him, his charisma, the way he just looks at me, i like it cuz he's straight forward yet mysterious. i can tell he's sincere. :D cieh... Since my three musketeers are scattered around the globe, i feel i need another musketeer here. :D But no those are just random thoughts, stickin to the control bit. :D
qUESTIONS:
The future, will i fail or be normal or succeed? Will i fall for an ass? will i trip infront of a cool crowd? Will i cry within this week? will i violate my promise? Will i drink beer or margarita? will i make more money? will i argue with my housemate? will i argue or fuck up my friends? will i do well for my presentation? will i see my friends again? will i ever devote my time for someone? will i be more responsible in future? will i get a dopod? will i disappoint myself or them? will i trust more ppl? will i behave properly infront of the p's? will i do a good job of influencing? will i be influenced? All these are just the usual thoughts that pass my mind all at one go. Seems confusing, but we normally have more. I only have a few sentences, normally i have essays of questions in my head to deliver in blogs. But i get stuck n unfortunately, questions are forgotten.
i would love to chill by the lakeside and sip white wine and laugh for nothing.
lets all smile ourselves to sleep. I'll go first.

the nightmare is not being able to sleep

I can't sleep. Fck. I can't sleepp. So i stayed back for a few days, just wanna kick back and relax, visit the office, do my job, get to know some people. Yes...tiesto is coming right back to me again, the lastime i went i stayed for just an hour cuz i was dead sick but now...haha....my sisters dragged me into going again..so i guess i'm gonna have to, kalau masih ada ticket. I'm hungry, i feel like mac and cheese...but nope i can't make that a daily supper habit, it's quite gross actually. I feel that there's so many things to say just that i've been saying the same thing in like nearly every entry. Boredom has come over me. It's all over me. It always comes back to me once i convince myself that it has gone away. It's annoying, i want to get rid of it. It makes me moody, bitchy, and gets me frustrated with the tiniest things. Yes, i'm bored and a lil mad and i can't sleep. How rough can life get huh? Damn i have to do a business memo for global ad and seriously i'm not in the mood. its 2:30am in the morning, i can't sleep n if possible i would like to sleep before 12 but now its impossible. Im used to sleeping early in the morning instead of early at night. Im just not an early person. Maybe its the ocean oil keeping me alert, keeping me so fresh at the wrong hour. But when i wake up in the morning, i'll feel like shit and look like shit and i'll just not want to do anything, i'll stay at home and procrastinate and eat. I hate that, im trying to change that. And i will, slowly. So besides typing here, i'm watching Grey's Anatomy. Its a pretty cool sitcom, keeps me entertained. I just watched transamerica just then, it was pretty touchin and the guy man....fuck he's so damn hot..shit...he's not my type but he's damn straight hot. Watch it, i swear. haha...anyways i spent my entire day at home and thats about it! Now i know what i have a collection of! Other people collect stamps, postcards, etcetera....i collect lighters. Yes yes...and most of the lighters i have are quite cool, they have tiny little flashlights in it. Yeah i collect lighters, how interesting. I need a buy a glass bowl or something and just pour the whole load of em in. they look so pretty. Sooner or later, i'll be giving em away? nah dunt think so, for they are my precious. Murti utami Purbo....i'm so sorry dude, i dont know the rest to the middle name, what was it again? udah lupa...not like i didn't bother to pay attention, i just didn't know, you never really mentioned it to me. Mines easy to memorize. trasilla. haha. So you and joe joe...your american with ocean blue eyes, i'm sure ur relationship gets sexier everyday thru the webcam huh? kan ngk ada any source of entertainment lagi. I duno mur the webcam is not my thing, it scares me and makes me feel fake. Haha mur remember last year when i told this guy online that my name was Cheppibel? haha fuck and what did he say? Men, they are full of it..yeah full of shit. How can they lie about such an ugly name, seriously. But for beautiful ppl like you, yes you can use em properly. :D haha. Kristine, where the hell are you man? i heard u ain't comin back for another year? thats darn long man...and why do i miss you? thats cuz ur the only one in our entire class that i've not seen in ageeeesss....ahh you better reply me butch. Now im blabbering way too much. i'm gonna go and hit my dreamland.
smooches and cuddles.
belek

embrace me, surround me, as the rush comes

I've been listening to deeeeep house music now...the ones that calm you down and make you relax. Something like telepop music. Makes me feel better, also another type of motivation for me. Anyways, i woke up early again, and now it's just 9:30am and i have no idea what to do. Should i go out and shop for groceries or should i just bum around at home and watch desperate housewives? what say you? I say i should go out, but where to? I'm all alone, there's no one to talk to, walking out alone anywhere would be awkward, unless i go to a bookstore and hv a hot chocolate. yes i should. :D oh god, i need my best friends, where are they when i need them? i feel like such a loner here at home, my mums at work and my sisters are schooling. So i guess i shouldn't wake up so early all the time huh? Just recently, i can't stand the fact of lazing around at home, i just gotta get out even if i didn't get enough sleep. But what am i still doin at home? Ahh nanti aja deh abis mandi then i'll ciao. Shit its my mid sem break now, sooner or later...exams will come in and thats when i'll start to get bitchy. I can't wait till bali, can't wait. i just wanna relax far faraway in seminyak or ubud or jimbaran, one of those cozy resorts and just relaxxx. I'm kind of sick of kuta kuta kuta, its too busy, not what i need at the momenttttt. Yes a vacation after i go through mid term and final exams. Ahhh...i just hate projects, they drive mmeeee crazzzzyyyyyy! But yeah in the end, i'm stupid enough to do it.
As for my love life, im not involved with anyone sama sekali. More like i dont want to, if possible i want to get over guys right now. Anyone i used to like, i wanna get over. I just get confused these days, i'm too tired to be in another relationship for now.....when i like someone now..i wanna like them seriously and i want to be able to be a good girlfriend. Cuz if i keep fuckin it up, i duno it just really sucks. Right now i dont know how to feel or what to feel, i just know its not the right time to settle, i just wanna be single right now. So i can enjoy nights with my gfs, so i can focus more on my life instead of having to argue and explain in order to be trusted. Relationships, ahhh...theyre a killer really. I watch all my friends cry infront of me cuz their bfs treat em like shit and i was thinking to myself, why the fuck are they still with their bfs? They're such asswipes, i mean seriously i would just dump em right away. And fuck i wouldn't cry for a guy unless its worth it, don't they fuckin get the word "pride"? I mean ya too much of it is not so good, but you gotta have a lil at least. Stupid girlfriends i have. I feel that we're fated to meet because shit..i'm always dealing with their probs til i forget about my own. Im taking my break away from all the babysitting. Anyways...i almost forgot, i have assignments to do, so im gonna go right about now.
Miss you love
cocktail belly :D

no desire to..

I dont really like beer anymore but yes sometimes i do get caught up in one of those moods where i just release all my stress by drinkin. But that was ages ago, felt like i haven't done it in a long time. I dont intend to either. So for the past few months i haven't been drinking more than 4 bottles of beer in clubs? And when i club now, i sit around, or stand around, doing nothing. There's nothing to do. haha. Lastnight i was forced by my little bitchy sister to go to BLISS for some international school thing...it was boring, there were a crowd of kids there. hmmph. But i met waynus, he was MC'ing for the night, so adorable and nice to hug cuz he's so empuk. :D Yeah well, i haven't been doin much, i just went to carita today to chill and eat some good seafood but it was raining so i couldn't tan or swim. So we got bored and just drove back home.
I haven't been having cool dreams lately, yknow those dreams that make you smile when you sleep even if you haven't seen yourself asleep smiling, but you just know it? Yeah those dreams are awesome, makes me feel better when i wake up. Lastnight i dreamt about a jungle or something so when i woke up, i looked up at the ceiling and there were all these plants growing on it. weird..the fact that i really woke up and it wasn't a dream, guess i brought my dream to life for a few seconds there before it slowly faded away into the darkness. i think it explains confusion, how i'm lost and i don't really know where i wanna be or where i'm at in life, that kinda thing. I'm not really good when it comes to analyzing my own dreams. I don't have a lot to write now, call me boring, but i'm exhausted and i need some good ass sleep so yeah i better get going.
goodnight.

beautiful mornin'

Hey blog,yeah long time no see, i haven't really been blogging that much cuz i've been busy with my life, just like everyone is with theirs. As far as work goes, im improving. Skulwork? Exams are comin in sooner or later. But i'm doing alright. At this point of time, i can say i'm tired, really i am. But no matter how tired, i ain't givin up. The first drag of the day is the best, dont you think? I know alot of smokers do. I cut down though by quite a lot. Lastnight was Don's bday party, she had how many flamings and forced me to drink a shot of tequilla with her. Tequilla, it used to be my thing, but after nearly a year of not shooting a single shot, i feel like it's a new drink all over again. And so i had one shot, didn't feel good and didn't taste good but it did warm me up since the place was so cold. Shit i dont/can't drink as much as i used to, i don't know whether it's sad or better for me? At times it could be both. Damn, i have plenty of assignments to do but you were the first one i woke up to and its been quite a while, so just write. I haven't really been hanging out with my mum cuz she's such a busy woman and she wakes up early all the time, so for the past two days i've been waking up at 7 am on purpose just so i can see her and say good morning. I guess the people that matter most to you only matter to you when you're faraway to bother to matter. Yeah yeah. It's a beautiful mornin man....i had a healthy healthy breakfast. xD i wanna go wakeboarding! I dont care if i'll fall flat on my face again, haha, that hurt like a bitch but shit it was pure fun! I wanna take my sisters there.
ok see you. lets enjoy the day shall we.
mwah.

fun is dying. Work is multiplying.

Dear blog,
i've been really busy with school work and work. And i can't stand people who won't stop leaving people that don't give a shit about them alone. It's truly annoying, don't they feel it? I mean imagine someone who blogs but cares about other people's blogs...and cares about how boring it is. Blogs are meant to be boring anyway....when we're bored, we write boring things. It depends on us. So i've been working part time..and it's going great so far..just that maybe i'm slowing down a bit due to school. I have tons of assignments and i have alot of poetry going on and i'm not quite the emotional kind of person that would jot down all her deep thoughts into that empty paper. that's not me. I try and i might share it with you but maybe a bit later. It feels wrong to show it. haha. So this semester i've been really busy that one of my friends asked me to stop and smell the roses. I am doing so today...i'm relaxing, chilling....thinking. I have to stop thinking about what would happen to me. Thinking is negative, it ruins you..makes you incapable, weakens you. Ok ok. So i'm gonna go play monopoly later and try to beat that bitch, joyce cuz she's been winning since forever. Anyways i wish i went back to club med, it was beautiful..the guys were yummy, the beach was windy and it felt so good tanning, the people were so friendly, you don't get that everywhere. At first it felt kind of odd cuz it didn't feel like any country, felt like heaven. like another world. Relationships? Nah i'm not settling for that anytime soon..just not now...not yet. I'm too lazy to fuck it up and i'm too lazy to fix it up...and most of all i'm too lazy to be someones girlfriend. It's tiring. But yeah life's been tiring for me...but all that tiredness will soon subside when the fire starts rolling in. Just not for today, today i need no fire..i need to relax and go plunge in the pool or something...I need to eat fruits and be healthy. Smoking? I've cut down already...it's amazing....i dont even feel like smoking that much anymore. It's good. Clubbing? not much at all. :D I just dont feel like shaking my booty on the dancefloor with gfs anymore..i dont feel like drinking so much and getting drunk anymore..i just want to chill at a lounge and sip on wine or just have a proper glass of beer. I think i'm slowing down, the energy and fun has died down. I dunt even know if its a good thing or not...but for once in my life it feels right. I'm not saying i won't do these things again..i might..but i dont have the urge to. get it? Aw..i miss my triple shits...the three people who cheer me up...they dont even have to cheer me up, they just have to call me names and i'll start laughing. I'm easy. Sometimes i feel like i do need a guy to cheer me up or be by my side....i guess i feel insecure sometimes, no matter how tough i try to act..im not tough, i'm damn weak. I guess i have a habit of hiding things...i never express enough..but so far i'm slowly letting it go. Slowly having some faith in others..slowly trusting them. Anyways i gotta go right now....gotta live the life, gotta monopolize monopoly.

my pwecious!

Life's aite. Ive been stressed out, actually i say that all the time. Im sick of people that just want to act smart, such as story me..but lets leave whoever he or she is...he doesn't exist. I've been juggling work and studies and so far its been juggled properly, i just have to wait till they both get tangled and i cant cope up wtih both. There's no such thing as being perfect in both fields. So i hve to choose one. hmm...depends tho. I need my highschool friends to be around me, i've been feeling quite down these days, not knowing what to do, thinking about my own future, thinking whether i could ever trust someone again, thinking about my best friends, thinking about everyone that matters to me. Clubbing? You'd be surprised..i cut down shit loads. The only time i went clubbin was a few days ago cuz of my friends bday, but other than that, not even in my mind. Oh ya happy birthday jason! U da bomb! haha...okay i better leave now. I want murti..i want jason..i want kristine. I want them all....to be here...i want them here..right now! It sucks to suffer yknow. I hate my life..haha okay i wouldn't say that...i dont hate my life..but i wish the precious moments were frozen so i could just go back to it...play it in my head or see it with my own eyes over and over again. And why am i being so dramatic? Enough! haha...i dont wanna copy murti after the greens...mbak tuh sangat sok dramatis tau ngk... Yois. haha..yknow what happend just now..some guy in skew came up to me and he knew my name...and asked for me digits..and i didn't even recognize him mann...so he was trying to explain how he knew me...and how we used to be friends..i was like what?! Hell no! dude, that was the scariest shit eva...who does that? its sad. Its either im forgetful n he really knows me? or its either he's forgetful and has mistaken me for somebody else. perhaps perhaps. Okay people....blog.....story me...i wont ignore you..but i will say bye to ala y'all. Bye!? :D

Story me---ur such a smart ass.

Whoever you are story me, why dont you just fuck off? Im telling you in a nice way. Childish of me to delete ur comment...yes..maybe but i dont even know you and ur not even a friend of mine so why do you care to read my blog? Ify ou have problems wtih me well then just leave me alone. I dont even know you. And yes i act liek a kid, i admit it..wats so bad about it? You act like a kid too..bothering about your comments being deleted is such a small thing. Ur seriously disturbed. Seriously. So you can fuck off my page and discontinue to read my blogs..if its so boring or if its too childish for you. So wahtever i do or say...or write in this blog..is about my life..even my best friends dont give a fuck like you do. So go give a fuck on ur own blog. tata.

a kid?

Anyways, im at the airport now, decided to waste my time online and writing to you instead of just smoking the boredom away. Well i've been reading this book entitled "Jakarta Undercover", im halfway now but i have the right to say that it rocks! You guys should read it...fellow jakartans...read it! It's a must! All the stuff you wanna know about the underground nightlife and expensive call girls and even to sashimi sex. Imagine all that in Jkt..all hidden from us and i'm 19 now and i've never actually understood the real nightlife until i read this book. I'm trying not to be too much of a bitch, i've been bitching at mum cuz she's been annoying and she treats me like a kid, of which i am actually, but still, teenagers hate to be treated this way, makes them feel so useless. So i got pissd and now that she left me alone and dropd me off, i feel like i miss her and i regret bitchin at her. I dont wanna leave jakarta, but i guess ihave to...i've been chillin with my sisters everyday, i'm going to miss them. i think the more you see em, you'll miss em more when ur away cuz you're living, eating, joking around with them 24/7..its tough to just let go and fly away. I'm not used to missin people around me but most of my friends are overseas and i'm hte one always comin back to jkt when i miss it. I just can't stand not comin back sometimes. When friends in KL dont give me the friendship i need..i go back...when i just can't stand the people around and theres too many problems to stress about...i end up goin to a travel agent to book the first flight back home. That was months ago though, i have to leave..i have to study and i have to work and all that takes place in KL. I dont know where i'll live in the future..i dont wanna be faraway from home dats fo sho..but i also wanna be faraway from home...i wanna get out of here and go someplace else. I know i'll always come back, no doubt about that. Okay i guess i gotsta be goin now dude... i have to board soon.
mwah

goodmorning sunshine! :D

Ahh what a day, what a day, what a beautiful day. Cieh sok dramatis gini kan mur? i better stop. Nah well i have no plans for today, it's a blank day, but i have a feeling that it'll be a good day, and i have a feeling that i won't get bitchy today. haha. Anyways i really dont know what to do here in jkt, i went clubbing lastnight, it was ok, drank a shiz load of beer but i got sick of it. Then klaudia got drunk and started pukin so we had to go home, she was with her soon-to-be boy. haha......anyways he helped alot, i hope she sees that in him. I talked to him personally this morning for like 3 hours, telling me about his life story and experiences through relationships and what his problems are. Just doing my job as a big sis, he's much older than Klauds man. hmm..no choice, but so far he's a nice guy. I won't judge before not knowing much of him. Yea anywhos....i wanna have a decent day today, got some shit to do for work and then i want good dinner.
gbye

why does shit happen? its so annoying.

Tell me the truth, why does shit happen? One minute you feel like ur completely happy, then when something happens in between that happy moment, something else can bring u down. I hate moments, cuz they don't last forever. If only they could. If they lasted forever, it would be great for now. Not like i want everything perfect in life, i just want to be happy. Just that these past few weeks i haven't been, i've been stressing myself out, even after a massage, i still stressed my ownself out. It's like nothing works. beer doesn't even work and it's starting to disgust me. And i just drank some. To hell with beer...i hate it and love it. We have a love-hate relationship. And in the end i drink some of it while i hate the shit out of it. Hmm...im weird..i know. People have informed me about that. I don't care. At least im not trying to be fake. Ahh fuck i'm so frustrated...i smoked two packs of cigs. I'm so annoyed..i feel so ugggh. yeah. My dreams and desires? hmm..right now i would like an x5, nope not tell my daddy to buy it for me, buy it with my own money, the money i earn. Its a different feeling and i can't wait for it. I think tis the perfect car for me to drive around, it's big, spacious, and it's elegant. My type. Another choice would be the 6 series. I've always had a thing for evo's though, they're cheap but they're hot!! If you ask me about my love life? It feels like its been ages since i've had a boyfriend, it's like i find myself so selfish and wrong in relationships, i needa improve myself. Understand the guys more instead of always trying to be right. I have to do that. If only i could take a day off and get the hell away from here, but as much as i want to i can't...i gotta commit to these things. I gotta make it before i get away from it. hmmm......now i dont think i want to venture into any relationships, i'm not in the mood, i know i'll fuck it up, i always do. So im not prepared to fuck up again, i wanna improve myself. I just dont see myself in a relationship for a bit...i need some space to think things through and to really sort out my life. I dont want any guys either, but who am i to say that right? I can't judge my future? wHO KNOWS all these plans might fail on me? Who knows i'll meet someone sweet, someone that shows he cares for me and i'll be stupid enuf to fall for it? I duno. But i dont wanna think of that now. I was just passing thru kristines blog and it says on her caption "i love being a kid". Dats right! I love being a kid too, i wanna be one right now...so that i can go around celebrating like there's no tomoro, so i can go around parading like i dont give a fuck, so i dont have to work, so i dont have to study, so i dont have problems and so that i can just be silly and not really care and give a damn about what ppl think...so i wont be judged, so they would just think of me as a kid that wants to have fun. Basically, so i can do everything and be satisfied instantly. It's cool. i'm jealous of kids, i wanna be them..i wanna take their place. I wanna cook, i wanna do so many things! Shit....it does happen. haha. My mind has so many things to say today huh...its mainly complaints about my life all over again, just like what i've written in hte other past entries when i met the same mood. its me..the bitchy me..all over again. You bloggers must be bored of this blogger huh...well i write to let it all out..i write to pass my time, i write to read back on how i felt and how stupid i was or how smart i was? haha no im not smart..can never be. Just wasn't born with the talent. haha. I just write cuz i feel like it, i mean its nice to look back on what you've written adn think to urself "wow shit like that did happen or wow..some great shit happend in ur life or wow...ur just pathetic" i just think about all that. i question alot, i'm inquisitive, im nosey..and i like myself this way instead of just lazing around and watching tv, at least i have found some entertainment of which involves my thoughts, needs, priorities, shittiness, stuff like that. Man i remember one time this kid told me "ur pathetic" shit man..like imagine how i felt..i felt like shit. haha. Then i decided to do more things and take interest in new hobbies. I duno that kid actually kinda saved me. I thank him..haha. I dont wanna go back to those days of a geek. I dont wanna be called a dork, i dont want ppl to diss me so badly and tell me i look like crap. That happend in 6th grade, clear memory lasts in me till now. Yeah those days, its actually funny when i think of it. Really is. Can't imagine im 19 now, what am i gonna do before i turn 20? I have to do so many things, achieve so many things, set new priorities and get em straightened! So i can breathe, so i can live, and so i wont feel so old...so i would feel as if i've done so many things at such a young age..thats the life i want. Ahh marriage? that word is so strong it scares me. I'm not afraid to get married, i'm just afraid what will happen during the marriage, will i be shitty? Most likely, it will be me committing the wrongs. Its always been me, just that i've always won and victory is not so great when you don't deserve it. I feel like ive written in like a million pages..i should put an end to this now. Good bye you folks out there that has bothered enough to read all this..i thank ala yall, sorry that my entries really dont kill ur boredom, its not meant for that. Mwah..i miss you my murti and my kristine and my gay jason.
i love

wishes, wishes 06, how i wish.

* i wish life wasn't a game and that it would just be direct with us.

*i wish there weren't so many assholes in this world.

*i wish there was somebody out there that could understand me more than i understand me.

*I wish i could drink coffee the way i drink tea

*I wish i could drink everything else the way i drink my beer.

*I wish love would be like and like would be love.

*I wish i could visit all my friends in just one day.

*I wish i could trust guys more, understand em more.

*i wish that i don't get easily agitated

*i wish that the sky was the ground and the ground was the sky

*i wish my relationships would last longer

*i wish i would stay really focused on me job and school work.

*i wish what i wish

*i wish i didn't have to think

das all folks. love off.

how it went.

Normal girl lives her normal life i guess. My birthday was alright, went to poppys garden, celebrated with Jude since his bday was on the 16th, so yeah it rocked pretty much. And yeah i drank alotta beer and das about it. Just beer beer beer all the way, doesn't it get borin? No i've been drinkin so much beer that sooner or later it will become my skyjuice. Soon it will be a beverage i wake up to every morning. That's gross but nah i can control that bit. Im no alcoholic. Im goin back to JKT again, i'm drained today, i feel gross and tired. The worst feeling ever. I joined a dance competition lastnight and it was so funny. Nope i didn't win, haha this fat chick won, i guess it was her birthday so she deserved it and they judge by the crowds applause. It ws fun. I hate SKOL beer, hate it! 3rd best in the world my ass, i wouldn't put it third best. issh. Life? Has been pretty hectic for me, i have to work and i missed out when i went home for nearly a month, and school's starting which is gonna be fuckin tiring for me. I'm up for it, up for the challenge to balance both my work and school work. I want to be good at both, nothing's gonna distract me. haha. So this time when i go back to jkt, i'm gonna work my ass off. i'm gonna work! I just hate how home sweet home really means home sweet home, i mean i can't treat it like a freakin office. And so i end up eating, sleeping, watching tv, all the characteristics of a couch potatoe, its all in me. I'm a fat LAZY potatoe. I have to stop all this. I've been good so far, i cut down on cigs! haha im goin gfor like 10 a day first. I hate how ppl can just quit like that, makes me feel like the ultimate loser. Like i'm so weak and i don't have any willpower planted in me. I need to stop. The word stop is not tough enough, i need something tougher than that for motivation. Im gonna eat a fruit salad, delifrance is like 10 meters away, time for me to get healthy and stop smoking. haha. Aw shit.
anyways bloggy, i gotta go now. will update soon.

beer drinka

Haha its been a long time since i've taken valium until donna distributed it to people the other day. so this is what i wrote when i came home a lil high on v and beer. it's so stupid but i dont mind postin it.
A few days ago i wrote:
"Great valium gobbled down with golden sizzling beer. I'm feeling the val, it's slowing me down, slowing me down good. I'm feeling it more as i lie down on my cozy bed. I'm cozy as fuck, its beautiful, and for the very first time in jakarta this hol, i feel relaxed and happy. But i keep all the happiness to myself as i am selfish to share it or show it off to the others. my body no longer aches it just wants to go home to bed and tuck itself under a warm cotton blanket. That's what it wants. My mind, on the other hand has a humongous urge to feast on a borobudur buffet, wanting all the sashimi there is on the platter, wanting it bad. Vision is blurry, mind is filled with vague thoughts to attend to. I am going off now, need to shut down my system, need to freshen it up for later. Goodnite and please i beg you, give me the dream i want, a hopeless aspiration that i'll try to make possible. I'll make it work. A good day, a goodnight."
For some reason it doesn't sound like me huh..but i'm stuck here in jkt..without a journal to write on, so i'm writing in my highschool homework book, it's some old school shit i had stashed underneath a buncha books. Haha i've been bored as fuck here not knowing what to do. Friends are all busy with other friends and me? i have no other friends to get busy with. I'm the perfect loner. haha ngk begitu parah tapi emang bener kok. I love jakarta to shits but without the crowd, there's no fun, even if ur in a fancy place. You have no fun friends to chillax and enjoy the place with you. Shit i really wanna go to a bookstore..i needa get books but its either i end up shopping or eating then i'll be too lazy by then. i wanna read memoirs of a geisha and i wanna read it before i watch it. But i guess that's impossible huh. I just wanna drive alone today..wanna do everything alone, so people won't like drift me off someplace else and ruin my so-called plans. i wanna do so many things, i wanna read, i wanna cook, i wanna shop, i wanna write, i wanna watch, i wanna eat, i wanna chill. I wanna drink. haha shit i have to stop drinking beer man..i always drink beer..the golden tequilla shots are over...once i sniff the shot glass of tequilla..i immediately get turned off..i get disgusted and i just can't even sip it. it tastes awful. I dont know why i used to love shootin it. So now i'm a beer person obviously, i've been drinking beer nearly everyday, its pathetic. I feel like such a fat asshole. Yknow those disgusting old men that get drunk in the afternoons? Ahh...its gross really. Wow i'm pretty talkative today...i have a talkative mind right now. it has so much to say. But i better give it some rest. anyways....i'ma bounce now. gonna watch tv. Fuck im an official couch potatoe. Seriously when i come home, there's always food served on the table, so here i am just snacking a lil..then eating a whole meal. Ahh...dont give a shit..if im fated to get fat..then im fated to get fat. Can't fight it or can i? haha shit i'll stop. bye..im hungry..gonna steal the food away from my skinny sisters. ahh no wonder they're skinny....i always seem to grab most of the food. cuuuuuu
mwah mwah

sooon i will be old.,

Okay well my cousins wedding was funny. My dad and all my uncles got drunk, cousins too. It was a nice gathering, haven't had that family type of feeling in a while. I was freezing like a bitch due to the damn ac but yet after a few toasts of red wine here and there...the warmth came kickin in. I'm actually happy today...i dont know why...everything was perfect...it was a good day..a sunny day. I went to church today and i helped out as the receptionist...collecting all the red packets filled with jewelry and all the dough from the guests. I was a guest to..i donated some money for my cousin. haha..damn the bride was just beautiful...she spilled wine on her white gown but still..she rocked in it. She rocked today! I met all the cousins i missed..i met all my nieces and they're just gettin prettier...they're gona be hot when they grow up. its guaranteed. I was at church today..normally i wouldn't wanna go but today i enjoyed it...i love how there's a long flight of stairs as u go up...and i love how the breeze just helps you push urself up the stairs..it happened to me...haha. I know it sounds a lil weird or lame..but i am lame and i'm telling the truth, the wind actually led me to that direction. It's nice meeting family and everything.....it really is..ive almost forgotten how it feels to have a complete family. i was busy entertaining my relatives and having fun when suddenly out of the blue this guy approached me and just gave me a rose..so movie like huh? But it was so sweet tho..no ones ever done that to me. haha. And i dont even know who he is..prolly not related to me anyway. Little things such as this..can just lighten up my day. Ahh i miss my friends...i miss murti and kristine and jason..where the hell are they..why aren't they here with me now..why!!! ahhh i better stop nagging or else i'll turn old. I am turning 19 tho...wonder what life has prepared for me. I hope for a cool ride this year....cuz soon i'll be 20. I want to enjoy my last year of being a teenager. I dont want to always get pissed and bitchy at ppl..i wanna be nice and friendly :D
okay times up...i gotta go to sleep..a long day for me tomoro.
mwahhhh...

january 1st

Happy new years day! I celebrated this so called event in Arty's apartement in Kemang. It was pretty fun, after that we went to have some dimsum. Anyways i broke up with sebastian, things didn't really work out well between us. i guess i just felt that we didn't click that much. There are just some ppl you can click with and sometimes with others you don't. Man i've been drinking beer everyday, the bintang beer in my fridge that was stockd up is now GONE actually. my sisters aren't here with me but its aight, they're growing up, they got their own friends.
anyways gnite, i'm getn bitten by mosquitoes. This is a new year...i will definitely set my own new year resolutions!
GNITE. me tired.

jakarto0

yes, i've met all my friends. But for some reason christmas this year didn't feel so christmassy. I get bored every single day the second i wake up from bed. It's boring, boring, boring. Like there's no spice to life here...all my friends are here, but they're all spending time with their families and they're much toooooo busy to chill and drink with me. I'm just bored i guess. I dont know whats up this hol. I feel like leaving early cuz there are no new cooool ass plces to go....its like everyones just gone. Old times have changed in just a matter of a few months. Ahh...but its aite for me though, i try to keep up with the boredom, try to freshen up and enjoy my day. But it just seems so dull, every place is slowly changing, the people are changing, and life here has already changed for me. And this year i wont be going to bali cuz well no ones going...yep yep...none of my friends are going and um....i dont see a point to go. As much as i wanna enjoy tanning and shit like that....i can't possibly be doing all that alone, i need the fun crowd. Well today was aight though, wasn't that boring...i went to kemang to chill trus went back home and smoked up with mur and abs...we got a lil high, mur started laughing at unfunny stuff which came out as funny to me so i joined in with her tsunami laughter. Duno what the fuck im talking about but yeah..thats how i'll explain it to you for now. im so irresponsible this year with xmas gifts..ahh i didn't even make cards..i didn't even bother to. And murs already in the process of making my card...she shows much more effort than i do. I have to make cards, please give me the motivation, someone! I'm so confused with what i want in life.....i just hate it that i can't express myself properly, i always leave ppl hanging when i talk about my personal problems. I keep it all in. Im immuned to all these secrets cuz well i keep it in for so long that sometimes they're buried real deep in me and i kinda forget about it. Anyways im off..real tired and today i'm goin shopppiiing for the peeps i forgot to shop for. haha...gnite.
mwah mwah

Its a nice wednesday.

Dear you blogster,
ahh life seems alright these days, it really has. I've been sleeping at least at 4am..but thats aight compared to sleeping only in the afternoon. Well recently i've been meeting this guy, i met him at ghetto heaven, he's a really nice guy and his name's Sebastian. I dunt know why i'm attracted to him but i guess there's this charm about him das hard to resist. Yeah so i met him about 2 weeks ago and now we're in a relationship. I dont know how long it will last...but whatever it is...at least it's not long distance. Cuz no matter how much i like the person, my long distance relationships seem to fuck up. Yeah seems like LD relationships weren't meant for a gal like me. Not like i'm a player, i don't play and i have never cheated on any one of my x boyfriends. Yes they've cheated on me, but who cares, it's their fault or maybe mine for being an awful girlfriend? I'm not surprised anyway, i feel that i treat guys like shit...i try to improve myself..but it just doesn't work out. Either the guys are much too annoying or i'm just easily annoyed. Nevermind that shit anyway. I haven't been doing much recently, just been chillin and stuff with friends and a few days ago when murti was here, i took the initiative of taking her around KL despite of my work. Yeah i dont think i was a really good host there, feel bad, needa make it up to her when i go back to Jakarta. I bought her a cool gift anyways. :D haha. well its cool to me...so i duno if she'll think its cool. haha...i duno whats wrong with me, bodys been aching like a bitch man...and i had a really nice professional massage lastnite from sebas..felt good and now this back problems actually recoverin :D. Okay well toodles...gotta go shower. mwahhhhhzzz...

exhaustion x(

Ahhh my backs aching and my legs are aching...shit i was stuffed in the car for like 4 straight hours and damn didn't feel good. Didn't go to penang, didn't tan the shit outta maself. I just went to JB, back to me hometown, felt goooood..i had funnn...even if it was just a one night stay..i shopd shiz loads.
Oh yeah these past few days have beeen fun...damn i lost to this guy in pool lastnight, i was fuckn tipsy and i couldn't hit anythang in. I lost infront of a big ass crowd. damn i better be sober nextime. Keep telling myself that. Anyways...damn im aching everywhere, not good not good. ahh im gonna ciao now and get some rest..feeln tired and just recovered from a bad hangover.
till then...mwah

He smokes sexily.

This guy, i dont know who, a stranger to my eye, someone i dont know....looks so fuckn hot when he smokes. Like i was just watching him take a smoke and he looked so good. The ironic thing is that he ain't good looking, he just looks sexy when he smokes. It's amazing how guys can just blind you like that. I mean an ugly guy could look cool playing a guitar. Happened to me once, had a crush on a guy when he was slammin on his guitar. I was like Fuck..that is what you call hotness. Didn't do much today, met up with Indran in chinoz...basically just got to know that guy actually, he seems nice and very experienced in the business world, especially when it comes to construction and stuff that my ears are complete virgins to. Then i met aaron in d'haven, seems like a nice guy as well.....met him thru ethan. I had a loooong day....i had 3 heinekens just then and it felt good, now beer has become my skyjuice. Ihh..but im not that gross though, i don't wake up in the morning and look for beer instead of fresh milk. I drink milk thank you. Ooo dat sounded nasty. I drink australian milk, haha fuck i better stop..it sounds sick already. I'm just saying that im not an alcoholic, and i do not intend to become one in the mere future. I'm going clubbing again in zouk tonight, since it's ladies night, i wanna see if my hot guys there and if he is yknow what will happen? Nothing, as usual. Nothing happens if you rely on me to make the move, cuz i have no moves and i don't make moves. I wish i could, but that would make me seem like i'm desperate, which i'm not. These days i've been so busy with work, trying to do my job properly and efficiently, sometimes i end up fuckn the whole plan up, sometimes i have great news, so those are the ups and downs of bellies life. hehe.Mummy's coming in two days..i can't wait to tan the shit outta myself....can't wait! I better lose weight too! I feel like a fat ass during my bulan. hehe..my tummy gets all bloated and i have odd cramps here and there, just not a good feeling for a girl like me. I can't afford to get sick (oh btw coughs gone) so yeah i needa work first before i pulang to indoooooo. isssh. Damn right now, what i have just realized after meeting several guys, i don't want to be in a relationship at all! i wanna focus on me job, me futa! I need space basically, i don't want all that romantic crap to happen to me. That's the last thing i need now...but okay okay i dont mean to sound so tough but i really need to avoid all that, it could distract me or someone could get hurt. And i dont wanna hurt nobody...or get hurt or get disturbed. I just need a break, a big one to sort my life out. Ahhh....any james blakes around? If so, can you please take me out on a date? haha....:D No i'm not obsessed with him, i just find that guy fuckn hot. Okay i better get going now. i'm tired. It's been a hellava long day.
mwah mwah.

me druggy? hell no!

I had fun today talking to leon, tim, and the others. It's funny how they used to be little naughty boys and now they're successful people. It is funny. Basically, yes my sleeping pattern is fucked but i seriously can't help it...it's hard to rearrange the whole shit. And i'll be going clubbin tonight and tomoro since my friends invited...and i have P's to meet. So yeah i guess i have to go anyway. I wanna go to poppy's garden! Im startin to love that place, seriously! Just like the atmosphere and the sight, alotta hot people there. hehe :D I miss klaudia man, duno why she seems to be bored in jakarta, without me..haha cieh. Yeah i'm so entertaining, i'm such a cool sister. haha ngk ah...anyways my month has come and i haven't really been pmsing, normally i pms like a bitch, people can't even stand me! Ahhh no idea why i write here sometimes. Why the hell do people seem to think that i'm somewhat a druggy? Fuck i'm nothing close to that..i don't even pop! I don't even take weed these days..i only smoke up when i'm with donna and the crew, das all..and that's like every trip back to jakarta. But in Kl, i'm such a good girl..haha. Well i do go clubbin but i only drink my heineken so what's so wrong with that kan...the way people misjudge me, it's cruel. All ye ppl out there, stop thinking of me this way ok. I'm clean! The thought of me as a druggie just sounds awful, it makes me sound like such a brainless and useless pieca shit. I don't want that do i..hell no! My iguanas getting smart...since i bought that UV light thing for him, he can actuallly jump on it from his massive wooden logs and climb up to the top where there are tiny little holes he can escape from. He went missing before, not gonna let it happen again man. Thank god marshall found him for me, or else...i'd be devastated. I don't have a dog here, so he's the second closest to my alaska. Haha altho it's a reptile, so what..still kept as a pet. Fark..i'm getting really ssssllleeeeeppppppyyyy...better gather some energy for later....i've got some work to do!!!! :D
gnite

poppys garden is quite the poppy plc.

Went to poppys lastnight, had some fun, had like 7 glasses of beer and peter was like my only companion for the entire night, since the others were getting busy. Man i never get busy wtih a guy, dunt intend to and i'm a lazy actually.
fuk i'm gaining weight again, i can't stand it, when i see food, i just attack it before the others have a chance to grab hold of their utensils. i'm such a pig. i swear. isssshh. can't stand it, its scaring me, the way i eat..i should seriously exercise! This has been a big disturbance to me. Anyways poppys was awesome, the place is awesome, the crowds awesome, we were situated beside a table of hotties, like ohmyfuck..they were all fuckn gorgeous males with gorgeous females, yes yes, which is why i diddn't hit on any of em. heheh. nah...i wasn't really interested anyways, they were sorta up themselves, so i just didn't wanna look anymore. haha. But i met a few people and it was aite..it was pretty cool actually. You have to be like 21 above to get in, thank god for my tembak drivers license..hahahha..luckay may. Man im missing jkt..i'm missing my mummy, i have to jemput her from the bandara at like 925am this friday then we're gonna go to penang and that's where i'm gonna tan yo! oooooooohhh yeah. i wanna tan so bad..i miss playing with water and all the splish splashing around, all those days just seem so (sigh) fffuun. I dunt know but right now i'm just not into anybody, no one, telur, kosong, flat zero, what should i say..the big empty egg. I just dunt dig any guys..i see hotties here and there, but their hotness doesn't affect me,i dont' know if its a good thing or not and NOOOO i dont dig girls...girls aren't interesting, i know what girls have and it's not what i want, trust may. hehe...i'm a chicka. Fuck damien man...everytime we argue he can only call me a bencong so that way i'll fuckn shut the hell up. issssh.....one day i'll yell out 'tits' across the office entrance and it'll be permanently labelled on his forehead. fuckn tits. hehe..:p He makes me feel like i really am a she-male..like fuck that dude man...one day i'll kick his bloody bencong arse. If i want to be in a relationship, it'll take time cuz thats not what i'm looking for now, i want to be single for the mean time and if possible when someoen decent drops by, i wouldn't mind. Just no more long distance relationships for me please...its tough for both sides newhos. Ahhh i dont wanna think about anything else, i just needa work hard..sleep earlier...wake up earlier...do things in advanced so i have time to take care of myself. Like fuck man i had a fever so i popd in like a panadol and had too much cough syrup so thats where its fuckd up....i started to hear things in my head, but it sounded as if i was hearing it directly from my ears. Like a voice was saying "kwistabel, kwistabel.." that was creepy. But ahh i dont believe in stuff like that, i just think i overdosed myself on that cough syrup. Fuk man miss everybody here, needa hug. I'm so bored right now and so fuckn lonely, i dont' wanna go to sleep, i dont wanna go out. i dont know what to do. But i'm happy cuz my lil baby iguana got fat yo! Yeah! I think its been eating its own shit cuz i was worried about not feeding him anything, since i haven't been around much at home lately. Haven't had the time to feed me baby. But is all good.
Anyways i better jet off since i'm getting a lil too talkative here. issh.

sleeping pattern, not good.

Issh my sleeping patterns fuckd up! Seriously! I wake up at like 6pm? then i head to the office and then i go chill out and stuff...then come home at this hour....6am. It sux railly. hehe...anyways im looking forward to finnegans! Wuhoo! But i dont think i'll drink too much, don't intend to get tipsy or drunk again...ooh thats bad. I need to come home early and wake up early. I need to exercise,i need to do so many things! That's it, one of these days i'm gonna wake up and force myself to jog by the lakeside alone if nobody wants to join me. hehe...then i'll go relax and swim at night..sounds like a good plan, that way i can focus more in life, once everythings organized. Tis just much better. Yay murti's gonna visit me soon! Yeay can't wait, can't wait..miss her like shit mon. I miss ala em like shit. huhu. Anyways i better go now....i'm getting real stoned due to the magical cough syrup i gobbled down my throat. I'm sick, yup yup...but a girls gotta have fun kan? i can't stand staying at home..makes me feel pathetic cuz i have better things to do other than laze around and do nothing. ahhh...but i'm glad i'm pretty occupied these days, i'm trying to keep up with work the way i keep up with final exams. hahah..okay i better sleep my ass off now. cu!

i can't sleep, why is that?

Okay what the fuck is wrong with me?! It's like 835am now and i can't seem to sleep. I can't sleep! I'm not tired, even after overdosing myself with some cough syrup, i'm still not that stoned. Well i thought i was stoned, but i'm not. I tried to read but that didn't work either. I don't wanna light up my citronelle cuz it gave me bad nightmares lastnight...trust me...it was odd+scary. I kept imagining bad things and i felt really uncomfortable and alll that resulted in a slight fever. I was cold but i felt hot as well, then when i took off my sweater, i started freezing..ahhh when ur sick, ur body confuses you, you don't know what you really feel. But i'm fine today, just catching the slight flu and cough. It's annoying. See! I'm so rajin, i have to write to you again.....ahh i wish somebody could just take care of me, someone like my mummy. Now i have no one and i have to be independent, i have to take care of myself. But when you're really pathetic and ill, it's kind of hard to play that role yknow. Really is. Okay thats it man...i'm sick of complaining so i mite as well do something about it..i'm gonna force myself into bed and shut my eyes and keep reminding myself not to open it, cuz thats when you start to just day dream and stay awake..ahh i dont want that. So that's what i'm gonna do....till then...tata
me force me to sleep! :(

A new day

Hey blog,
i dont know why i've been in such a pissy mood these days, i just have that mood and i can't do shit to get rid of it. The onlyplace for me to release all this is to explode either in my diary. In this blog i don't necessarily say everything, it's only the surface of what i truly mean. I mean cmon hey, its a blog, the public reads it, i dont want anyone knowing too much shit about me and das if they even bother to read it, but there's a risk kan? yup. Recently i've been going up to the office alot..and i like the atmosphere and the people. They're friendly. Well depends on who's network ur under, but my network seems just fine. Thats all i've been doing, occupying myself with that and i sleep like at 10am in teh morning and wake up at this hour, 6ish pm. Not healthy man. I have a bad cough and it's terribly cold out there, cuz i'm staying on the ground floor and when you open the back door, the wind just attacks ur face man! And it gets cold too! Isssh...now im feeling like tremendous shit, i don't know how to explain how much shit i feel like i'm in. Yes i'm stressed out, but sometimes you just don't know whats the cause for this stress of urs. It's like a combination of different tiny things that accumulate in me and then the worst part is that i keep too much problems in me that one day i'll just explode! That's my bad habit, i keep things in me, it's hard for me to really let it all out just like that. It seems plain easy to other people, but it's friggin tough for me. I just don't trust that many people. In this world, i don't know how many friends i will learn to trust. See the thing about me is that i trust a stranger more than i trust my best friends. Mebe cuz the stranger doesn't judge me the way friends do yknow. They just give you some solid advice and pooff....off they go. I dont know maybe i'm weird. No no...complicated is the word. But hey all girls are complicated right? we have different moods all the time. Like if you knew me today, i'd be different tomoro. Man i don't know why, i have a thing for shaved heads now...it's hotter to me...seriously. I think guys should just shave their heads rather than worry about how to style their hair or whatever. besides, they look better without hair. haha...some do, some don't ok i admit. Anyways i'm off, got work to do.....sorry for being sombong and barely writing to you...but my sleeping patterns so off...and i've been so lazy cuz of my flu and cough and of course the really moist weather. da fuck? haha okay....stay cool blog! hehe....i'll see ya! i miss my two dobbies!
mwahz....

a one day trip, the hwell.

Hey dude,
Right now i'm in Singapore, sleepin ova at jasons plc. Ahh it was a pretty good night of walking around and plus all the christmas decorations are already in place. But i dont fancy the mnm figures displayed infront of centrepoint, a little off. Yeah well, went to the drinkin plc near centrepoint, trus ke chjimes, had fun...talked for hours with my close friends and had some white white wine...yummay. I'm only staying for a day man! I mean i suppose to stay till tuesday, tapi jase has to book into army grounds tomoro and kellys leaving for kl tomoro, so that means i have no one! haha...oh well this trip was worth it anyways...i miss s'pore. it brings back so many memories of the past. Tomorrow i'll be goin shoppang..oh yeah...can't wait...needa get some formal wear for the new job. Life's been pretty exciting for me these days. N i'm lovin it. I miss my sisters tho, miss jakarta to death..miss playing pool in q and score. miss it all. miss pasta matrix and crystal jading,i miss it all. I miss nasi padang, no nasi padang in any part of the world can replace the one in jalan fatmawati. It's the bomb man. hehe....ahh i miss murti and krispy, my hyper pieces of shit...one to make me laugh my ass off and the other one to temenin me with all my impersonations. ahh..miss em so bad!!!! Jase is busy packin his stuff at this hour, feel sorry for him, the army life means NO life at all. You don't even get to hang out or go clubn, man that must suck ass. It does, thank god i'm not in it. National service is no fun. I thot it was, when iwas younger, but now that i have so many other things to do, i wouldn't enter it for the world. For some reason, i feel at home now...walking thru orchard road and runnin through the thick ass crowd just makes me feel safe. i dont know why. its weird..i know. Anywyas there's so many things i have to do when i get back tomoro, damn im leaving tomoro nite...and i just arrived today, it would feel liike some dream and when i wake up i'll be in KL all over again, to face the real shit. I need to get an organizer, i keep telling myself that, i keep reminding myself, yet i haven't gotten anything but just a sheet of paper to jot down all my daily activities. how pathetic. That's it! I'll be goin shopping later, i have to get an organizer, a nice one! Okay thats it for today bloggsterrrr...nothing much has happened to me since my last entry. If something does happen to me though, i'll refer to you. ciao.
belly

*thoughtless scheming*

Hey hey,
gmornin. i just woke up and yeah i know its around 3 pm but thats the time i wake up everyday man. I needa change that. Anyways i'm gonna watch The exorcism of Emily Rose soon..heard it was good....so yep yep. Damn i neeeeeeda rearrange my sleeping pattern, it's so messed up. Okay i'm trying not to swear for at least a few days, so i'll try here. Anyways i want to go to bed at at least 12am and wake up at 9am, so i have time to organize my day and stuff. Ahhh..Ok i better go now..im fff....super hungry. :D

weird nite...

hey blog,
i haven't been getting enough sleep these days, i attended an NDO seminar and it went on for like 8 hours straight with only a few 5 minute breaks here and there. But it was a good experience, i loved it. I've been really busy with this job and i'm lovin it, i love marketing. :D It helps me pass my time rather than just stay at home and do nothing. Went irish pubbin in finnegans yesterday, had 3 big ass pines of heineken and i duno mebe im weak but i got tipsy from that. And i sorta helped out a drunk girl cuz i was in the toilet and this drunk chick locked herself in the other cubicle trus...her friend couldn't get her out and went out to ask for help, but since i was so fuckn tipsy i had the guts to climb up all the way from my cubicle to the drunk chicks one. Then i unlocked the door for her and wala..., i came to her rescue. haha..nah..jk. But i'm proud of what i did, cuz i wouldn't have done that if it weren't for the drinks. Whats weird was that guys weren't hittin on me that nite, this chick was like grinding behind me and i thought it was a guy, and i got fuckn shocked when it wasn't. Scary shit...anyways i went to q bar just now with my cousin and we both wanted to check out the hotties around and stuff...but yeah well there were some but they were all fuckn taken, ruins the mooooood man. it ruins it bad. but when i club these days, i just drink and sit down on the couch and watch ppl dance...its fun that way yknow...sometimes i dance, only when the good reggae beat comes out, then i'll start groovin to it, but other than that, its all the same, there's no spice to nightlife anymore, no more excitement, cuz you know that ull always be up for the same shit every week or every night you go. This time in life, i wanna be more serious, i don't think i'll be in a relationship for long, i want to be single for the time being, i dont want to burden anyone and i'm sick and tired of arguments and shit. Ruins the friendship. I"m just gonna focus on my future for now, no nothing to do with relationships, its basically how i'm gonna succeed in this life, cuz i have this fear of being a failure. i would hate that so much. I need to have clear intentions of what i want in this life, what i want to be and how to reach those goals that i've set for myself. It's not easy, yes i know, but i'd still fight for it, i dont care what ppl say about me, i just wanna make my parents proud, cuz i just dont enjoy relying on em for everything...makes me feel so manja..i swear. hate that feeling. issh. Anyways i can't wait till december, my bestfriends are all gona be there, old times...old times....impatient i am. Ahh...anyways i better get goin now...i have an essay to do and i have to pass it up by monday...sad ain't it. ok time to end this entry, will write to you when i have time to.

mwah...

Hey blog,
long time no see. well finals are over, i sstill have to work on an essay and 2 reports, uggh..so malas. My sisters here in KL so ive just been taknig her out shoppin, drinkn, clubbin..yep thats about it. I"ve been really bussssaaaay man...no time to sleeeeeeeep that much, i feel so exhausted. I've had enough of clubbn for now. Well, me and jerm broke up, but no matter what, i'll always treat him as a good friend. I think we both made the right choice, long distance relationships are a fuckin pain in the ass. I think we spent most of the 3 months arguing about stupid stuff.
I can't wait till christmas! I miss murti, ishtine, jase, all of y'all. i miss you guys...we can smoke the greens when we get back and then go chill it mcd's! mwah love you guys!

home as it is..is great.

I love the feeling of being at home. feels goooood. home cooked food, ur sisters lying around someplc, ur mum, and yeah food again. haha. Oh man..i dunt knowwhat to do with my life, so many paths to take..just dunt know which one will be right for me. I need to know. I needa start thinking about my future now...i wanna be successful, i dont want to have to rely on anybody, it would just make me useless and manja. I used to be so manja man..when i was still living with my dad, i dunt want to live with him ever again. haha. it sounds mean yes..but oh well i really don't. Im watching the opera winfrey show..stuff you watch for entertainment. hmm...i miss jermass....he said he got fat..haha he's just trying to scare me. Anywyas ive been playing alotta pool, i lost the competition in zinc a few days back. that suckd. the guy was so freakin lucky man, he totally kept on safetying meeeeeee! hate him. he's such a pussy, i swear..his shots suck ass...yet he still won. And klaudia lost too...damn those guys are just pure lucky. I hate em for it! ahhh...anyways....lifes been pretty tough these days, stressed out and i have a PR report to do. i needa do it now! how can i get so males all of a sudden...doesn't make sense. Okay i better go do it now..i hope. or i'll just go to the 24 hour starbux. i guess i will...i shouuuuuuuulllllddd..haha
byee..gnite..mwah mwah.

drenched, drained, dead..

Dear you,
im so bored now...its my 2 month thing with jeremy today/yesterday. ngk tau ah....27th for me is 26th for him. So now that its the 28th, its the 27th for him. Never thot i would have passed a month really. Man im so stressed out, just did my pr exam yesterday, it was pretty tough, i ddin't really study for it, i ended up playing monopoly for the entire night with friends. Monopoly is addictive, thats when the money comes rolling in constantly. Ahh but at least i finished my organizational behaviour exam, thats all done. Now i have the new economy essay to finish. I'm only halfway...its due next week anyway. Schools been good, i feel i've been working harder compared to the last three sems. I dont know why, mebe cuz ive got awesome lecturers this sem, they're cool, especially writing for mass media. man the story he told us was devastating, nearly made me cry. Shit. But i still need to motivate myself when it comes to exams..i have to study in advance and stuff. Damn i dont like my sleeping pattern. I only take naps..and my naps are longer than my sleeping hours. I duno....its just not healthy.
ahh im tired blogg....gonna leave you....
byeee..

s'der som'in wrong with me..

Dear blogster,

Am i a heartless person? That i dunt know. People tell me that i dont express myself fully and that i am so insensitive towards people's feelings. It's really making me think. Ahhh i'm actually thinking loads these days, all cuza jem. He keeps questioning me and it leaves me thinking in order to answer his answers. So yeah i've been exercising my mind quite regularly these past few weeks. No wonder im so stressed out. haha..nah i just panic when it comes to exams. Im suppose to study for my business law exam at least 3 days before the day i sit for it. But fuck...whenever im studying, i'll always get a phonecall, n those phonecalls i get will always be invites. They say its not gonna take long and so i go...i follow....it takes long..i come home late...and for all you know..you've got no time to study but you desperately need time to sleep. Anyways i went clubn on friday night..it was fun..i admit. But i wish jem was there to grind with me. haha. I danced with this geek cuz damien dared me to dance with him and so i did....i taught him how to move to the rhythm and i guess he was happy enuf. hehe..i felt good about what i did. I mean cmon ppl were dissin him, even his fuckin friends man! I wanted to kill em good...and i did a great job actually. hehe. I just hate it when ppl mistreat other ppl who they feel are inferior to em. It's so chauvinistic. Ahhh dude...i miss my baby....im waiting to hang out with him again..so i wont have to go thru all da trouble just missin him. I dunt know why but everytime he reads something about me or finds out something about me, it's always the wrong things. Then he'll take it in a negative way. haha. Then he starts interrogating me about my past and about what i do...and why i did it, and what happend..shit like that..and tells me how he feels about it. He thinks too much.....he really does. But i think we've exchanged a lil bit of something, im starting to think more, and i hope he's a little more relaxed. I hope he's more immune to me by now. But he's done nothing wrong in this relationship except ask questions. haha that nosey parker. Well oh well today, i didn't really do much..just went to KLCC to get my business law textbook so i can study and ace my test..haha naw double doubts on that. hmm...trus went to bangsar REd chamber to chill, but got disappointed cuz Red chambers now called D' Haven. I mean what the fuck dude,t hats our shisha plc. Our chillin spot. Now its ruined. A new owner took over, that creep. The managements goin down man. the interior sux..its boring. the walls are white, not red anymore! ahhh...so depressing. Fuck, im so tired all of a sudden, i definitely have no energy to study. Looks like i have to absorb all the crap tomowo. x( I wanna beat that bitch bad. Competition is motivation. Yep yep...das true.

a big realization..

Dear you,
haha tonight was a funny night. i would call it strangely fun. okay whatever dude. Anyways i chilled at joyce and thims...zul came over and haha he pissed me off cuz i was too lazy to ask thim to get off the comp so i asked him to do it and he refused. so i threatened to pour water all over him. He prolly thought i wouldn't have the guts do. I did anyways..poured the whole cup, got him all wet...his face..his black shirt...nearly everything. haha. Then he still lstood there like som euseless piece of log, so this time i threatened to pour the cup of coke on him..he refused again, and so i poured the coke on him. haha..then it led to a pillow fight..or a bolster fight....then i started to use whatever goods were lying around next to me..and i rolled the newspaper up and started whacking the shit outta him. haha he's such a lil pussy man. i swear. That's when i realized that i'm pretty violent, i mean after the guling thing with Jem..that made me think. haha..im violent man. I should stop it. i should be all sweet and dainty..no fuck that shit. i'm gonna be myself and myself is this. i dont like to be bullied...or challenged...and so i go over the limits just to get what i want. ahhh..im a violent bitch. i have to stop. haha.....
Well anyways i haven't completed my essay yet...ahh males lah..its due next month anyways. isssh....anyways i've got skuuuu tomoroz...gonna sleeeeeeeepppppp and hopefully have an awesome dream.
mwahhhhhhz.

life can be sickening, so you have to be sickening to make ur life oh so not sickening.

Anyways, it was a weird day today. Myf riends came over and i had to cook em some spaghetti and salad. my famous salads. haha i know. yeah anyways...my spag was fuckd up man...didn't have any meat on it...thats what sux cuz what is a spag without its meat? its called a useless spag...a vegetarian spag. But to me it tasted quite good actually, cuz of all da parmesan and cheddar cheese i sprinkled around it. Plus the sauce was awesome too. And my salad was to die for. well all vegetarian lovers would love it! I ain't no vegetarian doug. I was for a month, respect teh effort. but i love vege just as much as i love meat. My fav type of meat is Beef and it goes well with my heineken. Thats the way i eat, i eat like a man baby. I dont like classy things, hiro made me realize that i am NOT even close to a classy person at all. I like the ghetto stuff, dirtty road side shit that fulfills ur tummy, stuff that are so dirty and messy that they taste so fuckin good. Im dirrttty. hehe oooh. okay ive gotten so lame, maybe cuz ive been chillin with jem jem too much, he's the king of being gay. All his names for me suck ass. Like krytapoo..godzilla, krystilla? what the fuck gee...he's gay. yeah you heard me..ur just pure gayness beb. :D Anyways..life's been good...man but it gets weirder by the day, maybe its cuz i get weirder by the day. Ahh i miss my best friends man..can't wait till dec. We will reunite and do some special upacara under the xmas tree of CITOS. haha i dunt know why..everytime its christmas time in citos, the xmas tree is like our landmark, a landmark of friendship, happy and retarded moments, and etcetera. Oh fuck, i have an essay due on the 7th of October, and i wanna outbeat this nerd i know to piss her off..and so i will do it mebe tomoro if i have free time, of which i always do. yes yes i'll do it tomoro! yay im so excited. just that when ppl are so annoying, they sicken me, and when they sicken me, it just makes me wanna do something about it to sicken them. And thats what im gonna do baby. :P Man jem always attacks me with his annoying questions...and it leaves me thinking...how to answer it. His questions are a bitch. He knows it himself...but what to do..he keeps asking and asking and asking. haha...anyways it was a lovely night...i'm off...got some unfinished business to keep up with. mwah mwahs...

ahhh..

Smoking kills ur time...when ur bored that is.
Ahh life's been goin so SLOoooooW these days. It feels as if we've b een together for a loOong time. But its been on for only a month. Actually im surprised it could even pass a month. Oh well....i dunt wanna hope for too much now, cuz that just won't do good.
hmm..i miss jase, whens he gonna get back from Brunei? he's supposed to visit me in KL, so i can introduce him to ma bitch, kellyo. hehe...ahh i miss that dude..he lets you beat him up whenever ur stressed out or sometin. haha.
I did my essay! well i handed it in today and oh well....i completed it two days ago. ahh im so proud of myself. hehe...i hope this rajinness goes on until i graduate. i need it. But it'll go away....just like that and i'll be lazy again. that meeeee....
Anyways...love off..im tired.

the morning has started, go work on ur shit..

[what i'm saying to myself]

Rise and shine dude! You have to keep up the good work. You're not even focusing and you didn't even finish ur assignment yesterday when you sorta promised to. you broke your promise and therefore you are useless. You have to work on it..if you don't you'll be a complete failure that couldn't stick to her own promises. shame on you if that happens. now the deadlines by 430pm, do it, but make sure contents are good and find examples from Carlill Vs the Carbolic Smokeball case. It'll be helpful, hopefully. Now go take a shower and do everything that refreshes you, go drink some orange juice and now start squeezing the work outta you. Clear your mind and relax while you're doing it. It'll be alright.

do the shit.....

cold shower

Just got back from a nice cold shower, haven't had one in ages! it feels so good, ifeel so fresh so clean clean. hehe. oh well i mean these past few weeks i've been taking warm showers early in the morning, and once you get out to the cold room, its awful...it feels like freakin winter mon! Ahh i missssh my dearest murti and tinoz...my two lovable buddies...the ones that tease me like shit, but still i love em....:D i can't wait to see everybody this dec, especially this two. And no wait..how could i forget about jason! haha that kampungan bastard, i made that up! hehe..not proud of it. Fuck i've got an essay due monday and i suppose to complete it by today..i dunt know why i just wanted to, but now that i haven't...i guess i have to start working on it soon. I'm gonna sleepover janice's place, we gonna smoke up bad..with my other cousin and this guy named Ernest (of which she's told me some stuff about, das right cousy). Haha ernest, such a weird name, it's like he owns the world or something. The name waynus is funny tho....Jon's such a waynus! he was being such an ass laughing and stuff. ahh...i miss lil jon, he's so adorable, so cute, so nice to hug! Just like his bro. :P Anyways, i'm so malesh to pack! I'm suppose to go to this concert thingi in taylors college and im draggin my cousin along! Jisnu's in it, so i wanna support him and da indos. wuhoo! Ah i mish klaudia, jerm says she looks like the giraffe from madagascar, that i have yet to watch. not bothered tho. hehe. Ahh i miss my baby....miss the hugs, the kisses, the fun, the stupid arguments, haha...that was funny...the night i started to hit him with his bolster. :D he deserved it. mwahaha. Oh fuck i dont wanna be late for classes ever, ahh shit i know i will again. but for the time being, i just dont wanna. Anywyas times up. i better start getn busy. haha...i miss shakin to get busy with kELLy.
adios...cheppi always.

time is runnin out.

Dear you,

Time passes by so quickly, i hate it. My poopie head's leaving and i'm gonna really miss him. ALthough he's leaving, it feels as if he's just taking a long vacation. I'm happy for him cuz he's about to start his new life in San Francisco, and i love that place. But damn i'm gonna miss him. I feel so bad about the way i treated him, i didn't give shit about him at first but now i really do give a shit about him. haha. I'm gonna miss everything we've shared this holiday, all the different stages taking place in different places. In bali, i didn't expect anything more than a hook up. I know it sounds as if i was using him but no i thought he was using me too. Yeah but after all the sweet things he's done for me, i guess i started to like him. And i do now. And i'm glad im with him now cuz he makes me happy. :) Dude, it sux that he's leaving tonight, i'll be seeing him soon for coffee, but still not much time left. What sux is that i've been hanging out with him everyday and i'm gettn pretty used to him being around me. And now that he's leaving for good til december, i'm gonna feel like shit, i'm gonna feel so lonely. :( I"m gonna miss his warm hugs, everything......And dude if you ever do read this, i mean it. haha....oh well i gotta go shower now, i feel gross.

bubye, CHEPPI

it turns out...

Hey dude,

These past few days have been a big blur for me, i don't know if he has noticed but i was so blur to the extend of not being capable of answering his questions. Well his questions are tough, but i'm glad he asked me anyways. Well the kind of blur phase im in is just that sometimes i get so confused because he's leaving so soon and so am i, which will be the last time i'll ever see him until this december or something. I'm really gonna miss him and i know he won't believe me. Anyways the reason as to why im so bothered is because i still wanna be with him, i'm willing to give this relationship a go n if it doesn't work out, whatever will be will be. Lastnight i got tipsy and went over to his place, wasn't suppose to sleepover but i took a neozep and just collapsed in a matter of minutes. And this morning i woke up so late and got home pretty late that my mother and sisters got so friggin pissed at me mon. it was horrible. Fuck my neck hurts and so does my body, its aching like a bitch! Ahh i miss my best friends, where are tehy when you need em, to take photobox pics with em and stuff like that...those were the best times, the old highschool days. i want it all back. It'll even be cool to see an enemy from highschool cuz it would just feel like you're still in highschool. My sisters have school so i guess theyre much too busy for me. But its aite, blame it on my wrong timing. So well i have to shower soon and meet the asshole. haha. Since he calls me cheppi, i'll call him asshole from now.
Bubye, cu soon.

gnite to you

Dear you,
its been a long time, i know. I'm kind of tipsy right now, just got back from wiwied after all the drinkn. It wasn't too good though. Hmm...im in jakarta again and oh well i'll always miss it every time i reach KL. No doubt. My life's been goin on well, i feel more secure now, mebe cuz i sorta have someone that shows concern over me. Yes i admit it dude. If you ever do read this. Hmm...schools started but i guess its been temporarily shut down due to the haze caused by Indonesia, the bushfire thang. Damn all these disasters comin one after another huh. I can't really type much but im here cuz i just wanna let you know how i've been doing. Well, tomoro sounds like a fun day, im not gonna plan it though, prolly gonna hang out with me mumsy, which is always fun..i swear, its fun hanging out with my mummy, love it. Okay gnite diaro, i'm fuckn tired now, need some rest, been drinkin for the past few days, i have to stop. Just taht everytime im bored, i just get beer and it helps me relax and fuck its starting to taste good. I know, i know...that sounds bad and it sounds like i'm gonna develop a beer belly very soon, i'll try to avoid that.
mwah..gnite to you and to you and to you too of course.
gnite again. Me signing out. :p

Time is a bitch

Dear Blog,
I can't believe mUrti's gone, uggh! Out of all times, i couldn't meet her yesterday, had no fuckin car to drive to her place and my maid ranaway so i couldn't leave the house all alone. So fuck that. And um......nothing much has happened this holiday, just clubbin and stuff. Thats all, boring stuff. This holiday i only wanted to hook up, no further than that. I'm starting to hate relationships. Well i don't hate it, i just dislike it for the time being. Anywyas im too tired to write seriously.
bye..

Time is a bitch

Dear Blog,
i feel so bad that i didn't get to spend much time with Murti, i mean i wanted to and i managed to though but i felt so bad interrupting with her and joe. They lookd as if they were having so much fun though! Well and now she's in Melbourne, that really sux. She was just here yesterday and i couldn't see her cuz i had no car and no maid either. My maid ranaway, it turns out she's scared of us. haha. I think that's funny. I'm leaving Jakarta in a few days, well this thursday, and i don't think i'll miss much of it, it's been boring staying at home a lot, the only entertainment is clubbin or drinking or pOOling or something like that, and i'm bored of three of those. But i am pretty excited for ladies night, Centro, Wednesday, it's been a long time since i've met champagne, miss it. But other than that, i really do not wanna go to Manna Lounge at all,that place sickens me and sometimes the crowd as well, they just occupy the dancefloor and you don't get space to dance. So what's the fucking point kan?! This holiday i was only up for a hook up, nothing else, i don't want to be in a relationship, i hate relationships! :) I know i sound kind of bitchy but i know that there'll be days when i start to want one, but just not quite yet. Im eating my potato au gratin or whatever its called, KEmchicks food is always yummy....good stuff, good stuff. Anyways, i'm OFF, wanna eat. I'm always hungry.

stings and flowers losin ground

Hey love,
Bali was aite, was boring tho, didn't really like the crowd in the clubs, they were fuckin annoying. Fuckin assholes mostly. I'm in jakarta now, i dont' miss bali a slight bit, but i prolly will miss it within the next few months, who knows? Jakarta's aite, it feels good to be home well knowing that i'll be goin back to KL the comin thursday. I can't wait to meet jase tho! And Oh fuck, Mur's leaving in like a few hours, damn i didn't spend that much time with her, she left so early lastnite. Yeah i guess it was my fault tho.
And i met Martin! Yay! Damn i haven't seen that guy in like ages, i thot he forgot all about me and mur, but thank god he called us, managed to have dinner with him and stuff. Ahh that dude hasn't changed one bit, he's still the same old fart.
Aite, kissy kiss, mwah! mwahs!

Brandon Flower-The killers!

Brandon Flower, he looks so adorable in his new video. yum. Joyce has a really nice template, but i can't be bothered to go thru the process, somethng related to remembering ur code or whatever shit. Ihhh malesh gwitu. i've been spending time with my sisters and mum, just family really. I need to spend some time with murphy, tis been a while since we've updated each other with personal stuff, we just got no time to do it cuz we're always surrounded by lotsa people. Anyways i love the sayur asin in indo gaya rasa, taste so damn good mon. Like seriously, damn gooooOod shite yo! Fuck im so hungry, but i'll be seeing ibu brigitta soon so i have to lose some weight. Issh. I watched ungu violet today, it was aite, indo movies have improved only that the stories are just too fiction, just never realistic.
ahh im lazy. got nothing much to talk about ere. see you bebz.

jakarta's sunshine::

At last i'm home, made it all the way from penang. Anyways these days have been quite hectic for me, i know it sounds pathetic when i consider clubbin as a hectic schedule. It is, it fucks up ur time but ur just too fucked up to bother about it. I enjoyed the shisha lastnight, but it wasn't enuf, its been a long time since we've gone out in a bunch. Murs got a bf now, his names Joe. They seem really cute together, he likes to spank her ass and vice versa, god knows what crazy animal sex they've been through. But its cute, i swear. Fuck i got a little tipsy last night, that pussy Sonny gave us all these shots and he didn't drink shit. I'm gonna kill that bastard and i'll get him drunk fo sho. And damn klaud was fuckd up bad man, she was like lying down on the ground where cars leave their tire marks and drip oil on. disgusting. stupid sister. And my other sister, she's not as fucked up but she's in the hospital, she's got dengue fever and i don't know how she received this illness but its not that bad. I looked worse mon, when i was stuck with typhoid. Scary. Anyways i have to be a good sister and sleep over the hospital of which i love doing cuz the bed is so fuckin comfortable, i slept like a bitch. So yay im goin over again tonight, can't wait. Anyways i love this plc, my home. Sweet home Jakarta. Damn im goin for mie goreng, yum yum. Wiwied, i had a few days ago, but didn't eat. Trus i'm going to have my bubur ayam di rumah sakit pondok indah, my favorite.
loveeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee..me AKA Cheppi

I feel yuck

I knew it, i always feel sick after drinking nescafe canned drinks, it makes you wanna puke mon. Ahhh...i did my hw due the coming thursday, Ooh i feel a huge relief. but there's still more to do tho, i hv an exam comin up this saturday, i better study. OOsshh..but for some bloody reason, i ain't so nervous about it nor am i super confident about it, im just aite with it. Just go with the flow mon. I don't think any of my friends are gonna study for it, who cares tho, i'll study for it and be the special one. I mean i have extra time so make use of it.
i feel sick. ima bounce. off now

life is full of crushes::

Ahh kim gary..the place..the resto..im seriously getn sick of it. I know i don't eat there often, but i go there very often and seriously the food is good but so i duno, too tasty i would say? its like so tasty u get sick of it, like how we get sick from eating a fat chocolate cake, like that yup. It didn't go to well as my first meal of the day. I miss my sisters and best friends now. GOd..i really do. Sometimes you need family, sometimes you need friends. But i consider my two siblings my friends, friends i go home to, friends i hang around with, friends under the same roof. But my best friends, yeah they are my best friends cuz we've been thru good and bad times, small arguments, we've been stupid together, we know each other quite deep down to the bone. But i guess i do keep my own personal secrets compartmentalized with our usual chittychatchats. I just cant help it, im quite the secretive shit. But im slowly opening up to mbok jamu and mas Jj, and tinoz. Oh god tino looks so pretty now, she lookss like halle berry, real hot ay. Im not saying she wasn't preetty, she was always biyutipul, but now she's much more outstanding. I feel like eatin tuna now..but wtf its like 3:35 am..forget feeding me tummy..im gonna feel so yuck about it. ahh my taste in guys are slowly changing. I don't have a specific type. i guess to me it is when you just feel chemistry between the both of you, he does funny things unintentionally and shit like that. I just figured i fall for guys that make me laugh, guys that are wise..yeah so far das all i got to share. oh wait and mysterious guys..ahhh...its nice sometimes, i hate guys that talk to much as if theyre the shit, but seriously they aren't the shit, they're just full of it. Also guys with no future, no life, ahh fuck em. they should just stay at home cuz das where they belong. I want someone successful, someone proper, someone filled with future prospects. Those are the smart ones, those are the HOT ones. Mbok jamu were talking about our x crushes, who we used to have crushes on way back in old school land. I remember having a crush on jase, oh god..thank god we have nothing between us now, we just buddies yo. haha. I used to have a crush on so many other dudes..but oh well those were just momentary ones, serious ones are the ones now. like i seriously think that my crushes possibly can turn into LIKE in no time. Ahh...i want heineken..i want bali..i want friends..i want a fling..i demand all those things. all those things, once i have it, it will reset my life as a teenager..refresh me. I guess i'll wake up and act like a true adult. haha nah fuck i won't. just talkin shitz ere. i wanna shroom so bad, i wanna take it with don, mur, and abs. ahh..terrific...hope the master plan will work out. haha i remember when mur got drunk after the total knock out drink, it killed her..and left me SOBER for a reason, yeah well to take care of her. haha..i wanna see that bitch die on drinks again, its so entertaining!
my dreams callin me...the only way to meet it is sleep. thats what im doin now.
love off.

clubsevon

Ahhh...gila man my muscles are like fuckin aching big time rite now. its 3:48am, just arrived home from clubtujuh, ihh....played pool for 5 fuckin hours, was suppose to meet bernie tapi cancelled cuz he was stuck in Shah Alam. Nevermind that, i played with Michael the entire night and i beat him around the first half, tapi he killed me the 2nd time around, as well as the other rounds. ahhh i needa practice, i need to play someone challenging so i will actually be considered a challenge. If only. But fuck my arms hurt, its like my muscles are contracting, my whole body is affected bad. waduh.....i need a massage bad. anyone don't mind massagin me? i seriously will get a massage from anybody at this point..desperate..need it bad. i think im gonna go to a spa sooner or later, just have to pamper myself a lil. For some reason, Mike always thinks i hate him or have this thing against him, i mean i seriously don't..he's like one of my closest friends in college, and i enjoy his company. But he told me i was actin weird today and i don't feel a damn thing. Ahh sometimes i don't know what type of face i put on. when i was smiling, he told me to smile cuz i looked so furious. so i was like heh? that shit dont' make sense mon. I can't wait to move into me new plc...im so malesh to move the barang tho...well cuz my whole bodys aching now. but yeah well...still lazyyyyy. I put like twooooooooo big tiger plasters on, one on my armand the other, my back. argh...sakit oowee. I dont know wut my plans are today..but i know it'll be just plain normal.
peach out.
hoho..

finally!!!!!!!!!!

Oh finally i finished that fuckn website! Shit man 6 pages,but still it was full of pics and contents plus the linking was fuckd up. Anyways im late for class, hopefully eric will still be there by 5. gotta beat time man...but the couples bathing...cmon come out come out..drip dry drip dry. Ahh im gonna get some real sleep tonight, i haven't been sleepin that much for the past 2 weeks, i feel like total shit. Shit a black cat just looked at me with its eyes...damn it looks like one of those sinbad creatures with those glowing eyes. Even in broad day light it glows. Well nice eyes..but its so scary. Well anyways, i need my beer,i deserve my heineken, been workin too damn hard these days, honest! It's the hardest i've worked since highschool. But of course i was more rajin in highschool, life was a lil restricted. Not much of clubbing or anything....yeah practically it. i miss clubbin with don and stuff...the girls night out we used to have all the time...ahh nice. i guess i need that. But right now i need a foot massage, need it bad.
anyways, i'm going to leave right now. needa hand in stupid website.

missin all. :(

I miss the power of love, daun hijauku. hehe...fatten me up.
i miss wiwieds roti bakar coklat-keju +es teh tawar
i miss critiques thrown both ways at me, at them, evveryone mon.
i miss getting the superman fly...oh the old superman story.
i miss cough syrups....natural dose of tranqsi wanna partay and blow my whistle bitch!
i miss drunkness, its been a while since we've met.
i miss ernie's laughter, krispys impersonations, the hot tukang sate's fc, bang jj's retarded sense of HUMOR!
I miss cibun, i demand a reunion...it'll be funny...we'll all be certified clubbers by then compared to what yall were like back in highskoo...party shitters ay.
Nasi padangku, come to me! my chilli made outta 1/4 cannabs. addictive.
i miss passn the trans', flashin their everythings, they aint' lookin too good. mebe we should flash em back!
i miss citos, tempat anak gaul...but who gifs mon..we're gaul kan..hehe
i miss partayin mon, routine on weds, lets claim our free champagne n vodk's from centro, get fuckd...trus go to manna L and ruin da massive speakospeaker.
i miss izzi pizza, gimme em izzi dough balls. delicius!
i miss havin ze crumbles for ze crumbs.i miss xmas, fav auspicious event.
Gramps i miss you, we'll have our cup of tea, ill visit, janji....
Bali i miss you, u overcome boredom and you make drinkin bintangs during sunny afternoons fuckin fun!
I miss usin da "drip dry, drip dry" and "two times bitch" n "burritos!" phrase. crazy/beautiful inc.
i miss bubur ayam rumah sakit pondok indah...
i miss my sweetest tabooo....
I miss pancakes n hersheys..give me the magical whip.whippo.
i miss takin photobox pictas...miss gettin tortured by that song.ahh.
Where's my perfect drug huh? dont tell me i lost you. i did didn't I.
Shooting stars.reload n fire across the darkness, so i can make a wish on behalf of the things ive missed.
im missin you. im missing all. i ran out of it bad.
-whooosh out-

keep goin till you hit the spot..whoa.

bloggie blog,
im tired, exhausted, sweating like shit, seriously moody, pissed, frustrated, doing my assignments, but its not enuf, lecturers demand more from us, das all i can give, i've been doing the group projects myself, its seriously tiring....now we're printin it out. ahh..i hate dreamweaver..its such a slow software to make stupid websites, mendingan frontpage dong.
Yay i called Martin in canada last night...fuck that dude...sombong buanget, finally i discovered that he's still alive! can't wait to see him man! Going to deliver the good news to mur, like she would care? i guess she's forgotten about him already, only I, the unforgetful one..cieh...keep in touch with him. Haha i have his pic where he looks terribly obese, compared it to highschool pics..damn hilarious man. We went to yamcha in Rafi's...and then went to KimG's for the honeylemon shit, trus got home, did assignments, dcided we needed a break, then chilled in darus. love that plc. And i saw a fuckin hot guy...uggh...he's not hot..he's just i duno...attractive, like really attractive. ahh..fuck it mon.
Okay whatever, class is awaiting. But im just too damn lazy, still goin thoz..
cya lata

Just a phase

The song -scar- reminds me of Danny. I had a fuckn argument with him a few days ago and it was horrible, he was selfish, normally we have this makin up thing in the end, but this time i was strong enough to resist him and dart home. He deserved it, no matter what we shared in the past, i guess it doesn't exist to me anymore. Naw im just saying that, i can't forget ppl that easily. Yeah feelings still there, what to do. But i like this other dude better than him, waaaaaaay better than him, only cuz dan and i used to go out, thats why that little something is still there. But i don't get whats so special about him, i hate having feelings for people when you don't know why you have feelins for em, the answers just i duno...no idea...etc. errr.....feel like aiming a bazooka straight to his face mon. Fuckn annoying.

Lyrics to scarrrr..

Chorus:I tear my heart open, I sow myself shut. My weakness is that I care too much.My scars remind me that the past is realI tear my heart open just to feel
Drunk and I'm feeling down and I just wanna be alone
I'm pissed cause you came around Why don't you just go home
Cause you channel all your pain and I can't help to fix myselfYour making me insane
All I can say is
ChorusI tried to help you once A kiss will only viseI saw you going downBut you never realizedThat your drowning in the water. So I offered you my hand Compassions in my nature
Tonight is our last dance

ChorusI'm drunk and I'm feeling downand I just wanna be aloneYou shouldn't ever came aroundWhy don't you just go home?Cause your drowning in the water and I tried to grab your handand I left my heart openbut you didn't understand.but you didn't understandYou fix yourselfI can't help you fix yourselfBut at least I can say I triedI'm sorry but I gotta move on with my own lifeI can't help you fix yourselfBut at least I can say I triedI'm sorry but I gotta move on with my own lifeChorus x2

sleepy

Blog,
im sleepy but i can't sleep and im chatting with justin, another justin not the cibun justin. anyways....i finished my assignment, but i still have loads more to do. have to wake up later on and complete it all. ahhh if only i was a nerd, i would have the motivation. Been too lazy, trus tadi siang i got scolded by my lecturer, isssh....i know im in trouble,but its only cuz i had to go all the way down to jb for the funeral. he wouldn't believe me gitu. jadi...yeah cuz he scolded me, i asked him to warn me more so i would be motivated. and i just finished my project, took me hours. I need the same determination i had a few hours ago for like the rest of the month. i miss me mumsy, wanna get her to bitch at my lecturers for me.
anyways peace out dude,
now im tired.

please kiss my ass. serious.

Dunt know what da fucks up with the title, but i seriously don't know what mood i am in right now. Fuck my projects man, how could they cause me such stress and pain. My bodys aching and i can barely breathe right. I need my friends, i miss watching movies in the bioskop, especially all those action to horror films, even romantic comedies, which i'm slowly losing taste in. I just watchd this film called DEBs, bought the dvd, its pretty cheesy....but my idols there, devon aoki..haha but anyways she doesn't look too good in it.
i'm ditcin my project, its due wednesday anyway, duno why i was doing it in advance anyway. I still have to do some web technology,d ue this thursd. But yay finished my scrapbook for moral studies,yknow stupid values people don't use in this god forsaken country. uggh. my internet is seriously getn me pissed..but im too lazy to show that im pissed. No ones at home, i woke up from a pretty long nap and poof....everyones gone, they left me and their all having dinner. i wish someone called me at this point of time, why cant someone call me and ask me out to dinner..so i can eat...so i can talk...so i won't be bored. my only companion now is dunhill menthol and marl lights menthol. both menthols. i guess menthols my companion. Im moving to my new plc in a few weeks, to be approx 3 weeks...yesh! Finally moving into a new plc...ground floor, id consider it a small house..but its a groundfloor condo. haha. facing the lake view juga bo. haha that word bo, or expression reminds me of abhi. Now i'm watching csi-miami...tis pretty good, ny is better. I duno mebe the crime scene investigations there are just more thrilling, plus they got better technology, more updated. ahhh....i miss danny right now....in a way i regret breakin up with him...i guess all my relationships are like this..but still im askin...why do i miss him, i didn't expect to miss him the slightest bit, but what am i doin now. Missin him. I miss his humor..i miss everything about him, especially his aftershave...yum..it makes me wanna kiss him. im trying to make it to prom, but i duno when my school hols end. And i don't wanna stay in jkt too long, don't wanna get myself bored...but i do miss it alot. i wonder whether we'll ever have a reunion in the future, i really am lookin forward to that. Okay anywyas im off. watching lost now...fuck the guys so sexy!

dear u

Hey blog,
ive been fine i guess...been busy attending my grandpas funeral and well that was pretty sad. But i don't know how to put it into words...it was just sad and happy altogether. I miss him so much tho.....it sorta hurts in a way, haven't felt this way before. i cried when i received the phonecall, but well during the funeral, i was completely alright, didn't wanna cry, it wasn't worth the tears cuz i should be happy for him. I am.
Anyways i've got projects to do.......stuff to complete....have to cope up for the whole week of bolosing..ya udah deh...better cabut now.